this has been a weird day. it's involved a lot of wetness on my face. i actually put on make-up this morning, but you'd never know it because the wetness washed it all away.
however, it ended well. i went out to sipps with melissa. it's been a long while since we hung out and it was super nice to get caught up. it was great. and i rode home on my bicycle with a great sigh of satisfaction. the air felt so lovely making a breeze grazing my skin in the dark.
yes,
us people are just poems
we're 90% metaphor
with a leanness of meaning
approaching hyper-distillation.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
barriefield
when brendan was 17 he got his G1, then proceeded to never sit behind a steering wheel. until today.
last week when we did our 5 year financial plan we talked about when we'll need to replace our car. i asked him when he thought he'd get his G2 license and he said "this year". which meant we needed to make some time for him to learn how to drive. my car is standard, and we don't have easy access to an automatic (at least in this part of town). after talking with rach last night at the brew pub, we felt that starting in a standard isn't impossible. so this afternoon we ventured across the street to the memorial centre parking lot for brendan's first lesson. i've taught 4 other people how to drive standard. i'm pretty calm about it and only have one rule "when i tell you to do something, you do it". that's the only area in my life that i insist on my word being law. it's because in that situation it involves protecting lives and property. i always tell people that in advance, so if they're uncomfortable with that rule then we don't have to get in the car together. everyone has been ok with that before, and brendan was too.
within a few minutes i realized that we were truly starting from scratch. it's easy to forget that it's complicated when first learning to drive. it can be hard to explain when people just know how to do something without thinking about it.
b did ok with his first few attempts. i would praise and encourage him the whole way. the only scary experience we had was at around his 3rd attempt to take off (or maybe it was his first time trying to switch into 2nd). he ended up flooring it, the engine roared and we were moving at a quick pace. i grasped the handle on my door while telling him "brake! now!" he was initially confused and thought i meant the hand brake. but did eventually stop the car, then stall the car. it was ok, we spoke calmly to one another and sat yoga breathing for a few minutes. i was a little rattled and so was he. thankfully he quite quickly got the hang of reversing, so he backed up to where we'd begun and tried again. it seemed reversing helped him understand how much pressure should be applied to the gas. so from then on he did quite well.
we drove around and round the parking lot. he did left turns, he did right turns. he stopped. he stalled. he switched gears. the thing that seemed the most difficult for him (aside from the feet thing) was not to turn too far. it felt like he was constantly doing 180º turns instead of 90º. i tried to explain to him that in real life he wouldn't just be driving in a big oval doing u-turns all the time, and asked that he did a complete square of the parking lot instead of a circle. once he mastered that we decided to tackle a neighbourhood. i felt the best place to drive around was the army base. the neighbourhood there is relatively quiet and the roads are long enough that he could move up to 3rd gear. so we switched places and i drove over to fort henry hill. i felt as though he had a new sense of awe for me as i drove. i would dictate to him what i was doing as i drove. when he was back in the driver's seat i was mindful to calmly encourage him while trying to advise him to stay on the road and to keep a safe distance to parked cars. i encouraged him to not have tunnel vision, and coached him about stop signs and signalling. funnily enough we found ourselves in a cul-de-sac, and he triumphantly pointed out that it was a 180º circle – just the kind i'd told him he'd never come across. thankfully because of all his practice he smoked that circle.
eventually he got tired and we called it a day. learning to drive standard can be sensory overload. he did well, and i look forward to our next practice run. i've told him that the next time he gets in the car to drive he'll feel more confident and will likely feel frustrated that some of what he learned today has been forgotten. it's a process and he'll gradually be fully skilled. i also told him that all new standard drivers have at least one stressful and unnerving experience – it's practically a right of passage. everyone has a story about learning to drive a manual car. if new drivers look at it that way they are less discouraged when it happens.
baby you can drive my car.
last week when we did our 5 year financial plan we talked about when we'll need to replace our car. i asked him when he thought he'd get his G2 license and he said "this year". which meant we needed to make some time for him to learn how to drive. my car is standard, and we don't have easy access to an automatic (at least in this part of town). after talking with rach last night at the brew pub, we felt that starting in a standard isn't impossible. so this afternoon we ventured across the street to the memorial centre parking lot for brendan's first lesson. i've taught 4 other people how to drive standard. i'm pretty calm about it and only have one rule "when i tell you to do something, you do it". that's the only area in my life that i insist on my word being law. it's because in that situation it involves protecting lives and property. i always tell people that in advance, so if they're uncomfortable with that rule then we don't have to get in the car together. everyone has been ok with that before, and brendan was too.
within a few minutes i realized that we were truly starting from scratch. it's easy to forget that it's complicated when first learning to drive. it can be hard to explain when people just know how to do something without thinking about it.
b did ok with his first few attempts. i would praise and encourage him the whole way. the only scary experience we had was at around his 3rd attempt to take off (or maybe it was his first time trying to switch into 2nd). he ended up flooring it, the engine roared and we were moving at a quick pace. i grasped the handle on my door while telling him "brake! now!" he was initially confused and thought i meant the hand brake. but did eventually stop the car, then stall the car. it was ok, we spoke calmly to one another and sat yoga breathing for a few minutes. i was a little rattled and so was he. thankfully he quite quickly got the hang of reversing, so he backed up to where we'd begun and tried again. it seemed reversing helped him understand how much pressure should be applied to the gas. so from then on he did quite well.
we drove around and round the parking lot. he did left turns, he did right turns. he stopped. he stalled. he switched gears. the thing that seemed the most difficult for him (aside from the feet thing) was not to turn too far. it felt like he was constantly doing 180º turns instead of 90º. i tried to explain to him that in real life he wouldn't just be driving in a big oval doing u-turns all the time, and asked that he did a complete square of the parking lot instead of a circle. once he mastered that we decided to tackle a neighbourhood. i felt the best place to drive around was the army base. the neighbourhood there is relatively quiet and the roads are long enough that he could move up to 3rd gear. so we switched places and i drove over to fort henry hill. i felt as though he had a new sense of awe for me as i drove. i would dictate to him what i was doing as i drove. when he was back in the driver's seat i was mindful to calmly encourage him while trying to advise him to stay on the road and to keep a safe distance to parked cars. i encouraged him to not have tunnel vision, and coached him about stop signs and signalling. funnily enough we found ourselves in a cul-de-sac, and he triumphantly pointed out that it was a 180º circle – just the kind i'd told him he'd never come across. thankfully because of all his practice he smoked that circle.
eventually he got tired and we called it a day. learning to drive standard can be sensory overload. he did well, and i look forward to our next practice run. i've told him that the next time he gets in the car to drive he'll feel more confident and will likely feel frustrated that some of what he learned today has been forgotten. it's a process and he'll gradually be fully skilled. i also told him that all new standard drivers have at least one stressful and unnerving experience – it's practically a right of passage. everyone has a story about learning to drive a manual car. if new drivers look at it that way they are less discouraged when it happens.
baby you can drive my car.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
vinyl
being 3,225 days older than my fianceé can be hard when it comes to social gatherings. like the one currently taking place in my backyard. brendan's friend from high school moved in to the apartment below me. a group of them decided to get together for a dinner party this evening. i was shy at the thought of it, but i really wanted to be a good partner – to go and be pleasant, social, smile and laugh a lot. but they're so little and young, and i found myself afraid of their inspecting eyes. they don't struggle with their weight or have difficult days at work in their cubicle. it's easy for me to project upon them what i think they'll think of brendan's older woman. for me to imagine awkwardly sitting thru them recalling memories and teachers they all once knew, but i didn't. i'm old enough to have been their teachers. i was feeling apprehensive about this dinner party. i was trying to tell myself that the age thing was just something i'm hiding behind, maybe it is. but there's an art to helping others feel included that comes with age, and i don't expect that's a skill they've yet acquired. so as everyone gathered below, brendan and i gathered upstairs with me in tears trying to build the courage to go socialize with strangers. in spite of myself and my 10 years of adulthood i haven't been able to shake my shyness. i recoil into myself. thankfully b was very supportive. something flicked in his mind and he completely understood where i was coming from. i think next time we'll be able to approach things better. together.
i do it just because i want to.
i do it just because i want to.
avoid
my balcony in the summer time is my favourite place to be in the whole world. now that i've got my garden planned and some new triangle cushions, i just want to be out there all the time. the kitties love the balcony too. whenever i take them inside because i'm going out someplace, honey makes this moany cry because she knows that she's being displaced from her favourite spot. seeing a kitty sleeping in the sun is probably the picture of contentment.
this weekend i started reading the time traveler's wife. i love it. i wish i was reading in the sun at this very moment.
i arrived this morning to discover they've introduced an organic waste bin by the coffee station. from where i sit i can here people talking about it. some are confused, some are annoyed, some are negative. i can't fathom what's so hard to understand about organic waste. it's compost people. you put compostable waste in it. i don't know if they're trying to be resistant on purpose or if it's truly a foreign concept to them. we've been composting in my family since the 80s and i've assumed everyone did. could it be that these upper-middle class suits don't understand compost waste? how sad.
come on and save me.
this weekend i started reading the time traveler's wife. i love it. i wish i was reading in the sun at this very moment.
i arrived this morning to discover they've introduced an organic waste bin by the coffee station. from where i sit i can here people talking about it. some are confused, some are annoyed, some are negative. i can't fathom what's so hard to understand about organic waste. it's compost people. you put compostable waste in it. i don't know if they're trying to be resistant on purpose or if it's truly a foreign concept to them. we've been composting in my family since the 80s and i've assumed everyone did. could it be that these upper-middle class suits don't understand compost waste? how sad.
come on and save me.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
return
this evening i was sitting watching one of the lame-ass movies i rented last night (post grad. not very good. i don't suggest it), and happened to glance out the window to see a laundry line hooked up for me in the backyard!! i didn't realize this, but my landlord had come by last weekend while i was away and hooked it up for me. i was super excited, and THANKFULLY i had a load of laundry in the washing machine waiting to be hung up! i instantly got out there at my european swinging window and hung up my wet items. it's fantastic!!! i assume it's ok to leave my stuff out there overnight. it's too high for people to reach, it's not supposed to rain tonight. i've just never dried anything solely on a laundry line before. i'm pretty excited. so much so that i got back to my half started clothes peg bag. i bought an orange sweater at value village about a month ago and felted it in the washing machine. i've been meaning to get around to making the bag, but wasn't motivated because i didn't have a line yet. so i watched a documentary about Helvetica (i love design) while snipping and sewing. it turned out awesome. i'm super pleased. my internet has been finicky lately, so i won't upload a picture of that. you'll just have to see it next time you're here.i find it interesting when i see people eyeing my engagement ring. sometimes they'll mention it casually, other times they won't at all. it always reminds me that engagement rings carry some weight in our society, more than anything else i've ever worn before.
you look like a perfect fit
for a girl in need of a tourniquet.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
slow
today went fast and i got none of my chores done :S i slept terribly and was suffering with allergy symptoms. i took 3 24-hour pills over 15 hours. but i've concluded it's a cold. it sucks. i feel like crap. i hate that it's taken one of the days of my holiday already. argh!
i went dress shopping with shannon for her wedding dress. i felt totally spaced out and drugged. it occurred to me that i probably felt drugged because i WAS drugged. oh well. our shopping expedient wasn't great. the sales lady wouldn't leave us to just look on our own, and it was REALLY annoying and frustrating. we'd envisioned being silly and making fun of ugly dresses, but she was on us like white on rice so we had to be behaved. afterward we went to cynthia's sex shop. it's funny how comfortable i was in there now that i'm engaged. before i would've just felt like a pervert. that being said... it was not my cup of tea and probably won't ever venture into a sex store again.
shanno and i sat in confed basin eating ice cream cones. while we were there we saw a wedding party (or at least the grooms side) getting their photos taken. we sat watching them. i was also surprised that i didn't find them annoying, before they would've made me groan and look away. things change i guess.
b is in ottawa, and tomorrow he'll be in montreal. he's playing a few shows with his pseudo-band. i'm enjoying the time on my own, except i unwittingly rented 5 movies from classic. i don't know what i was thinking. i'm just a space cadet today, that's the only explanation i have. i didn't even make it thru the one i planned to watch tonight. i feel sore all over from exhaustion so i think i'll get into bed pronto.
this morning before he went to work we did our premarital counseling homework. we were instructed to come up with a 5 year financial plan. it worked out pretty well, and was kind of fun. we've decided to buy a house in 2015, and to have a baby in 2014. we picked those dates independently of each other. when we realized it means we'll be living in the maxi pad with an infant we considered reversing it, but there's no great need to change it. we'll just convert my walk-in closet into a baby room. there's enough space in there for a crib. hahaha. i'm kind of excited about our resourcefulness. i believe in making do instead of upgrading before we're able.
it seems it's summer. i think i'll wear my nighty to bed.
i'm just sitting here, wasting my time
'til you come home,
from your escapades
in the backyards,
with your friends of late.
i'd be worried if you didn't do this every spring,
when the grass grows,
and there's birds in trees,
and the sun shines,
and you don't need me.
i went dress shopping with shannon for her wedding dress. i felt totally spaced out and drugged. it occurred to me that i probably felt drugged because i WAS drugged. oh well. our shopping expedient wasn't great. the sales lady wouldn't leave us to just look on our own, and it was REALLY annoying and frustrating. we'd envisioned being silly and making fun of ugly dresses, but she was on us like white on rice so we had to be behaved. afterward we went to cynthia's sex shop. it's funny how comfortable i was in there now that i'm engaged. before i would've just felt like a pervert. that being said... it was not my cup of tea and probably won't ever venture into a sex store again.
shanno and i sat in confed basin eating ice cream cones. while we were there we saw a wedding party (or at least the grooms side) getting their photos taken. we sat watching them. i was also surprised that i didn't find them annoying, before they would've made me groan and look away. things change i guess.
b is in ottawa, and tomorrow he'll be in montreal. he's playing a few shows with his pseudo-band. i'm enjoying the time on my own, except i unwittingly rented 5 movies from classic. i don't know what i was thinking. i'm just a space cadet today, that's the only explanation i have. i didn't even make it thru the one i planned to watch tonight. i feel sore all over from exhaustion so i think i'll get into bed pronto.
this morning before he went to work we did our premarital counseling homework. we were instructed to come up with a 5 year financial plan. it worked out pretty well, and was kind of fun. we've decided to buy a house in 2015, and to have a baby in 2014. we picked those dates independently of each other. when we realized it means we'll be living in the maxi pad with an infant we considered reversing it, but there's no great need to change it. we'll just convert my walk-in closet into a baby room. there's enough space in there for a crib. hahaha. i'm kind of excited about our resourcefulness. i believe in making do instead of upgrading before we're able.
it seems it's summer. i think i'll wear my nighty to bed.
i'm just sitting here, wasting my time
'til you come home,
from your escapades
in the backyards,
with your friends of late.
i'd be worried if you didn't do this every spring,
when the grass grows,
and there's birds in trees,
and the sun shines,
and you don't need me.
Friday, May 21, 2010
homonym
it seems i've acquired another carpooler. this one is also tall and student, but he talks significantly less and doesn't give me gas money :S
i was thinking today about phases of life. i liked my train of thought. it seems there's some kind of unwritten agenda set up by society. you do this then, you do that after this, and so on. but i've kind of concluded that it doesn't really matter. life phases are a sliding scale, kind of like a trombone. some people want to play this note fully before they slide onto the next. other people linger for only a short time. still others skip this note completely. i think that's where the balance of life comes from. we're all making different sounds at different times. i feel as though the next time i find myself in a situation where i'm talking to someone who's struggling with their life phase, i'll think of the notes. and how it's ok that we're all playing a different part of the same tune. there's really no rule about how fast we play, as long as we're joining in. i don't know if this is making any sense, but when i look at my life i see it in clear and defined segments. i'm ok with the tune i'm playing, and the cord he's strumming, and the note she's singing. we're all different. different notes for different folks. and it's all the same in the end anyways.
maybe i don't really want to know how your garden grows,
i just want to fly.
i was thinking today about phases of life. i liked my train of thought. it seems there's some kind of unwritten agenda set up by society. you do this then, you do that after this, and so on. but i've kind of concluded that it doesn't really matter. life phases are a sliding scale, kind of like a trombone. some people want to play this note fully before they slide onto the next. other people linger for only a short time. still others skip this note completely. i think that's where the balance of life comes from. we're all making different sounds at different times. i feel as though the next time i find myself in a situation where i'm talking to someone who's struggling with their life phase, i'll think of the notes. and how it's ok that we're all playing a different part of the same tune. there's really no rule about how fast we play, as long as we're joining in. i don't know if this is making any sense, but when i look at my life i see it in clear and defined segments. i'm ok with the tune i'm playing, and the cord he's strumming, and the note she's singing. we're all different. different notes for different folks. and it's all the same in the end anyways.
maybe i don't really want to know how your garden grows,
i just want to fly.
racoon
there is seriously a film debuting in theatres today called "leslie, my name is evil". my name is rarely used in pop culture, it's sucky that on one of those rare ocassions it's being juxtaposed with evil :S
so... in approximately 35 days brendan is moving into the maxipad. during most of his time at the house famous they did not own a television. due to an overwhelming compulsion he has to watch it and allow it to take over his life, he has quite strong opinions about not having a tv. when we reached the point of knowing that we were going to spend the rest of our lives with each other i says to him "we're going to have to have a conversation about the tv" and he strongly agreed. he presented his case, and i counted with my point of view. which is... you can't simply put the blame on the tv set. many people who don't own tvs still watch tv shows on the internet. that seems to give them the chance to still watch their favourite shows while still technically doing without a tv. that's all well and good, but it's somewhat impractical when having guests over for a movie, or even watching as a two-some. so our final verdict was to keep the television, but lose the cable. when we eventually have a bigger home and in the market for newer furniture we'll buy a large unit to house the box so we don't have to look at it when it's not in use. we're both pretty pleased with that decision, collaborating generally leads to the best end result. so anyways... this next month will be my last month without cable tv, 'so long old friend, i wonder if i'll miss you'. i wonder if when we're old if b will concede and want a few more channels. only time will tell.
hey... thinking of when we're old... have i ever told you how old brendan is?? he's 21. i'm 8 years and 10 months older than my future husband. i think it's funny now, and forget that it's really weird to people just learning this fact about him/us. at this point i just shrug off people's judgment about it, because b's not your typical 21 year old, nor am i your typical 30 year old. anyone who knows us understands. besides, it keeps things pretty interesting because we grew up in totally different generations. the weird thing about our culture is that if b was 30 and i was 21 people wouldn't think much of it. i often wonder about this discrepancy, and about why even i found it weird at first. it took almost 2 months between our first and second date before i was able to overlook the gap. but really... what's age other than a number indicating how long you've been alive?!?!? i have more life experience than him, and he has much more hope and optimism than i do. i think those differences are huge benefits, just like different personalities are assets. that being said... b's age is one of the biggest reasons why we don't want to have kids for a while. i'm hoping we won't have kids until he's 26 and i'm 34/35, that seems like a reasonable age for both of us. anyways, this age thing is an amusing coincidence because i once wrote a blog entry about how i'm perfectly ok with marrying a significantly younger man. haha.
so... in approximately 35 days brendan is moving into the maxipad. during most of his time at the house famous they did not own a television. due to an overwhelming compulsion he has to watch it and allow it to take over his life, he has quite strong opinions about not having a tv. when we reached the point of knowing that we were going to spend the rest of our lives with each other i says to him "we're going to have to have a conversation about the tv" and he strongly agreed. he presented his case, and i counted with my point of view. which is... you can't simply put the blame on the tv set. many people who don't own tvs still watch tv shows on the internet. that seems to give them the chance to still watch their favourite shows while still technically doing without a tv. that's all well and good, but it's somewhat impractical when having guests over for a movie, or even watching as a two-some. so our final verdict was to keep the television, but lose the cable. when we eventually have a bigger home and in the market for newer furniture we'll buy a large unit to house the box so we don't have to look at it when it's not in use. we're both pretty pleased with that decision, collaborating generally leads to the best end result. so anyways... this next month will be my last month without cable tv, 'so long old friend, i wonder if i'll miss you'. i wonder if when we're old if b will concede and want a few more channels. only time will tell.
hey... thinking of when we're old... have i ever told you how old brendan is?? he's 21. i'm 8 years and 10 months older than my future husband. i think it's funny now, and forget that it's really weird to people just learning this fact about him/us. at this point i just shrug off people's judgment about it, because b's not your typical 21 year old, nor am i your typical 30 year old. anyone who knows us understands. besides, it keeps things pretty interesting because we grew up in totally different generations. the weird thing about our culture is that if b was 30 and i was 21 people wouldn't think much of it. i often wonder about this discrepancy, and about why even i found it weird at first. it took almost 2 months between our first and second date before i was able to overlook the gap. but really... what's age other than a number indicating how long you've been alive?!?!? i have more life experience than him, and he has much more hope and optimism than i do. i think those differences are huge benefits, just like different personalities are assets. that being said... b's age is one of the biggest reasons why we don't want to have kids for a while. i'm hoping we won't have kids until he's 26 and i'm 34/35, that seems like a reasonable age for both of us. anyways, this age thing is an amusing coincidence because i once wrote a blog entry about how i'm perfectly ok with marrying a significantly younger man. haha.
even at the swiftest speed, we couldn't break from the concrete.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
track
i'm feeling a fresh wave of baby-phobia. i picked up my diaphragm from the pharmacy yesterday. there's some confusion surrounding the products to use with it, and i was suddenly seized with the fear and reality that if this diaphragm fails me/us, we could end up with an unplanned pregnancy in our first year of marriage. i really really really really really DON'T want a baby for a while - several years. i'm quite disillusioned and feel like babies ruin peoples lives, friendships, and marriages. that being said, i can think of a handful of people who rock the baby-thing pretty well, i see them as a beacon of light amongst the sea of paralyzed parents. i try my best to be understanding and supportive to people with youngins, but from the outside looking in it seems to me they make their lives unnecessarily hard. i attend a church full of families (which i was very much reminded of during our weekend retreat), i would like to be the token "married couple with no kids" for a long while. thankfully i read in my pamphlet that if used correctly the chance of pregnancy is 6%, which is really good! i'm just afraid that i don't have it on right, because it was just so easy to put in. does that just mean it's simple or that it's wrong!?!? i don't know! brendan and i are going to name our diaphragm. i noticed yesterday the manufacturers name is milex, so i suggested to him "miles", but he said that would be an insult to one of his greatest music heros - miles davis. i'll try to have a healthy amount of baby fear, it will help me be dedicated to using proper protection, while not overwhelming me. i know that once people have babies they usually really like them, but we know enough people who've struggled with parenthood to know it's not something we want for a many years. we like our life.
this evening we're helping collect for the food blitz for the food drive. i always really enjoy it and the weather is supposed to be great! i'm looking forward to it. and to seeing the butlers too!
something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end.
this evening we're helping collect for the food blitz for the food drive. i always really enjoy it and the weather is supposed to be great! i'm looking forward to it. and to seeing the butlers too!
something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end.
Monday, May 17, 2010
sunset
sometimes pms and stupid wedding stuff causes me to cry in my cubicle. that's the worst. it's fine, everything is working out great, it's just the relational issues that arrive (with people other than b). i will not miss that part of being engaged.
i've decided to really take my desire for weight-loss far more seriously, because being lazy about it is having the opposite affect. i'm a real snacker, and it must stop. so i've scheduled snack times for myself, and made myself nice healthy small meals. for my snacks i'm only permitting healthy snacks so i made myself some apple sauce from scratch this evening. i'm excited about eating it. the cinnamon came out much more ferociously than i'd anticipated, so it's a slighter browner hue that i'd expected. but it tastes good, i like cinnamon. i agree with jerry seinfeld when he said that cinnamon is the secret ingredient in most tastey foods.
this evening i went for a good long run around the new track at the m centre. then made the artwork for b and my mixed cd. we're giving away buttons and mixed cds for our party favours. it looks great. i'm very pleased. i'm pretty excited about this, i think they're the perfect give-aways for our wedding.
i know i'm right,
for the first time in my life.
i've decided to really take my desire for weight-loss far more seriously, because being lazy about it is having the opposite affect. i'm a real snacker, and it must stop. so i've scheduled snack times for myself, and made myself nice healthy small meals. for my snacks i'm only permitting healthy snacks so i made myself some apple sauce from scratch this evening. i'm excited about eating it. the cinnamon came out much more ferociously than i'd anticipated, so it's a slighter browner hue that i'd expected. but it tastes good, i like cinnamon. i agree with jerry seinfeld when he said that cinnamon is the secret ingredient in most tastey foods.
this evening i went for a good long run around the new track at the m centre. then made the artwork for b and my mixed cd. we're giving away buttons and mixed cds for our party favours. it looks great. i'm very pleased. i'm pretty excited about this, i think they're the perfect give-aways for our wedding.
i know i'm right,
for the first time in my life.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
summer
*sigh* i'm home.
i didn't have time to tell yas, but i was away all weekend at a next church retreat. it went pretty well. i felt overwhelmed at the beginning, having worked all week, but it turned out really great. i shared a cabin with joanne and shannon (plus a few other girls providing child care) we called our women's dorms "the red tent" as we were the only unwed women. it was fun. i told joanne that i will join her in the women's dorms again next time. it's fun having girl time and sleep-overs. i hope to never loose that.
we'll guard each one's dignity and save each one's pride.
i didn't have time to tell yas, but i was away all weekend at a next church retreat. it went pretty well. i felt overwhelmed at the beginning, having worked all week, but it turned out really great. i shared a cabin with joanne and shannon (plus a few other girls providing child care) we called our women's dorms "the red tent" as we were the only unwed women. it was fun. i told joanne that i will join her in the women's dorms again next time. it's fun having girl time and sleep-overs. i hope to never loose that.
we'll guard each one's dignity and save each one's pride.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
dogs
yesterday shannon took me to the park and we had a picnic. it was super. i haven't had a picnic since 1997. i really should do that more often. she made a really delicious spread and we sat under a tree looking out over the water. in another area of the park there was a native drum circle, which was an unusual addition to our time there. then out of the blue shannon asked me to be the best woman at her wedding! hooray! i thought she was going to ask me, but they've been engaged for over a month and they'd asked everyone else, so i thought i'd been left off the roster. but no! she was just waiting for the right moment. this is going to be so fun. and guess what?? brendan is also in the wedding - he's one of the bridesmen. andrew and shannon are not allocating their wedding party by gender. instead they're having all of andrew's siblings stand on his side, and she's having her people stand on her side. brendan feels very honoured, we both do really.
AND
last week when i was out with meg for tea, she asked me to be in her wedding party as well! and brendan is too. ben and meg are having all their siblings in their wedding party, which includes me as i will be brendan's wife by then :) we're looking forward to that wedding a whole bunch.
the funny thing is that shannon and megan's weddings are on two consecutive weekends in september. thankfully they'll be very different events so they will be uniquely enjoyable. i think both will be very fun and i'm looking forward to them. i MIGHT be able to wear the same dress, maybe. but on the other hand, i don't own many dresses so it might be a good idea to expand my wardrobe a little. then i'll have more to choose from for christmas parties and other special outings - such as melissa's wedding in october! weddings weddings everywhere.
traditionally i have not liked weddings. bleck! but meg told me that she started to like weddings after having a partner to attend them with. i think she might be on to something. i wonder how i would feel at this point to attend a wedding. i kind of wish i could go to one before ours, but ours is the next one on the docket (44 days!). i think it'll feel really different attending a wedding as a married couple.
my latest hurdle is that my plan regarding table cloths has fallen thru. so i'm having to move on to plan B :S t'is ok though. i'm just rolling. rolling with the punches and it'll be fine :)
i'm sitting peeling susanne's oranges.
AND
last week when i was out with meg for tea, she asked me to be in her wedding party as well! and brendan is too. ben and meg are having all their siblings in their wedding party, which includes me as i will be brendan's wife by then :) we're looking forward to that wedding a whole bunch.
the funny thing is that shannon and megan's weddings are on two consecutive weekends in september. thankfully they'll be very different events so they will be uniquely enjoyable. i think both will be very fun and i'm looking forward to them. i MIGHT be able to wear the same dress, maybe. but on the other hand, i don't own many dresses so it might be a good idea to expand my wardrobe a little. then i'll have more to choose from for christmas parties and other special outings - such as melissa's wedding in october! weddings weddings everywhere.
traditionally i have not liked weddings. bleck! but meg told me that she started to like weddings after having a partner to attend them with. i think she might be on to something. i wonder how i would feel at this point to attend a wedding. i kind of wish i could go to one before ours, but ours is the next one on the docket (44 days!). i think it'll feel really different attending a wedding as a married couple.
my latest hurdle is that my plan regarding table cloths has fallen thru. so i'm having to move on to plan B :S t'is ok though. i'm just rolling. rolling with the punches and it'll be fine :)
i'm sitting peeling susanne's oranges.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
shower
so lady who bought the dishwasher called me this afternoon and demanded her money back. i was quite distressed about that, because i did not want the dishwasher back and feared i'd never be free from it. i was quite upset and angry. but i agreed, b and i went to pick it up and i handed back her $80. then we drove directly to value village, and dropped it off there. i couldn't bear the thought of going thru that again, it just wasn't worth it. i like the easy route when at all possible. consequently, i don't think i'll be very eager to try kijiji again any time soon. i'm glad to have it all behind me.
b and i spent this evening making our wedding mix cd. it turned out good. then i cut his hair and now it's bed time. i'm getting quite good at haircuts. now i'm quite sleepy, i think i'll savour the splendor of sleep this evening.
come on, eat your heart out.
b and i spent this evening making our wedding mix cd. it turned out good. then i cut his hair and now it's bed time. i'm getting quite good at haircuts. now i'm quite sleepy, i think i'll savour the splendor of sleep this evening.
come on, eat your heart out.
insides
it's been a long while since i wrote. i don't like that. i quite enjoy having my life documented, i often look back in my old entries to double check when this or that happened.
the weekend was full. saturday involved brendan being abducted by my dad for a chunk of the afternoon. i was all worried what they were up to and concerned because b had to go to work. meanwhile, he was experiencing untapped parts of my childhood and having a good time while doing so. sunday we joined my family for mother's day lunch, helped cook, serve and clean at special meals, then saw "the girl with the dragon tattoo" at the screening room - it was good, but quite disturbing just as the book is. yesterday i took a sick day, and spent most of the day in bed. i'm feeling much better today.
my thing for the month of may that i've never done before is... sell something on kijiji. i sold my countertop dishwasher. i got 80 bux for it, which is pretty good. the new owner was a little overwhelmed by it's size, she thought it would be smaller. i hope they don't regret buying it, i'd hate to make other's people's lives more difficult. i'm also selling my twin headboard for $15. i'm kind of in a nesting phase at the moment. i'm purging a lot of stuff to make room for brendan's things. it feels good getting rid of stuff i haven't used in half a decade. my back porch is so much less cluttered, i'm very grateful. my next task is the wardrobe and cupboards on the porch. i think i'm better utilizing my space. OH! and i got the back swinging window unstuck so now i'll be able to use the laundry line when my landlord installs one. hooray!
i'm finally feeling excited about our wedding. before it hadn't sunken in yet, then i felt overwhelmed and stressed, but i'm finally really looking forward to it. things are coming together and i'm counting down the days! 46 days to go! i think it'll be a fun event. plus, i'm really looking forward to living with b and to our trip to cambodia, and unfolding our life together. yesterday we did our banking together for the first time. it was pretty easy and straightforward. however, that's probably because we had enough money to cover our expenses, had we been short on funds it probably would've been much more stressful. so ya, wedding planing are becoming more straightforward. we wanted to invite everyone from next, but it was wasn't realistic. we already had a guest list of 140 people plus kids, so we had to let go of the notion of inviting everyone, which was hard because we want to be inclusive. we're hoping that the final number will be around 100-120. i'm keeping my fingers crossed that 1/4 of the people can't make it, right now we stand at 68 accepts and 14 declines. it's not that we don't want specific people not to come, but we don't want it to be really big or crowded. i'm excited! i think it's gonna be fun!
you saw her in the morning and her feet were bare.
the weekend was full. saturday involved brendan being abducted by my dad for a chunk of the afternoon. i was all worried what they were up to and concerned because b had to go to work. meanwhile, he was experiencing untapped parts of my childhood and having a good time while doing so. sunday we joined my family for mother's day lunch, helped cook, serve and clean at special meals, then saw "the girl with the dragon tattoo" at the screening room - it was good, but quite disturbing just as the book is. yesterday i took a sick day, and spent most of the day in bed. i'm feeling much better today.
my thing for the month of may that i've never done before is... sell something on kijiji. i sold my countertop dishwasher. i got 80 bux for it, which is pretty good. the new owner was a little overwhelmed by it's size, she thought it would be smaller. i hope they don't regret buying it, i'd hate to make other's people's lives more difficult. i'm also selling my twin headboard for $15. i'm kind of in a nesting phase at the moment. i'm purging a lot of stuff to make room for brendan's things. it feels good getting rid of stuff i haven't used in half a decade. my back porch is so much less cluttered, i'm very grateful. my next task is the wardrobe and cupboards on the porch. i think i'm better utilizing my space. OH! and i got the back swinging window unstuck so now i'll be able to use the laundry line when my landlord installs one. hooray!
i'm finally feeling excited about our wedding. before it hadn't sunken in yet, then i felt overwhelmed and stressed, but i'm finally really looking forward to it. things are coming together and i'm counting down the days! 46 days to go! i think it'll be a fun event. plus, i'm really looking forward to living with b and to our trip to cambodia, and unfolding our life together. yesterday we did our banking together for the first time. it was pretty easy and straightforward. however, that's probably because we had enough money to cover our expenses, had we been short on funds it probably would've been much more stressful. so ya, wedding planing are becoming more straightforward. we wanted to invite everyone from next, but it was wasn't realistic. we already had a guest list of 140 people plus kids, so we had to let go of the notion of inviting everyone, which was hard because we want to be inclusive. we're hoping that the final number will be around 100-120. i'm keeping my fingers crossed that 1/4 of the people can't make it, right now we stand at 68 accepts and 14 declines. it's not that we don't want specific people not to come, but we don't want it to be really big or crowded. i'm excited! i think it's gonna be fun!
you saw her in the morning and her feet were bare.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
prescribe
brendan and i found our wedding rings on etsy.com we decided on some concave titanium rings. they were custom made upon our order. when we sent in our request we were very specific about the ring size because the ring maker said that titanium cannot be resized. so we ordered me a size 5, and brendan a size 8 based on the ring size finder available on the site. they arrived this afternoon much to my delight. we sat together on the front balcony and opened our package, unwrapped them and slipped them on. they look great! however, there's one big problem. brendan's is frickin' huge! we were puzzled by that and a little worried because it can't be resized. but i dug out the size finder, and discovered they sent us a size 12! i don't know how that happened! thankfully, it only took them a week to receive our order, make them and mail them to us from utah. i emailed the lady and she's willing to exchange it, b just needs to double check the size at a jewelers so we don't get a second wrong size. besides that, we're very pleased, i've been wearing mine all evening ;) here's a picture of the set:
sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors
out on the waves in the night.
sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors
out on the waves in the night.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
monk's blend
have you ever thought about how sometimes good things are bad, or bad things good? a circumstance or decision might be very favourable for one person, but screw someone else over in the meantime. i've always thought that the best decisions have the best outcome for everyone. but i find myself considering if life actually works that way. maybe it's just that sometimes it takes a long time to see the good, and perhaps there are times when we never do. this makes it hard to make decisions. i'm a firm believer in my circumstances pointing the way, i wonder just how trustworthy they are. maybe it's a question of what our definition is of "good" or just how far-sighted we are. i guess it doesn't hurt to work for the good of everyone, it might not be always possible but worth working towards.
it's nothing you would ever understand.
it's nothing you would ever understand.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
stow
it's been a good weekend. there were a lot of hurdles, but in a way that makes it more satisfying. b's move went fairly smoothly, except, his box of mugs fell to the ground and they broke. he loves his mugs, so i was really sad for him. we're going to try and fix them.
andrew and shannon's move was not so smooth. first there was major pressure from lawyers to get out of the house, the new place wasn't ready when they expected, when they got access the carpet cleaner arrived and it took 6 hours to dry, then we were short-handed, and there were a ton of stairs. it was pretty intense, but we managed. my favourite part was sitting all together on the bench eating ice cream afterward.
today was good. we did the last of a+s's moving, then b and i did some unpacking at the erbs. we took a crazy long nap at my house, then drove out to the west-end for a box of cereal. yesterday (during my moving break, and before b left for ottawa) we rearranged my room to accommodate the new double bed. i'm really digging my new arrangement. i've never had my desk in this corner of the room before, i really like it :D
when we were on our cereal-run, we got talking about something devona said the other day. she told us "marriage is the most difficult things you'll ever do in life. it's also the greatest joy". we know that marriage is hard – both because we come from broken homes, but also because people don't hesitate to frankly talk about the hard side of marriage. we appreciate the warnings, and i don't think we're naive. however... we do wish that people were more specific. i've heard it said that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest, but no one has ever explained why. i wish people could tell us how. it won't change anything, but i'd really like to understand what makes it hard. at this point... all i can think is that brendan's my best friend and i'm looking forward to spending my life with him as my partner, how is that difficult? i'm not saying it won't be, because i believe everyone when they say it's hard. i just wish i had a better understanding of how these difficulties will manifest themselves. we have our fair share of disagreements, and we can get on each other's nerves, but we're also pretty good at resolving those things. and will get even better with devona's help. i dunno. i just keep thinking of the time when brendan said "i know that it's going to be hard, but all i can think is that i'm going to be going thru those things with lesley! so even at it's worst, it's not so bad". maybe we are naive, but we're prepared, we just don't know what's coming our way. so we move forward with eyes wide open, ready for face things together.
pretty eyed,
pirate smile,
you'll marry a music man.
andrew and shannon's move was not so smooth. first there was major pressure from lawyers to get out of the house, the new place wasn't ready when they expected, when they got access the carpet cleaner arrived and it took 6 hours to dry, then we were short-handed, and there were a ton of stairs. it was pretty intense, but we managed. my favourite part was sitting all together on the bench eating ice cream afterward.
today was good. we did the last of a+s's moving, then b and i did some unpacking at the erbs. we took a crazy long nap at my house, then drove out to the west-end for a box of cereal. yesterday (during my moving break, and before b left for ottawa) we rearranged my room to accommodate the new double bed. i'm really digging my new arrangement. i've never had my desk in this corner of the room before, i really like it :D
when we were on our cereal-run, we got talking about something devona said the other day. she told us "marriage is the most difficult things you'll ever do in life. it's also the greatest joy". we know that marriage is hard – both because we come from broken homes, but also because people don't hesitate to frankly talk about the hard side of marriage. we appreciate the warnings, and i don't think we're naive. however... we do wish that people were more specific. i've heard it said that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest, but no one has ever explained why. i wish people could tell us how. it won't change anything, but i'd really like to understand what makes it hard. at this point... all i can think is that brendan's my best friend and i'm looking forward to spending my life with him as my partner, how is that difficult? i'm not saying it won't be, because i believe everyone when they say it's hard. i just wish i had a better understanding of how these difficulties will manifest themselves. we have our fair share of disagreements, and we can get on each other's nerves, but we're also pretty good at resolving those things. and will get even better with devona's help. i dunno. i just keep thinking of the time when brendan said "i know that it's going to be hard, but all i can think is that i'm going to be going thru those things with lesley! so even at it's worst, it's not so bad". maybe we are naive, but we're prepared, we just don't know what's coming our way. so we move forward with eyes wide open, ready for face things together.
pretty eyed,
pirate smile,
you'll marry a music man.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
cover
it's 7:30 in the morning on a saturday, and i've just dragged myself out of bed.
it's been a full few days. i haven't even had time to check my email. my colleagues from europe were here for 2 days of meetings, it was good, but taxing on my attention span. on thursday evening we went to aquaterra for dinner, then i met up with jill and her friend kelly for a cup of tea. i was pretty exhausted, and ate way too much that day.
yesterday was day two of meetings. after which b and i had our first pre-marital counseling session with devona. she said that since both of us came from divorced families that it's crucial that we do this counseling, and i think she's right. she was a very affirming person is every way. which i really liked. i really like affirmation, it makes me unfold like a flower. our first session heavily focused on myers-briggs, and how that affects our interactions. it was very revelatory. we have some home work to do on that before we see her again. it was very good.
after that we had dinner at grecos (i really wanted copper penny, but it was jam packed), then began the process of moving. andrew and shannon move into their new apartment on princess today and b is moving to the erbs place. the idea was to get most of brendan's stuff taken care of last night so that we're free to help a+s. they're in a tight spot because the old landlord wants them out by noon, but can't move into the new place until after 6. so we're taking everything to next during the afternoon purgatory. we did well with b's things. we took all the things he wouldn't need at the erbs here (it's all on the back porch waiting to be sorted out), and the things he doesn't need we left on the lawn with a 'free' sign. hopefully it's gone by now. we moved the big double bed to my place, and he'll take my single bed to the erbs for the next 2 months. my days of single bed sleeping are over, it's bitter sweet – i liked my twin bed, my new double is less padded and it takes up more space.
it's going to be a full day. i should go get in the shower.
pack your clothes and your guitar.
it's been a full few days. i haven't even had time to check my email. my colleagues from europe were here for 2 days of meetings, it was good, but taxing on my attention span. on thursday evening we went to aquaterra for dinner, then i met up with jill and her friend kelly for a cup of tea. i was pretty exhausted, and ate way too much that day.
yesterday was day two of meetings. after which b and i had our first pre-marital counseling session with devona. she said that since both of us came from divorced families that it's crucial that we do this counseling, and i think she's right. she was a very affirming person is every way. which i really liked. i really like affirmation, it makes me unfold like a flower. our first session heavily focused on myers-briggs, and how that affects our interactions. it was very revelatory. we have some home work to do on that before we see her again. it was very good.
after that we had dinner at grecos (i really wanted copper penny, but it was jam packed), then began the process of moving. andrew and shannon move into their new apartment on princess today and b is moving to the erbs place. the idea was to get most of brendan's stuff taken care of last night so that we're free to help a+s. they're in a tight spot because the old landlord wants them out by noon, but can't move into the new place until after 6. so we're taking everything to next during the afternoon purgatory. we did well with b's things. we took all the things he wouldn't need at the erbs here (it's all on the back porch waiting to be sorted out), and the things he doesn't need we left on the lawn with a 'free' sign. hopefully it's gone by now. we moved the big double bed to my place, and he'll take my single bed to the erbs for the next 2 months. my days of single bed sleeping are over, it's bitter sweet – i liked my twin bed, my new double is less padded and it takes up more space.
it's going to be a full day. i should go get in the shower.
pack your clothes and your guitar.
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