sky

in recent months, actually maybe it's more accurate to say in recent years, i've become more secretive. not in the most typical way. i've found i've begun keeping certain things to myself because i don't want to hear other people's opinions. it's better if i just do something and not tell anyone (or at least specific people) beforehand. it seems that before something is actually done people are more inclined to share their opinion – welcomed or not. which tends to effect my personal decision. however, if i do something and then tell others after the decision is made i receive a totally different reaction, and quite often more supportive. for example, if i had told my coworkers that i was thinking of going to baffin island to visit beckie, they would've said "don't do that! that's crazy! go someplace warm...." but instead, i told them after the trip was planned, so instead they said "wow! why are you going there?" and had all sorts of questions and were open & interested. obviously... i don't always receive negative responses to ideas i have. a lot of people say stuff like "that's a great idea" or whatever, but timing is everything, so i've learned to wait for the right moment.

i don't want to want. i have no desire to desire.

everything is the same as it was a moment ago,
and yet the room looks all at once different.