i woke up after sleeping for 12 hours. it left me feeling strange.
i met up with vinc' and did some errands downtown. he made an interesting observation, he told me they have an expression in french that says "you either say too much or too little". i think he's right about that, that reflects me quite accurately.
he came with me to joy and tim's for dinner then we baby-sat when they went to their friend's house. joelle was so strange because she insisted on calling him "mark" which left us all dumb-founded. we kept correcting her, and she kept reverting back to "mark". she was so adorable because at dinner she said with much excitement "lesley! your friend has blue eyes just like i do!!"
it was fun spending time with joy and tim when they got back. on the drive home vinc' said to me "joy is so your sister", i asked him why and he said that there's just something about us that's exactly the same. the way we laugh at the same things, the way we talk. its interesting.
i had a really nice time out with laney, tim, lissa and vinc' last night. we were celebrating laney's 28th birthday!!! i am blessed with good friends.
well i'm far from finished saying all that's on my mind, but i've been finding my entries quite long lately, so i'm going to end here.
oh, one last thing... i wonder if my friends visit my blog after spending time with me to see what i've said about them.
mediocure people do exceptional things all the time.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
hem
so what can i say? its been a decent day. everyone was overjoyed at work today because we finally signed a $1,650 million US contract. so we had a pizza lunch and a cake. inspite the fact that i was relatively bored, at least everyone was in a good mood. oh, my boredom was unrelated to the celebrations.
anyway, tonight i went to the lovells to hang out. they let me come for dinner too, which i appreciated because i was just killing time til i could go to their house. i needed some company. i'm always ok when i'm distracted.
sometimes i think when i'm hurting or upset i need to just bask in it, because its part of the healing process. its like a scab, you can't just rip it off and expect everything to be ok. perhaps trying to speed up the natural healing process only makes things worse.
yay! i think the butlers have come to my rescue and have hooked me up with ben & kim for a drive. i hope that all works out ok, i just haven't called sarah back yet because its late, but i'm gonna. hurray!!! !! !!! !
last night at 1:30 i woke up with a compelling need to clean out my right ear. so i got up and stumbled to the washroom and got out a q-tip. it was so strange, but i felt much better afterward.
well yes, below is the second living room promo. check it out. i almost suggest watching it on the YOUtube website and sizing it down so it doesn't look so crappy.
there are things i want to say, but i'm finding expressing myself doesn't make me feel better nor does it fix anything. it's disappointing.
i'm an oxymoron. a walking contradiction.
i know that sometimes all i can see is how i feel.
anyway, tonight i went to the lovells to hang out. they let me come for dinner too, which i appreciated because i was just killing time til i could go to their house. i needed some company. i'm always ok when i'm distracted.
sometimes i think when i'm hurting or upset i need to just bask in it, because its part of the healing process. its like a scab, you can't just rip it off and expect everything to be ok. perhaps trying to speed up the natural healing process only makes things worse.
yay! i think the butlers have come to my rescue and have hooked me up with ben & kim for a drive. i hope that all works out ok, i just haven't called sarah back yet because its late, but i'm gonna. hurray!!! !! !!! !
last night at 1:30 i woke up with a compelling need to clean out my right ear. so i got up and stumbled to the washroom and got out a q-tip. it was so strange, but i felt much better afterward.
well yes, below is the second living room promo. check it out. i almost suggest watching it on the YOUtube website and sizing it down so it doesn't look so crappy.
there are things i want to say, but i'm finding expressing myself doesn't make me feel better nor does it fix anything. it's disappointing.
i'm an oxymoron. a walking contradiction.
i know that sometimes all i can see is how i feel.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
zane
WARNING: this is most likely going to be a very random entry.
i've noticed something... i have A LOT of friends who's name ends in an "a". i'd say at least half, if not 75%.
does anyone else find it ironic that i'm going all the way to kenya, and the hardest part of the journey is finding a ride to toronto? weird.
i got my new driver's licence in the mail today. its the first time my very own address has appeared on my ID and not my mom's address. i feel like a grownup. i hope my new healthcard arrives soon.
inspite all your best intentions, you still make me feel crappy. i hope that makes YOU feel crappy.
i slept really well last night, had lots of heavy blankets. i got into bed at 10:08. my dad called twice and woke me up. i didn't answer the phone.
i love that buddy still has the smallest handwriting i've ever seen.
who is "kinja"? please identify yourself.
i saw my problem in the red t-shirt at the Y tonight. except now he doesn't wear a red t-shirt and he's not a problem. he still makes me blush by simply walking past me. how embarrassing.
sometimes living alone isn't good for my mental health. i need someone to break up the monotony. in times like this i miss unexpected outings, or cups of tea, or simply listening to someone elses problems. my own problems get blown out of proportion without anything to compare them to.
ok, now for something little more meaty.... i've been thinking lately, reflecting if you will. and have concluded that most things that really mattered to me at one point, don't matter anymore. it scares me a little. it makes me feel like nothing really matters. but i KNOW that's not true, but i can't prove it to myself. i don't know, maybe they do still matter but are no longer relevant. is that possible? that's a better thought, more comforting.
i'm feeling borderline mental. it'll pass.
i like our random emails. i like that no one knows who i'm talking to except for you.
i have to wear a moneybelt in kenya underneathe my clothes because people will pick my pockets.
i've gone off soup. i have zero interest in eating it which is a shame since its so cheap. i'm looking forward to pomegranate season.
i crossed paths with a snake in the hallway at work today. frank and i got a box and took it outside. he was little but feisty.
i need a distraction. pronto.
you sat right beside me while everyone stared.
i've noticed something... i have A LOT of friends who's name ends in an "a". i'd say at least half, if not 75%.
does anyone else find it ironic that i'm going all the way to kenya, and the hardest part of the journey is finding a ride to toronto? weird.
i got my new driver's licence in the mail today. its the first time my very own address has appeared on my ID and not my mom's address. i feel like a grownup. i hope my new healthcard arrives soon.
inspite all your best intentions, you still make me feel crappy. i hope that makes YOU feel crappy.
i slept really well last night, had lots of heavy blankets. i got into bed at 10:08. my dad called twice and woke me up. i didn't answer the phone.
i love that buddy still has the smallest handwriting i've ever seen.
who is "kinja"? please identify yourself.
i saw my problem in the red t-shirt at the Y tonight. except now he doesn't wear a red t-shirt and he's not a problem. he still makes me blush by simply walking past me. how embarrassing.
sometimes living alone isn't good for my mental health. i need someone to break up the monotony. in times like this i miss unexpected outings, or cups of tea, or simply listening to someone elses problems. my own problems get blown out of proportion without anything to compare them to.
ok, now for something little more meaty.... i've been thinking lately, reflecting if you will. and have concluded that most things that really mattered to me at one point, don't matter anymore. it scares me a little. it makes me feel like nothing really matters. but i KNOW that's not true, but i can't prove it to myself. i don't know, maybe they do still matter but are no longer relevant. is that possible? that's a better thought, more comforting.
i'm feeling borderline mental. it'll pass.
i like our random emails. i like that no one knows who i'm talking to except for you.
i have to wear a moneybelt in kenya underneathe my clothes because people will pick my pockets.
i've gone off soup. i have zero interest in eating it which is a shame since its so cheap. i'm looking forward to pomegranate season.
i crossed paths with a snake in the hallway at work today. frank and i got a box and took it outside. he was little but feisty.
i need a distraction. pronto.
you sat right beside me while everyone stared.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
model A
well, its been a peculiar week already. and its only tuesday. AND i'm clearly in a pickle with getting to T.O.
i'm still borderline overwhelmed, however, i got a good chunk of my dishes done tonight while talking to little r on the phone. i worked on the standard for a bit, got the inside done. tomorrow night, i've got to get this weeks living room stuff planned out. see, its all fun stuff i need to be doing (aside from the housework), but there's just so much of it to be done. humph.
you know what i kind of hate? i hate that emailing or letter writing is a one sided conversation in which i blab on and on about me. this bothers me. but i'm afraid that there's not much that can be done about it. that's what correspondence is, telling the other person how you are. but the weird thing is, that i write these people because i miss them or want to hear how their doing, and yet spend the whole time talking about me. that's just dreadful.
oh, you know what? i was very shocked seeing me in the living room movies. i'm much different than i thought i am. first of all, i'm smaller than i thought – i always think of me as a big person. and i'm more... umm, hard to say, softer maybe? less tough than i thought? sillier? it was kind of eye opening. oh i know! my voice is way more silly than i thought it is, i always thought i had a kind of low and manly voice. that's it! i'm more girly than i thought i am. huh, interesting revelation.
anyway, i'm gonna try to be in bed soon. perhaps this way, i won't get back into bed 4 times when i'm supposed to be getting ready for work. its been cold in the night-time, time to dig out more blankets. i'm renowned for my heap of blankets.
what can i tell you? what can i possibly say?
i guess that i missed you. i guess i forgive you.
i'm glad you stood in my way.
i'm still borderline overwhelmed, however, i got a good chunk of my dishes done tonight while talking to little r on the phone. i worked on the standard for a bit, got the inside done. tomorrow night, i've got to get this weeks living room stuff planned out. see, its all fun stuff i need to be doing (aside from the housework), but there's just so much of it to be done. humph.
you know what i kind of hate? i hate that emailing or letter writing is a one sided conversation in which i blab on and on about me. this bothers me. but i'm afraid that there's not much that can be done about it. that's what correspondence is, telling the other person how you are. but the weird thing is, that i write these people because i miss them or want to hear how their doing, and yet spend the whole time talking about me. that's just dreadful.
oh, you know what? i was very shocked seeing me in the living room movies. i'm much different than i thought i am. first of all, i'm smaller than i thought – i always think of me as a big person. and i'm more... umm, hard to say, softer maybe? less tough than i thought? sillier? it was kind of eye opening. oh i know! my voice is way more silly than i thought it is, i always thought i had a kind of low and manly voice. that's it! i'm more girly than i thought i am. huh, interesting revelation.
anyway, i'm gonna try to be in bed soon. perhaps this way, i won't get back into bed 4 times when i'm supposed to be getting ready for work. its been cold in the night-time, time to dig out more blankets. i'm renowned for my heap of blankets.
what can i tell you? what can i possibly say?
i guess that i missed you. i guess i forgive you.
i'm glad you stood in my way.
hitch-hike
HELP, HELP this girl needs help!
is there anyone, who could and would be willing to drive me to lester b. pearson international airport on monday, october 9th? it's a holiday!! it'll be sooo much FUN ;)
the bus schedule will get me there 8 hours early (leaving here at 6 am). and a flight would cost me 500 bucks, which is ridiculous.
this is not the time for good intentions. if you think you can, then seriously think about it before you get my hopes up. weigh all possibilities before you say "i can help you out!" because i'm quazi stuck. yes, i have a car and i can drive my own ass there, but that means i'd have to drive it back after traveling for 24 hours.
i can pay for your gas since it'll be cheaper than my other options.
your pity is appreciated...
is there anyone, who could and would be willing to drive me to lester b. pearson international airport on monday, october 9th? it's a holiday!! it'll be sooo much FUN ;)
the bus schedule will get me there 8 hours early (leaving here at 6 am). and a flight would cost me 500 bucks, which is ridiculous.
this is not the time for good intentions. if you think you can, then seriously think about it before you get my hopes up. weigh all possibilities before you say "i can help you out!" because i'm quazi stuck. yes, i have a car and i can drive my own ass there, but that means i'd have to drive it back after traveling for 24 hours.
i can pay for your gas since it'll be cheaper than my other options.
your pity is appreciated...
Monday, September 25, 2006
muddy is my mind
its 8:00. i think i might just get ready for bed soon. actually, i think i'll get in my pjs and read for a bit. my place is such a mess, but if i make myself do any kind of work then i'll get burnt out eventually. i just need to chill out a little. hmm, i just took a break from this entry to put in a second load of laundry, then i folded and put away last weeks laundry to make room on the rack for this weeks. so much for not doing any housework... well i like a sense of accomplishment so that's cool. maybe i'll do a little each night.
i'm starting to get thinking about kenya, what i'm gonna bring and stuff. finding time to pack on top of plan living room for smooth sailing while i'm away, visit with friends and spend time with the frenchman before he leaves for good (well at least for a couple years). so basically, i'm going to bring only about a weeks worth of clothes and wear everything twice (except undies obviously), this will make more room in my suitcase for the blankets and things i'm leaving behind. i'm the kind of person who likes variety, to have a selection to choose from when i get up each morning, however, that's a luxury i can do without i'm sure.
i'm trying to put my life in perspective. this summer, a new concept occured to me while i was confused, "some day it won't matter". i was encouraged by that, that event or circumstance was going to pass, it was going to be ok and some day it wasn't going to upset me. it was nice. and sure enough, it turned out fine. i remember once melinda and i went through our old letters we wrote each other when we were 14 and 15. in these letters we lamented over things that now, over 10 years later, we look back at and laugh. i dunno, maybe that won't happen. it seems the older you get the more intense your worry, about things that actually matter. i'm not worried, i'm not upset. i AM still stinging a little over last week, but the more distance between it the better i'm feeling. it won't matter some day.
i feel beautiful today. i remember the first time i felt beautiful in my own right – without a man having to tell me that. it was a milestone.
well i think my second load of laundry is done, time to throw in my third load (the things i forgot to put in last time). i should go.
we can learn like the trees,
how to bend, how to sway.
i'm starting to get thinking about kenya, what i'm gonna bring and stuff. finding time to pack on top of plan living room for smooth sailing while i'm away, visit with friends and spend time with the frenchman before he leaves for good (well at least for a couple years). so basically, i'm going to bring only about a weeks worth of clothes and wear everything twice (except undies obviously), this will make more room in my suitcase for the blankets and things i'm leaving behind. i'm the kind of person who likes variety, to have a selection to choose from when i get up each morning, however, that's a luxury i can do without i'm sure.
i'm trying to put my life in perspective. this summer, a new concept occured to me while i was confused, "some day it won't matter". i was encouraged by that, that event or circumstance was going to pass, it was going to be ok and some day it wasn't going to upset me. it was nice. and sure enough, it turned out fine. i remember once melinda and i went through our old letters we wrote each other when we were 14 and 15. in these letters we lamented over things that now, over 10 years later, we look back at and laugh. i dunno, maybe that won't happen. it seems the older you get the more intense your worry, about things that actually matter. i'm not worried, i'm not upset. i AM still stinging a little over last week, but the more distance between it the better i'm feeling. it won't matter some day.
i feel beautiful today. i remember the first time i felt beautiful in my own right – without a man having to tell me that. it was a milestone.
well i think my second load of laundry is done, time to throw in my third load (the things i forgot to put in last time). i should go.
we can learn like the trees,
how to bend, how to sway.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
centred
hey...
i'm tired. i wanted to go to bed early tonight, but i got watching this stand-up comedian on the comedy network. he was soooo funny. i had a great time. the maxipad was filled with my laughter.
its been a heck of a day... busy, tiring, rewarding, good. i think living room went well tonight. i can't be bothered to tell you about it, i've already debriefed via email. just trust me that it went well and was fun. it's worth all the anxiety. i'm grateful for the gravol though.
i wonder what adventures this week holds. i smile to myself, because it could be many glorious things. or it could hold many a stomach ache. i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
we showed my other flick at church today. i'll try to put it on youtube so those of you who are not local or those of you who missed it can see it. several people thought it was better than the first one. i do really like movie editing. its fun.
well i send this mediocure entry out with love from me to you :)
you know i try so hard for you.
i'm tired. i wanted to go to bed early tonight, but i got watching this stand-up comedian on the comedy network. he was soooo funny. i had a great time. the maxipad was filled with my laughter.
its been a heck of a day... busy, tiring, rewarding, good. i think living room went well tonight. i can't be bothered to tell you about it, i've already debriefed via email. just trust me that it went well and was fun. it's worth all the anxiety. i'm grateful for the gravol though.
i wonder what adventures this week holds. i smile to myself, because it could be many glorious things. or it could hold many a stomach ache. i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
we showed my other flick at church today. i'll try to put it on youtube so those of you who are not local or those of you who missed it can see it. several people thought it was better than the first one. i do really like movie editing. its fun.
well i send this mediocure entry out with love from me to you :)
you know i try so hard for you.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
flee
it's been a good day. it's been a day of secrets and pinky swears.
i kidnapped vinc' and took him lamp shopping with me. we toured. we did a lot. it was fun. it's been a good day. it's interesting... i've never been with someone before that when we walked up to the cashier she totally ignored me and just starred at the person i was with. while he hung out in my kitchen as i did my dishes, we listened to my "fast and easy french" cd, that i got before my trip to paris. it was soo funny.
this evening we rented a french film i've been wanting to see called "l'enfant", it was kind of crappy. vinc' kept saying "it's a cheap film", it didn't even have any music in it. regardless, i liked that we watched something that was in french, i like foreign films. subtitles don't bother me at all. crazy french, selling their baby for 5,000 euros.
after the movie we played yahtzee. i've been wanting to play yahtzee for a while, its not the same without melinder, but vinc' was a decent stand-in. i don't think he fully understood my reason for not following the rules literary, but we did play a legal game the second time around. did you know that european ones look like capital A's? weird.
i got thinking today, that i'll need some euros for my layover in amsterdamn. so i dug out my leftover euros to see what i had, 59 cents. hmph. vinc' said that will get me 2 candies, one for the first 3 hours and one for the last 3 hours. hahaha.
i'm never confused when i'm with you.
i love that the notwist awakens good memories inside me. listening to them makes me feel the way i did when i tingled down to my tips of my toes.
in your world my feet are out of step
i kidnapped vinc' and took him lamp shopping with me. we toured. we did a lot. it was fun. it's been a good day. it's interesting... i've never been with someone before that when we walked up to the cashier she totally ignored me and just starred at the person i was with. while he hung out in my kitchen as i did my dishes, we listened to my "fast and easy french" cd, that i got before my trip to paris. it was soo funny.
this evening we rented a french film i've been wanting to see called "l'enfant", it was kind of crappy. vinc' kept saying "it's a cheap film", it didn't even have any music in it. regardless, i liked that we watched something that was in french, i like foreign films. subtitles don't bother me at all. crazy french, selling their baby for 5,000 euros.
after the movie we played yahtzee. i've been wanting to play yahtzee for a while, its not the same without melinder, but vinc' was a decent stand-in. i don't think he fully understood my reason for not following the rules literary, but we did play a legal game the second time around. did you know that european ones look like capital A's? weird.
i got thinking today, that i'll need some euros for my layover in amsterdamn. so i dug out my leftover euros to see what i had, 59 cents. hmph. vinc' said that will get me 2 candies, one for the first 3 hours and one for the last 3 hours. hahaha.i'm never confused when i'm with you.
i love that the notwist awakens good memories inside me. listening to them makes me feel the way i did when i tingled down to my tips of my toes.
in your world my feet are out of step
Friday, September 22, 2006
crayola
i don't think he likes it when i point out he's wrong. actually, i'm quite certain that he doesn't. but i'm actually more standing up for myself then telling him he's being a jerk. i hate it when he's being self-righteous, it aggravates me.
its the end of a stressful week. i'm not entirely over my anixety, but i've just taken a pill to ease my stomach and konk me out for the night. i feel like i'm developing a frickin ulser. i could use a good cry, it would make me feel better. break some of the tension, like a good rain on a humid night.
i have tried to remain faithful, and you've been faithful in return.
my mom turned 60 today. the big 6-0. she doesn't look at old. she looks about 52. i'll probably be the same way. score. i used my madd graphic designerly skillz to make her a card, it was a real hit!
here's a picture of me and paul (a.k.a. dj haircut). irina took it last week at café india. i think its soooo funny. its a crappy picture of me, i look like i have no hair, but i'm just so happy to be with paul, and he looks so indifferent, that i love it.
i can't identify what i'm feeling right now. a pinch of lonely, a pinch of isolated, a pinch of recluse, a pinch of frustrated. a little messy, a bit of beautful, a tad satisfied, a smige of lovely. slightly ignored, slightly adored. i'm a crayon box full of emotion. yes, that's what i am. i'm satisfied in that too.
cause we'll never live long enough to undo everything they've done to you.
its the end of a stressful week. i'm not entirely over my anixety, but i've just taken a pill to ease my stomach and konk me out for the night. i feel like i'm developing a frickin ulser. i could use a good cry, it would make me feel better. break some of the tension, like a good rain on a humid night.
i have tried to remain faithful, and you've been faithful in return.
my mom turned 60 today. the big 6-0. she doesn't look at old. she looks about 52. i'll probably be the same way. score. i used my madd graphic designerly skillz to make her a card, it was a real hit!
here's a picture of me and paul (a.k.a. dj haircut). irina took it last week at café india. i think its soooo funny. its a crappy picture of me, i look like i have no hair, but i'm just so happy to be with paul, and he looks so indifferent, that i love it.
i can't identify what i'm feeling right now. a pinch of lonely, a pinch of isolated, a pinch of recluse, a pinch of frustrated. a little messy, a bit of beautful, a tad satisfied, a smige of lovely. slightly ignored, slightly adored. i'm a crayon box full of emotion. yes, that's what i am. i'm satisfied in that too.cause we'll never live long enough to undo everything they've done to you.
gravol
i wish my stomach would stop with the acrobatics.
my prayer is that i will stop being delusional.
i could use a "read-between-the-lines to english" dictionary.
i'm considering ripping out my hotwater bottle cover and knitting it again. its too big.
i feel lonely today. and its only 7:16 a.m.
why does everything i love induce a feeling of dread in me? that shouldn't be.
i was pleasantly surprised to discover i'm not as jaded as i thought i was.
my prayer is that i will stop being delusional.
i could use a "read-between-the-lines to english" dictionary.
i'm considering ripping out my hotwater bottle cover and knitting it again. its too big.
i feel lonely today. and its only 7:16 a.m.
why does everything i love induce a feeling of dread in me? that shouldn't be.
i was pleasantly surprised to discover i'm not as jaded as i thought i was.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
shekel
you know... there's a lot of sketchy people out there. i wish she hadn't lied so much. i wish i'd seen though it, i should have. i've told those lies myself.
its been a pleasant day. i was boiling some soup this morning before work and it boiled over in to the little stove cuppy things. wow! i can't remember what those are called. anyway, that was kind of crappy. nice, that's all i have to complain about. i sure DO bounce back quick, as quickly as i'm upset i guess.
i was listening to ani difranco today, and there was a song that really stood out to me... the words went like this: "the one person who really knows me best, says i'm like a cat. yeah, the kind of cat that you can't just pick up and throw on your lap. no, the kind that doesn't mind being held only when its her idea. yeah, the kind that feels what she decides to feel when she is good and ready to feel it". that's totally like me. i'm strong-willed. its both good and bad. i thought that was a really good explaination.
i have a confession to make... i kind of miss my problem in the red t-shirt :( the Y just isn't the same without him.
i'm off. its "grey's" season premire and i'm late.
p.s. the maxipad is a total mess right now. ugh.
now i'm prowling through the backyard,
and i'm hiding under the car.
i have gotten out of everything
i've gotten into so far.
its been a pleasant day. i was boiling some soup this morning before work and it boiled over in to the little stove cuppy things. wow! i can't remember what those are called. anyway, that was kind of crappy. nice, that's all i have to complain about. i sure DO bounce back quick, as quickly as i'm upset i guess.
i was listening to ani difranco today, and there was a song that really stood out to me... the words went like this: "the one person who really knows me best, says i'm like a cat. yeah, the kind of cat that you can't just pick up and throw on your lap. no, the kind that doesn't mind being held only when its her idea. yeah, the kind that feels what she decides to feel when she is good and ready to feel it". that's totally like me. i'm strong-willed. its both good and bad. i thought that was a really good explaination.
i have a confession to make... i kind of miss my problem in the red t-shirt :( the Y just isn't the same without him.
i'm off. its "grey's" season premire and i'm late.
p.s. the maxipad is a total mess right now. ugh.
now i'm prowling through the backyard,
and i'm hiding under the car.
i have gotten out of everything
i've gotten into so far.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
no name
i just had dinner with mim and ron. they've got me so excited about kenya. they answered my questions and explained away my concerns. they're excitement is contagious. not only am i feeling excited about kenya, my hurt of yesterday has been flushed down the toilet. i'm going to choose to not spend another second of my time aching over that. i digress... i saw lots of pictures of the hospital and the countryside and the house and the market. its going to be amazing! i'm really excited. i can't wait. this is gonna be good. i love mim and ron. they fed me liver. i'm not sure if i've ever had liver before, the texture is a little odd, but i'm sure i could get used to it.
oh, i have an announcement to make. we currently have the following FRIEND VACANCIES:
• knitting friends (in the absence of joanna and dawna)
• rock-star friends (in the absence of alison)
• random visitor friends (in the absence of beckie)
• kindred spirit/best/like a sibling friends (in the absence of melinda)
i'm telling you... if i have one more friend move away i just don't know what i'm going to do! vinc' is leaving next month, so then there will be a "foreigner friend" vacancy.
well i'm going to tuck my pajama pants into my sox and get into bed with my hotwater bottle. i've got the cramps.
please email me your prayer requests, i need something else to talk to God about other than "OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!"
the steadfast love of the lord never ceases.
his mercies never come to an end.
they are new every morning. new every morning.
great is thy faithfulness oh lord. great is thy faithfulness.
oh, i have an announcement to make. we currently have the following FRIEND VACANCIES:
• knitting friends (in the absence of joanna and dawna)
• rock-star friends (in the absence of alison)
• random visitor friends (in the absence of beckie)
• kindred spirit/best/like a sibling friends (in the absence of melinda)
i'm telling you... if i have one more friend move away i just don't know what i'm going to do! vinc' is leaving next month, so then there will be a "foreigner friend" vacancy.
well i'm going to tuck my pajama pants into my sox and get into bed with my hotwater bottle. i've got the cramps.
please email me your prayer requests, i need something else to talk to God about other than "OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!"
the steadfast love of the lord never ceases.
his mercies never come to an end.
they are new every morning. new every morning.
great is thy faithfulness oh lord. great is thy faithfulness.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
cows
i wish i was a quiter. seriously, i wish there was a quiter in me somewhere, because i'm wanting to give up, but i can't. frig, what's wrong with me? i'm a crappy finisher, but that's different than being a quiter. every spring when i was a kid, i'd get excited and plant a garden. my dad converted my sandbox into a little garden, i loved it. i had a garden just like him. but after a few weeks i'd lose interest and by the end of summer it was all overgrown by weeds, however, i did get some nice tomatoes and cucumbers out of it. regardless, gardening is always what i think of when reflecting on my crappy "stick-to-it-ness". i think i invest a lot of my energies in the wrong accounts. i think i stand to lose in the end. when ever that will be.
i'm afraid at the mention of her name all colour drained from my face and i couldn't get away fast enough. i'm going to miss my friend who knows my every facial expression and every tone in my voice.
contrary to popular belief... melinda DOES exist. i miss her a lot already. oh crap, i'm starting to cry. i wish i could talk to her right now because i could use one of her pep talks. i'm sad.
i'm in limbo. and i don't know how much longer i can take it. when i'm feeling more brave i tell myself "take it all in stride", but right now... not so much. and yes, i AM talking about the same old thing. feel free to shake your head at me, riiigghhhtt... now.
i like this pic of me and melinder. brandon took it at our house at the living room christmas party last year.
i need to buy some more picture frames for my pictures wall. but picture frames aren't cheap and i'm boarderline poor until i return from the south side of the equator. i've never been below the equator before. i've never even been near it.
well i'm feeling better after talking a little. and beckie just signed on to msn so i'll talk to her. it'll be therapeutic.
all that i knew is moving away from me.
i'm afraid at the mention of her name all colour drained from my face and i couldn't get away fast enough. i'm going to miss my friend who knows my every facial expression and every tone in my voice.
contrary to popular belief... melinda DOES exist. i miss her a lot already. oh crap, i'm starting to cry. i wish i could talk to her right now because i could use one of her pep talks. i'm sad.
i'm in limbo. and i don't know how much longer i can take it. when i'm feeling more brave i tell myself "take it all in stride", but right now... not so much. and yes, i AM talking about the same old thing. feel free to shake your head at me, riiigghhhtt... now.
i like this pic of me and melinder. brandon took it at our house at the living room christmas party last year.
i need to buy some more picture frames for my pictures wall. but picture frames aren't cheap and i'm boarderline poor until i return from the south side of the equator. i've never been below the equator before. i've never even been near it.
well i'm feeling better after talking a little. and beckie just signed on to msn so i'll talk to her. it'll be therapeutic.
all that i knew is moving away from me.
Monday, September 18, 2006
tassels
howdy!
well its late in the evening on a monday. i'd say my day, no scratch that, my work day was a... 5 and my regular day was a... 7. i was going a little looney in my cube, but had enough things to keep me busy that it turned out ok, mostly it was frustrating because i was working with 5 files each weighing over 1 gb a piece and it took FOREVER to render any changes or save each file.
after work i went to the YMCA. it was amusing because my mom just got a membership and as i did weights i could see her walking on the treadmill. she was just a strolling. i have to admit she looked pretty cute and out of place. its interesting that when she first told joy that she got a membership she said "did you check with les to see if she was ok with that?" i would have had an issue with that before because the Y was my sanctuary where i didn't know anyone and felt i got some peace and quiet. but i guess now the maxipad is my castle, so i don't feel so protective of the Y. anyway, when i saw her it made me smile and as i walked toward her, i made eye contact with this one guy who assumed i was smiling at him. it was little awkward.
i've been experiencing a lot of anxiety about my up coming trip to kenya. i get waves of fear. its scary. but i think i got some perspective today when it dawned on me "you're just going for a 2 week vacation, you're not moving there!!" phew. on top of all the uncertainty of it all, i think i might get homesick. that would suck. if i was going with a friend then i think it would be different, but ya. i like it when i'm in the moment. when there's no place i'd rather be than where i am. i hope that's what happens. but i'll miss you guys. in some ways its easier not having friends because you have no one to miss. although its crappy when you return and there's no one to welcome you home.
here's a pic of me, irina and melinda sleeping on my bed. actually, i think i was the only one actually sleeping. sometimes i get dozey when i watch movies. well melinda leaves the country tomorrow. farewell mindy! we're all routing for you :) you will be missed and thought of often.
oh i loved you.
i guess i still do.
well its late in the evening on a monday. i'd say my day, no scratch that, my work day was a... 5 and my regular day was a... 7. i was going a little looney in my cube, but had enough things to keep me busy that it turned out ok, mostly it was frustrating because i was working with 5 files each weighing over 1 gb a piece and it took FOREVER to render any changes or save each file.
after work i went to the YMCA. it was amusing because my mom just got a membership and as i did weights i could see her walking on the treadmill. she was just a strolling. i have to admit she looked pretty cute and out of place. its interesting that when she first told joy that she got a membership she said "did you check with les to see if she was ok with that?" i would have had an issue with that before because the Y was my sanctuary where i didn't know anyone and felt i got some peace and quiet. but i guess now the maxipad is my castle, so i don't feel so protective of the Y. anyway, when i saw her it made me smile and as i walked toward her, i made eye contact with this one guy who assumed i was smiling at him. it was little awkward.
i've been experiencing a lot of anxiety about my up coming trip to kenya. i get waves of fear. its scary. but i think i got some perspective today when it dawned on me "you're just going for a 2 week vacation, you're not moving there!!" phew. on top of all the uncertainty of it all, i think i might get homesick. that would suck. if i was going with a friend then i think it would be different, but ya. i like it when i'm in the moment. when there's no place i'd rather be than where i am. i hope that's what happens. but i'll miss you guys. in some ways its easier not having friends because you have no one to miss. although its crappy when you return and there's no one to welcome you home.here's a pic of me, irina and melinda sleeping on my bed. actually, i think i was the only one actually sleeping. sometimes i get dozey when i watch movies. well melinda leaves the country tomorrow. farewell mindy! we're all routing for you :) you will be missed and thought of often.
oh i loved you.
i guess i still do.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
a chair, a table and a lamp
i don't know how to import a video, so to see what all the fuss is about, use your mouse and click your arrow HERE :)
david: thanks for all your help!
and brandon: thanks for getting it to work and loading it on youtube!
in other news, why do i always end up falling on my face?
everything was going so good that i thought something bad might happen.
david: thanks for all your help!
and brandon: thanks for getting it to work and loading it on youtube!
in other news, why do i always end up falling on my face?
everything was going so good that i thought something bad might happen.
empty
so they showed my movie at next today. heeheehee. i had so much fun making it, and i'm pleased with it. i'm glad that everyone seemed to like it too :) i've got to put together another one now, but i think i've got the hang of it so it'll be fairly easy, except i accidentally deleted some of best footage. oopsy. brandon's gonna post it on the next website so i'll give ya a link when that's done.
melinda just stopped by to lend me some paintings. i like them, they're really big and fit with the vibe of my living room really well. she was all dressed up heading out to meet up with a friend for dinner, and asked me what i thought of her sweater. she wasn't sure about it because it had shoulder pads, i at once told her to give me the sweater so i could rip them out. i have this thing against shoulder pads – they're freakin' retarded. seriously?!?! what were they thinking when they invented them? they serve no purpose other than to make a woman look more like a man. women should NOT have square shoulders. we are not football players, well some women play football, but they don't wear their uniform our for dinner or to the office.
so sarah gave me some really kickass pants today. well actually, paul did but they were from sarah. i love them! i'm so surprised they fit because they say 7-8, but they're totally NOT a 7-8 because i'm somewhere in the range of 9 to 11. they're brown cords. but they're too long and i can't afford to have them hemmed. are any of you handy with a sewing machine and willing to help me out?!?!
i have to say... inspite the fact that i hate the fair, i've liked having all the livestock across the street. i like cows. and horses.
just because he looks like a girl doesn't make him any less of a man.
melinda just stopped by to lend me some paintings. i like them, they're really big and fit with the vibe of my living room really well. she was all dressed up heading out to meet up with a friend for dinner, and asked me what i thought of her sweater. she wasn't sure about it because it had shoulder pads, i at once told her to give me the sweater so i could rip them out. i have this thing against shoulder pads – they're freakin' retarded. seriously?!?! what were they thinking when they invented them? they serve no purpose other than to make a woman look more like a man. women should NOT have square shoulders. we are not football players, well some women play football, but they don't wear their uniform our for dinner or to the office.
so sarah gave me some really kickass pants today. well actually, paul did but they were from sarah. i love them! i'm so surprised they fit because they say 7-8, but they're totally NOT a 7-8 because i'm somewhere in the range of 9 to 11. they're brown cords. but they're too long and i can't afford to have them hemmed. are any of you handy with a sewing machine and willing to help me out?!?!
i have to say... inspite the fact that i hate the fair, i've liked having all the livestock across the street. i like cows. and horses.
just because he looks like a girl doesn't make him any less of a man.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
long suffering?
i'm cold because i'm tired and grumpy. i'm just feeling upset and sensitive. my ears ache. i'm anxious about living room. i'm scared about kenya. and the way he refered to me as 'dude' bruised my ego. there's much going on in my life and none of it is within my control. not like i need to be in control, but i prefer to be proactive about things, it puts me at ease. but when there's nothing i can do it makes me feel helpless. i think i'm get into my 'jammies and get into bed, snuggling deep down at the bottom so that the sheets and blankets bunch up around me. i love having a single bed. i find it so amusing though that i downsided to a single at the age most people upgrade to a double or queen. it was much more practical, i do miss lying diagnolly across my double, it just didn't make logical sense having this double bed take up my small room. besides, i'd gotten into the habit of hardly moving at all when i sleep, i just rotate from my back to my side then to my back again.
this afternoon, meghan and i sat on my balcony while some kind of crazy pie auction was going on at the fair across the street. it was weird. this one guy paid 30 bucks for a pecan pie. granted that was unusual, most people paid 8 or 9. we also had to endure listening to some kind of crappy karaoke/country music competition. it was terrible.
i'm weirded out by the new itunes. the blue icon freaks me out a little – its so unfamilar! talk about putting me out of my comfort zone.
i've been thinking about something. there are times when there's nothing else to say because you can't cross the line of truth. you can talk about lots of things up until that line, and unless you're willing to talk about what's going on... there's nothing left to say. i wish i knew what was going on.
well my beds awaiting. i hope my ear stops aching, its been like 5 days! don't worry about me though, i'll be ok. i just need a hug.
it's like a day dream.
this afternoon, meghan and i sat on my balcony while some kind of crazy pie auction was going on at the fair across the street. it was weird. this one guy paid 30 bucks for a pecan pie. granted that was unusual, most people paid 8 or 9. we also had to endure listening to some kind of crappy karaoke/country music competition. it was terrible.
i'm weirded out by the new itunes. the blue icon freaks me out a little – its so unfamilar! talk about putting me out of my comfort zone.
i've been thinking about something. there are times when there's nothing else to say because you can't cross the line of truth. you can talk about lots of things up until that line, and unless you're willing to talk about what's going on... there's nothing left to say. i wish i knew what was going on.
well my beds awaiting. i hope my ear stops aching, its been like 5 days! don't worry about me though, i'll be ok. i just need a hug.
it's like a day dream.
Friday, September 15, 2006
bodice
this has been a super fun evening. i'm exhausted but am writing because these events must be immortalized on pspd.
chapter 1: i joined melinda and people from both cfrc and the artel for dinner at cafe india. it was
very yummy. i had a fun time. i sat between two guys named paul. melinda gave me a copy of paul sauliner's comic book. its so funny, he autographed it for me. i like paul. he used to be scared of me. i like talking his ear off. here's one of his drawings (i'm too tired to scan my favourite so lets make do with one i punked from his flickr account, shall we?) it was a most entertaining time. melinda took a picture of "the christopher currie" and i'm going to photoshop some sideburns on him for her.
chapter 2: irina (elena?), melinda and i headed down to the goat so melinda could get a vegan cake. on the way we crossed paths with a certain bus driver who likes to bail on his friends in favour of yoga classes. but whatever, some people like beards. we headed back up princess street, having a very risque conversation. i was ever so amused to imagine the snip-its that passerbyers happened to hear.
chapter 3: we arrived at the maxipad, and once irina had popped open the champaigne, we realized that we didn't actually have a copy of "reality bites". a wild goose chase ensues and as a result i found myself face to face with my last boyfriend. we broke up in january 2004, and i haven't seen him in 2 years. my heart was pounding in my chest, but i smoked'em. i handled it SO well, melinda thought i handled it too well – that i was gloating. perhaps that's true to some extent, but it was him who was bragging about this, that and the other thing. i find it revealing that he bragged, its like he's over compensating for something. i felt no need to even make small talk with him. i'm just not interested, plus i know him and its all b.s. that comes out of his mouth anyway.
chapter 4: we arrived home with the newly purchased reality bites on dvd. its been our plan to watch that before melinda leaves. its our favourite movie. i realized how often i quote it in my day to day life and it goes unnoticed. i love that movie, its amazing.
chapter 5: i'm sitting in my room writing this entry. thinking to myself about how long this entry is and how probably few people will read it. and wondering why all my emails are bouncing back.
as you can see, i have the occasional run-in with an anti-Hey-That's-My-Biker and to those people i say nobody... nobody can eat 50 eggs.
chapter 1: i joined melinda and people from both cfrc and the artel for dinner at cafe india. it was
very yummy. i had a fun time. i sat between two guys named paul. melinda gave me a copy of paul sauliner's comic book. its so funny, he autographed it for me. i like paul. he used to be scared of me. i like talking his ear off. here's one of his drawings (i'm too tired to scan my favourite so lets make do with one i punked from his flickr account, shall we?) it was a most entertaining time. melinda took a picture of "the christopher currie" and i'm going to photoshop some sideburns on him for her.chapter 2: irina (elena?), melinda and i headed down to the goat so melinda could get a vegan cake. on the way we crossed paths with a certain bus driver who likes to bail on his friends in favour of yoga classes. but whatever, some people like beards. we headed back up princess street, having a very risque conversation. i was ever so amused to imagine the snip-its that passerbyers happened to hear.
chapter 3: we arrived at the maxipad, and once irina had popped open the champaigne, we realized that we didn't actually have a copy of "reality bites". a wild goose chase ensues and as a result i found myself face to face with my last boyfriend. we broke up in january 2004, and i haven't seen him in 2 years. my heart was pounding in my chest, but i smoked'em. i handled it SO well, melinda thought i handled it too well – that i was gloating. perhaps that's true to some extent, but it was him who was bragging about this, that and the other thing. i find it revealing that he bragged, its like he's over compensating for something. i felt no need to even make small talk with him. i'm just not interested, plus i know him and its all b.s. that comes out of his mouth anyway.
chapter 4: we arrived home with the newly purchased reality bites on dvd. its been our plan to watch that before melinda leaves. its our favourite movie. i realized how often i quote it in my day to day life and it goes unnoticed. i love that movie, its amazing.
chapter 5: i'm sitting in my room writing this entry. thinking to myself about how long this entry is and how probably few people will read it. and wondering why all my emails are bouncing back.
as you can see, i have the occasional run-in with an anti-Hey-That's-My-Biker and to those people i say nobody... nobody can eat 50 eggs.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
fever
the kingston fair is on. i've never been a fan of the fair, but even less now that its right across the street from my house. it creeps me out a little.
last night's concert was a blast. i had a really great time with irina, the artel clan and co. it was nice bumping in to cas & matt and meghan too. meghan was right, shout out out out IS totally awesome. i love how irina is an "arm dancer", she has no inhibitions. i really admire that. i'm an arm dancer at home, but not in public, i think its because i'm paranoid i'm going to whack someone in the head. irina's a tall girl, i think that's partly why she gets away with it.
i've been increasingly aware of picking up the mannerisms of my friends. its funny. i find myself thinking "that's totally something so-and-so does", its amazing because its a subconcious transfer. i like it. it just goes to show that we are creatures of our environment.
i went to april's after work tonight and got my haircut. first trim i've had since february. i only got an inch off, i've really been enjoying how long its getting. only about 6 more inches to go!
i've noticed something. how comfortable i am having you in my house is directly related to how much i clean before you arrive. let me explain, if i know you're coming and...
a) as a result clean the entire house first – i am uncomfortable.
b) don't do a single thing – i am extremely comfortable.
c) don't do a single thing but appologize for the mess – i am moderately comfortable.
it stings but not for long.
ideas or theories become true. they are made true by events.
last night's concert was a blast. i had a really great time with irina, the artel clan and co. it was nice bumping in to cas & matt and meghan too. meghan was right, shout out out out IS totally awesome. i love how irina is an "arm dancer", she has no inhibitions. i really admire that. i'm an arm dancer at home, but not in public, i think its because i'm paranoid i'm going to whack someone in the head. irina's a tall girl, i think that's partly why she gets away with it.
i've been increasingly aware of picking up the mannerisms of my friends. its funny. i find myself thinking "that's totally something so-and-so does", its amazing because its a subconcious transfer. i like it. it just goes to show that we are creatures of our environment.
i went to april's after work tonight and got my haircut. first trim i've had since february. i only got an inch off, i've really been enjoying how long its getting. only about 6 more inches to go!
i've noticed something. how comfortable i am having you in my house is directly related to how much i clean before you arrive. let me explain, if i know you're coming and...
a) as a result clean the entire house first – i am uncomfortable.
b) don't do a single thing – i am extremely comfortable.
c) don't do a single thing but appologize for the mess – i am moderately comfortable.
it stings but not for long.
ideas or theories become true. they are made true by events.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
divided
you know what? i wish people could dream the same things sometimes. wouldn't that be an awesome experience to rendezvous in a dream? to be like "I DREAMT THAT TOO!" neato.
so this afternoon david and i regrouped to discuss the living room movie. he brought his version, and we viewed both his and mine. it was amazing to see how different they were, especially since we had identical footage. you'd never think there were so many different possibilities. although, i should have expected that because i know in school, everyone came up with totally different stuff for design projects. it was cool!
its funny to think there was a time when you didn't know certain people. i find it so odd to think that most (if not all) of my friends, have been living in kingston for many years and i didn't know them. it blows my mind that laney and tim have been married and living on colborne street for like 4 and a half years. there are many examples, too countless to go into. i could have passed someone on the street! or sat behind someone else at the movies! i wonder who i've crossed paths with who i don't currently know, but will eventually be a main character in my life. its amazing. wow, i think i've blown my own mind here.
well i excited about this concert. i wish i had the enough money to buy a cd. i'm not sure if i do. we'll see. its pretty safe to assume there will be more opportunties, this is my 3rd time seeing them since february.
you are fabulous my friend.
i don't know what more i'd ask for if i was given just one wish.
so this afternoon david and i regrouped to discuss the living room movie. he brought his version, and we viewed both his and mine. it was amazing to see how different they were, especially since we had identical footage. you'd never think there were so many different possibilities. although, i should have expected that because i know in school, everyone came up with totally different stuff for design projects. it was cool!
its funny to think there was a time when you didn't know certain people. i find it so odd to think that most (if not all) of my friends, have been living in kingston for many years and i didn't know them. it blows my mind that laney and tim have been married and living on colborne street for like 4 and a half years. there are many examples, too countless to go into. i could have passed someone on the street! or sat behind someone else at the movies! i wonder who i've crossed paths with who i don't currently know, but will eventually be a main character in my life. its amazing. wow, i think i've blown my own mind here.
well i excited about this concert. i wish i had the enough money to buy a cd. i'm not sure if i do. we'll see. its pretty safe to assume there will be more opportunties, this is my 3rd time seeing them since february.
you are fabulous my friend.
i don't know what more i'd ask for if i was given just one wish.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
banana
i just got home from an evening at the oldings. it was nice. i haven't seen them in a while. at least it feels like a while. i'm happy to see they're settling in to their new routine fairly well which is good. joelle has started nursery school two mornings a week, and talks about her school and told me all about it. she's becoming quite the conversationist. she was sitting beside me on the couch and said to me "i like your shirt". it was so cute.
i've inserted a filter on my mouth. and i'm glad. i say too much. talking a lot is one things, saying too much is another. i feel odd lately, like people are growing tired of me. its one of those things... people turn a deaf ear to a repetitive sound. i don't want to drone on insensitive to those listening. this is good. it'll stop me from saying things that are irrelevant 5 minutes later. i suppose being embarrassed of one's behaviour is good if it changes it. right now i just wanna save face... i wish i knew how. ugh, i don't want to talk about it. please don't ask me.
i was thinking yesterday when i was grocery shopping, how i can't imagine having to take care of anyone but myself. i almost hate the thought of having to cook for anyone other than me, having to divide my time between my interests and the needs of others. i realize i sound horribly selfish right now, but i think kind of happens when you've been single a long time. i was even like that when i had housemates, it think it drove melinda crazy because sometimes she wanted to eat together and i'd already eaten or just wasn't hungry.
i like it when i find out something that helps everything make sense. i saw something the other day and have wondered about it since then. but then when reading someone's blog this afternoon, i pieced it together! ah-ha! i wish that happened more often.
it was me on that road, but you couldn't see me.
i've inserted a filter on my mouth. and i'm glad. i say too much. talking a lot is one things, saying too much is another. i feel odd lately, like people are growing tired of me. its one of those things... people turn a deaf ear to a repetitive sound. i don't want to drone on insensitive to those listening. this is good. it'll stop me from saying things that are irrelevant 5 minutes later. i suppose being embarrassed of one's behaviour is good if it changes it. right now i just wanna save face... i wish i knew how. ugh, i don't want to talk about it. please don't ask me.
i was thinking yesterday when i was grocery shopping, how i can't imagine having to take care of anyone but myself. i almost hate the thought of having to cook for anyone other than me, having to divide my time between my interests and the needs of others. i realize i sound horribly selfish right now, but i think kind of happens when you've been single a long time. i was even like that when i had housemates, it think it drove melinda crazy because sometimes she wanted to eat together and i'd already eaten or just wasn't hungry.
i like it when i find out something that helps everything make sense. i saw something the other day and have wondered about it since then. but then when reading someone's blog this afternoon, i pieced it together! ah-ha! i wish that happened more often.
it was me on that road, but you couldn't see me.
Monday, September 11, 2006
mirror
i've been listening to the same 8 minute song on repeat for over an hour. i sure hope my neighbours can't hear it, not everyone delights in repetition like i do. but i LOVE this song. i'm dancing, i'm shaking, i'm bobing, its a frickin' dance party in here. i love how a good dancy song gets me all pumped and feeling awesome!! :)
speaking of being pumped. i went to the Y today and renewed my membership. it took forever because the lady apparently was doing everything possible to screw it up. i didn't mind really, i just didn't understand why it was so difficult. i had a good work out. i feel more toned already. its amazing how quickly doing weights effects you, likewise with not doing weights. i was intrigued by the fact that it felt like it was just yesterday since i was there, and yet lots of things were different. i felt a little lost because they'd rearranged the equipment. i was amused by how a lot of the same people were there but their hair was different.
all my dancing is making it difficult to write this entry. this is a workout in itself!
i'm pretty excited. holy f#!k is playing at a.j.'s on wednesday. holy f#!k, i love that band! i'm so glad that irina let me know they are playing, i would have been sooo bummed to miss it. is anyone else going? harrison?? probably harrison, she's a given.
whoa, all this dancing is making me THIRSTY! sorry, just had a seinfeld flashback. i should go.
i am the storm, i am the wonder,
the flashlights and explosions.
speaking of being pumped. i went to the Y today and renewed my membership. it took forever because the lady apparently was doing everything possible to screw it up. i didn't mind really, i just didn't understand why it was so difficult. i had a good work out. i feel more toned already. its amazing how quickly doing weights effects you, likewise with not doing weights. i was intrigued by the fact that it felt like it was just yesterday since i was there, and yet lots of things were different. i felt a little lost because they'd rearranged the equipment. i was amused by how a lot of the same people were there but their hair was different.
all my dancing is making it difficult to write this entry. this is a workout in itself!
i'm pretty excited. holy f#!k is playing at a.j.'s on wednesday. holy f#!k, i love that band! i'm so glad that irina let me know they are playing, i would have been sooo bummed to miss it. is anyone else going? harrison?? probably harrison, she's a given.
whoa, all this dancing is making me THIRSTY! sorry, just had a seinfeld flashback. i should go.
i am the storm, i am the wonder,
the flashlights and explosions.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
beautiful
have you ever kind of thought that someone has ceased to exist because you haven't seen them in years?
sometimes i act like a 14-year-old. i wish i didn't. i find myself searching for reasons to justify by bad behaviour, to find fault in myself that will somehow excuse me. but i'm afraid its just how i am, and i'm gonna have to learn to deal with it. my good friend, who knows be better anyone (save my fam.), told me today "les, remember... not everything has to be a soap opera". she's right. it stung at first, but when her words sunk in, i knew it was true. its easier to take from her since she's a drama queen herself, although i think she's more sensitive than i am where i tend to be jaded. so what do i do now? can i overcome my soap opera antics? i hope so, but its gonna take self-discipline since i know it won't come easily.
to my delight(!!) i finally met kathy today at church. she's really super nice. i like her a lot. i wish we'd had longer to chat than a couple minutes, and i'm totally kicking myself for sitting at home and watching half of "the squid and the whale" (totally sux by the way) instead of going to EVEning sessions. oh i forgot to ask her if she got my postcard. kathy: did you get my postcard?
so i went to café india today after church (melinder... are you proud of me?!?!). i've never been a huge fan of indian, but i was just happy to be hanging out with some of our dearly returned. however, i did really enjoy the butter chicken. i'm all like "oooh, look at me... expanding my british palette".
i haven't seen you in a while. i'm worried about you. i hope you're ok.
come, ye weary, heavy-laden, lost and ruined by the fall.
if you tarry 'til you're better, you will never come at all.
sometimes i act like a 14-year-old. i wish i didn't. i find myself searching for reasons to justify by bad behaviour, to find fault in myself that will somehow excuse me. but i'm afraid its just how i am, and i'm gonna have to learn to deal with it. my good friend, who knows be better anyone (save my fam.), told me today "les, remember... not everything has to be a soap opera". she's right. it stung at first, but when her words sunk in, i knew it was true. its easier to take from her since she's a drama queen herself, although i think she's more sensitive than i am where i tend to be jaded. so what do i do now? can i overcome my soap opera antics? i hope so, but its gonna take self-discipline since i know it won't come easily.
to my delight(!!) i finally met kathy today at church. she's really super nice. i like her a lot. i wish we'd had longer to chat than a couple minutes, and i'm totally kicking myself for sitting at home and watching half of "the squid and the whale" (totally sux by the way) instead of going to EVEning sessions. oh i forgot to ask her if she got my postcard. kathy: did you get my postcard?
so i went to café india today after church (melinder... are you proud of me?!?!). i've never been a huge fan of indian, but i was just happy to be hanging out with some of our dearly returned. however, i did really enjoy the butter chicken. i'm all like "oooh, look at me... expanding my british palette".
i haven't seen you in a while. i'm worried about you. i hope you're ok.
come, ye weary, heavy-laden, lost and ruined by the fall.
if you tarry 'til you're better, you will never come at all.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
edgy
life is funny.
i find myself feeling as though i've called wolf so many times that no one cares anymore. actually, that may be untrue, maybe its more like "ok les, we'll believe it when we see it". that's ok, i'd probably feel the same way. in a way i'm jaded myself.
i'm branching out into the brave new world of sweater knitting. that's right, i'm going to knit joelle a sweater. i bought some light pink soft yarn, because she's like me and can't bare wearing itchy wool. pink is her favourite colour, but her auntie ena (tim's sister) insists pink with red hair is sheer torture (she has red hair like joelle does), so i figure getting a light pink should appease ena and yet its still pink so joelle will like it. its a really easy sweater, seriously its a "Grade 1" on the knitting scale in my book and the bag i made was a "Grade 3" so i should manage just fine.
i can't believe i forgot to buy incense today when i was downtown.
so i'm really into snow patrol right now, which is sooo funny because last week melissa said to me "i bought the last kiss soundtrack and snow patrol is on it and i thought of YOU" and i told her "oh really? because i don't really know snow patrol at all" and look at me now! all into the snow patrol. i have to admit, i really like that they've done a cover of "crazy in love" because there was something i've always liked about it, but felt weird about that because its a beyonce song.
i'm still wearing laney's sweater. it smells like her. i like that.
i should get going, i rented "the squid and the whale" and want to get knitting. melinda commissioned me to alter something for her for free, and i need to start/finish it before she goes to wien.
ugh, i face the music tomorrow...
we should spend some time apart for both our sakes.
i find myself feeling as though i've called wolf so many times that no one cares anymore. actually, that may be untrue, maybe its more like "ok les, we'll believe it when we see it". that's ok, i'd probably feel the same way. in a way i'm jaded myself.
i'm branching out into the brave new world of sweater knitting. that's right, i'm going to knit joelle a sweater. i bought some light pink soft yarn, because she's like me and can't bare wearing itchy wool. pink is her favourite colour, but her auntie ena (tim's sister) insists pink with red hair is sheer torture (she has red hair like joelle does), so i figure getting a light pink should appease ena and yet its still pink so joelle will like it. its a really easy sweater, seriously its a "Grade 1" on the knitting scale in my book and the bag i made was a "Grade 3" so i should manage just fine.
i can't believe i forgot to buy incense today when i was downtown.
so i'm really into snow patrol right now, which is sooo funny because last week melissa said to me "i bought the last kiss soundtrack and snow patrol is on it and i thought of YOU" and i told her "oh really? because i don't really know snow patrol at all" and look at me now! all into the snow patrol. i have to admit, i really like that they've done a cover of "crazy in love" because there was something i've always liked about it, but felt weird about that because its a beyonce song.
i'm still wearing laney's sweater. it smells like her. i like that.
i should get going, i rented "the squid and the whale" and want to get knitting. melinda commissioned me to alter something for her for free, and i need to start/finish it before she goes to wien.
ugh, i face the music tomorrow...
we should spend some time apart for both our sakes.
nightingale
its late and i'm tired. i'm up editing the living room movie. its fun. i'm enjoying myself, but i'm growing sleeping so i've packed it in for tonight. i'm feeling a little hungie, so i think i'll have something to eat real quick. i wish i had some cheese. or some ham.
i considered not writing an entry and just going to bed. but here i am, at it again.
i'm wearing laney's sweater.
i wonder if there's something wrong with setting your expectations low but your hopes high. hmm. i've starting weaving that through my psyche lately. i think its a defense mechanism but i can't be sure.
i'm content. and being content makes me happy. therefore i am happy.
ugh i'm tired. i should go to bed.
i hope you can see past the troubles that we've had.
i considered not writing an entry and just going to bed. but here i am, at it again.
i'm wearing laney's sweater.
i wonder if there's something wrong with setting your expectations low but your hopes high. hmm. i've starting weaving that through my psyche lately. i think its a defense mechanism but i can't be sure.
i'm content. and being content makes me happy. therefore i am happy.
ugh i'm tired. i should go to bed.
i hope you can see past the troubles that we've had.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
kelp
wow, the full moon is beautiful tonight.
today i felt stressed and overwhelmed at work and wasn't getting much sympathy from the old knickers. i was trying to calm myself, the nausea was getting to much to bear. so i was methodical about it. i changed my music selection (ani difranco was starting to bum me out), and tried to get all unrelated stress out of my head. in the end, things turned out ok. this afternoon david ferrence came up to me and said "i saw your tea at the coffee station, i stuck my finger in it... its getting a little cold". it broke the pressure a little, it made me laugh.
this evening knickers took us out for a departmental dinner. we went to minos. it was fun. i told her about my plan to buy a vespa and she was so horrified at the thought that she didn't even want to hear it. i told her it was frank who put the idea in my head and she said she'd wring his neck tomorrow. she was telling our new colleague kathy over dinner how quiet i was when i first started, i suppose i've really come out of my shell. although, i think it just happened to coincide with some huge life changes for me. i've worked there 3 years as of september 10. amazing.
sometimes i worry that people think i'm just following a pipe dream. i might be. only time will tell. i just need to be patient to see how things unfold, in the meantime i'm just gonna live my life.
it'll be alright, it'll be alright, it'll be alright, it'll be ok.
today i felt stressed and overwhelmed at work and wasn't getting much sympathy from the old knickers. i was trying to calm myself, the nausea was getting to much to bear. so i was methodical about it. i changed my music selection (ani difranco was starting to bum me out), and tried to get all unrelated stress out of my head. in the end, things turned out ok. this afternoon david ferrence came up to me and said "i saw your tea at the coffee station, i stuck my finger in it... its getting a little cold". it broke the pressure a little, it made me laugh.
this evening knickers took us out for a departmental dinner. we went to minos. it was fun. i told her about my plan to buy a vespa and she was so horrified at the thought that she didn't even want to hear it. i told her it was frank who put the idea in my head and she said she'd wring his neck tomorrow. she was telling our new colleague kathy over dinner how quiet i was when i first started, i suppose i've really come out of my shell. although, i think it just happened to coincide with some huge life changes for me. i've worked there 3 years as of september 10. amazing.
sometimes i worry that people think i'm just following a pipe dream. i might be. only time will tell. i just need to be patient to see how things unfold, in the meantime i'm just gonna live my life.
it'll be alright, it'll be alright, it'll be alright, it'll be ok.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
avoiding
sometimes i feel weird. now is one of those sometimes. do i live in opposite land or something?!?! frig.
on a completely unrelated topic... this evening garry and brandon came by for a meeting about living room. it was highly effective. well pretty effective. i was very impressed with our ability to stay on topic. i feel like such a grown-up, i've never had a meeting at my house before.
my new co-worker from pittsburgh was in the office today. as i drove her to the 4 points sheridan we talked about the difference in our accents. i find it ironic since i was just telling someone how much i hate the pittsburgh accent. who was that i was telling?!? i can't remember. OH, it was rhonda and kathryn the other night. anyway, she mentioned it, i would never have said anything – to me it would be like pointing out some terrible defect. she also said she noticed people saying "eh" and to this i secretly took offence. i'm not a fan of the use of "eh" and i didn't like being clumped into that stereotype.
this frickin newsletter is driving me insane. i feel like i'm being stabbed in the brain. repeatedly.
i feel like you would disapprove of my dissolved feelings. ultimately, you feel what you feel and i can't fain interest where there is none. i feel like a bad person. i'm sorry.
thanks for reassuring me that i'm not butt-ugly.
i will stay right here.
on a completely unrelated topic... this evening garry and brandon came by for a meeting about living room. it was highly effective. well pretty effective. i was very impressed with our ability to stay on topic. i feel like such a grown-up, i've never had a meeting at my house before.
my new co-worker from pittsburgh was in the office today. as i drove her to the 4 points sheridan we talked about the difference in our accents. i find it ironic since i was just telling someone how much i hate the pittsburgh accent. who was that i was telling?!? i can't remember. OH, it was rhonda and kathryn the other night. anyway, she mentioned it, i would never have said anything – to me it would be like pointing out some terrible defect. she also said she noticed people saying "eh" and to this i secretly took offence. i'm not a fan of the use of "eh" and i didn't like being clumped into that stereotype.
this frickin newsletter is driving me insane. i feel like i'm being stabbed in the brain. repeatedly.
i feel like you would disapprove of my dissolved feelings. ultimately, you feel what you feel and i can't fain interest where there is none. i feel like a bad person. i'm sorry.
thanks for reassuring me that i'm not butt-ugly.
i will stay right here.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
thumbtack
there's something reassuring about having someone to look in the eye.
this evening i was supposed to be going to see snakes on a plane with the one and only meghan harrison, but that fell through. so i spent some time decorating my room, its been left in semi-finished state for quite a while. i'm pleased with its progress. it feels more homey, "more lesley". melinda and i have a very distinct decorating style, it was a regular topic of conversation for new visitors to pirates cove (oh, pirates cove was the name of my pine street house if you've forgotten already).
i feel tired and semi-exhausted. i slept very lightly all night last night and as a result i've felt like ass all day.
i'm having a difficult time with beckie being gone. i KNEW she was leaving but i don't think it really sunk in. i wasn't ready for her to go. i still need her in my life. i'm so thankful for the internet, i can't imagine what we'd do without it! crazy. its nice because we got to talk on msn for a while tonight, but i find it tricky telling a big story via typing (when my brain isn't done processing).
i'm eating beets with salts on them.
so today was the big day for oodles of people. back to school, back to work, starting school, starting work. today was joelle's first day in nursery school, and joy's first day back teaching after 3 year maturity leave. i called her to see how it went and received a pleasant report before she had to let me go because her show was back on (which is something i fully respect. there's no talking to me when i'm watching the t.v.) hmm, i wonder when gilmore girls starts up again. melissa started school today, doing her masters, i'm going to presume that's why she didn't respond to my email ;)
here's a pic of our hard work yesterday. you're intrigued aren't you....
show me a garden that's bursting into life.
this evening i was supposed to be going to see snakes on a plane with the one and only meghan harrison, but that fell through. so i spent some time decorating my room, its been left in semi-finished state for quite a while. i'm pleased with its progress. it feels more homey, "more lesley". melinda and i have a very distinct decorating style, it was a regular topic of conversation for new visitors to pirates cove (oh, pirates cove was the name of my pine street house if you've forgotten already).
i feel tired and semi-exhausted. i slept very lightly all night last night and as a result i've felt like ass all day.
i'm having a difficult time with beckie being gone. i KNEW she was leaving but i don't think it really sunk in. i wasn't ready for her to go. i still need her in my life. i'm so thankful for the internet, i can't imagine what we'd do without it! crazy. its nice because we got to talk on msn for a while tonight, but i find it tricky telling a big story via typing (when my brain isn't done processing).
i'm eating beets with salts on them.
so today was the big day for oodles of people. back to school, back to work, starting school, starting work. today was joelle's first day in nursery school, and joy's first day back teaching after 3 year maturity leave. i called her to see how it went and received a pleasant report before she had to let me go because her show was back on (which is something i fully respect. there's no talking to me when i'm watching the t.v.) hmm, i wonder when gilmore girls starts up again. melissa started school today, doing her masters, i'm going to presume that's why she didn't respond to my email ;)
here's a pic of our hard work yesterday. you're intrigued aren't you....
show me a garden that's bursting into life.
Monday, September 04, 2006
testosterone
today we shot the movie for living room. its a promo video that will be shown during the service and posted on the website. i recruited david's help and he in turn recruited helen & terrence. it went surprisingly well. i won't tell you much about it because you'll see it soon enough, but its pretty funny. plus, i had a lot of fun making it.
before filming and after planning, david and i went to "the right spot" for breakfast. and i can honestly say... we were not impressed. considering the fact everyone seems to rave about it, i was suprised by how kinda crappy it was. (sorry girls, i know you love it.)
i've never hung out with terrence and helen before, well not really. they're really nice, i like them a lot. it was so funny because some guy approached helen in the park and asked her if she knew where he could get some weed. she misheard him and thought he said "meat" at first so he had to repeat it. now, i realize that she had a lampshade on her head, but seriously she doesn't scream "weed connoisseur". hahaha. it was so funny.
tonight we went to see "little miss sunshine" which was extremely entertaining. i love seeing movies when you haven't the slightest clue what its about beforehand. it was awesomely embarrassing, filled with lots of "oh my goodness, i can't believe... hahahahahaha" moments.
you long for intuition,
you have to learn the lesson twice.
before filming and after planning, david and i went to "the right spot" for breakfast. and i can honestly say... we were not impressed. considering the fact everyone seems to rave about it, i was suprised by how kinda crappy it was. (sorry girls, i know you love it.)
i've never hung out with terrence and helen before, well not really. they're really nice, i like them a lot. it was so funny because some guy approached helen in the park and asked her if she knew where he could get some weed. she misheard him and thought he said "meat" at first so he had to repeat it. now, i realize that she had a lampshade on her head, but seriously she doesn't scream "weed connoisseur". hahaha. it was so funny.
tonight we went to see "little miss sunshine" which was extremely entertaining. i love seeing movies when you haven't the slightest clue what its about beforehand. it was awesomely embarrassing, filled with lots of "oh my goodness, i can't believe... hahahahahaha" moments.
you long for intuition,
you have to learn the lesson twice.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
centipede
oh my goodness. i'm utterly horrified in a hilarious way. i'm embarrassed for someone else. is that rude? its like they're unaware of the fact that they've done something inappropriate and i'm cringing for them. ouch.
this afternoon i went to my mom's for sunday lunch. joy wasn't well so i thought it was just going to be me and my mom, which was fine. but i was pleasantly surprised to see joy & tim's crv! i've really missed the kids so i was excited that they were there. i think that says a lot about my family, that joy was sick but tim still came for sunday lunch. that makes me happy. after lunch my mom needed us to move a double bed upstairs from the basement. that friggin box spring was so frustrating!!! tim and i fought with it for a good half-hour, and when it was all done i said to him "we scraped that wall real good, didn't we?" my mom is so anal about her walls, but after a while we just didn't care anymore. if making a massive hole was required to get that boxspring upstairs we would've done it.
i'm feeling at a loss because i don't have anything to knit right now. i'm gonna have to come up with something pronto because i want to knit tonight. i'm pretty excited because kathryn is going to be at rhonda's tonight. she moved to dryden last january and is here for the weekend. her hair has grown so fast! i don't think my hair grew that quickly when i was growing mine out. anyway, i need another in between project. hmm the little r isn't home! so strange! i'm worried, my brows are furrowed.
have you ever stood really close to someone then all of a sudden become very aware of the closeness of your bodies? i wonder if the other person notices it too. probably not. its odd how sometimes our thoughts can be so different to others and yet other times simultaneous.
you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes.
this afternoon i went to my mom's for sunday lunch. joy wasn't well so i thought it was just going to be me and my mom, which was fine. but i was pleasantly surprised to see joy & tim's crv! i've really missed the kids so i was excited that they were there. i think that says a lot about my family, that joy was sick but tim still came for sunday lunch. that makes me happy. after lunch my mom needed us to move a double bed upstairs from the basement. that friggin box spring was so frustrating!!! tim and i fought with it for a good half-hour, and when it was all done i said to him "we scraped that wall real good, didn't we?" my mom is so anal about her walls, but after a while we just didn't care anymore. if making a massive hole was required to get that boxspring upstairs we would've done it.
i'm feeling at a loss because i don't have anything to knit right now. i'm gonna have to come up with something pronto because i want to knit tonight. i'm pretty excited because kathryn is going to be at rhonda's tonight. she moved to dryden last january and is here for the weekend. her hair has grown so fast! i don't think my hair grew that quickly when i was growing mine out. anyway, i need another in between project. hmm the little r isn't home! so strange! i'm worried, my brows are furrowed.
have you ever stood really close to someone then all of a sudden become very aware of the closeness of your bodies? i wonder if the other person notices it too. probably not. its odd how sometimes our thoughts can be so different to others and yet other times simultaneous.
you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
high times
hmm.
ah! much better! david was over this afternoon and pointed out that my mouse was very slow. i'd noticed there was something wrong with it, but it never occured to me that it was just really slow. that's soooo much better!! i have to say, hanging out with david today made me feel so much more normal. no matter how neurotic i am, he's so much crazier than me! what a relief! i'm not the only one.
beckie is leaving tomorrow morning for pang (i don't remember the full name of the "city" she just calls it pang. its on baffin island). i'm sad. i'm a little afraid our friendship won't make it. its not like there are any indications that it wouldn't, but things change, people change. i guess my past experience has been unkind, however i think our friendship will stand the test of distance. i'll miss her random visits. i'll miss her drama.
i think there are some people who just can't read others. like this guy (who ironically, both beckie and david knew) from saigon delights, was yaking melinda's and my head off last week. i was clearly disinterested in what he was saying. why didn't he pick up on that and leave us alone!?! very odd. reading people's body language is so important, it may possibly more vital than spoken word. that's probably why emails can be so easily misinterpreted.
man its wet out there.
i know what you're thinking. i have little explanation.
i was riding its back when it used to ride me.
ah! much better! david was over this afternoon and pointed out that my mouse was very slow. i'd noticed there was something wrong with it, but it never occured to me that it was just really slow. that's soooo much better!! i have to say, hanging out with david today made me feel so much more normal. no matter how neurotic i am, he's so much crazier than me! what a relief! i'm not the only one.
beckie is leaving tomorrow morning for pang (i don't remember the full name of the "city" she just calls it pang. its on baffin island). i'm sad. i'm a little afraid our friendship won't make it. its not like there are any indications that it wouldn't, but things change, people change. i guess my past experience has been unkind, however i think our friendship will stand the test of distance. i'll miss her random visits. i'll miss her drama.
i think there are some people who just can't read others. like this guy (who ironically, both beckie and david knew) from saigon delights, was yaking melinda's and my head off last week. i was clearly disinterested in what he was saying. why didn't he pick up on that and leave us alone!?! very odd. reading people's body language is so important, it may possibly more vital than spoken word. that's probably why emails can be so easily misinterpreted.
man its wet out there.
i know what you're thinking. i have little explanation.
i was riding its back when it used to ride me.
Friday, September 01, 2006
liquid
here i am sitting at my desk having no clue what i'm going to talk about today. i find this interesting and i'm looking forward to seeing where this is going to go. i guess in a way that's how YOU feel each day when you visit! cool.
ok so. this evening i went to the goat with alison. it was nice. i like that i've seen her so much lately, especially because soon she'll be in T.O. and i may not see her often. after that i was supposed to help melinda move more stuff, but in the end she just came here and hung out with me while i did some housework and knitting. i got my lamp cozy done. i really like it! its very bohemian. it makes my lamp less corporate. i suppose you'll want to see it. well lets see what i can do...
there, there's my lamp cozy.
why are they called "hospital gowns"? when they're really more of a smock. they should be called "hospital smocks".
i'm very pleased with my apartment. accessories are the thing to making a house feel like a home. just like accessories complete an outfit. acquiring stuff from melinda and beckie has really helped things come together, i'm please! oh, i said that already, but i really am. i'm proud of my house. sometimes i look around in disbelief that this whole place is mine! its so big and i have so much storage. its great. i'm very thankful.
take a free fall at the mention of a name.
ok so. this evening i went to the goat with alison. it was nice. i like that i've seen her so much lately, especially because soon she'll be in T.O. and i may not see her often. after that i was supposed to help melinda move more stuff, but in the end she just came here and hung out with me while i did some housework and knitting. i got my lamp cozy done. i really like it! its very bohemian. it makes my lamp less corporate. i suppose you'll want to see it. well lets see what i can do...
there, there's my lamp cozy.why are they called "hospital gowns"? when they're really more of a smock. they should be called "hospital smocks".
i'm very pleased with my apartment. accessories are the thing to making a house feel like a home. just like accessories complete an outfit. acquiring stuff from melinda and beckie has really helped things come together, i'm please! oh, i said that already, but i really am. i'm proud of my house. sometimes i look around in disbelief that this whole place is mine! its so big and i have so much storage. its great. i'm very thankful.
take a free fall at the mention of a name.
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