ACHTUNG!!

i wonder if you're actually offline or if you've blocked me in order to avoid me. no matter, i'll wait.

i would like to sing the praises of 'the grocery list', however i've never been much of a lyricist. so instead, let me tell you that i've discovered why grocery lists are so great. today... i planned out what i'll eat for the entire week, and bought only those items. i had a few things down, like lettuce but i asked myself "what meal do you need lettuce for??", then i scratched it off my list. as a result i only spent $15 which is good because am a "have-not" now. but alas, i think i kind of like this. watching my pennies, its kind of fun, in a "new challenge" kind of way. i'll have to learn to be creative! besides, far too often my food goes bad in the fridge, this will eliminate that problem.

i got home today and found in our overly stuffed mailbox my hydro bill which was 4 times as much as last month. as a result, i'm no longer using my fan and will resort to wearing hardly anything at all around my house. melissa and laney are dropping by in 20 minutes and all i can say is, too bad for them i'm not putting more clothes on ;)

is it just me or does anyone else think kingston is less cool without vincent here? now everything just seems so dull and north american... before it was exciting because everything was new for him. being canadian feels so much less interesting once again.

my plans for this evening got cancelled, so i guess i'll spend my time filling in my passport application, knitting and reading. i started to work on my passport stuff the other day, but i left it in the kitchen and the wind blew in the patio door and my papers ended up in a greasy fry-pan. oh well.

i guess i should go tidy up a little before the girls drop by. in case they drop by.

i'm feeling a new sense of lonely. but i'll adjust.

things look much bigger on your knees.

genre

have you ever been all messed up?
yes i have. it only hit me today that not everyone feels as much as i do. i feel everything. my feelings trump my thoughts. i didn't realize that not everyone was so reckless with their emotions. that quite honestly astounds me. i guess it makes sense, but really, i can't imagine. i remember my mom telling me once "lesley, you of all people cannot trust your feelings". its not that i'm stupid, or unwise even, because i am in fact a very intelligent girl, but my feelings plow ahead of me and get me into trouble. part of me wonders "aw hell, what have i done now?" but for a change i think my heart was right. maybe it's learned a thing or two over the years.

i feel as though i'm continuing to evolve. and it surprises me. i wonder why? did i really think i'd arrived? there's no such place and i knew that. i think looking through my scrapbook reminded me of how much i've changed – that's why i put it together in the first place, because i was looking for my identity. i guess, now i'm changing because i stood face-to-face with something i thought i wanted only to discover i want what i already have. its half-exciting and half-scary. i'm fortunate really, how many people get that opportunity?

i feel free.
i am free.

missed the signal.
missed the signpost.
missed the exit to it all.

irish potato famine

wow, as much as i usually hate naps, that one was quite refreshing! i'm probably in the best mood i've been in all day! i was so crabby today.

well i got my new passport photo taken today. check it out compared to my current photo. the one on the left was taken in 2001, so that's the difference 5 years makes. hmmm. do i look much different? i was still wearing that winter coat this year til al gave me a new one. and that silver chain is the same. it appears as though i haven't changed much at all, but i suppose that's why photos can be deceiving.

well with the help of my sitemeter i found that the good people of france have discovered pspd. bienvenue good people of france! we're trying our best to keep your vincent well fed and entertained, which can at times be challenging. i'm not sure why i'm extending my welcome because now that they've been once, i doubt they'll return. plus... you know the whole language thing.

tonight is the highly anticipated party in celebration of melinda's 26th birthday. i bet she's expecting me not to show because it's starting so late, but because of my nap i'll all set and ready to par-tay. oh i'm just kidding, i'm not much of a par-tay-er. i'm debating "should i wrap her gift" i hate wrapping gifts, although i love getting wrapped gifts, so basically i'm a hypocrite. although, it all goes back to my childhood and my birthday being so close to xmas. my mom would always end up wrapping stuff in bags from the bay. hey, is anyone else outraged that the hudson bay company sold out to americans?!? i am. in an appathetic kind of way.

today i found my scrapbook i started during the "black year of 2004", and found inside it this quote: "resolve to be yourself and know that she who finds herself loses her misery" i had hopes in that quote at the time, and i'd have to say its 100% true. its amazing... but i won't go into it right now.

well i should get ready to go to melinders. i'm hoping to sponge off someone elses byob ;)

indeed a good tale of mass multiple murder always picks up my spirits too.

knees

you're the pincard
you're the lifeguard
you're the information guide

rescue

well its been a tumultuous week – as you've most likely observed. but to throw yet another ingredient into the mix my car broke down on the way to work today. THANKFULLY, i was wise to the symptoms soon enough that i turned around and made it to the car shop before i got stranded. after 2 repairs in one day, i'm approximately $600 in the hole. this bites. i was starting to worry about my trip to kenya – that i only just have enough money when this happens. ouch. i'm going to have to steal from peter to pay paul. then knickers comes by to tell me to buy my co-worker's car because he's moving to korea. an $18,000 car! i can't afford a new car at ALL, much less an $18,000 car. i'm sure it IS a good deal, but come on!!! what's in those cigarettes she smokes so often?!?!

i'm basically on a spending freeze. so i designed this shirt to make people aware of my current situation, but then i realized i'd need money to have it made. i might resort to a button...

this has been a week of highs and lows, drama and melodrama. hard to believe its all been in a 7 day period. that's partly why i'm now big on the "take it all in stride" philosophy. you have no idea what's gonna happen from each day to the next, and sometimes its a lot!

i'm going to try to not worry about the money. its just money. i learned that from my mom this week who's taking off on a spontaneous trip to newfoundland. her friend told her "jan, its just money, just go", so she is. its just money, and if God wants me to go to kenya, he'll provide for my needs. its going to be ok.

she dreams in colour,
she dreams in red.

purple

again sorry that i didn't get to writing last night. i hate missing a night because i know you'll check and there will be nothing to read...


but i must admit, i had a really good night last night. vinc' came over for the last time because he's leaving tomorrow morning :( it was really great, we had a fun time, and he didn't leave until 4:30 a.m. then i went to bed and slept for an hour and a half (basically i had a nap) then got up and i went to work. hahaha. it was crazy, but totally worth it. i know i'll never regrett losing a nights sleep to stay up talking to the frenchman. i kept my promise, and finally spoke in french. i knew i was being ridiculas, and that once i finally broke that barrier in my mind i would freely speak french words around him and it was true. i could just kick myself sometimes.

i've gotta tell ya, i love it when my friends email me while i'm at work and tell me crazy stories. not made up stories, but just random things that are on their minds. like how she's craving a latte or what she'd name her tumor if she had one. my friends are awesome!!

i'm reading this really great book joy recommended about a serial killer who murders wife-beaters. very intriguing! its both eye opening and memory jogging. then in another book, i read this quote "women are the only oppressed group in our society that live in intimate association with their oppressors". wow, isn't that amazing? another quote about women was "women are like tea bags; you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water". nice.

i'd spend all night losing sleep.

#21

i've uploaded my camping photos onto my flickr account.
here's a sneak preview. do you feel the love??

click the pic

antiquated

i stayed home from work again today. i WAS going to go, but i was so congested that i felt my head was going to explode.

i've found the most awesomest place in my house to nap. i don't know what it is about my futon, but i LOVE napping there! i think its the window, it lets in the sun and a beautiful summer breeze. its funny though, because my futon is just a loveseat not a couch, so my feet hang off the end, but i don't mind.

ah, this is why i love summer.

so it looks like i might be going to kenya alone since vinc' has BAILED on me. no, really its ok. but i'm left wondering, maybe i should just go alone. right now, the possibility is appealing to me. i don't know why, because before i really wanted someone to join me. but feelings change i guess, and if i don't mind maybe i'm supposed to go alone. i often wonder how hard we're supposed to push things that don't just naturally works out.

i'm going over to melinda's in 12 minutes to help her paint her picnic table. if i recall correctly, its going to be pink. of course, aren't all picnic tables pink?

obscure message of the day:
dear u of t,
i miss you and think of you often.
i hope you're doing well.

i'm very content right now. i feel peaceful. i wonder if its inpart related to not spending all my time under fluorscent lights. but things are good, even the stuff i'm quote-unquote confused about right now. uh-oh, if i was superstitious about anything it would be as soon as i say something is good, it often turns bad. hmm, maybe i should knock on wood to be safe ;) but anyways, i'm very thankful and grateful.

i will do my best,
yeah, i think i'll be alright.

torn

i came home from work early today because i have a cold. it arrived approximately around the same time as the bird feces.

so among yesterday's over drama, i neglected to tell you about my WHITE PUZZLE! al gave me a white puzzle. it's awesome. its all white. although, the pieces are all different and form a circle pattern. its soo cool!! i better finish my big ben puzzle so i can move on to this one!! today al gave me another 2 puzzles, one of a painting, and one of wayne gretzky. hahaha, the one of the great one is pretty funny, and the pieces are oversized. but yup, i now have a plethora of jigsaw puzzles.

late afternoon vinc' signed online, and i asked him what he was doing. he was at rustle with al doing this and that, so i asked him if i could come over to hang-out there. i figured i was sitting around at home, i might as well sit around there too. i had a fun time, al gave me this really awesome magazine that laney and melissa were talking about the other day. its called geez. check it out, its easier than me explaining it. he also gave me some coloured popcorn kernels. we're assuming that they're some kind of gourmet popcorn, i'll keep you posted on that ;)

argh, i'm sick and i don't cope well when i'm sick – i feel all stressed and overwhelmed. my house is a mess. i have camping stuff and abandoned dirty kleenexs everywhere. i'm trying to do my laundry, but i only have the one little rack to dry my clothes. so i guess i'll have to wait a couple days. i got a really encouraging email from sarah today.

i like it when he winks at me.

we had a major shortage of tea bags last week. it was a commuinal mistake. basically, i had to reuse my tea bags over and over. i don't mind, but the main problem was that i'd forget about my tea and leave it steeping a long time, so the second time i'd use the bag it didn't have much umph to it.

sometimes i like long entries. i hope you do too.

she's going to newfoundland. i'm glad. she's never been there before, she needs an adventure. we all do from time to time.

you know... i'm not necessarily intentionally obscure/vague. i just talk like you already know whom or what i'm speaking about. today al asked me about my parents, and i was more than happy to explain the situation to him. feel free to ask me in person or via email about what i'm talking about. i don't really care.

doing do not doing say

ironic

i can't believe my reality.

i'm frickin' stunned.

is this all i have to say? no, but i guess its all i can explain for now. although, i have to say, i've recently realized... some day its not going to matter. i like that. its not a negative thing, its liberating.

well i got pooped on by a seagull today. it was weird! i've never had that happen to me before, i hope it never happens again!!

seriously, reality is so much stranger that fiction. you COULD make this stuff up, but it wouldn't be believable. like my kat for example. and dixie. they are the strangest kats ever. you couldn't imagine such bizarre felines.

well aside from my most recent... shocking event, its been a nice day. i like how i'm making a big deal out of a non-event. something that will, admittedly, mean nothing to me someday. but alas, i'm a drama queen. that's my lot in life.

man, i've got to go back to work tomorrow. hmph. oh well. what can you do? i hope its alright, that i don't have a crappy day. i need to grocery shop, and i hope to buy rhonda a picnic table. ok, i need to start budgetting. if i'm going to kenya, i need all the money i can muster. please, please make me accountable! i need to be like melissa.... she's awesome and cool and calming...

i should go. girls night.

surprise sometimes
will come around
i will surprise you sometime
i'll come around

ocean apart

now we are together, sitting outside in the sunshine,
but soon we'll be apart and soon it'll be night at noon.
you promised to stay in touch when we're apart,
time goes by, people cry, everything goes too fast.

now we have each other enjoying each moment with one another,
but you'll be miles away and soon msn will be our only way.
time goes by and people lie, everything goes too fast.

let's not fool ourselves in vain,
this far away trip will give us pain.
we go by and then we lie all this time we wasted,
time goes by, people lie everything goes too fast.

time went by, and then we died, everything went too fast.
everything went too fast.

canaan

it's been a long day. its hard to believe that earlier today i was waking up to joelle crying in the night, driving home from camp, going to the goat (which feels like forever since i was there last), going to the block party, having a tea at tim horton's with the girls, then going to rhonda's. wow, busy day.

sometimes thing are weird and i can't help it. sometimes i feel awkward or speechless when i don't want to be. i don't know what to do or how to handle this. i wish you were online right now.

well if i haven't said it before, i had a really good time at camp with my family. all went well, any little fights did not involve me. i pulled my weight and didn't fall into the "youngest sibling" role (often). here's a pic of my family. this photo actually is very significant for me since its my first complete family photo (with both mom and dad) in 16 years. i like that its off centre.

today, as i previously mentioned, was the block party. i was telling my mom, how its nice that i i was coming home from camping to go to an event where i'd see a lot of my friends at once. it was nice. there was one odd occurance... an old friend showed up to meet up with a girl he'd met on the internet. hmmm. it was weird. its interesting how quickly i start to wonder "maybe i should unblock him on msn?" i'm thankful for friends who are there to remind me why that's a bad idea.

half of the time we're gone but we don't know where.

grasshopper

today is the first overcast day of the week. i don't feel like swimming.

i received word from home that's left me feeling sad. i don't know what to do. i KNEW this was going to happen, I KNEW IT. but i'm sad anyways. it funny how sometimes we try so hard to keep our distance, to build-up a wall to protect us only to, all of a sudden, find outselves standing among the rubble of that very wall. i suppose all i can do is take it all in stride. i'm still amazed that being prepared doesn't minimize the hurt. humanly speaking it was never going to work anyways.

this afternoon i sat at the shore of the trent severn canal (oh, our camp is on the trent severn canal), and watched with amazement as boat after boat came along with a woman sitting on the top, waiting to tie it up upon entering the canal thingy. it was interesting to me that without fail, each one had a man driver, and a woman rope-bearer. hmmm.

i had a lot of weird dreams last night. it left me feeling spooked and uncomfortable when i woke-up. except the one about you sarah.

i'm sore from the bum down. the muscles in my butt and my legs ache. i'm not sure why. tim says its because i'm a sore-loser.

ah, i've missed this. see you on saturday...

free

if you were going to hide from God behind a bush...
which side would you hide on??

stock market

and lesley is eating cheese...

tepid

i for one, like to sleep in a sleeping bag.
it makes me feel like a hot dog.

ice cream

hey!! i'm here!!

all i going well. i've been sleeping a lot, feel like i've crashed after months of "GO GO GO". i'm sharing a room with joelle, we're good room mates. she said to me yesterday "you're my best friend". hahaha, too cute.

umm, i hope everything is good in ktown and your respective cities. i should go, there are people waiting for the computer ;)

humidex

i should be packing right now. i'm writing a list of things i need to bring. canny forget... (that's scotish for "can't forget". now you know so if i use the word canny again we're all good).

i packed nothing last night. although i did sit around until 1 a.m. waiting for my friend to call me. she didn't... i guess we're even now. i wonder if she did it on purpose...

anyways, back to my packing story, i sat there trying to rack my brain so i won't forget anything. then thought of joy. at this moment, she's trying to get 2 kids up and dress. pack her stuff, pack their stuff, pack the car. well, i'm sure tim is helping with the car and in other ways. man, its nice that all i have to do is throw some stuff in a bag and go. last year she forgot joelle's baby, and regretted each night when she had to listen to joelle scream from her bed "my baby, my baby". ah, i'm gonna enjoy my freedom as much as possible.

i was thinking, about how amazing it is (well maybe not amazing its more of a phemonemon) that sometimes the things that once meant everything to us, eventually mean nothing. i guess the reverse is true too – things that mean nothing to us eventually mean everything. hmm, have i talked about this before? i have a feeling i have. oh well, here's hoping you forgot.

well tonight is little r's birthday party. i'm very upset i'm going to miss it. its the bash for her 30th! wow!! if you see her, give her salutations. anyways, here's a pic in honor of her and her life and her achievements.

i've got 1 hour. well not really, i have less than that. well i'm gonna miss you all. hugs all around!! {u} {u} {u} don't forget me when i'm gone... ah crap, now i have glass tiger stuck in my head.

watching another day turns into night.
there goes another month.
doesn't it frighten you so?

froülin

i'm considering just going to bed and packing tomorrow morning. hmmm, i wonder if i'd regret that.

its been a good day. i like how most of the people i know live in my neighbourhood – or at least my extended neighbourhood. i could walk to most people's houses within 20 minutes. there are exceptions of course, but more or less its true, and its nice. growing up in suburbia nothing was in walking distance, although... now that i think of it, i'm sure there was plenty of stuff if i'd considered walking outside of my little neighbourhood. pretty much anything beyond collins bay road required a motor vehicle. vinc' and i walked to the artel tonight et back and on the way beckie passed us in her car & stopped to chat. then we saw garry, talked to melinda, irina and jason at the artel, passed rhonda & isaac at second cup and stopped in. then saw amy fisher on the way back. its a grand city, t'is a small world.

well i'm off with the crazy mcknight-olding clan tomorrow. i hope it goes well and we don't end up strangling each other. i hope i get enough "alone time", i hope i'm helpful enough. i have a feeling i slip into "youngest sibling" role when i'm with my family. i've got to learn to pull my own weight and not just let them take care of everything. i hope joelle and i get alone well, sometimes she gets mad at me if i don't let her get her own way, because my mom would let her do anything short of eating fire. i have to admit, i'm determined to show her up, my mom that is. to show her i'm not argumentative and i'm not a jerk. keep in mind, i don't do this for her approval, but to prove her wrong. i've got to say... there's something wrong when you like your kid-in-law more than you like your own kid. that's messed up!

well i'm hot and tired. i wonder if i should pack tonight. nah, what use it is? i can't pack everything anyways. i'm gonna have to make a stop at some store to buy a pool noodle. i love pool noodles, i just float around enjoying the water. i bought one last year for a dollar 99, but i must have left it under the stairs at pine street.

its so beautiful outside right now. i was just sitting outside on my balcony. the air is so still that it feels empty. you can't even feel it on your skin. its beautiful...

oooh, i'm excited about camping!

the future is no place to place your better days.

you

that night when i was in bed, fru came along to snuggle with me. however, it was too hot to have him lying directly on top of me, so i moved him. he got startled and freaked out. out came his claws digging deep into my skin. so deep, i honestly think they got caught. now as irony would have it... all four cuts are right across my wrist.... that's always been a big phobia of mine. having cuts on my wrists and people thinking i tried to slash my them. i've also worried that people think i wear my cuffs to cover up scars or cuts. GREAT... my fears have come to fruition. so now i'm left debating... do i not wear my cuffs today so that i don't look like i'm hiding something (and by doing so increase the chances of someone noticing)? or do i wear them and hope no one notices? ok, let the record state: i did NOT try to slash my wrists.

paranoia strikes deep,
into your life it will creep.

bonkers

i saw him again. this time i think he may have seen me. interesting... i hope he did, i've been wanting him to see me for a while now. i think he could have spotted my car, its rather distinct. when i noticed him he was crossing the street trying to seem nonchalant, i think he saw me. i hope he did.

julie gave me some really nice dangley earrings today as a thank you for my help. they're green and very pretty. they make me look all feminine or something. i like it.

i'm so frustrated with myself, i need to do some laundry before i go camping, but i should have done it last night because nothing will be dry in time since i don't have a dryer! argh. even if i did wash them there'd be no guarantee they'd be dry because of the humidity.

irina's agreed to "frufru-sit" while i'm away. i'm happy about that, they're good pals and i know he'll be in good hands. also its nice because i know she really likes him so will enjoy her visits and not find it a nussiance.

i was thinking about stopping at shoppers on the way home and picking up some hair dye. the purple didn't last very long and i kind of want to do it again so i knock the sox off of those conversatives at fair havens next week. argh, i'm really gonna miss next. interesting thought... it was at fair havens that the "living room" idea came to me. hmmm, i wonder what we're gonna do this year at living room, i hope its good.

well i'm gonna go fill-in my passport application now because i need a renewal. cya!

your sweetness,
would cause a rockslide,
if only before the summertime.

maxwell

what's in a name?
i'm very intrigued by this. names have a mysterious aura. there's a man at my work who is having a sex change and is now a woman (at least is in female regalia). i'm having a hard time remembering that his name is now heather and not doug. why is that? its just a word! you'd think it wouldn't be THAT difficult! what is it that compells me to instinctively call someone "blah"? its the same instinct that makes us turn our heads when we hear someone say our name. names are weird.

so i've been thinking today about regrets and decisions. vinc' said something yesterday about owning our decisions. it was very thought provoking, a very new concept to me. basically he was saying that even if his trip here turned out to be a disaster it was still his decision to come and it was the right decision at the time. hmmm, very interesting. i can't help but think of my mom and how she laments living in canada while her family is in the u.k. and how crappy her life has been since she married my dad and yada, yada, yada. this totally changes my perceptions about some of my past experiences. they were MY decisions, no one elses. i live with the results, and that's OK! hmm, i really like that.

i need someone to look after fru while i'm gone. is anyone available to come by every other day (or every day) to top up his food and scoop the litter? you can play with him too if you'd like, he's good at playing fetch!

sometimes when the damage is done there's no repairing it. i'd say more times than not. we try to justify things and make-believe that it'll be alright if we just ignore it enough, but that's stupid. i know a girl who just spontaneously married an asshole who treats her like crap and has dumped her possibly 2 dozen times. honestly, there's a difference between moving on and moving forward.

i'm the king of the castle,
you're the dirty rascal.

curry

well its after midnight, so i've technicially missed my entry for today. sorry that i haven't been on the ball much lately. i blame my lack of blogging action on vincent, it is directly related to the amount of time i've been spending with him. hmmm.

joy called me today to tell me that they want to give me their tv. her friend angele is moving, and gave them her big tv, so they've in turn given me their tv! hurray!! i'm so glad i held out and didn't buy one, i had been thinking about it, then dismissed it. yay! these things always work themselves out. my tv was 13 inches big – smaller than my computer. my new one is some much bigger, i can't be bothered to measure it but i'd guess 25 to 30 inches. nice. vinc' came with me to get it from joy's house, and carried it up my stairs and so on for me, which was very helpful.

we made a stop at food basics, and i've sworn to never go to a grocery store with the frenchman ever again. i had a fun time with him tonight. joy asked me "how do you communicate since you don't speak french AT ALL??!" but the language thing is getting better, he's improving rapidly. i really SHOULD make an effort to speak in french, but i'm so stubborn about it. i have to admit i'm even frustrated with myself, he's like "say étroit" and i refuse. man, i wish i'd grow up already. i'm just sooooo bad at languages and its embarrassing.

tonight i was like "oh crap!" and he was like "crap? what is crap? you say that a lot" hmmm, how do you explain that one. awkward...

sweet like candy to my soul,
sweet you rock and sweet you roll.

naked

well... i'm still exhausted. i don't know what's wrong with me. maybe i should watch some t.v. and go to bed early tonight. hmmm.

i want to invite everyone to the block party. the next church block party. its on saturday july 22, which is the day i get back from camping with the fam. so far i have no one to accompany me, so i hope you all go so i have some people to hang-out with there. this will be my very first block party since last year it fell on the same date as melinder's birthday party. well here some info about it.

so have i ever told you how i don't like wine? well i don't really. i find it kind of gross and bitter tasting. well i'm trying to push through that, i think it would be nice to have a glass of wine with my friends and colleagues when the occassion calls for it. since i've been told it takes 10 times of trying something before you acquire the taste, i've been forcing myself to drink wine. i've now had wine 3 days in a row. this evening, i had dinner out with my co-workers because julie is up for a couple days from pittsburgh. it was nice, i had a good time, it was my first visit to woodenheads. i quite liked it! well, it was kind of embarrassing because i got carded in front of everyone. not like that's not normal, but even our 21 year old student didn't get carded. tiffani actually told our waitress "she's actually 5 years older than me", which just made things stranger. anyways, after that was done and everyone was so kind to point out that i'd gone red, it turned out that i really quite liked that bottle of wine. i think that was the very first time. that's good! my plan is working.

you know now music triggers memories and such? i find it odd that the music i'm listening to is reminding me of something totally unrelated to it. something i'd experienced at a totally different time than this song. strange, i wonder what's up with that?!?!!

there are trees growing in my troughs. see??

chemicals will hit you, chemicals will knock you down.
is it over cause you feel no pain throwing me around?

mayhem

i'm frickin' exausted, but i'm a little trooper and will preserver with today's entry (insert sympathetic 'awwww' sounds here).

so rhonda, isaac, vinc' and i went to see the soccer game at the grad club. obviously because vinc' is from france we were rooting for the french, but we were definately in the minority at the grad club. plus... none of really cared THAT much. i'd say, my favourite part was when that one guy head-butted that other guy in the chest. that was frickin hilarious and totally random!! hahaha, man, i'm very easily entertained.

sometimes talking to vinc' on msn is like a mysterious guessing game. most of our conversation involves "i'm sorry, what?" "huh?" "mdr". mdr is apparently the french equivant of "lol". but i guess we're slowing learning to work around the language problem.

so i'm going camping with my family on saturday for a week. we go every year to fair havens, its a bible conference grounds north of whitby. it should be fun. i'm looking forward to it, i need a break. i'm a little anxious about the whole "family staying in a small trailer" thing. but i'm sure it'll be fine. it was last year, so i'll try not to worry. i'll just have to try and be super mellow and flexible. "water off a ducks back..." i think my dad is gonna come up for a couple days too! which is always nice. it makes my family feel complete. like "wow! this is what normal people feel like, there's not a big chunk of their family missing..."

i've got to say... they don't make dance music like they used to. i love 90s dance music. i guess that totally dates me, but oh well. its TRUE! isaac got this "crazy frog" cd that had remixes of 80s and 90s music. good stuff!

he'd get her a typewriter.

ashton

hey!! sorry i didn't write last night. i got home really late then just flopped on my bed with the lights still on and my music still playing.

i've been thinking about this whole retiring at 2045 thing. it completely blows my mind. i can't possibily imagine how my life will have unravelled by then that's 40 frickin years away! imagine all that i'll have accumulated by then. if you think about it... each time i move i have more "stuff", true eventually i'll get rid of stuff as i get more stuff, but life experiences aren't the same way. i will develop more friends, more family and more experiences. it'll be insane. when i imagine myself at 65 its like that version of me knows everything i want to know.... how its all gonna turn out. it amazes me.

so beckie just came over and i helped her dye her hair purple. we did streaks. then i decided to do a purple streak in my hair. i used to streak my hair all the time (like rogue from x-men), but now that i think of it, i don't think i've done it since i cut my hair and have grown it back. soo, i think i really like it. i've never done purple before. it's a nice contrast with the current colour of my hair which still has some red in it from my last semi-permanate.

i think i should really get some groceries today. i feel bad because beckie had to bring some food over with her because i don't have anything. its getting a little annoying. so we had some rye bread and some scrambled eggs. it was really nice and simple. i should do that more often. i somehow have it hammered into my head that a nice meal needs to contain meat and potatoes, its my british heritage.

i was saying to beckie today that i'm surprised because in someways i'm really easy-going and in other ways i'm very intense (example: i'm not worried about getting dye on my forehead) she pointed out that its that my priorities are different than other people, not the amount i care. very interesting observation.

oh, one more thing... i know it may be a little late because she's probably already started her 24 hour trip, but "bon voyage joanna!"

i think she knows,
and i know it shows,
that i'm confused all the time.

distracted

i got my vaccine's for kenya today!! wow, this is great! i'm going! it really feels like i'm going now. it was nice because i got my shots at the KFL&A Health Unit where rhonda works, so afterwards we had a cuppa tea and a cookie. it was a really nice way to start the day, mingling my social life into my work day.

joanna is leaving for australia on saturday. i'm sad for us, but super excited for her. what an adventure!! i had a really nice/relaxing evening with her. we knitted and watched "the office". i'd never seen the american version of the office before, and i have to say... i quite liked it. here's a pic of me and jo. i had to crop it because unbeknownst to me you could see right up my skirt!! oh my.

i love how "typo" is a typo.

so it turns out that i went to highschool with joanna's brother. i'm weirded out because i can't wrap my brain around the idea of that quiet guy in the beatles t-shirt is joanna's brother. i can't imagine her knowing him much less be related to him. it was funny because later on i was talking about my mom and it turns out that her mom knows her too! that's kingston for ya.

so i got my annual pension plan statment in the mail today. it says that i can retire on january 1, 2045. hahahaha, i had to laugh. that's unreal!

i wonder what "dig a pony" means....

i am a writer, writer of fictions.
and i've written pages upon pages,
trying to rid you from my bones.

dither

they installed photoshop cs2 on compy today at work. i have mixed feelings about it. mostly because of the unfamilarity of it all, but i guess i'll adjust. supposedly this version has a spell check option which i think is awesome. that has been a problem in the past. most recently when i misspelled 'public' recently in an ad and almost send it out saying "effective solutions for pubic transportation". oh dear, that could have been awkward.

i've had a nice evening. had a brief visit with rhonda, finished the standard, and had melissa over for a chat. sorry about talking your ear off by the way...

so tonight when i was putting together the standard i got looking through this website. its pretty cool, you should check it out.
this one makes me laugh, there are others that make me nodd and others that make me sad. i wish it wasn't after 11 so i had time to just play around and read more of them without the pressure needing to go to bed.

i'm intrigued by the mystery of life. how life unfolds and how it doesn't. i read once that for every one thing that happens there are infinite things that didn't happen. that blows my mind. for example i didn't wear a scuba suit to work today. i didn't shave my head. i didn't bike past your house. i didn't eat fish. the possibilities are endless. are there wrong decisions?

i'm not worried.

there are powerlines in our bloodlines.

tortured

i feel a little nauseous.

so i was reading my book today and came across this "i laid my head on his shoulder and wondered how he could stand me. in one short morning i had exhibited insane laughter, hidden lust, pissy behavior, self-pity, and hysterical crying. if i'd been trying to show him my worst side, i could not have done a better job than this." i had to laugh. that's totally me. i can't help myself, i'm transparent to a fault. i scare men away. i'm both honey and deet in one. part of me wants to turn over a new leaf of no longer putting my crappy foot forward, however, my apathy is winning. oh who am i kidding... am i apathetic about anything?? well maybe wiping down the counter ;) personally, i'm rooting for apathy.

so i have NO sense of direction in ottawa. i used to think i had a good sense of direction in general, but i have since learned my trick (self – i'm on to you...) i always know where lake ontario is. it's my grounder. by knowing where the lake is, i know which direction everything else is. interesting... if only that could translate in life (with God being lake ontario), that would make everything make so much more sense.

i bought a navy blue toilet seat at ikea for $1.99. its nice! i like it. too bad my toilet is old and falling apart. i was right, it didn't recover from its surgery. i can't remember... did i tell you Part A to this story? i have a feeling i didn't.

oh my goodness... another bad call by yelsel. i have these little black tins that go over my burners on my stove when they're not in use. i accidentally almost had a small fire a few weeks ago when i turned the wrong burner on. anywayz... i decided to spray paint them white (partly to repair the damage from the almost fire) but i left them drying on newspaper on the balcony and some wind came along and... suffice it to say, i'm now covered in spray paint and my metal tins will never be the same....

i'm still nauseous.

sunday's on the phone to monday,
tuesday's on the phone to me.

that was just a dream

you look at me but can't see me.
you listen to me but don't hear me.
will you always be beyond my fingertips?
will you ever know i'm talking about you?

because

bonsoir!

well i forgot my camera this weekend, so vinc' sent me a few pics from his camera. here's one of me, the lovells and the frenchman.


the maxi pad is hot and skicky this evening. blac! is it possible this bloomin' fan is just making it hotter??

don't you love it when you don't get anything accomplished?? well i was planning on cleaning my apartment tonight and doing my dishes. none of those thing got done. however, i DID get to check out the butler's new place, take in a flick with melinda at the screening room – it was good, and a little shocking. and have a nice/quick dinner with beckie, she can throw together a good meal like the best of them. i aspire to be like her. oh crap, speaking of that, what am i gonna have for lunch tomorrow?? hmm, this is a problem. excuse me while i to scour my cupboards...

do you remember me saying at the beginning of 2006 that my plan was to no future plans?? well i was talking to this woman the other day and out of my mouth came "i dunno, i don't have any future plans", it kind of surprised me. but in a good way, i was relieved to realize this. because really, we have NO idea what will happen in a few months, a few weeks or a few days. i was reminded of this recently because 4 executives at work are moving (one to south africa, one to malaysia, one to korea and one to kingston from pittsburgh) and none of them knew that would be happening 4 months ago. i'm content to not know. one less thing to juggle.

i'm beginning to wonder if i can handle your neurosis.

two of us wearing raincoats,
standing so low in the sun.

beavertails

i have much to say. i'm disappointed because its 10:27 and i need to quickly get ready for bed because unlike most people... i have to work tomorrow. so anyways, we had a really nice time in ottawa this weekend. i don't even know where to start...

rhonda, isaac and i hit parlament hill. it was a crowded, i like the crowds, but i could understand why rhonda wouldn't. this is an area i'm easy-going. i'm content to coincide with the comfort level of my friends. i'm fine either way. we stood for a long time watching some bmx-ers doing stunts and some skaters too, although i must admit the bmx-ers were better. i kind of think rhonda and i were more into it than isaac, for several reasons. the guys were edgy and confident, with enough arrogance to both appall and attract.

once isaac mentioned he wanted to do something else (we were content to stick around and see the b-boy competition) we decided to take advantage of one the free museums. so we took the bus to hull and went to the museum of civilization. that night we of course saw the fireworks.

this morning we went to ecclesiax. it was an interesting experience. its quite different to next but it was cool to see what other churches of the same genre are like. i was mostly distracted by taking in all they do to say whether i liked it or not, but think i felt the same way at next at first – distracted. now i feel like traveling the countryside visiting all the new-era churches i've heard of.

with another odd twist of fate vincent ended up joining us after church for our second day in ottawa. now, i could probably write a blog entry on our roadtrip there alone (we got lost approximately 7 times), so i'm going to have to summaries. that's unfortunate because never before have i had the freedom to write whatever i'd like simply because the person i'm talking about speaks very little english. vincent is a real... how you say.... cutie. i enjoyed my time with him. we talked the whole way there and the whole way back quite easily, except of course for the language barrier. we often would just look at each other and laugh because we wouldn't have the slightest idea what the other person was saying. i'm glad that we were in ottawa because just about everything was translated into french. we went to the national art gallery, it was cool because like i said everything was in both english and french. at one point, the guard came up to us and said something in french, i just looked quizically to vincent and he responded to the fellow, then told me "they're closing at 5". handy! hangin' out with vincent reminded me how long its been that i've had a guy friend, just someone to hang out with. guy friends are so different to girl friends.

i had a really fun time with the lovells. we came across a few hiccups, but all-in-all it was smooth sailing. i miss them already. too funny. i have so much more to say, but i've got to hit the sheets. this has been a long entry, that makes up for the lack of blog action. wait, i only missed saturday! cool. love you guys, was thinking of you :)

if you go i will surely die.