pregnant

man, my thought waves have been pretty random lately. and i feel the obscurity of pspd has increased. i can't help it, its how i feel like expressing myself.

today i dyed my hair. with beckie's help. i left it on for like an hour. it wasn't exactly intentional we just got talking and i didn't bother washing it out. it was dry by the time i actually rinsed it out.
you probably can't tell in that picture but oh well. photos always appear darker on pc monitors. man, i look like my sister in that picture.

there are thoughts, thoughts in my head. i wish i could formulate them into words.

you know what? there are 3 times a year when people reflect on life. new years/birthdays (my birthday is right before new years so they coincide into one event – maybe for you its different), the spring and the fall. now this may seem odd to you, but its true. in the spring we face the ending of things. we think and reflect on how things have gone, etc. in the fall we reflect thinking about what's to come. beckie is leaving town. so is melinda. its the fall. it does funny things. as i see changes all around (rustle starting, friends leaving. friends returning) i wonder how things will evolve. what new friends will replace the void left by other friends. what friendships will develope and which ones will fade. its interesting and scary. i'm kind of excited. although bummed about losing my friends in my neighbourhood.

i wish i wasn't a messy person. its annoying. i like cleanliness, so why can't i keep my place clean? i can't understand myself. i wonder if i'll ever meet someone who does. even my family doesn't and they've known me my whole life.

i wouldn't mind but you are my only hope.