sack cloth

so. tomorrow night is my work christmas party. everyone's really hyped about it. its peculiar. everyone, even frank, is talking fashion. what are you gonna wear? well to save frank's reputation, we WERE asking what his wife is going to wear. he quite eagerly joined in the conversation too. he's funny. i'm looking forward to meeting his wife rita. he talks about her all the time. which i think is really nice. they are clearly best friends which is refreshing to see after 25 years of marriage. i really admire that. anyways, i have quite the dilemma. i don't know what to wear. usually i wouldn't care. but i feel all this pressure from knickers. i don't know why. she's very subtle with the "YOU BETTER LOOK GOOD!" i don't know why it matters so much to her. i asked frank is some big-wig is gonna be there who she wants to impress, and there's not to his knowledge. knickers told me she wanted to see me as the "femme fatal" that i could be or something. i don't remember exactly, i just know she sounded very french when she said "femme fatal". well she is french, but doesn't have an accent at all. i told her i had no idea what i'd wear and would probably just pull something out of the dirty laundry and give it a good sniff ;)

all the ladies are getting all excited about the idea of me wearing make-up. i'm turning 26 and have never worn make-up before. i think i might be ready. partly because when you look around and see men more beautiful than you are, you feel obligated to make more of an effort. i have a great ability to look very bummy when i want to. so the ladies were like "we can do your make-up" so i'm imagining myself in the washroom with a crowd around me with arms flaring. it won't be pretty. although april might give me a mini make-over tomorrow afternoon because she used to be a hairdresser and does make-up too. i trust her. i for sure trust her more than the other ladies, but i'd trust her regardless.

the thought just hit me. why i am going to wear make-up to the christmas party?? i'm going stag!! i'm like the only person going stag. even april is bringing her sister. this man dan was like "oh we can find you someone", but i'd definitely prefer it if they didn't. it wasn't a complaint when i told him i was going stag, it was more a conversation piece. i honestly think taking someone with you can often be more of a nuisance than anything. i'm glad to be going alone. i suppose i'm just getting dressed up for knickers. man, what a twisted world we live in...

i am what i am
i'll do what i want
and i won't hide