invisible

well i think i've discovered what's been causing the burning in my stomach. subconsciously, to counter-act the stress i'm been trying to convince myself "it doesn't really matter" which i think may have made matters worse. it just makes me feel dumb that it matters to me even if it doesn't matter to anyone else. i've concluded that its ok for it to matter to me, but explaining that to my stomach is a totally different story. you know, i think the reason why i'm upset is because it makes me feel like i don't matter. why don't i matter? its frustrating and hurtful.

i'm sick or gradually getting sick. its annoying. i wish i was either sick or healthy. i came home a couple hours early today and skipped the Y. i think i've been trying to fit too much in my life. like this evening alone i had 3 things planned. tisk, tisk les. just because you have a few spare hours doesn't mean you should fill them up. if i'm still feeling not good i'm going to stay home tomorrow and relax all day. that may be hard, i'm feeling really high strung. my heart feels as though its beating unusually fast. uh-oh.

melinda and i are going to see shopgirl tonight. we both read the book a long time ago and are excited about the movie. its just a little thin book so i think they'll be able to stick to the plot closely. i have to say, steve martin isn't at all how imagined the older man so this should be interesting. it makes sense though since he wrote the book.

good-bye until hello