sometimes when i feel like we've seen the worst, things get even crazier. a few evenings ago brendan and i sat at our respective computers reading off excerpts from news articles to each other about the naked man who ate another naked man's face on a highway on-ramp, and about the severed foot that was delivered to parliment. like that's effed up. interestingly enough, i listened to a news program last night on the cbc about this new drug called 'bathsalts' that they suspect the now dead naked guy was on. they were talking about how dangerous, addictive and how concerning it is. all i could think is if i was a drug user, the thought of eating another person's face would be enough to keep me far away from that drug. that disturbs me greater than the possibility of ODing.
well... for a complete change of pace....
brendan and i have started making our summer plans. and crazily enough the weekends are filling fast and we have only a couple left for just hanging out at home. we're getting close to booking our trip to costa rica, but more immediately... we've made plans to go visit jill in stratford and take in a play. it's funny because rachjill and i talked about us lorimers going to visit jill in stratford months ago, but we didn't talk about whether or not we could stay with her or not and i didn't want to be presumptous. so last night we looked into hotels and afterwards pretty much decided we couldn't afford it :S so we started working on a plan B. as we sat out front with a pen and paper jase walked by and said "whatcha working on?" so i told him our budget. he told us that jill would probably be happy to have us, so stratford was back on the table. within hours we'd made plans with jill to camp out on her floor. i'm super excited. wooh!
under a perfectly blue sky.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
dehumdifier
this morning at work there was a big celebration marking the 20th anniversary of bbd in ontario. it was the kind of event that filled me with company pride – and let's face it... company loyalty. i found myself verklempt on more than one occasion. it's nice to be part of a big picture and to feel that i'm part of creating positive change around the world. sure, it's a different kind of change than those fighting poverty and injustice, but we provide a service and a product that increases the quality of life for millions of people. in a few years, our transit system will cut two hour commute times down to 50 minutes, and bring jobs to people living in favalas. considering all the for-profit companies in the world... i'm fortunate to work for one that i believe in. all this made me think about celebrating the 30th anniversary :)
day two of volunteering at KGH went very well. i had lengthy conversations with 4 people and helped 2 with their dinner (fixed their tea, encouraged them to eat, etc). i felt encouraged that i'm learning the ropes. last week i found the breaking the ice part the most awkward, but today it was much easier. it's nice that i start right after work and am finished by 6:30. that still leaves me my entire evening.
my new earrings arrived in the mail today. she sent me two for some reason, but i'm glad because they're slightly different from the other pair. they're more edgy. they also seem to have a better clasp system. my old earring never re-appeared.
our sprouts are really sprouting! it's so fun!
he'll look around the room, he wont tell you his plan.
day two of volunteering at KGH went very well. i had lengthy conversations with 4 people and helped 2 with their dinner (fixed their tea, encouraged them to eat, etc). i felt encouraged that i'm learning the ropes. last week i found the breaking the ice part the most awkward, but today it was much easier. it's nice that i start right after work and am finished by 6:30. that still leaves me my entire evening.
my new earrings arrived in the mail today. she sent me two for some reason, but i'm glad because they're slightly different from the other pair. they're more edgy. they also seem to have a better clasp system. my old earring never re-appeared.
our sprouts are really sprouting! it's so fun!
he'll look around the room, he wont tell you his plan.
Monday, May 28, 2012
abstract
when i was in grade 4, my family and i took at trip to england for christmas to celebrate my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary (they're anniversary was december 14). of all our many trips to the UK, this remains one i'm especially fond of. pamela still says that her favourite christmas was the one when my dad and uncle leslie (my aunt married a man named leslie after i was born) were there. when my mom came over on saturday she brought with her my journal from that trip. i'm glad she passed it on to me, i was always fond of that journal. sitting reading it yesterday afternoon i was quite stunned by what i stumbled across. it was just a normal journal entry, talking about what we'd done that day, but tagged at the end it said "aunt eileen and uncle david came over so we turned on the tv. the plane crash was on again". we were in england at the time of the lockerbie bombing. it's interesting that while i didn't understand the broad scope of that event, it did make an impression on me, enough that i mentioned it in my journal. that experience was the first world event that i was aware of. it awokened me to the bigger picture.
lately i'm finding that i'm listening to music less often, and instead enjoying the sound of my surroundings. on friday night, i sat on the floor of our den, re-stringing a broken bead necklace as the breeze blew in thru the open window and made the curtains dance around. it was so peaceful. sometimes it scares me when the things that used to filled my time, space, head, are no longer what i'm drawn to. it makes me feel like i'm losing myself. but i suppose it's just me evolving into a the latest manifestation of me. i suppose that maturing means changing. the things that defined my 20s will not be the things that define my 30s.
only the sound of chewing in the room.
lately i'm finding that i'm listening to music less often, and instead enjoying the sound of my surroundings. on friday night, i sat on the floor of our den, re-stringing a broken bead necklace as the breeze blew in thru the open window and made the curtains dance around. it was so peaceful. sometimes it scares me when the things that used to filled my time, space, head, are no longer what i'm drawn to. it makes me feel like i'm losing myself. but i suppose it's just me evolving into a the latest manifestation of me. i suppose that maturing means changing. the things that defined my 20s will not be the things that define my 30s.
only the sound of chewing in the room.
Friday, May 25, 2012
cents
it seems to me that good music puts me in the mood to write. even when i don't have anything to say.
our front lawn is about 24 ft wide and 10 feet deep with steps to the house in the middle. it's a small yard, but we've converted it into a large garden. with andrew and shannon, we plotted out the garden in advance. even on paper it looks awesome :) it's funny because right now the garden still just looks like dirt, but soon the seeds will begin to sprout and it will start to resemble a proper garden. unfortunately, the flowers are super wilty right now. i really hope that improves because i want them to thrive and take over the space.
i think i've mentioned before that i have eczema on my lids. over the weekend i had a massive outbreak and it left my skin all puffy and swollen. my eyes were all runny and sensitive to light. i made an appointment with my doctor for today - after a bunch of my colleagues were like "oh wow, what's wrong with your face!?!?!". it cleared up by mid-week and now i have a doctor's appointment regarding perfectly healthy skin. hmph. oh well, i suppose i can go and they can give me some ointment or something.
things with my intern have gotten steadily better. i think i'm getting used to her and she's becoming more independant. i had to do her placement evaluation yesterday so she could send it to her teacher in order to graduate this june. it was a little awkward because i've never evaluated someone before. their rating system is different to (and in my opinion less constructive than) the rating system we use at work. i decided to use our system. in the end, i'm pleased with what i did and feel that i was tough but fair. not hugely tough, but i didn't just give her 100% on everything. it's not very helpful to students if you don't show them what their strengths are and where they still need to develop. i feel this whole experience has really given me a greater appreciation for my boss and what it's like to oversee other people.
sometimes i'll hear a song that i associate with a specific time of my life, but suddenly it applies to my current sitation so, so well.
my love is a bell,
it won't sing unless you ring it.
our front lawn is about 24 ft wide and 10 feet deep with steps to the house in the middle. it's a small yard, but we've converted it into a large garden. with andrew and shannon, we plotted out the garden in advance. even on paper it looks awesome :) it's funny because right now the garden still just looks like dirt, but soon the seeds will begin to sprout and it will start to resemble a proper garden. unfortunately, the flowers are super wilty right now. i really hope that improves because i want them to thrive and take over the space.
i think i've mentioned before that i have eczema on my lids. over the weekend i had a massive outbreak and it left my skin all puffy and swollen. my eyes were all runny and sensitive to light. i made an appointment with my doctor for today - after a bunch of my colleagues were like "oh wow, what's wrong with your face!?!?!". it cleared up by mid-week and now i have a doctor's appointment regarding perfectly healthy skin. hmph. oh well, i suppose i can go and they can give me some ointment or something.
things with my intern have gotten steadily better. i think i'm getting used to her and she's becoming more independant. i had to do her placement evaluation yesterday so she could send it to her teacher in order to graduate this june. it was a little awkward because i've never evaluated someone before. their rating system is different to (and in my opinion less constructive than) the rating system we use at work. i decided to use our system. in the end, i'm pleased with what i did and feel that i was tough but fair. not hugely tough, but i didn't just give her 100% on everything. it's not very helpful to students if you don't show them what their strengths are and where they still need to develop. i feel this whole experience has really given me a greater appreciation for my boss and what it's like to oversee other people.
sometimes i'll hear a song that i associate with a specific time of my life, but suddenly it applies to my current sitation so, so well.
my love is a bell,
it won't sing unless you ring it.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
screens
it's funny how sometime we accidentally come across things we didn't know existed and they turn out to be very handy. especially with computer short-cuts.
on tuesdays, i'm beginning work at 7 so i can leave at 3:30. why? well, because i'm starting to volunteer at KGH as an 'elder life program' volunteer. yesterday was my first day and i shadowed a guy named kenny. it was a very interesting experience. the patients are, on average, in their 80s and have been identified as at risk for dementia. The job of the volunteer is to keep them alert, eating, conversing and doing some exercises. breaking the ice seems to be the most awkward part. the one man we visited yesterday talked and talked and talked and talked. he was nice and told interesting stories, but also had pretty strong archaic opinions. he went on and on about "older mothers" and how women shouldn't have babies in their 30s. kenny, a life sciences student, confirmed this by saying the optimal time to have kids is between 22 and 28. whenever i hear things like this, i inwardly freak out and feel i should go home to get pregnant immediately. i have to admit, sometimes i find it being very hard being in a world that tells me that i'm getting too old to have babies and that my husband is too young. i suppose it's just one of those things where there's always going to be someone of the opposite opinion, no matter what we do. i guess i find that kind of opinion difficult to deal with because age is outside of our control. i suppose in an ideal world brendan and i would be the same age, but we're not, so we're going to have to do things differently and hope for the best.
ANYWAYS... i'm getting way off topic. so ya, ken and i visited a bunch of folks and he showed me the ropes. when i'm done my shift i have to do a right up about each person, explaining what we did and how they responded. i kind of enjoyed the analyzing and reflecting upon each visit.
it turns out that the program coordinator is someone i went to high school with. i don't really remember interacting with her at all, definitely not in the last few years. i remember she wore doc martins and coloured her hair purpley-red. we had a nice chat though, and it turns out that she's now dating someone else who went to frontenac. i told her that i'd look him up in a yearbook when i got home. and i did. yearbooks are funny things.
i'm super pleased because andrew installed the new window in their door yesterday. it now looks like a proper apartment entrance. things are really starting to come together at our little house. we planted our garden on monday, but i'll tell you about that later ;)
on tuesdays, i'm beginning work at 7 so i can leave at 3:30. why? well, because i'm starting to volunteer at KGH as an 'elder life program' volunteer. yesterday was my first day and i shadowed a guy named kenny. it was a very interesting experience. the patients are, on average, in their 80s and have been identified as at risk for dementia. The job of the volunteer is to keep them alert, eating, conversing and doing some exercises. breaking the ice seems to be the most awkward part. the one man we visited yesterday talked and talked and talked and talked. he was nice and told interesting stories, but also had pretty strong archaic opinions. he went on and on about "older mothers" and how women shouldn't have babies in their 30s. kenny, a life sciences student, confirmed this by saying the optimal time to have kids is between 22 and 28. whenever i hear things like this, i inwardly freak out and feel i should go home to get pregnant immediately. i have to admit, sometimes i find it being very hard being in a world that tells me that i'm getting too old to have babies and that my husband is too young. i suppose it's just one of those things where there's always going to be someone of the opposite opinion, no matter what we do. i guess i find that kind of opinion difficult to deal with because age is outside of our control. i suppose in an ideal world brendan and i would be the same age, but we're not, so we're going to have to do things differently and hope for the best.
ANYWAYS... i'm getting way off topic. so ya, ken and i visited a bunch of folks and he showed me the ropes. when i'm done my shift i have to do a right up about each person, explaining what we did and how they responded. i kind of enjoyed the analyzing and reflecting upon each visit.
it turns out that the program coordinator is someone i went to high school with. i don't really remember interacting with her at all, definitely not in the last few years. i remember she wore doc martins and coloured her hair purpley-red. we had a nice chat though, and it turns out that she's now dating someone else who went to frontenac. i told her that i'd look him up in a yearbook when i got home. and i did. yearbooks are funny things.
i'm super pleased because andrew installed the new window in their door yesterday. it now looks like a proper apartment entrance. things are really starting to come together at our little house. we planted our garden on monday, but i'll tell you about that later ;)
will you still need me,
will you still feed me,
when i'm 64.
Friday, May 18, 2012
handshake
she reminds me of a book. the kind of book that doesn't hold my interest but that i'm committed to all the same. time drags the more i desire it to pass quickly.
i responded to a shed ad on kijiji today. the shed was in poor shape from the picture. the old metal kind we had in the 80s. i've seen many of these come and go on kijiji in recent months and they usually go for between free and $30. this one was listed for $100 OBO. so i wrote and told the person that i would take it for $50, explaining that that variety is usually posted for free. she wrote back saying it was already sold for full price. clearly she felt like a victor. since i'm feeling snarky today i was tempted to write her back and tell her that the person must have been a chump, but refrained. i think the chip on my shoulder is a side affects of the tedious book. it's not bringing out the best in me.
sometimes my mom accidentally drives past our rendezvous point for about 15 minutes before she realizes she overshot her destination. sometimes, especially when i'm trying to avoid something, i'm more than willing to be inconvenienced and just wait patiently.
last weekend we dug up some shrubs from our yard. once again it hit me that we own our house and can dig up shrubs if we want to. since then brendan has proceeded to dig up our entire front lawn. later today we're getting screens installed on our windows. i like the freedom and agency we have as homeowners to make these kinds of decisions/purchases. it's true, there's always something to work on that costs money, but it feels like a fair trade. with everything there's an upside. being one who is neither optimistic nor pessimistic, i tend to play the field. at my best i see the silverlining in everything. at my worst i see the only cloud in an otherwise clear sky.
i want to lean towards the silverlining.
with job searches, household expenses, tiresome books, and glass ceilings.
i responded to a shed ad on kijiji today. the shed was in poor shape from the picture. the old metal kind we had in the 80s. i've seen many of these come and go on kijiji in recent months and they usually go for between free and $30. this one was listed for $100 OBO. so i wrote and told the person that i would take it for $50, explaining that that variety is usually posted for free. she wrote back saying it was already sold for full price. clearly she felt like a victor. since i'm feeling snarky today i was tempted to write her back and tell her that the person must have been a chump, but refrained. i think the chip on my shoulder is a side affects of the tedious book. it's not bringing out the best in me.
sometimes my mom accidentally drives past our rendezvous point for about 15 minutes before she realizes she overshot her destination. sometimes, especially when i'm trying to avoid something, i'm more than willing to be inconvenienced and just wait patiently.
last weekend we dug up some shrubs from our yard. once again it hit me that we own our house and can dig up shrubs if we want to. since then brendan has proceeded to dig up our entire front lawn. later today we're getting screens installed on our windows. i like the freedom and agency we have as homeowners to make these kinds of decisions/purchases. it's true, there's always something to work on that costs money, but it feels like a fair trade. with everything there's an upside. being one who is neither optimistic nor pessimistic, i tend to play the field. at my best i see the silverlining in everything. at my worst i see the only cloud in an otherwise clear sky.
i want to lean towards the silverlining.
with job searches, household expenses, tiresome books, and glass ceilings.
(i think my writing is best when i'm feeling slightly tortured).
if wishful thinking's all i got
i keep on thinking wishful thoughts.
i keep on thinking wishful thoughts.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
hyphen
some guys are really stupid. it amazes me that they can reach full-grown adulthood and still be oblivious in how they treat women. yesterday, a fellow bbd employee (who i don't know at all) added me as a contact on linkedin, then proceeded to write to me and tell me that i'm a cutie. my first reaction was to just roll my eyes and delete his email. but then i thought "no! i shouldn't just let that go, i know that by company guidelines that would be considered sexual harassment". so i wrote him back and told him that linkedin is not a dating website and that he shouldn't speak to his colleagues that way. this morning i found that he'd written me back apologizing if he'd offended me. what really strikes me odd is that someone would think comments like that are distasteful only if someone is offended. to me it's not an issue of being offended, but rather an issue of being appropriate. he's actually lucky that i only wrote him saying he crossed a line and didn't forward his email to our human resources department - they'd take that very seriously. i'm sure the guy meant no harm, but i doubt he gave any thought to how it might be perceived or received. it was completely self-indulgent. it reminded me of guys yelling out car windows at girls on the street.
brendan started working the soil yesterday at the exile. he's slowly tearing up the grass to make room for our garden. it's slow going but he's doing an awesome job. so far he's found 23 cents and 3 old-fashioned hand-tooled nails. i'm curious what else he might find.
i've been feeling pretty lethargic in the evenings these days. little desire to do anything and a short attention span. last night i passed out on the couch for about a half hour then got up feeling much better. i suspect that having a shadow at work is really draining me. i usually juice-up at work with all my alone time. thankfully, after my nap i did manage to get SOMETHING done. i've been struggling with my new computer because many of my music files were missing and i couldn't figure out why. i'm quite pleased to have figured out how to transfer files between the two profiles. it was a tedious process but thankfully one i only have to do once.
brendan started working the soil yesterday at the exile. he's slowly tearing up the grass to make room for our garden. it's slow going but he's doing an awesome job. so far he's found 23 cents and 3 old-fashioned hand-tooled nails. i'm curious what else he might find.
i've been feeling pretty lethargic in the evenings these days. little desire to do anything and a short attention span. last night i passed out on the couch for about a half hour then got up feeling much better. i suspect that having a shadow at work is really draining me. i usually juice-up at work with all my alone time. thankfully, after my nap i did manage to get SOMETHING done. i've been struggling with my new computer because many of my music files were missing and i couldn't figure out why. i'm quite pleased to have figured out how to transfer files between the two profiles. it was a tedious process but thankfully one i only have to do once.
don't stand so close to me.
Monday, May 14, 2012
droopy
wow!
my day has just made a sudden 180° turn.
1) i got an email from the person on etsy who i got my earrings from and she's going to post just one so i can replace my lost earring. HOORAY!!!!!! (i can't even explain how happy i am about that)
2) i got notice that i'm getting my annual pay increase on my next pay cheque. HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!
3) brendan just fixed my wagon. HOORAY!!!!!!!
4) and the window people came by and we're going to get screens installed on our three windows that don't currently have any. SUPER!
man. this morning i felt rotten. i just felt so miserable. i know it's silly because it's just an earring, but i was just so so sad. it would be like if my tattoo just fell off one day or all my hair disappeared. that's how connected i feel to those earrings.
1) i got an email from the person on etsy who i got my earrings from and she's going to post just one so i can replace my lost earring. HOORAY!!!!!! (i can't even explain how happy i am about that)
2) i got notice that i'm getting my annual pay increase on my next pay cheque. HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!
3) brendan just fixed my wagon. HOORAY!!!!!!!
4) and the window people came by and we're going to get screens installed on our three windows that don't currently have any. SUPER!
man. this morning i felt rotten. i just felt so miserable. i know it's silly because it's just an earring, but i was just so so sad. it would be like if my tattoo just fell off one day or all my hair disappeared. that's how connected i feel to those earrings.
plus, i was dreading going into work and being around people all day, but actually turned out better than i had imagined. my intern is getting a little more independant, which is good.
like a child, we get hungry and restless and wicked and wild.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
spade
i lost my earring today. the back of one of my big black earrings fell out in the garden and i didn't notice for at least 20 minutes. we looked and looked and didn't find it. as silly as it seems i just feel sick about it. i HATE that i have one and a half earrings, and that means i'll never be able to wear them ever again.
i messaged the girl on etsy who i bought them from to find out if i could buy one again. i haven't heard back from her. when i went to check the rest of her collection it seems she only sells yoga bags now.
i'm unhappy. why is it that we grow so attached to things? what part of me grew to see those earrings as part of me? i don't get it. i so wish this hadn't happened. i wish i hadn't worn my earrings while working in a garden.
the garden looks great. and that was enough to distract me for a few hours. but now that it's dark out and the distraction is gone i feel sad again.
i take a breath and pull the air in 'til there's nothing left.
i messaged the girl on etsy who i bought them from to find out if i could buy one again. i haven't heard back from her. when i went to check the rest of her collection it seems she only sells yoga bags now.
i'm unhappy. why is it that we grow so attached to things? what part of me grew to see those earrings as part of me? i don't get it. i so wish this hadn't happened. i wish i hadn't worn my earrings while working in a garden.
the garden looks great. and that was enough to distract me for a few hours. but now that it's dark out and the distraction is gone i feel sad again.
i take a breath and pull the air in 'til there's nothing left.
Friday, May 11, 2012
10 feet
striving to be a fairly diplomatic couple, brendan and i have a system of renting movies from classic video. we always get the 3 for 5 deal, which means we each get one pick, and for the third we get a documentary. we've gotten some pretty good ones in the past. last night we watched one called lucky about the lottery and how it changes peoples lives for better and worse.
recently i watched a TED talk about money. it was called "how to buy happiness". the title bugged me but i was intrigued to see where he was going with a title like that. if he was going to present something i agreed with or disagree with. the man ended up concluded that the way to buy happiness is to give money away. it's not how much we spend, but what we spend it on. buying things won't make us happy, but helping others in need will. i've found this to be true in my own life.
this was quite apparent in last night's documentary. some folks stayed pretty down to earth, some headed in a new direction, and one couple who seemed really normal at first went really over the top at the end (mind you, they were also the winners of the largest amount, so it's not that surprising). another person ended up completely broke. this one man, who was a vietnamese immigrant to the states, built homes for his children and his wife and him in their own little cul-de-sac, and built this massive apartment complex in vietnam for his relatives there (70-80 people). it was amazing to see how he helped make other people's lives better. this other man, who's marriage fell apart after he won the lottery (his wife was no longer financially dependant on him so she took off), eventually got remarried and said that his new wife was his true lottery prize. he was a mathematician and spent his time tutoring kids in math. it was really neat.
while brendan and i would never play the lottery, it got me thinking about my life if i didn't need to work. it seemed that many folks struggled with loss of identity without work or they struggled to relate to their working friends. they felt there money was less enjoyable since they hadn't earned it. i thought of my work, and the sense of accomplishment i get from it. how the reward of a promotion can't be bought.
i'm pretty happy with where i'm at. and hope to continue making the most of the money i have by giving to others.
recently i watched a TED talk about money. it was called "how to buy happiness". the title bugged me but i was intrigued to see where he was going with a title like that. if he was going to present something i agreed with or disagree with. the man ended up concluded that the way to buy happiness is to give money away. it's not how much we spend, but what we spend it on. buying things won't make us happy, but helping others in need will. i've found this to be true in my own life.
this was quite apparent in last night's documentary. some folks stayed pretty down to earth, some headed in a new direction, and one couple who seemed really normal at first went really over the top at the end (mind you, they were also the winners of the largest amount, so it's not that surprising). another person ended up completely broke. this one man, who was a vietnamese immigrant to the states, built homes for his children and his wife and him in their own little cul-de-sac, and built this massive apartment complex in vietnam for his relatives there (70-80 people). it was amazing to see how he helped make other people's lives better. this other man, who's marriage fell apart after he won the lottery (his wife was no longer financially dependant on him so she took off), eventually got remarried and said that his new wife was his true lottery prize. he was a mathematician and spent his time tutoring kids in math. it was really neat.
while brendan and i would never play the lottery, it got me thinking about my life if i didn't need to work. it seemed that many folks struggled with loss of identity without work or they struggled to relate to their working friends. they felt there money was less enjoyable since they hadn't earned it. i thought of my work, and the sense of accomplishment i get from it. how the reward of a promotion can't be bought.
i'm pretty happy with where i'm at. and hope to continue making the most of the money i have by giving to others.
Monday, May 07, 2012
blargh
as i edited his resume,
i inquired about his time at rona.
he says to me
"les, we already established this.
i didn't accomplish anything, i didn't do anything, and i didn't help anyone.
but ironically it wasn't the worst job i ever had".
i walked to the grocery store with my new wagon. it was our second outing – me and it.
on the way back all the bolts fell off and the wagon was nearly in shambles.
at one point it completely fell over and the groceries fell into the road.
then it started to rain.
i was sad but had no choice but to keep going.
then up ahead i saw our red CRV turn the corner as b came to fetch me from the rain.
he put the wagon and the groceries in the car and took me home.
tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better,
than making you my bride and slowly growing old together.
i inquired about his time at rona.
he says to me
"les, we already established this.
i didn't accomplish anything, i didn't do anything, and i didn't help anyone.
but ironically it wasn't the worst job i ever had".
i walked to the grocery store with my new wagon. it was our second outing – me and it.
on the way back all the bolts fell off and the wagon was nearly in shambles.
at one point it completely fell over and the groceries fell into the road.
then it started to rain.
i was sad but had no choice but to keep going.
then up ahead i saw our red CRV turn the corner as b came to fetch me from the rain.
he put the wagon and the groceries in the car and took me home.
tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better,
than making you my bride and slowly growing old together.
Saturday, May 05, 2012
bruised
i had some serious difficulties untangling my hair today after i teased it for the 80s party i went to last night. it was like one massive dread.
recently rachel L gave me a book called 344 question. she said that i'm always working thru some sort of existential question and the book might help. plus it's well designed so she thought i'd enjoy the layout too. it was timely since i'm on the cusp of another existential journey, trying to make sense of things that seem to have no real meaning or value in them. things like this bring to the surface different personalities and held beliefs. there are those who are confident that there is reason and purpose in misfortune. and others who feel life is a series of cruel jokes. and then a spectrum of others in between. right now the last thing i want is for people to reason away my feelings, pass along sayings or tell me to 'trust in the lord'. sometimes i just need people to say "this sucks, les. it's crappy and there's no way around it." just give me time to soothe and let me feel like my feelings are legitimate.
i've had some interesting dreams lately. you know me with my dreams. i feel a little excited since they represent new beginnings. i'm excited to see what will happen but feel pretty gun-shy. i'm afraid to let myself hope these days.
i'm going to drink a cup of tea and eat some chocolate with brendan now. g'night!
seeing the train roll away, i'm going out of my head here.
recently rachel L gave me a book called 344 question. she said that i'm always working thru some sort of existential question and the book might help. plus it's well designed so she thought i'd enjoy the layout too. it was timely since i'm on the cusp of another existential journey, trying to make sense of things that seem to have no real meaning or value in them. things like this bring to the surface different personalities and held beliefs. there are those who are confident that there is reason and purpose in misfortune. and others who feel life is a series of cruel jokes. and then a spectrum of others in between. right now the last thing i want is for people to reason away my feelings, pass along sayings or tell me to 'trust in the lord'. sometimes i just need people to say "this sucks, les. it's crappy and there's no way around it." just give me time to soothe and let me feel like my feelings are legitimate.
i've had some interesting dreams lately. you know me with my dreams. i feel a little excited since they represent new beginnings. i'm excited to see what will happen but feel pretty gun-shy. i'm afraid to let myself hope these days.
i'm going to drink a cup of tea and eat some chocolate with brendan now. g'night!
seeing the train roll away, i'm going out of my head here.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
steak
we went seed shopping tonight – us lorimers and cardiffs.
we got carrots and corn and zuchinni and garlic. we bought flowers and hand tools. i'm pretty frickin' exciting. i think we're going to have an awesome garden. we're going to plant the seeds on victoria day, but before then we have some landscaping to do to prepare. i envision several levels of garden and limestone retaining walls. i can't wait! i was super excited at the store. this summer is going to be great.
b and i are really enjoying having andrew and shannon living upstairs. it's fun seeing them so often and being in such close proximity. there's something extra special about living under the same roof. i bought shanno a house-warming gift online last week and was pleased because i knew her address without having to look it up :) i got shanno and me aprons from this website called flirty aprons. i got a groupon coupon and couldn't resist.
did i tell you that i'm excited about our garden and that i think it's going to be fantastic!!?!?!?!
at worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile.
we got carrots and corn and zuchinni and garlic. we bought flowers and hand tools. i'm pretty frickin' exciting. i think we're going to have an awesome garden. we're going to plant the seeds on victoria day, but before then we have some landscaping to do to prepare. i envision several levels of garden and limestone retaining walls. i can't wait! i was super excited at the store. this summer is going to be great.
b and i are really enjoying having andrew and shannon living upstairs. it's fun seeing them so often and being in such close proximity. there's something extra special about living under the same roof. i bought shanno a house-warming gift online last week and was pleased because i knew her address without having to look it up :) i got shanno and me aprons from this website called flirty aprons. i got a groupon coupon and couldn't resist.
did i tell you that i'm excited about our garden and that i think it's going to be fantastic!!?!?!?!
at worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
fork
brendan made the yummiest chickpea curry yesterday. i feel so lucky to have a husband who loves to cook. he also tidied the house! the curry was so good, but still a bit hot for me so i added raisins which was awesome too. the raisins were super old and dried out, which is funny since that's the very nature of raisins, but these were extra raisin-y. like raisined raisins. we need to buy new ones. i don't eat raisins as often as i'd like. when i was little, i remember having a bath before bedtime and my mom blow-drying my hair while i ate raisins as my bedtime snack :) that is one of my fondest memories. it seems to embody the simplicity of childhood.
i had a great phone conversation with my mom yesterday. she's probably the only person i talk on the phone with, and it's been a while. ever since she retired she has a new lease on life, and it's so lovely to see. i like hearing her laugh again. she was telling me about visiting an old acquaintance at trillium ridge who is now in her 80s. a few years ago, with her late husband, this woman made an exercise video called "staying vital with vera" and gave my mom a copy. we had a good giggle about that. while we were talking, she asked how brendan's job search is going. i was disappointed to tell her that he still hasn't heard from KEYS (he called them last wednesday and they said they were going to be calling people in the next 2 weeks). she encouraged me that it's still early and said "this is always how things go for you. a long time of waiting, then things work out". she might be right. i waited 2 years for my job at bbd, and 5 years for my relationship with b, etc etc. i wonder why that is. i wonder if things really are slow in coming or if my impatience makes it feel longer. she told me "it's this culture of instant gratification!" but i don't think that's it. i don't think i'm THAT swayed by our culture. it's more that when i have a need, i'm keenly aware of it, and the fact that it will eventually get met doesn't ease the discomfort.
my dad runs a seniors group at his church and this week they're having a show and tell event. i thought that was neat since we just did one at living room. years ago he gave me a family mirror that is currently hanging in our foyer. he asked if he could borrow it to take to his group. at my uncle bill's funeral my dad and i were given my grandpa (his dad)'s baby shoe from the 19th century. he and i debated over who should get to keep it, and in the end he won because it was his dad. but i said to him "you're going to lose it. if i had it, you could come visit it and always know where it is". i suggested he used the baby booty for his show and tell item, and he sheepishly confessed that he'd lost it.
i had a great phone conversation with my mom yesterday. she's probably the only person i talk on the phone with, and it's been a while. ever since she retired she has a new lease on life, and it's so lovely to see. i like hearing her laugh again. she was telling me about visiting an old acquaintance at trillium ridge who is now in her 80s. a few years ago, with her late husband, this woman made an exercise video called "staying vital with vera" and gave my mom a copy. we had a good giggle about that. while we were talking, she asked how brendan's job search is going. i was disappointed to tell her that he still hasn't heard from KEYS (he called them last wednesday and they said they were going to be calling people in the next 2 weeks). she encouraged me that it's still early and said "this is always how things go for you. a long time of waiting, then things work out". she might be right. i waited 2 years for my job at bbd, and 5 years for my relationship with b, etc etc. i wonder why that is. i wonder if things really are slow in coming or if my impatience makes it feel longer. she told me "it's this culture of instant gratification!" but i don't think that's it. i don't think i'm THAT swayed by our culture. it's more that when i have a need, i'm keenly aware of it, and the fact that it will eventually get met doesn't ease the discomfort.
my dad runs a seniors group at his church and this week they're having a show and tell event. i thought that was neat since we just did one at living room. years ago he gave me a family mirror that is currently hanging in our foyer. he asked if he could borrow it to take to his group. at my uncle bill's funeral my dad and i were given my grandpa (his dad)'s baby shoe from the 19th century. he and i debated over who should get to keep it, and in the end he won because it was his dad. but i said to him "you're going to lose it. if i had it, you could come visit it and always know where it is". i suggested he used the baby booty for his show and tell item, and he sheepishly confessed that he'd lost it.
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