someday i might have:
• a boyfriend who annoys me by the way he breathes
• a husband who doesn't always know the best thing to say to console me, which will sometimes make it worse
• a life-partner who farts, or smells, or is somehow a little gross
• clashes of wills with my life-partner and will have to learn to compromise
• to consider someone else other than my own desires
• in-laws who i'll have to spend half of my holidays with
• a mother-in-law who is manipulative and interfering
• a whole new set of siblings to deal with
• to move away from my life and start over, feeling almost completely alone
• a baby that keeps me up and makes me want to pull out my hair because it's taking me away from my precious sleep
• kids who keep me so busy that i no longer have afternoons of pure reading pleasure
• teenagers who rebel or crush my heart with their poor choices
• no time to go to the gym for some exercise
• noise i can't shut off or tune out
• less disposable income
• no privacy or a place to call only mine
and when i have those days... please remind me of these days. and how i sometimes feel alone. how i feel like no one wants me. how i don't belong to anyone. how i fear that i'm becoming selfish because i only have to think of myself. how i feel the pinch of one income. how i have no one to share meals with. how i hate that there's no one to help with housework or with putting the garbage out. how i am scared i'd never get the chance to have kids. how the uncertainty of my future sometimes overwhelms me.
no scenario is perfect. this isn't and that won't be either. i'm happy most of the time, but when things are bumpy i tend to idealize what i don't have. i suppose everyone does sometimes. i'll continue to work at appreciating what i have while i have it.
i cursed myself for being surprised
that this didn't play like it did in my mind.
6 comments:
good on ya for recognizing that life is not perfect, no matter which side you're on. and for appreciating what you do have now. i will remind you, when the time comes.
oh Les...
i will be there to remind you of the beautiful woman that you are.
i appreciated this post so much.
thanks girls.
ah, thanks for that wise post - I was you and am now halfway down that list (the tearing out hair bit!). And this too will change and shift and transform with great effort and also utter effortlessness - for both of us. Such is life.
thanks mianh. ya, life goes in waves. sometimes it's valuable to take stock of reality :)
oh, and i hope you're enjoying this hair pulling stage as much as possible :)
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