tweet

early yesterday evening i had some spare time on my hands so i decided to file a years worth of bills. i had a large stack of papers, some going back as far as summer 2007. i sat on my floor making piles and in the end was very pleased with myself. the reason why this is noteworthy is because i VOLUNTARILY filed papers. i actually had the spare time and the spare head space to spend on a menial task such as filing. i wasn't feeling stressed. i wasn't feeling pressure. i wasn't doing it because i had to. i had the room to breathe, to move around freely. and in that moment of freedom i chose to be productive. wow. i guess what struck me is that when i don't feel suffocated i can accomplish the same tasks as i would when i feel stressed, but it feels very different. i think the reason why i didn't feel stressed is because i had rest. not sleep specifically, but rest. when i'm well-rested life doesn't seem so hard.

when i was a kid i was really easy going. my family would always say "lesley will never get an ulcer". but as i got older something changed, perhaps i wasn't equipped to cope with difficulties. but i've become someone who gets overwhelmed easily. i wonder if that's just a result of unbalance. i want to strive to be more realistic. to plan in time for rest and unwinding. i think it will make me a better person. that being said, it's come to my attention that i am still pretty easy-going. when my feathers get ruffled i get pretty worked up, but by in large, not a lot ruffles my feathers. when i'm around a more uptight person i very easily slip into an easy-going role, which i like.

you get sweeter and sweeter,
in every possible way.