box

i've been thinking a lot lately about all that's outside of my control. and basically i concluded that pretty much included everything. it probably goes without saying that that bothers me. gen encouraged me to find one thing that i can change and i did. i abandoned my plans for this evening so that i could tackle the mess of home i reside in. which meant i didn't go to the Y. david asked me "can't you go to the Y and clean your house?" and the simple answer is "no". it's unfortunate, and also a little pathetic that even though i spent the entire evening working on the maxipad i still only got half-done. HOWEVER, it was a crucial half. i found a shelf unit in my storage space that i fixed up and placed in the kitchen and moved the dishwasher out of there. it looks great, and i feel like i've drastically increase my kitchen real-estate. i'm gonna post a picture so i have someone to share this achievement with (i don't have people over very often...). oh my goodness, i can't even express what a relief it is to me to have that room cleaned up. AND i got my clothes back from the laundomat, AND i put out the garbage. so i'm doing ok. i fall down a lot, but i usually get up again pretty quickly because i don't want to take life lying down, so i keep trying. i like to consider myself resilient, it sounds more sustainable. it'll still be a few more days before i'm thru this pms episode, but at least i'm taking back the power. i really need to work hard at staying on top of things.

AND i bought a new book today. when i walked out of the church book room i realized that i'd gone and picked a book independent from my book suggestion list – they're all great suggestions and i look forward to reading them. thanks for your help! but i just really needed to read some donald miller. i would've liked a chance to read it tonight, but i didn't have time. however, if i log-off right now, i might be able to squeeze in a few minutes.

i know that there's no grand plan here,
this is just the way it goes.