sidewalk

i did nothing that i had planned to do this evening. well, except i did go to the butlers to picked up my bicycle, other than that i napped and watched sex and the city. i had hoped to start my the book club novel and bake a zucchini loaf. oh well, sometimes we have to throw agendas to the wind and just embrace the freedom we have to slack-off. i have no regrets, besides, i have all tomorrow, and the next day. if you saw a clumsy girl biking on ordinance street while trying to hold a 2-litre bottle of cream soda, it was me. i think that stunt pulled a muscle in my back. not so smart.

have you seen the alpha course banners on street corners and church lawns around town? i find them very odd and slightly irritating. i say this respectfully, because i have done the alpha course before, and i think their heart is in the right place. but what annoys be about them is the image they chose. it's a person, standing on the top of a mountain with a caption saying "is there more to life than this?" see here. i find it completely counter-productive, because i can tell you... every time i've climbed mountains i've been left with a "holy crap, this is incredible" feeling, not a "meh, is this it? man, i wonder what the point of life is". what they really should do is have a picture of a person in a messy cubicle at their computer, or a person with a crying baby with baby puke on their shirt, or a person with a sick loved one, or a person with a pink slip with the repo-man knocking at the door. it's THOSE moments that leave people thinking/feeling "is there more to life than this?" personally, i think the only thing those alpha posters do is affirm the general public's belief that church is not applicable to their lives. actually, i almost find those poster offensive.

i wonder when life got so complicated, and when i say complicated i mean structured. when did weddings become massive events that cost a ton of cash and require fancy photographers. my parents had a couple dozen photos taken at the church, and their main wedding photo was of them in the car being chauffeured away. my mom made her own dress, and my dad wore a brown suit that he probably already had. i'm not saying all weddings should be like that, but i feel like it should be ok if they are – not just the exception. it can't just be capitalism. i think the part of people that makes them what to throw big weddings is the exact same part of other people who want to build the world's tallest building, or break world records at competitions. i kind of just want to scream "count me out! i don't want to play your game, or participate in your big production!" i hate doing things out of obligation. sometimes i wish it was kosher to simply say "you know... i actually don't consider you a close friend, so i'm going to pass on attending your function". but that would be impolite. *sigh* life is complicated.

i danced in circles as the song played on repeat. those are the moments when i secretly hope someone will see me thru my open window. and that they'll smile and catch the sense of it all like a contagious cold.

your hope's in the sky,
but you heart like grape gum on the ground.