cows

i wish i was a quiter. seriously, i wish there was a quiter in me somewhere, because i'm wanting to give up, but i can't. frig, what's wrong with me? i'm a crappy finisher, but that's different than being a quiter. every spring when i was a kid, i'd get excited and plant a garden. my dad converted my sandbox into a little garden, i loved it. i had a garden just like him. but after a few weeks i'd lose interest and by the end of summer it was all overgrown by weeds, however, i did get some nice tomatoes and cucumbers out of it. regardless, gardening is always what i think of when reflecting on my crappy "stick-to-it-ness". i think i invest a lot of my energies in the wrong accounts. i think i stand to lose in the end. when ever that will be.

i'm afraid at the mention of her name all colour drained from my face and i couldn't get away fast enough. i'm going to miss my friend who knows my every facial expression and every tone in my voice.

contrary to popular belief... melinda DOES exist. i miss her a lot already. oh crap, i'm starting to cry. i wish i could talk to her right now because i could use one of her pep talks. i'm sad.

i'm in limbo. and i don't know how much longer i can take it. when i'm feeling more brave i tell myself "take it all in stride", but right now... not so much. and yes, i AM talking about the same old thing. feel free to shake your head at me, riiigghhhtt... now.

i like this pic of me and melinder. brandon took it at our house at the living room christmas party last year.

i need to buy some more picture frames for my pictures wall. but picture frames aren't cheap and i'm boarderline poor until i return from the south side of the equator. i've never been below the equator before. i've never even been near it.

well i'm feeling better after talking a little. and beckie just signed on to msn so i'll talk to her. it'll be therapeutic.

all that i knew is moving away from me.