hugger

2011. 2011. without any great forethought, i'd have to say it wasn't the year i expected. i don't know what i expected, it just felt fuller. it was a great year with many significant highlights, but still something of a curve ball. surprisingly, the two greatest curve balls are also the two things that book-end 2011. almost right after new year, it may have been january 2, we started talking about the idea of brendan going back to school. at this point it seems so crazy to think there was a time when he wasn't pursuing social services, but indeed there was a period of consideration and discussion. as part of that decision he also took a job at startek and began working full time so he could save for his tuition. this was a major shift for us, but one that we adjusted to fairly well. the other book-end curve ball (wow, i'm mixing metaphors), was obviously our house. we've lived here for 2 weeks and are enjoying it a great deal. it's an adjustment, but i feel so positive about this move. i have no doubts that it was a good decision and a wise step.

january did not gently ease my next church community into the new year, but instead took the baby of some important friends during the 6th month of pregnancy. it felt like everyone i knew at that time was impacted by that experience. it weighed heavily on all of us, but was a great opportunity to pull together with great love. as always, the beat goes on and brendan started his new job and i started finally making progress with losing weight. i was working out with regularity and keeping close tabs on my food consumption. i'd made a new year's resolution to start cutting my portions in half, because i'd discovered that my instincts with food were disproportionate with how much i needed. oh, and we bought brendan's little netbook. it was supposed to be ours, but it's turned out to be mostly his. that's ok, he's pretty good at sharing.

february marked the end of my time on the board at next. with 3 years under my belt i was tired and really ready for a change. at work i continued to take on more responsibility and have enjoyed the challenge. it makes the day go faster when i'm busy all day. i started as editor of the internal newsletter, which turned out to be right up my alley. it was fun and engaging, and i was very surprised at how satisfying i found it. over the family day weekend brendan and i went to visit beckie in quebec city. it was cold, but very fun. 6-hour road-trips are surprisingly enjoyable when you're with your best bud. that was our second long trip together (having gone to north bay in 2010), and we've found it's quite doable. it was brendan's first time meeting beckie's dogs and they really won him over quickly :)

march brought the good word that brendan had official been accepted to college. meanwhile, i underwent a number of medical tests, which were part of a long on-going search to identify the cause of some semi-chronic pain i'd been experiencing. it was a stressful time for me, and unfortunately paired with the mysterious pain, but thankfully i tried to keep everything in perspective and in the end was cleared of anything serious and given some helpful tips. the main highlight of march was our trip to ireland. we spent 10 days in both the republic and the north, backpacking around and visiting with rachel and eric in dublin. we enjoyed the sites, the relaxed pace of holidays, pints of guinness and cadbury's chocolate. while we were there brendan lost his wedding ring (left it in a hostel shower), but thankfully he got it back after we went back to derry to retrieve it.

april was rather uneventful, although a tense time, with the election on the way. lots of opinions floating around on facebook and i recall a sense of division that i've never encountered before. i'm filled with alarm at the thought of this being the new status quo – division, silos, opinions. it's disheartening. but in more exciting news... although we learned this before april, we were thrilled with the news of a new niece on the way. ben and meg were expecting their first baby and we couldn't have been happier for them.

may brought an opportunity for me to begin a writing correspondence course. i love writing, and it comes naturally to me, but this was the first time since high school that i got to write with the purpose of improving and learning. i really enjoyed it and was delighted that i excelled in the course. without knowing it, i planted my last balcony garden at the maxipad. the plants all died halfway thru the season as usual, but i did enjoy that balcony. i may have especially enjoyed it this year. also in may, shanno and i got to attend a social justice conference at the sally ann.

june was a good excuse to purge myself of a lot of excess stuff via spring cleaning. with brendan and my work schedule's not lining up, i had a lot of time on weekends to get organized. as b was starting to look ahead to starting school in the fall, his work announced that it was closing all all the employees at his site would be layed off come september. the timing of that could not have worked out better for him since he was planning on leaving then anyways, and if they'd closed a few months sooner he wouldn't have had enough time to save up for both years of college tuition. phew! to celebrate our first wedding anniversary we took off to a B&B in westport and had a great mini-break there. when we returned to k-town we had our collective family over for ice cream cake. very fun :D

july was filled with strawberry picking, road trips with friends, summer weddings, new bicycle baskets, sandwiches, classic books, sweater knitting, summer walks, gelato, humidity, bonfires with smores, swimming at leo lafleur, the splashpad, heat exhaustion, spray painting, and i got 4 stitches in my second smallest toe after an incident involving a glass pitcher and a carton of sherbet. 

august allowed for a visit up to beckie's cottage. shanno, rach and i threw joanne a victorian-themed bridal shower, and i organized a group of knitters/crochetters to make jo blanket to take with her when she moved. mid-august brendan quit his job as planned, and we took off camping at bon echo for a week. it was our first time camping for that long and we had a great time. we found it was the perfect introverted paradise since no one else was around. we played board games, read books, ate great food and enjoyed marshmellow roasting every night. we lived thru one massive thunderstorm and realized afterwards that it was probably quite unsafe :p at the end of our trip, our wee niece audrey was born to ben and meg, so we packed up and went straight to the hospital to meet her. to conclude the summer months, b got his wisdom teeth extracted. it was a rather sour experience for him, but (in it's own way) a rite of passage. oh! and i mustn't forget that this year, for the first time, shanno, brendan and i were vendors at the wolfe island music festival selling la tienda merchandise.

september introduced a lot of change for us lorimers, as brendan entered school. he was one of two guys in a class with 30+ women. it became immediately clear that the only thing brendan needed to do to succeed at school was to be himself – since he's already passionate about social justice and serving marginalized people. by the end of the semester he had straight A's :D we spent a weekend camping with next at echo lake. the nights were cold but hanging out all together was a treat, and i missed the company other ladies when i returned home and had no one to chat with while i knitted.

october surprised us with an accepted offer on a house. the whole enterprise – from casually looking and a firm deal – took 2 to 3 weeks. we signed the paper work making it official on brendan's birthday. i'd planned a special birthday adventure for him, and buying a house was not something i'd originally scheduled for that day. two days later i took off for san diego on business and was there for about six days. that was fun. it was a great learning experience from a career perspective and i enjoyed the change of scenery from my cubicle.

november ushered in a new age – the age of crochet. i've tried in the past and failed, so i am very pleased that not only have i mastered a new skill, but i've also opened myself up to loads of new hand-crafting options :D as we prepared to move i created some fabric art for the walls. they turned out really great, and i had a really fun time doing it. shanno and i took our annual trip to the casino where we each spent 5 bux and drank free caffeinated beverages (well i did, i think shanno drank coffee cream).

december was like a changing of the guards – only the guards didn't changed but instead the guard house. we left the home i'd enjoyed for over 5 years and moved into a home that belongs to us. our own make-believe bungalow that suits us perfectly. moving day went remarkably well and happened to coincide with my birthday (seems suitable since we purchased it on brendan's birthday). it was quite convenient since i got to see my family and friends all at the same time anyways. that month, brendan also got his full G driver's license which yet another milestone ;)

anyways, that's it. it was a good year – a full and significant. a red letter year for sure. it feels like we're on a roll!

this is a happy end
come and give me your hand
i'll take you far away.

dwell

we just got home from a wedding reception in westport. i've been feeling extremely full of food for the last 2+ hours. it was fun though. about 3/4 of the way thru i started to feel tired and droopy, but then picked up a little bit again. the drive home was decent considering the freezing rain.

a couple weeks ago i had this sweeping notion that i needed to get a good quality coat for winter, specifically a feather down coat. the problem is that i'm quite a thrifty person and it's not within my ability to spend on one item the amount of money that a down jacket costs. but i went to trailhead to do some looking. i selected a brand (lolë) that i really liked and determined what size was best. then i came home and looked online and found one online for less than half the price, so i bought it with my birthday/christmas money :D it arrived in the mail today. i'm super pleased. it's so warm and not bulky. i'm super pleased. hooray!

it's hard to believe it's nearly 2012. i like setting new year resolutions, but i haven't had much time to think on it for the coming year. i hope i come up with something. i guess that my hope for 2012 is that i learn to make good use of space in our new home. but that's less of a new year resolution but rather a new house. i dunno, i find it helpful having a direction, even a small direction, to move in.

it feels weird being without a knitting or crocheting project. shanno gave me the happy hooker book for my birthday. i hope to get started on one of those patterns soon. plus, rach gave me a beautiful crochet hook. i didn't even know such a thing existed!

anyways, it's off to bed for me!

behind every tree
is a cutting machine
and a kite fallen from grace.

jigsaw

i have fully been enjoying my christmas holidays.

the last two days have been filled with painting, nintendo playing and a trip to the movies.

i've finished the bathroom and have applied 3 coats to the kitchen. the kitchen is a burnt red (actually it was supposed to be, it's turning out to be a robin red, but b likes it, he said this is how he imagined it) so it takes a lot of coats and there's plenty of paint left, so i suspect i'll probably do another 2 for a total of 5. i'm enjoying it. it's funny how the days feel much more restful than a work day even though i'm not actually resting.

we had a lovely christmas. went to nancy and gerry's place on christmas eve, ate treats, played 'sorry', watched a movie, and slept over. then we headed over to joy's place around 11 to open gifts (the kids did incredibly well waiting til then), and we opened presents for the next 2 hours. very fun. the kids were particularly in good spirits and we enjoyed them a lot.

i can't find out camera. i can't even remember where it was in the maxipad, which makes it even harder to find in the exile. i thought i'd kept it handy, but it turns out that was the flip camcorder. remember how i was making nana a blanket? well here it is!! i'm very pleased with how it turned out :D and she really liked it too!!


i need my 1987 DG-20 casio electric guitar.

fang

the office closed down at 1 today for the holidays, so i got to come home early. which meant i had enough time and energy to get a low done around the homestead. and i must say.... i'm so very pleased! now that we've got our bedroom set up properly and the living room is taking shape i keep thinking WE LIVE IN A REALLY AWESOME HOUSE!!! way cool :)

i can't find the camera so i can't take any pics to show you. but hopefully soon.

tonight b cooked dinner and we ate at the kitchen table for the first time. believe it or not, the small table we had in the maxipad's kitchen is too big (too long to be exact) so we have this little square table now, and it made me feel like we were eating in a bistro. i liked it a lot.

i'm so happy that i've begun my christmas holidays. it's one of my favourite times of the year – having the time at work. life feels easy in a special way. i hope this year is a good mix of relaxing and productive :)

i should go! we're about to watch the muppet's christmas carol!

and my friends,
i've returned to wish you all the best...
and my friends,
i've returned to wish you a happy christmas.

megaphone

i feel like we're mildly stalking our upstairs tenants. the suspicious side of me thinks they're purposely avoiding us. but the part of me that wants to give people the benefit of the doubt just thinks that we keep missing them or if they are avoiding us it's because they're needlessly concerned/feeling threatened. whatever the situation, i'd really like to get introductions over with. if they choose to avoid us after that then that's fine, but at least we'll be acquainted and have a record of their names. i suppose the only things that matter are that they pay their rent on time and they don't burn our house down.

we accidentally forgot our crockpot at the maxipad. i remembered seeing it in the lower cupboard and thinking we need to remember to pack it. but then we didn't, so b had to get the key from our landlord's mom and go back in one last time. she thanked us for leaving it in such good shape, which was nice to hear. i'd actually felt that i'd left it in worse shape than when i moved in, but i think that's more because of age and wear & tear than anything else.

my dad needs to have semi-emergency bypass surgery next week. it's a semi-emergency because they only just realized that his main artery is clogged and needs to be cleared out asap. it's only been a week and a half since he first noticed some chest discomfort when walking with purpose. things have gone very quickly. i'm trying not to worry. i know that it's a good sign that they discovered it before anything happened, and he's been given a nitro patch to thin his blood. it just feels like he has a ticking time bomb in his chest and i'll feel at ease when it's disarmed.

to my disappointment, my appetite hasn't fully returned since i was sick earlier this week. in one way it's nice that i'm never hungry (i become quite irrational when i'm hungry), but mostly it sucks because b took me out for my birthday dinner to chien noir and i hardly ate anything. it's must less fun when you can't enjoy your food and you have to watch someone else eat your creme brule (even though you willing gave it to them because you simply weren't hungry).

it's weird living on the first floor of a house again. i haven't lived so low to the ground in a long time. usually i don't mind people seeing in my windows, but as rach pointed out, i'm not accustomed to being so accessible. that's making me a little uncomfortable. i don't like that my computer is exposed. b keeps telling me that no one wants to steal my eight year old computer, but sometimes i think people just want stuff for no other reason but because it's within their grasp. i'm going to buy a less transparent blind.

 

the evening approaches

it is the time of the winter solstice.

deuteragonist

sometimes.... i'm lucky enough to end up sitting in THE most comfortable position that i don't want to get up for anything. now is one of those times.

while unpacking in the den, we were quite amused with our "entertainment centre". it consists of pine boards, an old tv, a vcr and an original nintendo system. we do have a dvd player, and the only reason we have the vcr is because it launders the signal from our dvd player (it and the tv are not compatible). i like how lo-fi we are. it suits us just fine :) i think we're slowly finding our bearings at the exile, and the kitties are adjusting. although, honey still seems to be out of sorts - walking around in the basement meowing loudly for no apparent reason. maybe she left her heart back at the maxipad along with our crockpot.

my mom bought me my nintendo when i was either 12 or 13 for my birthday back in the early 90s. i remember us standing in toys r us for a very long time while she hum-ed and ha-ed over whether or not to buy a nintendo or a game-boy. which was the better choice - the game boy was cheaper, but i would get more use out of a nintendo. i think we made the right choice. in 2002, when i moved back from toronto i lost my controllers in transition and have been meaning to replace them ever since. when brendan first came across my unused nintendo he wanted us to take it to chumleighs because we'd make a killing on it, but i was NOT willing to even consider that. the problem is that brendan has difficultly with moderation, and in the past he developed a video game addiction, so since then he's been avoiding having video games in his house. now that i've replaced my controlers (bought brand new ones at chumleighs for 5 bux each), between the two of us we'll need to develop healthy boundaries around nintendo playing. so far it's been nothing but fun :) we've been playing super mario bros 3 and have found it's a great marriage game since we have to work as a team. i'm hoping that over christmas we can have one day of just playing all day and can beat the whole game together (something i've only done 2 or 3 times in my life - world 8 is HARD). apparently i'm stressful to watch while i play. i use my whole body and get quite worked up. i think it's that he's never seen a girl play nintendo before :p

my stomach seems to be feeling better and think i'll be well enough for my birthday dinner out at chien noir tonight. i'm excited because we're getting the winterlicious deal with includes an appetizer, a main course and dessert for $27. it's a bargin AND it's tasty. yay! the very fact that i'm thinking food sounds yummy is a good sign that i'm recovering from my stomach bug.

 

she is supergirl superwoman super-sexy-woman.

cordless drill

well we're here! we're in! it's been a crazy last few days, mostly because i contracted liam's weird stomach bug and was sick sunday evening, barfing in the night, and have felt awful all day. not at all what i thought my sunday and monday would be like. hence the reason why i'm only checking in now.

the move went superbly on saturday. everyone worked really hard and got along really well. i think it took about three hours to move everything over then we had pizza, i opened gifts, then we had cake. there were still a lot of errands to run that evening so we didn't get as much done that night as i'd hope.

our first night's sleep here was ok, except at about 2:30 in the morning the upstairs neighbours (our tenants who we still haven't met yet), were walking around and the floors were creaking and making me bonkers. then b woke up at 4 because he remembered that he didn't put the cake away (which i already had) and in doing so woke me up and i couldn't fall back to sleep. i haven't been sleeping well lately, in the sense that i can't sleep in. too much on my mind. however, the good thing about throwing up in the night last night was that i was too ill and too exhausted to get up, so i slept in til 11.

yesterday joelle and caleb were in a christmas pagent at their church so we went to see it. it was pretty entertaining. caleb was in a world of his own and looked so cute because he was the youngest and looked so little. joelle did great. she was a real nature and i thought she was a better reader than some of the older kids – she had inflection in her voice.

i feel good. it chose not to give a lot of thought to leaving the maxipad. i'd already said good-bye so i didn't want to do that all over again. i know the exile will be filled with wonderful experiences too and i'm excited about that. i don't feel relaxed, and therefore don't quite feel at home yet, but i'm certain that has more to do with the boxes and chaos than anything else. the bathroom is the most complete, and it delights me each time i go in there.

we've had a lot of local visitors and waves, which have been very fun already. i like picardsville (the original name for this area. our street was the main st of picardsville). it feels good to be here, definitely feels like home.

home is wherever i'm with you.

cocoon

i found an ad in the newspaper for a 1 bedroom apartment with back porch and front balcony looking over an open green space. from the first moment i got wind of that apartment it seemed like a good fit. shortly after i came to see the maxipad for the first time and signed up on the same day.

with the help of 15ish people i moved in at the end of april 2006, and proceeded to spend the next 5 and a half years here. when i first arrived i didn't know how long i'd be here, or what experiences i'd have within these walls, or under what circumstances i'd leave. i made a home in this quirky apartment; painting it's wood paneled walls, lying on it's orange shag carpet, showering in it's low-ceiling bathroom. to have people visit me in this space, especially in the early days, felt much the same as letting them into my very self. without knowing it, the maxipad became part of my self identity.

it's funny the way we can find ourselves at a loss for words when it comes to that which we love the most. that's how i feel right now as i try to form a stream of words about my beloved balcony. i don't even know what to say, nothing seems adequate enough.

***
dear maxipad...
  my home of half a decade.
  my coming of age home.
  my safe place of refuge.

you've been good to me. you've sheltered me and given me security when i needed it most. you were also a place for us to fall in love and bind ourselves together.

you gave me my favourite place in the whole world – my balcony. where i planted gardens and watched things grow. where i sat in the shelter of the awning to hear the sound of summer rain and yet stay dry. i watched people go by in the daylight. sat in the dark of night and eavesdropped in conversations echo from up the street. i lied on the wooden floor in the heatwaves and read books with great satisfaction in the company of my kitties. nowhere else in the world have i felt both safe and free at the same time. sometimes it feels like you embody what it means to be truly content. you've made a mark on me. just as in all love affairs, i've been changed by you, and i bear the invisible and ever-present traces of that experience.

i leave you now not without hesitation – for everyone is always hesitant to leave a place of fond memories – but similarly to a person who leaves summer camp or a trip abroad, i know i'm going home. the fondness i have for you will not disappear. in fact i'm prone to believing that there will be none who loves you as i do. although, i'm not afraid to love another. it's only natural and as it should be. i'm confident that it would not be disloyal or even unfaithful, especially since both of us are moving on. you will soon welcome someone new into this space.

i'll miss you too bedroom birds. you are like a tattoo on my non-biological body. you get be painted over, although, on the other hand they may want to keep you. you are after all, very low-maintenance birds.

so, i think that's it. i love you maxipad. thanks for all you've been to me.

***
we don't live here anymore.

hurricane

i've been thinking about the word and concept of 'home' since rach's comment about feeling at home as soon as she arrived at her house on moving day. what makes a place feel like home? what makes one place feel differently than another. i mentioned to be that the exile won't feel like home at first, and he said it will still be good. it made me think about the times we've been on trips and stayed at different places and how it's fun and kind of exciting. even if it doesn't feel like home at first it will still be fun. that said though, i think it will. it's a brendan+lesley sized home. b says 'no one else could live there but us'. it will be little and it will be ours, and it will be wonderful :)

my heart is returned to sister winter.

rebate

after last weeks fiasco with my long pants, i thought i should take advantage of my christmas shopping trip to the mall and drop of my pants at stitch-it for some hemming. since it's been several years since i had pants hemmed (due to my hatred for errands) i ended up taking 4 pairs of pants. clearly there was a backlog. they were supposed to be ready yesterday by 5, but when i went to get them they were next in line to be worked on, so i said i'd come back tonight. i'm very excited to have pants the right length. they'll be so much more comfortable!

i'm starting to feel weird about moving. it's not cold feet exactly, because i don't want to stay but now that moving day is so soon it's pretty overwhelming! like, we're going to be living in a new place, with new neighbours and new tenants (who have not acknowledged the polite note we left for them by sending us their email addresses). it's funny because i thought i've experienced all the possible waves of anxiety so i'm surprised by this - the moving in and getting settled part - since it's been the thing i've been looking forward to the most! i'm sure that when we arrive i won't look back. just like birthdays. i always feel weird about turning the new age, but when my birthday arrives it's totally great.

it's hard to believe that i'm turning 32 on saturday, i haven't given any thought to that at all. too much going on. i'm ok with that though, i think 32 is a good solid number. its a very whole sounding number. unlike 31 which seems a little off balance. a little bit not quite right. hey! it just occured to me that i will be 32 while b is 23 :) LIKE!

while i was sick in november i watched a movie called the extra man. ever since i've haven't been able to think of a christmas ball the same. i'm certain that from now on i'll always associate them with that movie and the strange thing is... i don't think anyone else has seen the film, nor would i suggest it (just a little dull, although kevin kline is great in it). it's both forget able and unforgettable at the same time. although, it inspired me to ask for a cloche hat for christmas.

did you google what a cloche hat is?

i bet you did.

didn't you... ;)


my friends
i've begun to worry
right where I should be grateful...
i should be satisfied.

bare

nothing motivates me to get to work on time then the need for a nearby parking spot. in the last 6 to 8 months there has been an influx of staff at my office which means the parking lot is full by the time i arrive (usually a few minutes late). which means i have to park in a farther away parking lot, coincidentally making me even more minutes late. after 8+ years, nothing – not fear of boss, not fear of judgmental colleagues, not fear of self-disappointment – could give me the necessary desire to arrive on-time until now.

about a year ago i ordered some awesome socks online planning to make a habit of it, but forgot after that. they were great socks but i haven't seen them since returning from ireland and i've wondered if i lost them there. but no, i found them while packing!! i was looking forward to finding the things that i've lost during the packing process, so i was really quite pleased.

we did all our christmas shopping today. i've concluded doing them in one shot is the best way for us at handling the stores and crowds. before going i packed snacks and made myself a sandwich. i also remembered that we needed to bring along bags with us. it was a long affair but we got everything finished and are quite pleased. we ended our shopping at the goat for a lovely cup of hot chocolate. not bad. not bad at all :)

cause i don't care too much for money,
for money can't buy me love.

galaxy

this might go without saying, but i won't be throwing myself a birthday party this year. i really enjoy my yearly birthday gatherings, and i look forward to next year's get together. but this year, with us moving on my birthday, things are going to be kind of hectic. instead we'll just have EVERYONE over in january for an open house to warm the place. that will be fun. stay tuned!

 

you get mistaken for strangers by your own friends.

bowling lanes

so i fed my cat an egg. or at least tried to. why? whenever i made an egg salad sandwich she goes all crazy like she wants to eat it. so i looked up if cats can eat hard boiled eggs, and they can. since she's on a hunger strike right now i thought it could be a way of coaxing her into eating. it didn't work. even though she meowed and meowed and meowed at me while i mashed it up, she promptly turned her nose up at it. when i let pekoe out of the bathroom (where i lock him so he won't eat honey's food) he didn't want to eat it either. this said, these are the same cats who were skeptical of tuna juice at first. i literary had to dip their noses into it to make them try it. 

i spend my time just making rhymes.

metres

i don't actually remember the last time i was looking forward to my birthday so much. i must have been a teenager. i used to count down to my birthday like i expected some grand event, and was always kind of let down because it never quite lived up to my expectations. however, this year is different. on my 32nd birthday we'll move into our new house :) i'm really very excited. we didn't plan it so that it would happen on my birthday, that's just how it worked out, but i'm actually really happy it did :)

at the xmas party on saturday, i was struck by how different i felt from last year. at the previous party i was at the height of feeling tormented over my weight. i'd had a gym membership for 2 months and had only gained weight. its funny how in the end it wasn't the gym that helped me shed the weight but simply controling my in take. i'm really pleased with what i accomplished, and i feel good in my body again. my clothes fit properly and i'm comfortable.

it's amazing how much garbage is created when packing. last week i woke up early, and at 6:30 collected up the trash to take the the curb. but before i had the chance to take it out i saw the garbage truck outside our house. i was minutes too late. as a result we have an excessive amount of trash this week.

we packed all out kitchenware on the weekend, so we eat off picnic dishware and each have one cup. brendan really likes it. to be fair, i'd probably feel the same way if i were him, since he washes all the dishes. it's fun using makeshift dishes. tupperware as bowls.

 

i love crossing things off lists. that's probably my favourite thing about packing :D

 

your sister's bangs...
she cut them herself.

moonshine

my finger is oddly swollen.

in doing some pre-house planning i've been on the look out for a loveseat for our den. for sitting on while watching movies. i've been looking around for quite some time, and found one on kijiji last week that would do the trick. so this evening i swung by and picked it up, fitting it perfectly into the back of our small suv.

all day long my pants have been too long. i had them folded up but either the heel or the toe would get caught in the fold and i would trip. so far i have not fallen, but i fear that i might if i don't do something about it. so i kept them unfolded touching the ground. they soon got wet on a count of the rain.

my long pants,
my high heeled boots,
feeling thirsty,
and hungry,
in the rain,
all made for the wrong state of mind to unload the new loveseat into our chaotic apartment. but we tried anyways. we pushed and pulled and twisted and turned that loveseat. finally in a fit of frustration i changed my pants and boots, then positions so that i was in the front of the couch. unfortunately, b, who was losing his patience for reasonable reasons, rammed the couch really hard, trapping my pinky finger. it was damaged in the most peculiar way. it immediately swelled up, and the skin was torn but not bleeding. and man, did it hurt. strangely enough, in that moment of finger agony i made the immediate decision (one that had not crossed our minds at all until then) that we would put the loveseat back into the car and take it to next to be stored there until moving day.

it's been a few hours and the pain has subsided. it's still oddly swollen and bent slightly. but i can use it, which is good.

december is an strange month to be moving in. nothing feels normal at all.

two can be as bad as one,
It's the loneliest number since the number one.

spoof

sometimes in the winter i get eczema on my eyelid. it's starting already. i tried putting this intense cream on it and not it's burning. i think i need to get some proper eczema lotion.

well i got everything sorted out with the home insurance stuff. phew! that stressed me out more than it should've. i think it was because i wasn't expecting it to be so difficult. thankfully our realtor provided us with the missing information. i'm pleased that our home insurance is a good rate, only a little more than our current renter's insurance. i've concluded that unwittingly, renter's insurance was one of the best decisions i've ever made. it was an excellent transition aid into home ownership. we spent a great deal of time this weekend packing. we've gotten most of the kitchen packed up and plan to eat off our picnic set for the next 9 days. i've been cleaning as we go, so most of the cupboards have already been cleaned out, which makes me feel like we're making great progress. i'm hoping that by this weekend we'll have the majority finished and we can just saturday to do our christmas shopping.

while packing i listened to 'this is that' on cbc. to be honest, i don't really get that show. why make up fake news? i tuned in half way thru the show and i thought the first story was real!

we took a break from packing on saturday evening to go to the bbd annual christmas party. we got all dressed up, me in a black and purple dress, and b in his vest purple tie combo :) i was a little nervous because frank and marilyn were not going to be there and i wasn't sure who we'd sit with. but it turns out that a girl that brendan was acquainted with was there with her boyfriend who's an intern at bbd and she invited us to sit with them. it was just the four of us at a table of 8 but it was still fun. near the end of the evening we started guessing what song the dj would play first, and brendan guessed right with "tonight's gonna be a good night" by the black eyed peas :p all in all it was a fun time. and since brendan just got his driver's licence he could legally drive home after having wine with his dinner.

my dad joined facebook yesterday. hilarious. so far his only friend are me, b and joy+tim (who have a joint account). i wonder if he and my mom will be facebook friends.

 

simply...

having...

a wonderful christmas time.

yikes

i feel so stressed out today that i almost feel in pain. i'm so frustrated over this house insurance stuff. i don't have the answers they need to start our home insurance, and i can't find the papers from our home inspection. i'm kicking myself for not being more organized. i really try my best, i try very hard to keep on top of things and keep important papers in important places - which is why i kept all our papers in the same place, but know i can't find the file folder. and even if i find it, i don't know if it will have the information i'm looking for. for some reason all this stress and anxiety is culiminating in feeling simply mad about it. it's making me feel tired and overwhelmed.

in brighter news, brendan passed his driving test yesterday so he now has his full G licence and will never need to undergo that process again. it feels like a big accomplishment to have one's G licence. i was very thrilled. one of the exciting things about being married to a younger man is that i get to enjoy seeing him reach these milestones. there's really nothing like seeing someone you're a big fan of knock one success out of the park, then another, and another. it's funny how even though i was confident he'd pass, there's always the looming thought "what if he doesn't?". similar to other things, eg we need to get an emissions test done on the car. and although i'm fairly certain it will pass, i still have to consider "what if it doesn't?"

what if?
what if?
what if?

what if i can't find out what kind of wiring we have in the house? or the percentage of galvinized piping? or the amp service?

i seriously need some kind of stress reliever to take the edge off.

tie up your boots,
jump off the ladder,
pack up your clothes,
nothing's the matter.

again (x infinity)

my trip to berlin has been cancelled AGAIN!

 

this is the fourth or fifth time potential trips have been canned. no doubt another opportunity will come along, but at this point i won't hold my breath. i'm starting to not care about visiting berlin on business. maybe it's just not in the cards for me.

 

flip...

FLOP....

slide

after years of waiting, i've finally purchased the sufjan stevens songs for christmas album. it's totally awesome! there's over 40 songs, so they'll totally keep me going until the end of the year. i may never need another christmas album again!

i've concluded that 'o holy night' is my favourite christmas carol. not specifically on this album, but in general. it's beautifully written - poetic and profound. and musically it builds to perfectly.

i'm really getting into the christmas spirit of things, more than any other year before. i still have no desire to decorate, but that's ok. i like making gifts, listening to christmas music, eating clementines and spending time with people. that's enough for me, and it might always be.

man, i'm so glad that sufjan is a genius and that he doesn't take himself to seriously.

your mom's going to the country.

faucet

"that's just a box of mugs waiting to happen" is my new favourite phrase.

 

on saturday kieran hung out with us in our living room for about 10 minutes. he's the 7 year old son of bren. he was suited up in his hockey gear and waiting for mike to retrieve him. as he stood waiting, brendan and i told him that we're moving soon. he looked around our living room and said "you still have a lot to pack". very true. that may have been the moment that flicked the switch in my brain and since then i've been spending almost all my spare time stuffing more stuff into boxes. unfortunately we run out of boxes frequently.

we're moving in 19 days. counting down like this reminds me of when we got married. it was the last time i was counting down to something significant that required a lot of advanced planning. i've concluded though that house owning is much more up my alley than weddings. i'm inspired by the blank canvas of our new home in a way i never was about our wedding. i eagerly looked forward to being married to b, but i didn't eagerly look forward to the wedding. i'm pretty much pysched about everything house related. but i am quite overwhelmed by the packing process. it's hard because we're running out of space to put things.

i packed up my balcony garden on saturday. my heart ached in a familiar way. its the feeling of knowing something good is over. something that can never be recaptured. i've never felt so simultaneously safe and free as i did when i was on my balcony. it saddens me to think there will never be another sunny summer afternoon lying on the balcony with honey lying on the cushion beside me. if she knew we were moving and it meant she'll never be able to go outside again she'd be just devastated. i'm sure if she was a capable of such things, she'd completely refuse to go. that said, i think they'll like the view from the exile - the sunny foyer and the windowsills.

looking back to when i moved in to the maxipad, and my years spent there, it never occured to me that i'd someday leave with my husband to buy a house. i thought i'd go live on wolfe island, travel the world, or live with housemates again. i like that this step forward, as conventional as it is, still comes to me as a surprise.

at paul's birthday party on saturday, b and i had the chance to chat with rachel and dan for quite a while. it's hard to believe i haven't seen her in 6 months. it just feels like a week past since i saw her last, because we picked up right where we left off. i really value that kind of connection - consistant and warm. i honestly can't think of anything worse to me than inconsistant and cold. it was a treat to see the greenwoods and the butler clan on a november afternoon :)

 

take only what you need from it.

carpet

i spent two days at home sick. the first day i slept all morning then sat on the couch crochetting. the second day i went into work but then left at 9:30. i spent that day also on the couch crochetting and watching the entire 3rd season of the office on dvd (it was the only thing left unpacked from our dvd collection). since our landlord's mother brings by potential new tenants on almost a daily basis (3 times yesterday), and because i'm married to a tidy man, i came up with the ingenious plan to keep a paper bag on the floor beside me to collect my used kleenexs. perhaps depositing dirty tissues into a trash bag isn't ingenious, but believe me it was a new revelation to sick-lesley.

my head still aches and i have moments of congestion that block my ability to breath, but on the whole i'm improving. even my sore and chapped nose is feeling better. on wednesday morning i tried rachel's trick of eating a clove of raw garlic. but it didn't work. maybe it was already too late at that point, i dunno.

i'm just about finished brendan's nana's blanket. i'm in the second final stage of crochetting it together (the last stage is sewing in all the extra bits). it's looking fantastic. brendan told me he kind of wished it was for him instead of nana. that said, it was really quite easy so i'm certain i have many more blankets in my future. some of the colours are a bit bold, and sometimes i wonder if nana will not like the bright colours. but then i think about how her eye sight is not good, which means that bright colours will be easier for her to enjoy. at least that's what i've heard before about people with poor vision.

each month b plans out our menu for our week-day dinners. tonight we're supposed be having grilled cheese sandwiches, but i kind of want to go our for indian food. curry would be good for my sinuses. i wonder if i'll be able to convince him to go to darbar for supper. as a teenager brendan was a dishwasher at curry original. i like hearing his stories about how his coworkers taught him to eat indian food properly. it's not very often that you hear someone say "that was back before i started eating with my hands".

 

sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemptions.

 

frost

as much as i love the goat. and as much as i embrace its somewhat ghetto state, i do feel the brick that is currently the "latch" in the big stall in the womyn's washroom is a BIT much.

last night rach and i went out for a cup of tea and a chat. b was in bed by the time i got home, but still wanted to hear about my evening. he asked "what did you talk about?" and as i told him "oh, you know... we talked about our families, moving, heaven and hell, evolution and creationism" i smiled about the kinds of 'regular' things my good friend rach and i casually talked about over the table at the goat.

rach will soon live a 50 second walk away from my house. we'll be 79 main, and they'll be 98. the day b and i went to see our house for the first time rach was casually sitting out on their front step when we emerged. i've still never remembered to ask her if she timed that on purpose (because i told her in advance we were going to see it at 3) or if it was just a coincidence. either way, it felt good debriefing to her and the 4 of us (jase came and joined us outside) chatted things over. in many ways i imagine that living on main will be like living on clark when i was growing up - known most of my neighbours and having friends speckled around me. in a lot of ways it seems that i'm constantly trying to get back to the simplicity of my childhood - when things felt straightforward and i worried very seldom.

it seems that i'm becoming very selective in the books that i'd like to read. i skimmed thru the list of audio books today, and all the ones that seems remotely interesting were quickly disgarded for one reason or another. i want something beautifully written. something deeply impacting. and yet something amusing and quirky. i'm not certain if such a book exists, but i'll keep looking. yes, some must exist because i've read several books like that already this year.

i did read something astute today... "when they say they want freedom they never quite mean it, what they mean is freedom from interference". hm... * nod *

 

minor chords of major works.

open

i found he smelled like oreo cookies.

 

when i left for work this morning i found it was quite cold outside (later learning it was -4). it wasn't until that moment did it occur to me that we're moving in december )a fairly unpredictable month weather-wise and at the very least a dark and cold month. while this does change things slightly in my head, i'm still confident it will go smoothly. at least it won't be snowy (i hope those aren't famous last words), it hasn't snowed on my birthday since i was a kid. about once a week we stop by the exile and peek in the windows. everytime we're there i feel more and more at home there. it feels very natural for us to make our home there. yesterday i concluded that it is actually larger than the maxi pad. it felt quite big compared to its smallness in my imagination. we ran out of boxes on saturday, so i'll try to get more at the grocery store. we only have 3 saturdays left before moving day, and there's much to do.

yesterday brendan's friend mj from school came to next for the first time. when b first mentioned her in september he told me that he thought i'd really like her, citing her dreadlocks and her traveling. so it turned out to be a fun surprise when he later learned she was a church-goer and he's invited her to next - which meant i had an opportunity to meet her. i really enjoyed getting to know her over the potluck. it reminded me of how bren once told me that she met some wonderful women thru mike when he was in school with all female classmates. it feels as though it's been a while since i met a new person who i really hit it off with. i was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me - like i'd lost my ability to make new friends.

andrew and shannon had us over for the santa claus parade on saturday night. we sat at their bedroom window looking into princess street watching the parade go by. perhaps the most amusing, and unexpected, part was the couple sitting on the sideway across the street. we concluded they were a relatively new couple because they were cuddling and kissing so much. the most hilarious part was when we observed them having a spat. we watched their body language and speculated about what was happening. in the end they made up but things didn't return to the same cuddly lovey-dovey state as before. it seems he got a text message or something that got the girl really upset. afterwards they fed a delicious dinner and we watched elf. there's a few holes in that story, they clearly tried to make the story the least confrontational (ie how did a baby end up at the north pole without the parents being traumatized and there being a country-wide search, etc) but their solutions to those issues make the story extra far-fetched. granted it is a story about a grown made elf in santa's workshop, so my standards for realism shouldn't be very high. i felt very drowsy and rested my eyes for much of the film, and when it was over i rambled in my sleepy state. strange things come out of my mouth when i'm sleepy.

 

we are under the same sun.

pipe-cleaner

on tuesday i bought a cat door to install at the new house. it will go in the door to the basement so we can keep the litter box down there and the kitties can have easy access. when i got it home with it brendan was skeptical that the cats would fit thru it - because pekoe in particular is quite fat. so we took turns - one holding the door, and the other holding a cat - pushing them thru the door. they were not happy but they fit! it was very amusing. poor koe-koe is not the brightest. it will take him some time to figure out how to use it. that said, he can open the bathroom door all by himself, he often invites himself in when i'm in there.

our landlords mother brought some potential tenants thru our place last night. it was quite awkward, and i felt weird about people looking over our home as a place to live. i found the advertisement on kijiji. he's raised the rent quite a bit. it's bittersweet to be leaving, but i'm excited about starting over. yesterday marked the one month count down to our move. there's still lots to do and hopefully we'll get some packing done this weekend.

i've learned me to crochette proper-like. hooray!

 

stay young
(go dancing)

organic

when i was 13 years old - exactly a month after my birthday - on a cold, wintery sunday afternoon... i got my period for the first time. and while this seems like an odd connection, i've recently concluded that there is a direct connection between that event and my discomfort with people dropping by my house unexpectedly.

on that afternoon, when my body was high-jacked by my woman-self, i was really caught off-guard. my mom and sister affectionately teased me but i was not in the frame of mind to accept taunts in good humour. i wept. i mourned. i repeated over and over "i'm too young! i'm too young!" it was difficult for me to reconcile myself with the notion that i was beginning a new chapter in my life. i was reluctant and taken by surprise.

not 15 minutes after discovering the life-changing spot in my girly underpants, did my dad show up at my house unannounced (he had not lived with us for several years at that point). and in my tortured and emotional state - one in which i would have best soothed myself by writhing and flopping around on the bathroom floor like some kind of fish-toddler hybrid - i had to put on a brave-face and pretend like everything was normal. but i assure you, i was far from normal. the fact that i could not let my trauma run its course and be properly out of my system within an hour or two made matters worse. and to this day i have been incredibly uncomfortable, and to some extent resentful, when people politely pop-by, as though it's a continuation of that awkward afternoon.

no one understands this less then my family, oddly enough. i have tried to articulate that i might be indisposed or not in the frame of mind to receive guests, but my reasoning seems to not be justified for them. there are a few exceptions to this rule, when it's a good friend who is sensitive enough to be willing to be on their way if they've arrived at an inopportune time - and are someone who i can frankly tell why they've caught me at a bad time. had the visitor on january 17, 1993 been someone other than my some-what estranged dad i probably would have and could have handled the situation with more ease.

i want living at the exile to be the beginning of a new open (or maybe just more-open) door policy for me (i specify for me since b has no problem with drop-bys. he used to live in a house when they had all sorts of colourful people stop by any time). i'm hoping that by having a door that's on the street (instead of in the backyard) will create a more fluid sense for me that i'm more natural and familiar with that environment. maybe even with my dad! that said, it does help that i'm now an adult who can tell a visitor "oh hey, b and i are in the middle of a serious conversation right now" or "i've had a bit of a stressful day" or "i've just got in the door" and ask that we catch up later. it's really quite liberating to be an adult :)

 

a woman had come in the night to replace me,
deface me.

tapped

it was a full and productive weekend.

on friday morning i woke up with a great idea for an art project for our new house. the plan was the build a wooden frame, then stretch decorative fabric over the frames to create some attractive yet simple art. i'm so pleased. on saturday our house was way too hot to sleep so i woke up at 7:30. by 10 i'd headed over to rona to buy some wood and had it trimmed to size. by noon i was on the job. glueing, hammering, nailing, cutting and stapling. it was awesome. i LOVE doing things like that. i made three and they turned out really well. unfortunately the only home decor fabric (meaning fabric with large print) i could find were different kinds of flowery designs. i'm always highly sensitive to flowery designs, especially when i'm sharing a house with a man. but at least there's a consistency, and it's not like there's flowers anywhere else in the house. b likes them a lot, so that's all that matters.

with bren being in ethiopia at the moment, b and i went to skye's hockey game then hungout with her and kieran while mike was at another game with ro. it was great. at 5 years old, skye is the best player on her team - which is comprised of all but two girls. watching little kids hockey is a little bit of a gong show but at the same time being a person quite unfamiliar with hockey it was neat seeing them learn different skills like stopping and stick handing.

i can't remember if i've mentioned that the upstairs apartment at the exile on main street needs some renovations and repairs. anyways, our current plan is to give notice to the tenants that they have until the end of april, then they must vacate so we can do our renovations. it's been pretty stressful buying a house for the first time, instantly becoming landlords, then having to evict someone before we receive our first months rent from them. it's really not ideal. and we have next to no rights even though we own the house. in order to lawfully evict someone on the grounds of renovations we need a building permit. we're toying with the idea of installing 2 tubular skylights - one in the stairwell and one in the bathroom - which would qualify us for a building permit. this is what a tubular skylight looks like when installed. doesn't it make a lovely difference? anyways, b and i have yet to reach a consensus on this. but at least i'm not feeling stressed anymore.

 

we'll live in slow-motion.

magazines

growing up i really valued remembrance day. there was something mystical about gathering in the school gym and hearing stories from senior teachers about growing up during WWII. the horrors of war that i could not imagine were recalled so that i could remember. WWI was said to be the war to end all wars. the people in that day and age hated the war that tore a part their lives. they wanted nothing more than to put an end to it, and make life better for future generations. remembrance day was made so we wouldn't forget. that we wouldn't forget the perils of war and why we must strive for peace. i'm deeply saddened that it has become about something else. now it's about supporting troops, remembering those who died. and while i feel that the loss of a soldier's life is a tragedy i feel that if we gave more attention to peace than that life could have been saved. i'm really frustrated by this distortion of remembrance day. this beautiful day of remembering that war is awful and longing for another way.

things are so different now. the reasons for war. the war machine. it's inaccurate to say it's the same now as it was in the early and mid 20th century. those who served and died in the world wars were recruited - at least most of them. the war took the lives of every day people - not professional soldiers. civilians dressed up in military fatigues were given a gun and sent out into the unknown. the reality is that today's soldiers are enlisted men and women who need a job or someone to pay for their university education. these people are not dying out of love for country, but instead because of a work-place danger. they are casualties for their career. which in many ways is much sadder. their deaths get dressed up, and their families are told that they made the ultimate sacrifice, their death was honourable (and i'd wouldn't take that sentiments from them if it makes them feel better). while many are drawn to a life of military service because they love their country, i don't imagine that they would honestly trade their lives, families, relationships, friends for the sake of being a name on a death toll for patriotism.

it's just sad. i saw a news article today that said "no greater love" as it's headline. aside the fact that that's a blatant rip off of the bible and comparing jesus to soldiers, it seems like propaganda. it's sad that the government is too chicken to acknowledge the distortion of remembrance. i feel that as the leader who sets the tone, almost as the parent figure, that they should speak truth instead of adding to the forget of peace. honestly it makes my heart hurt.

 

be free...
with doors unlocked and open.

significant

the more i write at work, the less i write outside of work. it's odd really. it's not that i'm tired of writing by evening, or sick or it, but i feel more like my need to write has been met and i don't have anything else to say. i just listened at storytellers last night - for the first time. i enjoyed that. i crochetted while they wrote and i enjoyed hearing what they'd written. beforehand rach helped me figure out what i'd been doing wrong with my crochetting and after that sped along excellently. i'm ever so pleased :)

buying a house feels very much like one step forward, two steps back. we regularly come across glitches that soon get smoothed out, but there's so many of them that it's hard to not be rattled. perhaps it's because we're not just buying a house, we're also new landlords and having to deal with an extra set of issues. our feeling is though, that this is a very good decision and will really come in handy in the long run. we just have to get thru the initial headaches and expenses, which is often the case with big life decisions. yesterday we were one step back. today feels like one step forward and a half step back. it's hard to stay positive. right now i'm becoming most interested in the path of least resistance.

i'm not particularly enjoying this in between stage. going but not gone yet. moving but not moved yet. we actually move in one month and one week. i can't wait til my christmas vacation. preparing it starting to lose it's appeal.

last night i dreamt that i lived in my childhood bedroom with brendan. that we were taking a trip on short notice to mexico with a bunch of friends and i was struggling to get packed in time. i scrambled. i while found everything in the same place as always, for some reason they took a long time to find. it was puzzling and it made me feel overly stretched.

this is where we find our peace,
this is where we are at least.

sometimes people call me lori because of my last name. it makes me giggle at them. not cruelly just humourously.

beppi

our house is so hot.
HOW HOT IS IT?
it's so hot that we sleep in summer pjs, with no blankets and the window open.
it's unplesantly hot. i'm looking forward to having control over our heating in the new place.

yesterday, on november 6, to celebrate the three year anniversary of my black star tattoo, shanno and i made our yearly trek to exotic gananoque. while there we drank free beverages (coca-cola for me, pure cream for her), spent 15-20 minutes at the 2¢ slots before the house had bled us dry of our small bills. we people watched a while longer than piled back into the car. it's a delightful tradition. i like that admission and drinks are free. i probably wouldn't like going if they charged us for those things. the culture of the casino is unlike anything else. i wish i could talk to the patrons and find out why they're there and how often they go. it's not glamourous at all, so it's not for the setting. while there i was reminded of the high number of canadians who don't have a retirement plan but rather expect to win the lottery. so many people looking to get rich quick. it's ironic that they'd be sooner rich if they stopped wasting their money. i've always thought that not spending money is the fastest way to have more money.

before heading down the highway we attended at pampered chef party. one of the other party goers seemed stunned that we were going to go to the casino that night while still planning on going to work the next day. i can't imagine what she thought we were going to do there.

 

when there's a burning in your heart,
don't be alarmed.

remind

it's been over two year since we started book club. and i'd have to say that last night was the most we've talked about books :) we had a long and lively conversation, not about the book we read for the club, but other books we've read or are reading. it was delightful :)

so you know how our new house is a duplex? well... there's currently 3 dudes living up there, but come spring we're going to do some renovations and then after that andrew and shannon are going to move in! isn't that super?!?! it's so great for many reasons. 1) they'll be good upstairs neighbours. 2) we'll be able to enjoy sharing stuff - like a garden and wifi internet. 3) we'll be able to hangout more and have meals together. this is a delightful arrangement!!!

man... eventhing is delightful :D

my gym membership expired in october. i'm kind of happy about that since i haven't been going since the spring and now i don't have to feel badly about wasting money. it's nice because i have more spare time than last year. i decided to not renew it since b and i found that i was more successful with managing my weight by watching what i ate than when i went to the gym. being active is still important to me, so i'll just need to find an alternative. i imagine that when we live closer to downtown i'll walk places more often. right now it's an extra 10 minutes to most place i go to so i don't bother walking - it would just take too long and i'm usually short on time.

 

i'm still living
at the old address.

good

last night i sat in the kitchen with my feet up on the table listening to a live broadcast of a feist concert while i crochetted. it was immensely satisfying and it struck me how content i felt in that experience.

you will pull strange gifts from the heart of the trees.

superfluous

i've figured it out! i've found a way to listen to audio books online and think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. it seems to me that i will speed thru many many books each month, each week even! these are exciting times. part of me is wonders if i might eventually lose the ability to read completely! like a use it or lose it situation, but probably not.

its said that scent is the greatest memory jogger. for a long while i thought that music brought back familiar feelings the most. and while that's kind of still true, i'm starting to get the idea of smells. today i ate my first clementine of the season. immediately upon piercing the skin the smells and feelings of christmas surfaced in my mind. that makes me happy. i'm really digging the changing of seasons this year. i'm liking that we're settling into a winterish routine. days getting shorter. clothes getting warmer. mitts and scarves. it's good stuff.

 

we can't even think of a word that rhymes.

orange

when i was little. my family 'trick or treated' like regular kids. when i got to be around 6 my parents had done a lot of learning about the origins of halloween and didn't want us to partake in the ritual. they tried their best to keep us entertained and gave us treats. thankfully it was my sister's birthday so we had something to distract us and celebrate instead. now that we're adults my parents no longer see any harm in 'trick or treating'. which is good, i'm glad they've changed their minds. i don't resent missing out on that childhood experience, because at the time i fully agreed with them. in fact, i would sometimes try to convince my friends that they should also abstain. looking back though, or maybe it's not looking back, maybe it's more being an adult and more exposed to the tradition, i see more of what i missed out on and it makes me a little sad. i'm not resentful or disappointed, it's just unfortunate that it's so foreign to me. i feel a little stunted in this area. thankfully someday, b and i will have little lorimerettes who we'll take door to door and with them i'll be able to carve out a new story. that's nice. i like that we're always making and remaking ourselves and our stories. it's never too late.

in the meantime, we get to participate in the halloween harvest - a food drive for the partners in mission food bank. it's always a little awkward going door to door asking for food but it's also delightful because we get to see the warmest and most generous side of people. they're already opening their doors to strangers and giving away things for free, so they're happy to give non-perishable food items as well. it's actually exciting to see how quickly the bags and cars fill up. this is a food drive that's been taking place for 16 years in kingston, and it helps keeps the food bank stocked til the christmas influx.

all i know is what i have words for.

putin

back in 2008, when i had a carpooler named paul, i tried to learn to crochet. it didn't go well, and i packed it in halfway thru my second coaster. crafting with a single stick was just too weird and i decided i wasn't cut out for it. since then i have picked up a crochet hook once or twice to graft together knitting projects. i found that wasn't TOO bad so i was slightly more open to it, but only slightly. but for this blanket i'm making for nana i really wanted to learn to crochet because it's faster, uses less yarn, provides opportunities for mixing colours, is two-sided, etc. on saturday brendan arrived home with andrew to find me watching crocheting videos online. b was quick to point out that just earlier in the day i'd remarked at how odd it is that he watches videos about how different guys set up their guitars. i have to admit, we're probably even. anyways, i gave it a try and still failed to grasp it. BUT last night, i found an extremely basic video explaining how to make a granny square and it all came clear in my head. I GET IT!! FINALLY! in hindsight i wasn't understanding what a double crochet was, or how to make a shell. anyways, i'm extremely pleased now. and part of me is tempted to rip out my knitted squares and crochet them all for nana's blanket. i dunno. last time i was at her place i saw that she already has a crochetted blanket, so maybe she doesn't need one. BUT at the same time, i kind of feel that there's no harm in having more than one.

i set an email of two months notice to our landlord over a week ago and i didn't hear back from him so this morning i called. his wife answered very sleepily and kind of grumpy. at first she just told me that he wasn't there but didn't offer to take a message or anything. finally, after me waiting silently for her to say something she did, and i told her who i was and that i'd sent him an email with my 2 months notice. she was surprisingly and oddly excited to hear i'd bought a house. it almost made me wonder if they'd been waiting for me to leave - i know there's been some talk about converting the maxipad into a 2 bedroom apartment (insulating the back porch to become the living room). anyways, while i was kind of taken a back by her unexpected enthusiasm, i'm pleased that they're happy and not feeling put out. it makes me happy when things work out for everyone :)

while i'm very excited about living at the exile, and i think it will be a great investment for us. i'm finding all the up-front expenses of home-buying (or simply moving) really annoying! argh! and to make matters more complicated... cogeco made a mistake and has already started billing us for phone and internet service at our new house even though we don't move in for another month and a half! the mistake has been corrected and will be credited to our account, but it means we're out at least $200 in the meantime. we're definitely feeling the pinch. i'll just be glad when things balance out again in december.

 

people get ready, there's a train comin'.

cowgirl/bank robber

i haven't had a tootsie roll in years, but i could go for one right now. good thing it's nearly halloween.

the problem that i have with may projects, whether knitting or decorating, is that i'm so excited for the finished product that i rush and sometimes don't pace myself enough. it's like i'm running to stand still. i'm very excited about getting set-up at the exile that i almost started rearranging things at the maxipad last night. thankfully b was able to divert me by pointing out that the slopped floors will not support the tall shelf unit (it would tilt over) and i should just wait til we move. so i conceeded. i have a month and a half to mentally prepare myself to walk instead of run.

i haven't told you yet about brendan't birthday adventure! well...

• without telling b, i took the day off from work. i got up in the morning when my alarm went off as usual. when he got up i told him that i wasn't going to work. he was still sleepy so was confused and thought i was sick or something.

• i cooked him breakfast

• he went to school in the morning for a test and i picked him up at 11

• for his birthday i gave him a wooden shoe polishing kit. he was really puzzled at first because he had no idea what it was! so i showed him where the shoe goes and he was extremely delighted. he got his shoes and started polishing them right away.

• went to the chien noir for lunch

• bought a house (signed the final paperwork to make it official)

• then went bowling! (btw: each activity was a surprise, i'd just tell him where we were going next)

• when we got to cloverleaf there was some kind of senior's bowling league playing so we played two rounds of pool until there was a lane available. b shot two great games, i had difficulty finding a ball weight that was suitable for me (they were all either too heavy or too light with small finger holes)

• then we watched bridesmaids (i'd picked up pumpkins to carve and roast the seeds while we watched the movie, but we ran out of time)

• we met up with a group of friends at the brew pub that evening and stayed quite late chatting with ben and josh.

 

it was a fun day :)

 

you know that all the rope's untied.

feet

if experience has taught me anything it's that there is no sense in becoming despondent when something doesn't work out, because new opportunities come along. sometimes quite quickly... today i found out that i'm going to berlin in january. see? i KNEW another opportunity would come along. and mid-january is much better timing than in december before we move and in the midst of christmas busyness. plus, i'm going for a meeting that will interest me more than the other one.

our upcoming move is really inspiring and invigorating me in ways i have not felt in years. when i lay in bed at night or when i'm driving in the car i'm mentally going around rooms in the maxipad and imagining where they will belong at "the exile". that's right, the working title of "the twoplex" has been replaced with the official title of "the exile on main street" - a gentle nod to the rolling stones :) (thank you boys...) anyways, i'm already quite pleased with my mental home decorating. i'm trying to make the best use of space while not overcrowding the place. i'm hoping that a well arranged home will help reduce my mess - fewer places to pile stuff means fewer piles of stuff, right?

before san diego i was developing a cold. i used some cold medication that helped it go away without developing into anything real. but starting yesterday i've had a scratchy cough. maybe it's not gone after all.
 
ramble in the roots.

strike three

well... it's official... my trip to berlin has been cancelled. that's ok, i'm not sad. i'm moving that week so it's better to be in this country rather than another country. another reason why i'm not sad is because i'm certain i'll some day get another opportunity. this is the 3rd or 4th time a trip to berlin has come up, then be cancelled.

 

stay and the night would be enough.

predictable

ah-ha! after doing some digging about top gun on wikipedia, i've discovered...

 

1) the producers WERE approached to do a sequel in 2010 but they turned it down saying they'd rather do a new movie instead of a remake.

 

2) the original film is going to be re-released in 2012 after being converted into 3D.

 

she's lost that loving feeling.

dial

when joanne moved to ottawa, a group of knitters and crocheters from next worked together to make her a lovely blanket to remember us by. i found that project fun and quite easy to do, so i decided to knit something similar for brendan's nana for christmas. things are coming along quite well, although i'm afraid i may run out of yarn. i'm considering learning to crochet so that i can save yarn and mix scraps of yarn. this 'learning to crochet' thing feels like a bigger step that it should. i feel a little like i'm turning my back on my knitting roots. which is silly. i can do both, may people do. i looked up some directions for making a granny square and it looks pretty simple. i'll continue with my knitting til i reach 10 squares then will probably make the next 10 by crochet.

i surprised myself last evening by doing some housework before sitting down to watch top gun (my pick - also surprising). when i grocery shopped i decided to bring home 2 boxes. i've decided to bring home 2 each week with the intention of packing both boxes before grocery shopping the following week. this way i can start making progress early. i packed the unused contents of our bathroom cupboards and was plesantly surprised by how much i simply threw out. this will be a great opportunity to purge the things i haven't used over the last few years. while i was at it i also cleaned the bathroom. good stuff :)

top gun is an odd movie. while i was watching it alone (brendan was out with his brother) i was struck by the fact that it was released when the states (to my knowledge) was not involved in active combat. it's such a testosterone filled film that i'd expect it to have been released when they were hoping to recruite more soliders. part of me wouldn't be surprised if they released a sequel in the coming years. that being said, i almost wonder if it would have the same kind of appeal if it was released today. it seems that male protagonists in films these days are quirky underachievers or gritty rebels/con men. i don't think the young clean maverick of top gun who ruffled feathers by knowing his limits and taking calculated - yet seemingly safe - risks would capture today's audience.

i told our neighbour ruth last night that we bought a house and will be moving in december. i'd been dreading that since they're great neighbours and i don't relish the thought of not sharing a block with them anymore. she was disappointed but understanding. she said she knew it wouldn't last forever. b and i were talking to rod the realtor outside our house a few weeks ago when ruth's family returned home and they wondered if we were in the process of buying a house. at least it didn't come as a surprise. she did say "i'm sure you'll enjoy having a shower you can stand up in!" which made me laugh. the sit-down shower of the maxi pad is not something i'll miss :p it's those types of conversations that make moving bittersweet. more sweet than bitter, but still hard.

 

i remember when we used to sit...

domain

sorry to leave you hanging. i returned to ktown just after midnight thursday night (so i suppose that means friday morning). on the whole, i enjoyed the trip and found it to be a positive experience. i went to work the next morning, and since then feel like i'm operating more and more in zombie mode. i'm pretty worn and lethargic today - mentally stuck between wanting to tidy my house and wanting to lie on the couch doing nothing. my hope is that if i rest this evening i'll get some housework done tomorrow.

the weather is colder here and i miss my early morning swims. it's weird traveling without b. it made coming home more tricky than i expected. partly because i was all jet-lag cranky and he wasn't, and partly because he'd gotten into the groove of me being away and it felt (to me) like i was interrupting his new rhythm. so it was an adjustment for both of us.

i haven't had a good cup of tea in several weeks. i don't know what's wrong with my palette. they all just taste bland. *sip* no flavour, i'm telling you!

in less than two months we'll be moved into our new digs. which is very exciting. we picked out colour swatches on saturday and looked at backsplashes. the upstairs unit needs some work done, but it is eligible for a grant from the CMHC. i gave them a call, they asked some preliminary questions and are now sending us an application in the mail. it's both exciting and surprising to find ourselves homeowners AND landlords all at once. yesterday we popped into an open house on our street and ended up concluding that we like our place much more. i feel really good about our decision. it is just a little place, but less space means less stuff :) i'm really looking forward to this new step.

nancy taught me out to listen to audio books from the library online. but i'm getting a security upgrade error message and can't get it to work. it's very annoying :S

 

from the daily press, the deepest nest, in keeper's keep.

slingshot

i'm currently waiting for the sun to come up so i can go swimming. i was also told that there are some seals along the ocean shore so i'll probably walk down there as well.

 

after a sunday full of people, monday had room for more alone time. it was a relief. in the afternoon i went out to the hot tub and just sat there, not thinking, not talking, not reading. just sitting. i didn't have the mental ability to do anything but sit.

 

**several hours later**

 

i had a fantastic time in the pool this morning. it's a great way to start a day. i didn't see any seals sadly, but marilyn and i will go out tomorrow because we have some free time then.

 

i've been pretty effective with networking and am enjoying getting to know colleagues from different sites. it's interesting seeing cultural differences between canadians and americans. growing up i thought our two countries were very similar but the older i get i see our differences. at the opening session yesterday the one speaker referred to us as "the more liberal canada". i liked hearing that.

 

it's nice having my room freshened up each day by a maid. i felt kind of badly today because my room was messy and i'd left underwear on the floor. no doubt they see some embarrassing stuff as maids.

 

the light is softly low as our hearts become sweetly untied.

hornblower

things are very busy here. yesterday i enjoyed a delightful swim in the pool first thing in the morning, but after that it was go go go for the entire day. i'm afraid that being around so many people all the time is going to eventually wear me down. i find it especially difficult to hangout socially with my 50-something colleagues. i don't mind having meals together, but standing around talking while they knock back drinks until midnight is not how i want to spend my time. they like to give people (especially younger people) a hard time if they can't keep up with them. needless to say that's annoying because it's not that i can't, it's that i don't want to. i'm really hoping to have this evening to just hang out alone to re-energize. i'm going to try to explain to them that i function at my best when i get enough time by myself. not sure if that will make sense to them, but i want to articulate that me spending them evening in is more a matter of necessity than anything else. i suppose i'd be able to spend time watching them drink if i wasn't craving some alone time. i'm definitely in the minority in this regard.

 

oh will you take me as i am?

fossil

i'm writing to you from san diego california!

 

i'm pretty excited to be here. local time is 7:26 am.

 

i flew with marilyn. on our way here we stopped in chicago. it was a really lovely city to see from overhead. all the neighbourhoods are set up diagonally and there are big mature trees filling the whole city. i liked that there were also so many baseball diamonds. we were there for 2 hours. i picked up a book (that i've been looking for for a long time) and a chicago magnet at the airport and am high way thru the book already!

 

the flights were fine, only they didn't feed us at all (we ate well at the airport though). we flew over the rockies which was really beautiful. i think mountains are my favourite things to see from a plan. it was around 5:30 when we arrived in san diego. it was also a really beautiful city to see from above. so hilly and neighbourhoods and areas are built up into the hills, it's pretty neat. it wasn't hot when we arrived, but i did read that it gets chilly in the evening. i think it's going up to 21 C today. i'm planning on going swimming in the beautiful outdoor pool after i'm finished here.

 

so, you might be wondering... "what are you doing there anyways?" well i'll tell you. i'm at a conference and exhibition. bbd will have a booth about its train to plane solutions, and we're having a customer event on tuesday evening. i'm excited because i've been designing all the booth graphics for the last 8 years and it will be neat to see what the finishe product looks like in real life and to have a better idea of how things work. it's also a great opportunity for me to get to know colleagues from different cities. last night marilyn and i went out for drinks and dinner with 3 people from pittsburgh. it was really fun. we went to this italian restaurant that serves homemade pasta - SO GOOD! it was quite possibly the best pasta i've ever had. delicious! unfortunately that was at 9:00 here time, and 12:00 home time. to be honest, i'm not feeling quite so "bikini body" this morning for swimming. it's going to be challenging to monitor my eating while i'm here. i should've brought some rice cakes :S

 

our hotel is very lovely. the bathroom is great and i enjoyed lying in my comfortable sheets watching my big screen tv last night. i tried to stay up to a regular time so i wouldn't wake at 4 but it didn't work. 

 

last night on the way home from the restaurant we stopped at a 24-hour grocery store. i bought some chapstick because my lips always dry out when i travel and i left mine at home. (that reminds me, i also left my toothbrush. i packed it but then took it out to use it and must have forgotten to repack it. i'll ask for one at reception, they usually keep things like that in stock) i handed over my american change and it turns out there were a few canadian coins (4 pennies 1 dime) and the woman refused to take them. we regularly use american change at home if it gets in the mix. how weird! she said to me "these are canadian", so i said "sorry about that, i'm canadian".

 

i'm looking forward to exploring a bit more. apparently our hotel is right on the ocean. on the way here in the taxi we passed the marina and i saw a massive naval ship the size of a large city block with planes and helicopters on it. it was surreal.

 

when i flew into chicago i had sufjan stevens stuck in my head. and we arrived in san diego i had pedro the lion.

 

arizona curled up with california, then she tried to hide the whole thing from new mexico.

forgot

i'm leaving for san diego first thing in the morning so i only have time for a short short note.

everything went well with the house and we reached an agreement. we signed the paperwork on brendan's birthday! we take possession on december 16 and we move in on MY birthday – december 17 :)

i took the day off work yesterday and surprised brendan with a fun birthday adventure. i'll tell you about it soon.

someway, baby, it's part of me, apart from me.

galvanized

well... the deal may still fall thru! we're putting in a revised offer based on the home inspection and it doesn't seem likely that they'll go for it. i feel ok about this. i'll be disappointed but i don't have all my hopes invested in this spot. it might actually be more annoying than anything else. BUT stranger things have happened and i feel our counter is very reasonable.

sees them off with a small kiss.

zurbarans

thanksgiving is one of the best times of the year for many reasons. i really dig that it's a time set aside to thankfulness. being thankful is pretty underrated these days and i have the impression that it's not a holiday that would be implimented nowadays. i think that's why i felt especially grateful for thanksgiving this year. we visited beck at her cottage, ate turkey with my family, ate turkey with my in-law family. i baked two birthday cakes and ate leftover cake for breakfast. it was pretty super.

in the story of brendan and lesley buying 79 main street, i feel that this evening is the climax. the home inspection will either result in the final stamp of approval or it will pull the plug on this whole experience. it should be interesting. we've invited our clan to come check out the place. b and i often go by and peak in the windows of the unoccupied main floor. no one lives there so we visit and plan a little bit. i'm often surprised by how small the place is. i really love it and feel that the size isn't a problem, but i do feel little self-conscious about what other people think. obviously i want others to like it and feel excited for us. but just like with all things in the before stage - everyone is more likely to give their honest opinion before you've commited to something, afterwards they're more polite and simply accept whatever you've decided.

sometimes when i lie in bed at night i think about how we'll arrange the rooms and what layout will provide both the best use of space and the best feeling of home. i'm bringing my measuring tape tonight so i can take home specific specs to aid with my daydreaming.

saturday i leave for san diego. i'm pretty psyched about that. i hope i don't feel homesick. it's just for 5 days and i'll have a lot to do. this is a great step for me professionally and i hope i rise to the new challenge with ease.

bren always says that if you make your need known it will somehow be filled. at book club last week i was sharing about my desire to get a used sewing machine so i can practice slowly become a passable seamstress. only a matter of days later rach, while visiting her inlaws, came across an old sewing machine equiped with classic desk that was free for the taking, and she offered it to me. so i will soon have my own sewing machine and hope to find easy and simple sewing tasks to develop some sew legs :) i have a small sewing project in mind for a christmas gift so the timing of this gift could not be better. jill tells me that sewing is just the kind of thing that takes practise, so i will commit to learning to walk before i can run. i'm sure that by setting the bar low for myself i'll gradually get better :)

 

fall is coming soon, a new year for the moon.

day

i like bon iver. he reminds me of a boy version of tegan & sara.

 

i'm not naturally a very organized person. i feel at my best when i'm organized (prepared, ready, well and at ease), but it's not my default behaviour. sometimes when i'm thinking ahead b will say to me "you're going to make a great mom some day", which makes me smile because i've never thought of myself as particularly maternal. he thinks our relationship, the permanentness of it has triggered my maternal instinct. he might be right for all i know. anyways, despite my disorderly natural, i seem to be maturing into someone who is organized. i gather that its a learned skill - like cooking or accident prevention. there's a lot of house details that i need to collect all together and avoid losing. for the sake of my mental health i've developed a paper trail so whatever i need is easily accessible. downloading my mental tasks onto bits of paper is soothing.

there was a fire drill this afternoon. while everyone grabbed their coats and headed outside, i took a few extra minutes to get myself a cup of tea. i was beautiful outside. that short afternoon recess was exactly what i needed.

i'm easily jarred by unexpected things.

 

at once I knew I was not magnificent.

legible

our offer has been accepted!

we've reached a tentative deal with the owners of 79 Main Street. it's a newly renovated 85ish year old home, which was converted into a duplex. each unit has 2 bedrooms and storage space in the full-height basement. we have until october 14 to finalize our finances and to have a home inspection. this will be a great starter home for us :)

i'm hoping that when we do the home inspection our families will be able to come and that i can do a bunch of measurements - things like closet space, height of cabinets width of hallway, etc. things not included on the specs. we're pretty excited. brendan was actually really blown away when we got the news. i think he was storing things under the surface more than i realized.

some day we'll come up with a fun and applicable name for the main street house, but until then... the working title will be "the twoplex".

 

at arm's length
i will hold you there.

my so-called lice

john and joanne's wedding was a fun celebration. i think the main highlight for me was the group of friends we spent the day with. a gang of 12 nexters filled two pews and two tables. we were the rowdy guests, cheering and applauding at every and any opportunity. in the ceremony brendan and jase performed 'sigh no more' during the signing of the registry. i was a little bit nervous since they hadn't practised together in advance but being freakishly talented musicians it worked out perfectly. one of the more memoriable moments of the evening was when jase paid me one dollar to eat cat food at the table. i did it am now one dollar richer :) j+j make a great couple. it's a shame they now live in ottawa because they would've enriched our lives greatly. i would love to see them grow and change thru this experience. i'm hoping that they'll eventually move back to town.

with things looking promising with the house on main street, i happened upon a website about landlords in ontario. it was rather unsettling to read that duplexes are wolves in sheeps clothing and that landlords have no rights. i was already getting the impression that landlords had no rights, so that part didn't surprise me. it's our desire to rent to people we know (ideally friends) and to be able to enjoy a shared living situation. in theory it should be any more challenging than having housemates. that being said, we don't know what the future holds and it would be prudent to be cautious and mindful about any prospective new upstairs neighbours.

we should hear back from the owners today or tomorrow if we've got a deal. then we have until the 14th to fulfill the conditions. it would be funny if everything is finalized on brendan's birthday since right now the plan is to move on my birthday.

it turns out one of the owners' last name is mcknight. funny coincidence. i don't have any family locally, so i don't think we're related, but it's still funny.

we won't stop running 'til we get to the lights.

*****************************************
ADENDIUM:
i just found a website called www.iboughtaduplex.com that gave a much better review of duplex living. i think the previous site i came across was written by a very pessimistic person, while this person is more light-hearted and shares our mindset. if nothing else, this experience has taught me that real estate boils down to personal opinion.