cupcakes

well nightfall is upon us. it's nearly midnight on my birthday eve. i'm going to have to wrap this up and get into bed asap. i can't bare to watch the clock change into the new day. i have to be all tucked in with my eyelids clenched tightly or i become very distressed (i've learned this over many years of experience).

i'm turning 30. it's something i've given much thought to over the last many years. ideas i had about turning 30, fears about turning 30, excitement about turning 30. and i can quite honestly say i feel pretty darn good about it. my 20s are so over for me. been there, done that. as i move forward into this new decade (both my 30s and the 20teens) i think of all that is to come. for certain this decade will hold many great and wonderful things – things that will make my heart swell with happiness. but because of the nature of life, it will also contain it's fair share of heartache – things that will hurt me, things that will hurt those i love, things that will break me. while the good times are glorious and lovely they are also a little more predictable. it's the tragedy that we will surprise us, bad news catches us off guard. i'm not afraid, but i'm not unaware either. i move forward with my eyes wide open, and i with live each step and ride each wave, and in the end of 2019 i will say "man, that was good. i'm ready... hit me again".

i do think one's 30s is a great decade. i'm looking forward to it. my 30s will be a lot like my 20s minus the student debt and anxiety of trying to get the hang of adulthood. i feel like there's going to be a lot of freedom – literary and emotionally.

this is what you hoped to say on your birthday.