veer

there have been a number of odd occurrences today:
firstly, when i was in the shower today, i couldn't remember if i'd used shampoo or if i'd skipped it and gone straight for the conditioner. so i had to start over.
secondly, this evening i stopped in briefly to take out my contacts, i went into the bathroom to discover my toilet set was up. i have NO idea why, and it's kind of unnerving. for two reasons, one part because i think i might be losing my mind, and the other part because if i'm not losing my mind than someone was in my house! neither are good scenarios.

earlier tonight, i drove around the streets of kingston belting out "it must have been love, but its over now" with beckie. this was before she put on my coat + bag and pranced around melissa's dinning room pretending to be me. it was not a pleasant sight. sadly, i think it may have been quite accurate and now i'm self-conscious of.... all of me.

i fear that i'm ordinary. and that when people look at me, i seem ordinary. beck reassured me that everyone feels that way sometimes, then we laughed at the irony of that statement. being normal is admirable. i just don't want to be ordinary, i want to be extraordinary.

at melissa's tonight, i was struck with the pleasure of being a solid, secure, single woman in the company of her friends. its a good place to be – not feeling like i should be some where else. just happy to be as i am. i was shocked to discover yesterday that my sister is under the impression that i don't plan my life. its actually the exact opposite, i HAVE planned my life, but it just hasn't turned out the way i planned it. and i'm glad. i have a good thing going, and by no credit to myself – in the sense that i didn't actually pick this plot, i found myself in it.

i had some dreams
they were clouds in my coffee.