crumble

it's funny how life repeats itself.

10 years ago i bought a house, and then didn't go through with it after the home inspection. http://saintdynamite.blogspot.ca/2005/12/hit.html

this afternoon, we had a home inspection on the house we'd bought, only to find it has asbestos in the attic. after talking with the home inspector, he said he would not buy that house in it's current condition, but if it was fixed it would be ok, we decided to ask them to remove the asbestos and install new insulation. seems reasonable, right? but the home owner seems incredibly stubborn and foolish, and is only willing to pay for 1 single test (we were told that even 3 tests couldn't guarantee that it was asbestos free), and even so that insulation needs to be removed because it's not up to code. so it looks like we're back on the house market. what a dummy. no one is going to buy that house. the danger and risk is too serious.

it's sucky because we really liked that house and the timing seemed good for renting this place out in september. a friend had connected me with a new faculty member at queen's who was looking to rent. so that will fall through too. BUT there's always another house. we'll just have to wait.

buzzkill

we spent a nice and enjoyable weekend at echo lake camp with many nexters, but not all. it was a nice pace and i was pleasantly surprised that i was not run ragged by my toddler. however, upon returning home i did feel rather overwhelmed by the mess i'd created by rushing to pack before heading out of town. so i set to work and got everything set in order. in fact, i've NEVER unpacked a suitcase the same day i returned home before.

rochester

well... my partner left the country for the evening and i'm at home feeling pretty tired. instead of doing something productive or good for my brain, i think i'll just watch some tv shows and laze around on my bed.

haggle

someone reminded me the other day that change often comes all at once. and it definitely seems we're in the middle of a change in seasons.

we put an offer in on a house yesterday and after some negotiation, the seller accepted our offer. so now we just need to complete our conditions and it's a done deal.

said house is up in kingscourt on hillcrest avenue. we're very happy. we really like that neighbourhood. it's a well-designed residential area still close to downtown, friends, amenities, bus routes, etc.

there's part of me that will miss this neighbourhood. but there's another part of me that's excited about being in a different place, and the opportunity expand my circle. i think it will be good for me to be further afield so my world doesn't grow too small or become navel gazing.

the house itself is lovely and i think it will suit us very well. it's more than double our current living space, which i suppose isn't saying much. it feels like our adult home for some reason. that's what comes to mind when i think of it.

moving day will be august 15!

continued

well... i talked to the vet today, and i feel a lot better.

he assured me that pekoe is in the care of a loving person and is not showing any signs of distress. he's very friendly and happy (as usual). so that's good.

also, he's going to talk to the animal hospital manager so we can be reimbursed for our euthanization payment, since that didn't actually take place.

i feel relieved. i didn't want pekoe to be put down, but he was much more special needs than we could handle and we didn't know how to find a suitable new owner.

as the saying goes... all's well that ends well.

and then there was one...

it feels as though since we got home from our trip to the UK things have not been going well. we keep getting hit by difficult things. most times expensive.

today, after several years of sickness and the stress of us trying to pre-empt pekoe from peeing all over the house, we finally decided it was time to put him down. except, the vet didn't want to do that. at this point we actually have no idea if he did it or not, but we know that he charged us way more than he should have. especially for not doing anything. so i'm going to call tomorrow to 1) complain, 2) find out if they actually put him down, 3) dispute the charges, and 4) complain again.

i also feel like brendan and i could really use a win. just something that would relieve some of pressure we've been feeling. like emotional or financial blood-letting or something.

green

lately brendan has been going to bed at the same time as me. i like it. last night, i was in bed before he arrived home from work, but was restless and still wasn't sleeping by the time he turned in. i like lying in the dark side by side talking.

lately eamon and i have been eating watermelon together. it's currently one of my favourite activities with him. i think it appeals to me because we sit together enjoying the same thing as equals. two people who like watermelon.

on fire

i've been doing this new thing where i only allow myself treats or less healthy snacks on weekends, and i'm liking it. this isn't a weight loss initiative, largely because i'm done with temporary weight loss efforts that get temporary results. instead, i want to change my approach to food.

maybe i'm a bit slow to figure this out, but some of the healthiest people i know are also those with the most simple and nutritious eating habits. and i realized... i should really change direction. change the sorts of things i'm eating.

i'm not blaming my parents (my mom is a very moderate eater and can eat only a bite of a halloween-sized chocolate bar each day so it lasts a week), but i grew up in the 80s, when kool-aid was king. my afterschool snacks consisted of red licorice and jumbo marshmellows. so i'm re-training my palette and changing my thinking about snacks. BUT not cutting myself off completely from tastey treats, or else i'd be doomed to fail. 

10 things i hate right now

• that brendan's pedals got stolen

• that éamon got bit at daycare and it broke the skin and bled a lot (and that he now needs antibotics)

• that the nurses at hotel dieu were rude to me

• that the children's urgent care centre closes at 3:45 (i either had to wait at the urgent care centre for several hours or take him to my family doctor tomorrow)

• that the dish rack is full

• that social media blabbed all the major plot info about the game of thrones finale (that i'm watching with b later tonight)

• that my friends are going through a hard time right now

• that my replacement necklace arrived today, but i wasn't home so it's at the post office and i can't pick it up til tomorrow afternoon

• that i breathed in gross city stink on the way home from HDH

• that my cat is using our front foyer as a litter box

quiet

lately i've been in a bit of a weird situation. i get up at 5:30 every morning for work AND my husband works til 11 pm every other week. but people keep inviting me out to events on weeknights.

i can't quite figure out if it's a courtesy invite (they know i can't come but they don't want to exclude me) or if they actually expect me to go out. are they're forgetting that i have several responsibilities that keep me in at night. or do they think i should still be able to go and i just need to find a sitter.

it's tricky because i like the slow pace of my life these days. all these invitations make me feel like i'm supposed to be wanting something different, but i don't. i kind of wish people wouldn't invite me because at least i'd feel like they'd understand my situation (it's mostly the early mornings. the working co-parents is a factor, but i'd find a sitter if it wasn't a going to be past my bedtime). but at the same time, there might be events that i'm available for and i don't want to miss those.

boooo. hisssss.

one thing i hate about the internet is the people who purposely give spoilers for tv shows and movies. brendan and i love game of thrones, and some guy hinted on a facebook friend's status about something major that happened in yesterday's season finale. brendan and i aren't able to watch it until tomorrow, so i commented saying "not everyone has seen it yet. i hope that's not a plot spoiler", and the guy replied and saying flat out what happened. i don't even know that guy. why would someone do that!?!?!

it was a real jerk move.

whoops

today i was cutting a banana in half for éamon and ended up slicing right into my index finger.

twit

i know that couples have weird fights sometimes. it comes with the territory. i have to say that i never thought brendan and i would have a heated debate about aaron carter and coffee way donuts.

to clarify, i actually mean aaron carter AND coffee way donuts. they were not two separate arguments.

crazy glue

brendan bought me some earrings on etsy a couple of years ago. technically they're ear pins and they look like feathers. i love them, because i have a bit of a thing for feathers. i find them really delicate and feminine, but also kind of bold and empowering.

sadly, one has broken slightly. the thing i've noticed lately about my favourite things is that they tend to break more frequently from regular use. i contacted the woman who offered to fix them for free or i can buy new ones. i don't know what to do because i don't want to be without them, but i also don't want an unnecessary extra set. sometimes i don't like making trivial decisions.

bakes

i don't like library books because i am a slow reader. BUT i'm trying to penny pinch right now, so i thought i'd take another stab at ebooks from the ole library. i'm not sure if they have a renew option, i think they might just expire at the end of 14 days. but brendan and i are between shows right now, so i'll focus more on reading.

it's difficult to find good books (especially when limited to library books) about women. and now that i'm conscious of this, it makes me all that more determined to find the few and far between books. i was reminded this evening of what a gem "the women's room" was. i managed to find a copy of "the bluest eyes", which was on my list of books to read. a few months ago, i naively mentioned to brendan "i'm thinking about reading this book called 'the bluest eyes' by this woman named toni morrison" and he laughed out loud because toni morrison is very famous and i made her sound new or obscure. but she was new to me :S

andean

while we had a nice weekend, i felt it was compounded by many stressers that are making me overwhelmed and as brendan said "catastrophise" things – like when i panicked about using beef broth instead of chicken stock in the soup i was making.

zombie

tonight, that while i lay on my bed listening to the 'what if god was one of us', i thought about my first heartbreak in 1996. i was 16 and his name was neil. it was dramatic, and angsty, horribly unhealthy and really drawn-out. i was so unhappy but thought i loved him because he gave me a sense of belonging that i longed for. i had several different boyfriend, one after another until 2004. when my heart broke the most and i decided i'd had enough and that i'd rather go it alone than risk that kind of heartache again.

years later, i met a girl (a friend of a friend) with an ordinary name, who spelled it an unordinary way. she and her boyfriend had just split up. she told me that she was sure they'd get back together, she just couldn't imagine life without him. and i told her that not being able to imagine life without him didn't mean life without him wasn't possible. and that i also thought that i'd also thought that my boyfriend and i would get back together and we didn't. i think she was really surprised to hear that her feelings were not original, but were actually very common post-break-up.

i don't actually know what happened with her and her boyfriend. we never crossed paths again, but i don't think they got back together.

toot

sometimes parenting feels like this tiny person is just trying to push my buttons by doing all the things that stress me out in a matter of minutes.

while considering this, i realized that my feet is my most sensory sensitive body part. if my feet are hot, the rest of me feels overheated. if my feet get wet while walking through dewy grass, it bothers me for hours. stepping on things is overwhelming. stepping with things like dry couscous stuck to the bottom of my feel is extremely aggravating.

if i'm going to survive this age/stage of parenting with my mental state in tact, i'm going to have to loosen up a little and lower my expectations.

burnt perogies

yesterday was a tedious evening of parenting. eamon cried at the drop of a hat. anything and everything made him cry, even things he usually loves to do. my interesting observation about this, was that when he was upset, particularly by me telling him no, he would walk away crying, then take a u-turn so that he was crying towards me and wanting to be cuddled. this is one of the most curious things about humans, often times the people who hurt us most are also the ones we want to run to for comfort.

forward

i don't know if i mentioned this already, but i'm growing accustomed to brendan's new work schedule and i don't mind his evening shifts. i might even prefer it when he works til 11 than when he works til 8:20. it means those evenings are mine to do whatever i'd like. when he works til 8:20, i tend to wait til he gets home.

sometimes caring deeply about something or someone sucks. caring takes way more out of me and means i worry way more than i would if i didn't care. i think i'm worried because there's nothing i can do to fix it. no, that's not it. i'm worried because it's bleak.

i think i might be pmsing, because i'm feeling rather glum and pessimistic tonight. is it obvious? plus, éamon had a longer than usual freak out tonight, and his dadda wasn't here to help settle him (he settles better for brendan than me). that was added stress.

time to go sleep it off.