have you ever felt burdened about something where your heart needs to talk to one specific person, then you remember that person is gone or no longer exists? it sucks. i got lambasted by something today, and my heart feels homesick for someone i can't remember and i'm not even sure if they even exist. it's like i have amnesia.
i don't need someone telling me how crappy i am all the time. i already know. take my advise people: don't try to be friends with your ex-boyfriends.
i concluded today i have a very low pain threshold for difficult things. i think that's normal. what bothers me about it is that we sometimes HAVE to endure difficult things, but as a whole, i can usually weasel my way out of them. i'm an independent adult with no strings attached. if i don't like something, i can just walk away. i don't have to stay or work thru tough spots. when i had housemates we'd have our regular tiffs, then had to learn to compromise or whatever. i don't have to compromise anymore. i can get my own way most of the time because it's just me. so difficult things are made that much more difficult because i'm not accustomed to having to endure them. work is the only place i have to do stuff i don't like. sometimes i'm faced with a challenge and inwardly i cringe because i don't know how to do such-and-such. BUT i figure it out and when i'm done i'm relieved and more confident. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do most of the time it seems. but i mustn't fret, that i know for sure.
i went down to the buskers this evening and met up with shannon and her parents. there was some neat acts. the first couple were pretty impressive, they did these awesome acrobatics, and finished with her standing on top of his head (first she was on his shoulders, then she moved both her feet to his head. it was crazy!).
i've decided to be more apathetic. i know that's totally weird, but there's actually some good logic behind it. ask me more about it next time i see you :)
is there anything i can do
about anything at all?
2 comments:
AARGH! I've been away a while and I come back to PSPD tonight and find 23 unread posts! Well, I think I'll skim through them and find out what you've been up to.
I finished Complicated Kindness. Being Mennonite myself, it made for an interesting read. Can't wait to talk about it in person - maybe on the camping trip next week!!
you snooze you lose rach :p
yay! i'm so glad you enjoyed it. i thought you'd especially be able to relate. i'd never suggested a book to anyone before, so i'm happy to hear it was a success :)
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