code

the neatest thing happened yesterday when i was visiting at the hospital. turns out one of the patients lives on my street and we had a long conversation about the neighbourhood and the big renovations being done at the house on the corner. it was really fun and i felt connected to her in a new way. oh main street ;)

recently, new friend brenda bought my old house on pine street and moved in two weekends ago. i lived there with melinda and irina for 2 years. we all loved that house. it's cool and also kind of strange visiting it again. when we went to her open house, i showed brendan around and found that my hands naturally went to the light switches. it was neat seeing a few items left over, like a coat rack, key rack and soap dispenser. i wish brenda many happy years there.

oddly enough, bethany dropped off some news for us from york street (i'm noticing a reoccuring theme, that i keep moving to streets with four letter names). while we had a short visit, she told us that our old landlord is selling the place. i was really surprised. he hasn't owned it that long. it's a neat place, but it needs a lot of work. i wonder if he bit off more than he could chew. especially since he lives in toronto. i keep checking MLS because i want to see how much he's selling it for. bethany thought it was $140, but that can't be right, i'm certain he bought it for $150.

 

saw it written and i saw it say.

squid

today is our 2nd wedding anniversary!
our 'cotton anniversary' according to tradition :)

this evening after my shift at the hospital, we're going to woodenheads for supper and in a few weeks we're going to see muchado about nothing with jill in stratford.

we both feel pretty fortunate and grateful for the last two years. it's been a pretty enriching experience. it's crazy to think we bought a house this year, it was quite unexpected. i think it's fair to say that both our first year or marriage and our second year were very full and very significant times for us. i know it won't always be this way, there will probably be years down the road when nothing particularly noteworthy happens, but that just makes these first two years so special.

it's funny, even though two full years have passed since our wedding, i still feel relieved that wedding planning is behind us. i wonder if that feeling will ever go away. i kind of doubt it.

before we got married we decided to start a brendan+lesley journal that we'll write in every year around the time of our anniversary. kind of like a written time capsule that we'll be able to read in 50 years. i updated my portion last night. in hindsight, i didn't write enough about our house, but just gave it a quick mention. i wish i'd written about it when we first bought it, because it was a big deal at the time, and now i've grown accustomed to it. anyways, the interesting thing about being about to see our relationship written in ink is that there's a noticable difference between now and then. i like watching the maturing and the development. it's almost embarrassing to read old entries. i'd forgotten a couple things and other things were a struggle then but are not now. that's the thing about writing, when you read it later, it seem just as real as when it was written.

anyways, it's been a real adventure, i'm excited about this next year too! we're going to costa rica in july+august, we're hoping to go to greece+turkey next spring, and brendan will graduate from college and start looking for work. looks like it will another interesting year! i'm super grateful that brendan is my partner. i had another dream last night that for some reason brendan and i couldn't be together and it was super crappy (usually i dream that i'm being forced to marry someone else, but it was something else last night). i'm glad it was just a dream. when we had pre-martial counselling with devona, she told us "marriage is just companionship with a bit of sex thrown in". i'm super thankful that brendan is my companion.

 

shadows grow so long before my eyes
and they're moving across the page.

deputy

skeleton park music festival has come and gone. i love hanging out in the park all day. it stinks that it's a whole year away until the next one. i can think of very few things i'd rather be doing with a saturday. the weather was great. the music was diverse. the conversation was enriching. all-in-all it was a super day. i especially enjoyed that we live so close to the park now.

in continuation with my de-clutter initative, i started re-arranging our bedroom yesterday - while brendan was taking a nap on the bed. he wasn't particularly thrilled with me, and even now i don't think he really understands why i bothered. however, i think it's an improvement. i consider floor space valuable real estate in our 560 sq. ft home. any time when i can see more of our nice wood flooring is a good thing. i've also been collecting a pile of things to donate to the next church freedom sale in a few weeks.

after seeing 'no impact man', i decided to look into alternative energy. first i looked into bullfrog, and found it wasn't the best fit for us. then i did a search to see if anyone in ontario is offering free solar panels. i saw something on the rick mercer report about it once. companies are installing them on residential houses for free, then making a profit by harvesting energy. it's pretty much a win-win situation. i ended up finding one (www.grasshopperenergy.com). i filled in an application and just heard back that we've passed the first qualification stage. if we get approved, they will install them free of charge, then rent our roof for a fixed rate for 20 years, then afterwards we'll own the panels. it's hard to say what solar technology will be like in 20 years, but most furnaces and major appliances are intended to last that long. the only downside is that we won't be able to use any of the energy we generate (some companies let you use the solar energy as part of the arrangement). but i guess with the extra money we could reconsidering bullfrog. it's funny, when i was checking the rates with bullfrog, it had different classifications along with their sq. footage. they have a bachelor apartment listed at 800 sq. ft. hahaha. our two bedroom house is smaller than that. our place is tiny, but i love it :)

 

if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

open doors

if things weren't already very confusing... i have a new friend named brenda. so now i've got a bren, brendan and a brenda. i hope you'll be able to keep everyone straight. SO, that said, last night, scarlete, brenda and i went down to market square to see grease. we sat on the warm ground under the starry sky sharing popcorn and other snacks. it was fun. i've been meaning to get together with brenda for a while now, so it was nice that we finally got the chance to chat. it was scarlete's first time seeing grease. which is always fun to experience a friend's firsts. that was only my second time at market square for a movie. i'd really like to go see edward scissorhands in a few weeks. anyone interested in coming with me? i didn't get home til 11:30, but it didn't start til after 9.

i'm pretty excited about skeleton park music festival tomorrow. plus, beckie is coming down for it, which will be great. i'm looking forward to sitting on a blanket all day, people watching and enjoying music.

thankfully my dad seems to have gotten over the insult of me turning down his miracle grow offer. he stopped by yesterday and remarked on how well our garden is growing. when i was talking to him the other night i mentioned marlene's suggestion of compost tea. i suspect that once the dust settled in his mind he was excited about the thought of compost.

sometimes, while in the moment, those moments seem like a really big deal. it's good to be outside the moment and to be able to tell someone 'don't worry, it's going to be just fine. things will work themselves out' and to know that to be true, even if they're not as certain. i'm pretty grateful that i'm at peace with all matters of the heart. i can see why my friends seemed so calm compared to me for all those years. oh, the things i'd tell my younger self ;)

you walk on the sidewalk so carefully steppin'.

roof

did i mention that i went to the doctor's about my eye problem? it turns out it's not eczema, but some kind of rash thing. she gave me a prescription for when it gets bad again. in the meantime she told me to keep using my olive oil mix to keep it moist. since then i've actually started using this beeswax hand cream, and that has really been helping keep it under control. that said, from time to time my eye is still a little runny. because of all this eye business i've kind of stopped wearing make-up. i found that eyeliner was usually wiped off within the hour anyways, but it saves me time to not have to put on make-up in the morning and i'm finding that my face looks cleaner and younger. i still use concealer under my eyes, but that's it.

my dad called last night and offered to pick me up some miracle grow. i politely declined his offer, and he got really mad. i knew he would. he literally seemed offended. i explained to him that i did some research into it and we've decided to use other non-chemical options. it's stressful when things like that happen. but i think the thing that bothers me is when people don't give me the benefit of the doubt that i've actually weighed my options and come to an informed decision. brendan didn't understand why my dad was so invested in our garden. and while that is how it seems, i don't think it's that exactly. it's more that he's really excited about miracle grow, just as he is about costco and eating at the base. i think it's just disappointing for him when others don't appreciate the things he is excited about.

i wouldn't be surprised if frank up a quits some day. i half expect it before the end of this year.

we weeded the garden last night. afterwards my fingers were sore and dirty. i don't mind the dirt. it makes me feel connected with the earth.

 

let's tarnish the silver.

beeswax

we had a firedrill today at work, and as we stood around at our muster stations i noticed this one lady looking at my unshaved legs. it was awkward, because i haven't gone bare legged at work very much because it feels weird. as i thought about that, i considered the paradox that it's ok for women to wear short mini skirts but not ok for women to not shave their legs. strange double standard. anyways, after that moment of my colleague assessing my legs, i decided that i should take a position of pride in my legs. if i'm proud to show them off then i won't care what people think. it's still extremely awkward for me - obviously or i wouldn't blog about it so much - but i stand by this conviction.

while clearing out the top drawer in my dresser the other day (a practise i have had to do repeatedly throughout my whole life), i came across a necklace that my father-in-law had given me a number of years ago. i'd forgotten about it. it was the companion piece to brendan's pocket watch, with the celtic hands+heart symbol (which i'm sure has a name, but i don't know it). i really like it. it's quite long and it reminds me of joan harris from mad men, because she always wears these long long necklaces. not that i'm like joan. she's a sexy lady and any comparsion with her ends with my long necklace. the fact that it's long is quite a departure for me, since most of my life i've preferred chokers. i'm enjoying this new accessory.

the exile stays nice and cool in the hot weather. while i haven't been finding that i miss my old balcony, but i do find that i wish i had a shady area outside. our front porch is in full sun, and it's simply too hot to sit out there at the height of the day. it's ok though. sitting in the cool den, with the curtains blowing from the breeze, more than makes up for it.

 

if God's on your side, then who's on mine?

saccharin

the flame burned my fingers.

today's patients were a lot more work than usual. no one was feeling very chatty, so it was like pulling teeth to get them to chat. tis ok, i'm sure next week will be smoother. sometimes it seems like i have more in common with old folks than my own peers. we have the same hobbies (knitting, reading, traveling), care about connecting with people in small but meaningful ways, and we have pets to keep us company. i wonder if i'll still enjoy old people when i'm old.

i'm on a raspberry kick right now. i could just eat a bunch and not grow tired of them. i'm so happy that it's berry season.

sometimes i talk in my sleep. it's one of those things that you don't realize that you're doing it until you realize that you're doing it. apparently i was talking a lot last night until brendan interrupted me, so i snapped back at him "i'm talking to my dream", then rolled over. the thing i find amusing about sleep-lesley is that she does unpredictable things and she's quite funny.

i'm here, but i'm not all there.

rooster

the declutter project continues at the exile. i'm very pleased. fewer things makes life much simpler. i organized the china cabinet and actually put things like wine glasses in it instead of using it as a dumping ground. and i moved my computer chair to the basement because since living here i never use it. i always just sit down on the arm of the loveseat. things are going well and i think having fewer things makes it easier to keep tidy.

tonight we watched a documentary called no impact man. it was about a family who were committed to going completely off the grid and living in a way that makes no negative impact on the environment for one year. it was pretty cool, and i liked how balanced it was because his wife was super reluctant, but on board. she helped provide another voice in the discussion. i found it to be a very inspirational film. i think there are really simple things we can do but just don't. i really liked that for the six months that they were sans electricity they used beeswax candles for light. it made me want to do things like use candles in the evening. so right now i'm in the den that is lit by a candle and my computer. no need for electric light :)

i've been thinking a lot today, reflecting on the fact that things like living sustainably is a process. am i'm so glad and thankful that we don't have to suddenly wake up one day and be off the grid, but can make new decisions every day. i like that once we adjust to one step then we're ready to make another step. right now brendan and i are still struggling to not be wasteful, but i'm hoping that once we get the hang of that we can move on to low impact sources.

fireflies are so awesome, and i just don't think we see enough of them. they're too cool for school.

your love always seems to find me.

off centre

ok! so.... i did some research on miracle gro, and now have an answer for my dad the next time he asks "i don't think we're going to use miracle gro on our garden. i did some research into it and it's a chemical fertilizer, and we're not comfortable putting that on our plants because it's going to turn into our food". the stuff is fluorescent blue for pete's sake! blue is not an edible colour.

we're babysitting joy and tim's kids this evening. it should be fun, i'm looking forward to it. we haven't babysat in a while, and the kids are all at really great stages. i might forgo diaper duty in favour of brendan taking a turn. he's never changed a diaper before. i think this is a basic life-skill that one should be able to do. convincing him of that might be more challenging. he's not opposed to it, but he'd probably be happy putting it off as long as possible. sooner or later, he'll have to change audrey's bum, so there's really no putting off learning.

 

sometimes i wish i fulfilled my own definition of a being a good person. and yet i always seem to fall short.

 

a sliver of smoke pokes a hole in the ozone.

agave

when we bought our house i started searching online for websites that gave tips for maximizing space in a small home. it was kind of annoying because all the examples of 'small' homes were still big. the mostly featured loft-style living where everything is in one room. i eventually found a site called apartment therapy and soon became a subscriber via facebook. today an entry caught my eye about how not to be a hoarder. while i'm not a HUGE hoarder compared to many, i do tend to hold on to things because often when i get rid of stuff i find myself in a situation where i need that exact thing. so i keep things 'just in case'. but the website really gave some valid advise on how to make things uncluttered, and i'm very keen on that. so at 8:30 i got cracking on the den, then soon moved into the living room. i'm very pleased with my progress. and while i did set a few things aside for giving away, i mostly just got more organized. i've found the tip about not storing things under furniture the most helpful. i always thought it was a good use of space, but the article said it just makes things look messy. and i have to admit, having moved the baskets i bought for storage under the coffee table, i now agree. funnily enough i found that the baskets were mostly empty anyways. now i just need to make sure that the new open space doesn't get filled with more stuff. that will be the biggest problem.

my dad keeps insisting that we use miracle grow on the garden. i'd just do it get him off my back about it, but brendan doesn't want to, and i haven't mentioned it to andrew and shannon yet. i suspect that it's like steroids for plants, and i'll have to find a way of telling my dad that we want our garden to be organic. he's pretty opinionated, but usually forgets later on. most things he tells me he changes his mind later. like this one picture of me and brendan, he told me that it makes us both look really old, then later told me what a great pic it is. he also told me not to get a picnic table but to get a patio set, but then later when on and on about how nice our picnic table is :S oh well. it would probably be character building to assert myself.

with the torches in our hands we will reduce it
to the ground.

brassiere

i seem to be having an allergy attack on the left-hand side of my face.

my left eye is itchy, my left nostril is stuffy and the left side of my throat is tingly. weird. perhaps my right-brain is trying to get my attention.

last night, when on my rounds at the hospital a nice little old lady coughed right into my mouth. i'm not even exaggerating. she was hard of hearing so i was leaning in really close so she could hear me when she coughed and i felt her breath enter my mouth. she was my last visit, so i gargled with listerine when i got home. i hope my multi-vitamin will help fend off her germs. i had seven visits last night, a record high. i was surprised to discover that one woman, who is 97 years old, was 10 years older than her husband. i was excited to hear that. it's nice coming across people who i have that in common with. it's pretty unusual for her generation. she said "people used to say i'd robbed the craddle". people have said that about me too. clearly not a lot has changed in 54 years.

our garden is really starting to sprout. it's hard to tell what's a weed and what's a seedling.

one of my favourite things about living on main street is that i can just slip on my boots and run up the street to rachel's place for a cup of tea. it reminds me of living on clark cresent and having all my best friends a stone's throw away. it makes life feel simple.

 

what we need is not for sale.

penny

i'm super excited. brendan and i booked out trip to costa rica last night. i've been watching the prices fluctuate for a couple week, and have been playing around with dates. we were ready to book last weekend but i had to check with emma. thankfully we didn't book then because the price dropped significally over the course of a week. we totally lucked out. our saving is almost equal to one flight. i'm really thankful because we're hoping to keep this trip as inexpensive as possible. i'm also aiming to make this my lightest luggage. i have a habit of taking things 'just in case' but then never needing them. each time i make my load lighter so i see that as progress. since this is a summer trip, going to a summer destination, i think i can pack pretty light and just carry-on my backpack.

man it was a restful weekend. i love that it stays light out until 9. it makes the evening feel slow and gives me that peaceful feeling that life is in the present that there's no place i need to be. that's perhaps my favourite feeling. i took off our winter duvet and replaced it with a summer bedspread. i like how much less bulky it is. it makes the room feel simple, instead of cluttered. there's no doubt about it, i love this season :)

left canada for baptist couches.

ticonderoga

after seeing a poster for an allergy study at KGH i enlisted. they're doing a cat allergy study right now, to which i am not allergic. but they had me come in for a skin test so they'd have my allergens on file for future studies. i had to fill in a bunch of paperwork, then we were ready to go. they wrote numbers on my arm then pricked me with a plastic needle. the method was slightly different to when i had my allergy test in 1996, i was kind of impressed. anyhow, at first there was nothing visible, but i had an itchy sensation. after 15 minutes i had 5 distinct bumps on my arm. it confirmed that i am allergic to birch trees, which i knew, and they had something called "tree mix" which i guess is several different kinds of trees in one that i also reacted to. the two surprises were the dust mites, very interesting/good to know. and the last one was the postive control that serves to confirm that i am in fact reactive and not immune. i should receive a cheque for $25 in the mail in a few week for my participation :)

i've been listening to one of meg's albums at work today. i like that listening to them in a controlled setting (as in with headphones without distractions) means that i get to hear more of the lyrics and it makes me feel like i'm learning more about her from the days before we met.

 

you'll be alright in a while.

dis

it's funny, it's been less than a week since my intern completed her placement, and it already feels like ages ago. i've already forgotten what that was like. sometimes my memory is ridiculously short. often times when brendan and i argue i forget what was said minutes ago, even seconds. this short-term memory lapse is a strange bedfellow of my steal-trap of a long-term memory.

i had a great time at the hospital last night. i visited with 3 men and 1 lady, for a half hour each. they were all really different, and i enjoyed spending time with each of them. the lady was super cute, oh my goodness. shannon would've loved her. when i came into her room she was sitting there eating a homemade sandwich and a cup of tea :) and we talked all about her pets. one of the men was a sad case. he was nice, but spoke openly about wanting to end his life. this did not surprise me because, believe it or not, the highest risk group for suicide in canada are widowers over the age of 70. they all seemed to enjoy my company, and i hope that their day were brighter after having a visitor.

aside from that (which was the higlight of my week so far), i've been feeling a little bent out of shape lately. i've been super sensitive and oddly aggressive. i hope it passes soon. that i'll soon be bent back into shape.

 

i could really go for a oreo cookie.

no unobstructed views,
no perfect truths.

tank

since we moved into the exile i've been waiting for a rainy weekend to unpack our basement. things were more or less dumped in random places for lack of time and simply left there. the damp basement (not helped by our inability to figure out how to get the dehumidifier to work) slowly decomposed cardboard boxes and was in danger of causing unwanted mold. so thankfully it rained on saturday morning and we had nothing else to do but be productive. after getting the car rust-proofed, we picked up some palettes and set to work in the basement. not only did we get it organized, we bought a hose for the dehumidifier and have managed to get it working. the humidity has dropped and the temperture has risen. i'm extremely pleased. on the first day i went down to admire it about once an hour. now i go to check on the drying floor about twice a day. all in all it was a pretty productive weekend.

i wonder if jordin's given birth yet. b and i have been sitting on pins and needles since last night around 9:30 waiting for the latest news. whenever our friends give birth our whole community is eager for info. word tends to spread slowly as social media falls very low on the priority list. so i will wait patiently as in days of old, hoping for an update from the lady who lives upstairs.
 
lost in a maze of a thousand rainy days.

blah blah blah

lately i've started to notice that brendan's becoming something of a bed-hog. i find this very amusing and don't mind at all. often i wake up in the night to find myself squished between b and the wall with only enough room for my body.

man, this not shaving my legs thing is working out really well. it saves me so much time. i now get into my STANDING UP shower (as opposed to my sit down one at the old place) wash my hair, do a quick scrub with some soap and am out in no time. i shower almost as quickly as brendan now! i feel like not shaving is revolutionizing my life! i still go thru phases when i find the hair weird and other times when i don't. i do wish it was lighter though. even a brown colour would be nicer than the current black.

from the corner of my eye that lady looked like a flintstone's character. simply how she walked. it was just like betty!

woken from the dream by my own name.