i think my can opener suffers from performance anxiety. the other night i just refused to cooperate and i had to open a can of stewed tomatoes with a bottle opener. i felt like a frickin hobo with a can of baked beans.
i've decided that over my christmas holidays i'm going to re-finish my kitchen chairs. i'm very excited about this. refinishing furniture is one of my favourite things to do. although, my experience is "light" meaning i haven't done it a lot, i have discovered its something i'm good at and like doing when i have the time. so that's my plan. i've got to pick up some new fabric to re-upholster the seats. i'm leaning towards doing each one with different fabric. similar in texture, but different in pattern and colour. the chairs themselves are wood. i have a palm sander so sanding them will be easy. ooh, i'm really looking forward to it. my kitchen table is quite narrow, so i only have 2 chairs out at a time, but there are 4 in the set. the other 2 are in the closet. i'm going to do them all. it shouldn't take too much time. unlike my last project... in my mind christmas 2004 is synonymous with wood fill. and red rose tea.
sometimes i'm impatient for things i know are worth waiting for. and for things i know i can live without.
i've been attempting to be at work on time. the last two days i've been successful. today i was actually 10 minutes early. this always puts me in an awesome mood. i think its because i'm not starting the day feeling guilty. this is my new goal. i have to be very self-disciplined if i'm going to make a habit of it. it will be an achievement to say the least.
why does being flexible often feel like playing dead?
soon enough
work and love will make a man out of you.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
typo
they must have been wondering "who is this girl and why is she here?" i have to admit, i was wondering that about me too.
when i'm wearing pants that aren't bells and yet aren't tapered, i feel a need to constantly adjust them in hopes that they will cover my feet. i'm not sure why, i'm not anti-my-feet. i just love the look and feel of bellbottoms.
this afternoon when i was at the Y i thought to myself "enough is enough, i've GOT to think about something else". i realized that i'd spent the last 2 evenings at home alone and was facing another evening by myself. spending too much time alone causes one to become extremely self-centred and i was just sick of thinking of myself. so on my way home i stopped at melissa's and stayed for a very nice visit. it's good to connect with people. the more inward looking you get, the more inward looking you get. the more isolated you become the more isolated you want to be. i don't know about you, but that always leaves me feeling miserable. so my time with melissa broke me out of that funk.
when i arrived her housemate was in the living room with some friends of hers. i didn't pay them much attention until we were walking to the kitchen and i realized there was sharilyn!! oh my goodness!!! i swear i haven't seen her in about 5 to 7 years!! i was telling melissa afterwards that it was the first time i'd seen her as a grown-up. when i gave her a hug i thought to myself "this IS shar, but the adult version!" it was so weird. i'm still semi-quazi in denial. she graduated from queen's last april, it seems funny to me that i have friends younger than shar.
this is old lady at work who always insists on saying hi to me in the lunch room. i don't get it. she's fairly new. i'm very pleasantly reading by myself and she will stare at me til i look up and then she says hello. i'd really like to know what makes her do this. i'd really like it if she'd buzz off. hahahaha. its just weird. i'm not lonely, i'm not rejected, i read at lunch time because its relaxing. she doesn't need to "reach out" to me. some people just don't understand people like me.
don't do it for mine, but for your ownsake.
when i'm wearing pants that aren't bells and yet aren't tapered, i feel a need to constantly adjust them in hopes that they will cover my feet. i'm not sure why, i'm not anti-my-feet. i just love the look and feel of bellbottoms.
this afternoon when i was at the Y i thought to myself "enough is enough, i've GOT to think about something else". i realized that i'd spent the last 2 evenings at home alone and was facing another evening by myself. spending too much time alone causes one to become extremely self-centred and i was just sick of thinking of myself. so on my way home i stopped at melissa's and stayed for a very nice visit. it's good to connect with people. the more inward looking you get, the more inward looking you get. the more isolated you become the more isolated you want to be. i don't know about you, but that always leaves me feeling miserable. so my time with melissa broke me out of that funk.
when i arrived her housemate was in the living room with some friends of hers. i didn't pay them much attention until we were walking to the kitchen and i realized there was sharilyn!! oh my goodness!!! i swear i haven't seen her in about 5 to 7 years!! i was telling melissa afterwards that it was the first time i'd seen her as a grown-up. when i gave her a hug i thought to myself "this IS shar, but the adult version!" it was so weird. i'm still semi-quazi in denial. she graduated from queen's last april, it seems funny to me that i have friends younger than shar.
this is old lady at work who always insists on saying hi to me in the lunch room. i don't get it. she's fairly new. i'm very pleasantly reading by myself and she will stare at me til i look up and then she says hello. i'd really like to know what makes her do this. i'd really like it if she'd buzz off. hahahaha. its just weird. i'm not lonely, i'm not rejected, i read at lunch time because its relaxing. she doesn't need to "reach out" to me. some people just don't understand people like me.
don't do it for mine, but for your ownsake.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
whoa
i've been doing a lot of thinking. reflecting. and i've concluded, i have some pretty awesome friends. even my friends who are far away are still there for me. its amazing. i'm so thankful and grateful and so on. i suppose we go through periods of our lives that involve pruning. i've been pruned. it hurt a little. its ok. sometimes its time to let go.
he was so proud of himself when he offered me beer. i'm not sure what message my face proclaimed but inwardly i was proud of him too.
you are my mental-health saver.
i'm still reading that book of short stories that rhonda lent me. i'm quite enjoying it. today i was quite tickled by what i read and would like to share it with you. before i do, i should explain this is an excerpt taken from a short story called "how to write a serious novel about love" which is actually super entertaining. ok... "set your novel in a small old city on the shore of a large polluted lake, a clean respectable city with limestone buildings, heritage sites, sailboats and yachts in the harbour, a prestigious university, a large psychiatric hospital, and several prisons for both men and women. this is what you know. change the street names to protect the innocent". hahaha. i beamed when i read that. the author lives in kingston.
knickers was in the office. its been a while. we were sitting together going over the changes i need to make in the brochure, when she looked at me and said "you know you're rambling". that made me laugh, it was true, i was. i don't even think i was finishing my sentences. at another point she said something and i made some kind of face, this made HER laugh and say "its nice to see you again". i'm starting to think i show more on my face than i was aware of. i find that kind of horrifying. beckie keeps reassuring me this is ok since its a way of being straight with people without actually having to say anything.
there's something about today that makes me feel all is well in the world. its nice having days like this.
pspd glossary:
when i say "you" its referring to someone who reads pspd.
when i say "him" or "her" i'm refering to someone who does not.
i heard you say we'd be friends forever, not less a day.
he was so proud of himself when he offered me beer. i'm not sure what message my face proclaimed but inwardly i was proud of him too.
you are my mental-health saver.
i'm still reading that book of short stories that rhonda lent me. i'm quite enjoying it. today i was quite tickled by what i read and would like to share it with you. before i do, i should explain this is an excerpt taken from a short story called "how to write a serious novel about love" which is actually super entertaining. ok... "set your novel in a small old city on the shore of a large polluted lake, a clean respectable city with limestone buildings, heritage sites, sailboats and yachts in the harbour, a prestigious university, a large psychiatric hospital, and several prisons for both men and women. this is what you know. change the street names to protect the innocent". hahaha. i beamed when i read that. the author lives in kingston.
knickers was in the office. its been a while. we were sitting together going over the changes i need to make in the brochure, when she looked at me and said "you know you're rambling". that made me laugh, it was true, i was. i don't even think i was finishing my sentences. at another point she said something and i made some kind of face, this made HER laugh and say "its nice to see you again". i'm starting to think i show more on my face than i was aware of. i find that kind of horrifying. beckie keeps reassuring me this is ok since its a way of being straight with people without actually having to say anything.
there's something about today that makes me feel all is well in the world. its nice having days like this.
pspd glossary:
when i say "you" its referring to someone who reads pspd.
when i say "him" or "her" i'm refering to someone who does not.
i heard you say we'd be friends forever, not less a day.
Monday, November 27, 2006
al dente
i let nostalgia get the better of me.
you may have noticed this about me, but i can laugh at myself with the best of them. and i've concluded this is imperative to my exisitence. i couldn't survive without my sense of humour. it isn't always inappropriate, seeing as i even laugh at the really terrible things. i recognize that the really terrible things are truly terrible, but i still laugh. i can't help it. i'm often surprised when people don't share my sporatic laughter. i think some find it offensive. i must discover how to laugh at people without being offensive. my co-worker michel laughs at knickers in the face all the time and gets away with it. i envy him.
oh frig, marilyn's on this new kick of trying to set me up with the new engineers at work. i keep telling her "i'm not interested". but even at that i laugh. i laugh at EVERYTHING. last night i was laughing at brandon for sitting in a chair. actually to correct myself, i wasn't laughing AT him, i just thought it was funny. hahaha, brandon sitting in a chair. hahahahahaha. HAHAHA.
i think its pretty safe to say that i know when i've done wrong. i don't always know it at the time, but i usually clue in within a couple days. it might take longer, it depends on the depth of the mistake – the bigger the mistake the longer it takes for me to realize my stupidity. i'm not above saying i'm sorry, but i only say it when i mean it. like most things, i only say what i mean.
he knew i was feisty. i knew he was blind.
two brown eyes are looking out for you.
you may have noticed this about me, but i can laugh at myself with the best of them. and i've concluded this is imperative to my exisitence. i couldn't survive without my sense of humour. it isn't always inappropriate, seeing as i even laugh at the really terrible things. i recognize that the really terrible things are truly terrible, but i still laugh. i can't help it. i'm often surprised when people don't share my sporatic laughter. i think some find it offensive. i must discover how to laugh at people without being offensive. my co-worker michel laughs at knickers in the face all the time and gets away with it. i envy him.
oh frig, marilyn's on this new kick of trying to set me up with the new engineers at work. i keep telling her "i'm not interested". but even at that i laugh. i laugh at EVERYTHING. last night i was laughing at brandon for sitting in a chair. actually to correct myself, i wasn't laughing AT him, i just thought it was funny. hahaha, brandon sitting in a chair. hahahahahaha. HAHAHA.
i think its pretty safe to say that i know when i've done wrong. i don't always know it at the time, but i usually clue in within a couple days. it might take longer, it depends on the depth of the mistake – the bigger the mistake the longer it takes for me to realize my stupidity. i'm not above saying i'm sorry, but i only say it when i mean it. like most things, i only say what i mean.
he knew i was feisty. i knew he was blind.
two brown eyes are looking out for you.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
jack
i got a flat tire today. actually, i'm not sure when it happened. as i drove down my street this morning, i heard a terrible loud sound so i got out to investigate. frig, i was rather freaked out, but decided to avoid dealing with it, so i just parked at the side of the road and walked the rest of the way. last night, i'd gone with some ex-think inc-ers to the think inc play. i drove to theatre 5, everything was fine. it was fine when i drove home last night, so i have no idea what the heck happened. i'm wondering if someone slashed my tire. hm. to my relief, david changed my tire after church. he is totally my hero. it worked out really smoothly, he got the spare tire on, then i took it to canadian tire and got my front tires put on the back and new tires on the front. excellent. it was really gross, somehow my trunk got filled with water and there was hords of paper and crap around the spare that turned all slimey. ewwww. i hope i learn to keep my trunk more tidy. i hope. it was quite amusing, i found an old note mandy had written me in highschool on a trident wrapper. it said "chest-hair boy is hot". for the life of me i CAN'T remember who that was. melinda, do you remember?? bud, do you??
we went to morrisons for breakfast. i have this problem of ordering WAY too much and then not finishing it. i feel so wasteful, because i AM. i hope i learn. i have mind you, learned only to order 1 egg and not 2. 2 is too much. although, perhaps 2 eggs but no homefries is best. yes, i think that's what i should do from now on.
i think she thinks i'm sketchy. i wish that wasn't the case. its only because she hasn't heard the whole story. then it would be justifiable. i'd probably think i'm sketchy too.
laney brought me back a totally beautiful necklace from me-hee-co. YAY! thanks again laney!!
often i'm talking about you.
i've had a really nice weekend. and i don't even dread going back to work tomorrow. probably because i don't have to wear a skirt. yay! AND i'm extremely grateful that i didn't have to work this weekend :)
i suffer no less if i refuse to speak.
we went to morrisons for breakfast. i have this problem of ordering WAY too much and then not finishing it. i feel so wasteful, because i AM. i hope i learn. i have mind you, learned only to order 1 egg and not 2. 2 is too much. although, perhaps 2 eggs but no homefries is best. yes, i think that's what i should do from now on.
i think she thinks i'm sketchy. i wish that wasn't the case. its only because she hasn't heard the whole story. then it would be justifiable. i'd probably think i'm sketchy too.
laney brought me back a totally beautiful necklace from me-hee-co. YAY! thanks again laney!!
often i'm talking about you.
i've had a really nice weekend. and i don't even dread going back to work tomorrow. probably because i don't have to wear a skirt. yay! AND i'm extremely grateful that i didn't have to work this weekend :)
i suffer no less if i refuse to speak.
Friday, November 24, 2006
rocketship
i'm a sleepy-dee.
i had a really nice evening at the oldings tonight. joelle was so funny, she was in the bath-tub when i arrived. caleb was on the change table, and both of them were screaming for my attention. its nice to feel wanted by a kid. i didn't think caleb really knew me, so it was encouraging that he was so attached to me tonight :) joy & tim's friends are very nice, it was fun telling them about my trip and giving them an idea what to expect.
the english language is weird. same phonetic word, totally different meaning: choose-chews.
i was knitting this evening and realized the sweater i'm making for joelle is WAY too short in the torso. AND the sleeves are too short. so i had to rip it out. oh well, i'd rather do it right.
today i decided to have a nap at lunch again. unfortunately, i fell asleep for 55 minutes. i only get a half hour lunch. oops! i feel like george costanza.
argh, i have so much to do tomorrow. i guess i'll just be locked to my desk all day. i hope to venture out for a little while. maybe go to the goat for a bit or something.
it's hard to be yourself
when everyone around you
thinks you're someone else.
i had a really nice evening at the oldings tonight. joelle was so funny, she was in the bath-tub when i arrived. caleb was on the change table, and both of them were screaming for my attention. its nice to feel wanted by a kid. i didn't think caleb really knew me, so it was encouraging that he was so attached to me tonight :) joy & tim's friends are very nice, it was fun telling them about my trip and giving them an idea what to expect.
the english language is weird. same phonetic word, totally different meaning: choose-chews.
i was knitting this evening and realized the sweater i'm making for joelle is WAY too short in the torso. AND the sleeves are too short. so i had to rip it out. oh well, i'd rather do it right.
today i decided to have a nap at lunch again. unfortunately, i fell asleep for 55 minutes. i only get a half hour lunch. oops! i feel like george costanza.
argh, i have so much to do tomorrow. i guess i'll just be locked to my desk all day. i hope to venture out for a little while. maybe go to the goat for a bit or something.
it's hard to be yourself
when everyone around you
thinks you're someone else.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
penny
i saw jill barber tonight with melissa. it was fun. annie from the goat opened for her, she did really well and was quite entertaining. i didn't realize she played the banjo. funny instrument. jill was also really great, i found it interesting that she's soooo obviously sleeping with her producer. but i think its a pretty unsketchy situation, so it was interesting to see them interact. i really like how she parts her hair. i think i'll try it. it may not work, but its worth a shot. she really has a beautiful voice and so does jim guthrie actually :p
we ended up getting there super early, so we sat around chatting for a long time. we talked a lot about relationships. melissa said something that really got me wondering, "what is it about relationships that makes you want to confide in the other person in a way you don't with your friends?" i'm puzzled over that. i really don't know the answer.
there was another bus driver sighting.
today i was feeling crazy and irrational so i emailed beckie for a "calm me down email". she delivered excellently. and actually hit the nail on the head of one really specific issue. it was very revealing. i'm frustrated that i'm still unravelled by this one person, she makes me feel shadowed by her.
i took a nap at work today. lied down on the couch in the ladies room. i got really into it too. you know, body jerks and dreams. all in 10 minutes!
i'm a bit of an odd girl.
aw crap. i've been looking forward all week to going to joy's house tomorrow night. its been a while since i saw her and had a really good conversation. and i've been looking forward to seeing the kids, but i just got a message from her that her friends are going to be there too. they're going to kenya in the new year and wants to get us together to show them my pictures. i feel shy. and i'm going to feel like a 5th week. argh. so annoying. i'll try to not let it bother me.
you must have some kind of news you can send.
don't have to write me as a lover, just as a friend.
we ended up getting there super early, so we sat around chatting for a long time. we talked a lot about relationships. melissa said something that really got me wondering, "what is it about relationships that makes you want to confide in the other person in a way you don't with your friends?" i'm puzzled over that. i really don't know the answer.
there was another bus driver sighting.
today i was feeling crazy and irrational so i emailed beckie for a "calm me down email". she delivered excellently. and actually hit the nail on the head of one really specific issue. it was very revealing. i'm frustrated that i'm still unravelled by this one person, she makes me feel shadowed by her.
i took a nap at work today. lied down on the couch in the ladies room. i got really into it too. you know, body jerks and dreams. all in 10 minutes!
i'm a bit of an odd girl.
aw crap. i've been looking forward all week to going to joy's house tomorrow night. its been a while since i saw her and had a really good conversation. and i've been looking forward to seeing the kids, but i just got a message from her that her friends are going to be there too. they're going to kenya in the new year and wants to get us together to show them my pictures. i feel shy. and i'm going to feel like a 5th week. argh. so annoying. i'll try to not let it bother me.
you must have some kind of news you can send.
don't have to write me as a lover, just as a friend.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
notes
i miss melinda's show on cfrc. now when i hear a song with strings in it, i think "oh, i should tell melinda..." then i remember. its disappointing. she had that show for over 2 years. listening for stringed instruments has become part of my music listening.
did i tell you i've started watching south park? i like it, its funny. actually, its shocking and that's why it makes me laugh. i can understand why its so controversial. but again, that's why its funny.
this week has gone quickly. i can't believe its thursday tomorrow already. i have so much to do, and don't have a free evening til next monday. i hope i'll be able to juggle everything alright.
i have mixed feelings. if she doesn't show up tomorrow, i know its a bad sign. and yet i still secretly hope she doesn't arrive. but its not because i'm hoping for bad news.
in times like this, i feel i need some mental breathing room. you're taking up too much of my head space.
i always feel like they forget about me when i'm not in the same room.
my inbox has been empty for hours. no new mail for lesley. very unexciting is my life at times.
isn't it amazing how our perspective of things is all relative compared to where we're coming from. the best example of this is temperature: right now its -3º and i'm cold. in a couple months -3º will be warm. my new pants are making me feel fat, and yet they're a size 9, so i'm not fat. but its all relative (that and the cut of the pants. part of me thinks clothes weren't made for people). its kind of like the whole "half-full/half-empty" thing. i would say i'm neither a half-full or half-empty person, because how full or empty the cup is depends on whether its being filled or emptied.
i was surprised this evening how my lack of desire to work on the yfc newsletter was equal to my desire to curl-up in a ball and lie on my bed. interesting how & when procrastination will show its ugly face.
i'll shame reality for doubting you.
did i tell you i've started watching south park? i like it, its funny. actually, its shocking and that's why it makes me laugh. i can understand why its so controversial. but again, that's why its funny.
this week has gone quickly. i can't believe its thursday tomorrow already. i have so much to do, and don't have a free evening til next monday. i hope i'll be able to juggle everything alright.
i have mixed feelings. if she doesn't show up tomorrow, i know its a bad sign. and yet i still secretly hope she doesn't arrive. but its not because i'm hoping for bad news.
in times like this, i feel i need some mental breathing room. you're taking up too much of my head space.
i always feel like they forget about me when i'm not in the same room.
my inbox has been empty for hours. no new mail for lesley. very unexciting is my life at times.
isn't it amazing how our perspective of things is all relative compared to where we're coming from. the best example of this is temperature: right now its -3º and i'm cold. in a couple months -3º will be warm. my new pants are making me feel fat, and yet they're a size 9, so i'm not fat. but its all relative (that and the cut of the pants. part of me thinks clothes weren't made for people). its kind of like the whole "half-full/half-empty" thing. i would say i'm neither a half-full or half-empty person, because how full or empty the cup is depends on whether its being filled or emptied.
i was surprised this evening how my lack of desire to work on the yfc newsletter was equal to my desire to curl-up in a ball and lie on my bed. interesting how & when procrastination will show its ugly face.
i'll shame reality for doubting you.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
hooves
my mom left for england today. for some odd reason she's flying thru philidelphia. weird. i stopped at her place on the way to work to give her something for my two aunts. when i gave her my gifts for them, she looked at me and said "you know, you're very thoughtful. you have a good heart." and she got teary-eyed. i have to admit, that is probably the nicest, most genuine compliment that i can remember. i can't explain it, but i feel like out of all my accomplishments, it was that moment that she was the proudest of me. it felt good. i turned it around on her, and told her its because she taught me to be thoughtful. i know she's had it rough, but she did the best she could. what more could i ask for? we had a nice brief visit. she was in good spirits. i worry that now that grandma is gone that she'll feel like she doesn't belong to anyone.
ok so there are a few other mystery people appearing on my site meter. someone from singapore clicking in thru sam's blog (i didn't realize you have a link on your blog, but welcome sam!), and someone from the states (unidentified location) clicking in thru the butlers blog. hmm. i'm investigative reports.
i'm really enjoying wearing pants to work. its all that i dreamed and more.
i'm gonna go bum out for a bit before getting ready for bed.
for your information, i deleted an entire paragraph. ha-ha. suckers. just kidding about the suckers bit.
shit ya, take a chance.
shit ya, i can dance!
ok so there are a few other mystery people appearing on my site meter. someone from singapore clicking in thru sam's blog (i didn't realize you have a link on your blog, but welcome sam!), and someone from the states (unidentified location) clicking in thru the butlers blog. hmm. i'm investigative reports.
i'm really enjoying wearing pants to work. its all that i dreamed and more.
i'm gonna go bum out for a bit before getting ready for bed.
for your information, i deleted an entire paragraph. ha-ha. suckers. just kidding about the suckers bit.
shit ya, take a chance.
shit ya, i can dance!
Monday, November 20, 2006
booth
my grandma died.
she was 92. its ok, i'm ok. last time i was in england i spend some quality time with her and knew it would be my last time seeing her. i have closure and know she's better off, it was what she wanted. she was ready. i'd like to remind you please don't give your condolences, i don't feel its appropriate. it makes me feel uncomfortable seeing as we weren't close and i didn't really know her very well. regardless of that, i do love her and i'd like to pay tribute to her in this post.
my grandma was born in england, but lived and was raised in scotland. her name was mary. she met my grandpa when she was 11 years old, he was 13. he claimed the first time he saw her he thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. his name was bobby.
i have her brown eyes and her excellent memory. she liked to do crossword puzzles and read street-signs outloud just like i do.
this is a picture them, it's old, i would guess early 90s if not late 80s. they were married for 63 years. my grandpa adored her. he died on xmas eve 2001, 2 days before our flight to england for a visit.
i wrote an entry about her last november. it echos a lot of what i'm feeling right now. disappointment. a sense of loss of what never was. i'd like to direct you to that since i don't want to repeat myself – the link is at the bottom of this entry. when i was reading this i was quite entertained by the comment conversation melinda & i had. funny. i miss that girl. this afternoon i was thinking about how much i'd love to just sit in my kitchen drinking tea with her.
knickers let me have this afternoon off. she was funny though, when i first got there, she came into my cube and said "sit down". i sat. she told me it was fine if i wanted the time off instead of the money, then she asked "is everything ok?". i told her i appreciated the concern i just have a lot to do, but still i blushed so i fear i may not have been convincing. but i really am ok. i just blush extremely easily.
well my laundry is done, so i should go pick it up at the laundromat. thanks for visiting. i appreciate sharing about my granny, it helps work out my feelings about it.
http://magoog.blogspot.com/2005/11/smorgasbord.html
life was meant for the living.
she was 92. its ok, i'm ok. last time i was in england i spend some quality time with her and knew it would be my last time seeing her. i have closure and know she's better off, it was what she wanted. she was ready. i'd like to remind you please don't give your condolences, i don't feel its appropriate. it makes me feel uncomfortable seeing as we weren't close and i didn't really know her very well. regardless of that, i do love her and i'd like to pay tribute to her in this post.
my grandma was born in england, but lived and was raised in scotland. her name was mary. she met my grandpa when she was 11 years old, he was 13. he claimed the first time he saw her he thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. his name was bobby.
i have her brown eyes and her excellent memory. she liked to do crossword puzzles and read street-signs outloud just like i do.
this is a picture them, it's old, i would guess early 90s if not late 80s. they were married for 63 years. my grandpa adored her. he died on xmas eve 2001, 2 days before our flight to england for a visit.i wrote an entry about her last november. it echos a lot of what i'm feeling right now. disappointment. a sense of loss of what never was. i'd like to direct you to that since i don't want to repeat myself – the link is at the bottom of this entry. when i was reading this i was quite entertained by the comment conversation melinda & i had. funny. i miss that girl. this afternoon i was thinking about how much i'd love to just sit in my kitchen drinking tea with her.
knickers let me have this afternoon off. she was funny though, when i first got there, she came into my cube and said "sit down". i sat. she told me it was fine if i wanted the time off instead of the money, then she asked "is everything ok?". i told her i appreciated the concern i just have a lot to do, but still i blushed so i fear i may not have been convincing. but i really am ok. i just blush extremely easily.
well my laundry is done, so i should go pick it up at the laundromat. thanks for visiting. i appreciate sharing about my granny, it helps work out my feelings about it.
http://magoog.blogspot.com/2005/11/smorgasbord.html
life was meant for the living.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
frigidaire
so they made me work again today. this time i had to go into the office. i'm not happy about that. as a result i was very passive aggressive. i defiantly ate 2 donuts for lunch and blared jim guthrie instead of using my headphones. there was only me and argo so its not like my protest was effective. i sent knickers an email asking me for tomorrow afternoon off, i'm hoping that will be ok with her. i really missed having this afternoon to relax.
this was an odd day. i got up super early for church and yet spent my time making an omelette instead of getting ready so i didn't have time for a shower. so i decided to wear my hair up in a scarf. i liked it though, and a number of people commented on it. men & women alike. i hope it was because they liked it not because it was weird or crappily done.
i think i've come to the conclusion that as my hair goes grey, i'm not going to colour it. we'll see how that goes, i might change my mind. but not colouring my hair suits me. it requires too much effort to dye your hair. plus, it might not look too bad. but really, i think it'll be a while before i seriously have to consider that.
today i realized something... i am overdramatic as a stress reliever. when they called me into work i was so angry. unfortunately, i don't know enough profanity to fully express my frustration. however, i was a ranting and a raving in my head, and as a result i could laugh at myself about it. one time, tim got hit in the head with the ball at a baseball game. he fell down, got up, and fell down again. he did this repeatedly. everyone was so concerned and joy shrugged it off saying "oh he does that on purpose. being overdramatic makes it hurt less". i think i'm the same way.
frig, i've GOT to tidy my desk. its so overwhelming. argh! well i guess i'll get ready for bed.
the worst thing we could think at all is maybe we're not good enough.
this was an odd day. i got up super early for church and yet spent my time making an omelette instead of getting ready so i didn't have time for a shower. so i decided to wear my hair up in a scarf. i liked it though, and a number of people commented on it. men & women alike. i hope it was because they liked it not because it was weird or crappily done.
i think i've come to the conclusion that as my hair goes grey, i'm not going to colour it. we'll see how that goes, i might change my mind. but not colouring my hair suits me. it requires too much effort to dye your hair. plus, it might not look too bad. but really, i think it'll be a while before i seriously have to consider that.
today i realized something... i am overdramatic as a stress reliever. when they called me into work i was so angry. unfortunately, i don't know enough profanity to fully express my frustration. however, i was a ranting and a raving in my head, and as a result i could laugh at myself about it. one time, tim got hit in the head with the ball at a baseball game. he fell down, got up, and fell down again. he did this repeatedly. everyone was so concerned and joy shrugged it off saying "oh he does that on purpose. being overdramatic makes it hurt less". i think i'm the same way.
frig, i've GOT to tidy my desk. its so overwhelming. argh! well i guess i'll get ready for bed.
the worst thing we could think at all is maybe we're not good enough.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
crowbar
alrighty, i've thought of a lot of things throughout the day that i wanted to share with you, i hope i can remember everything.
this morning i went to the dream session at next. like i said, it was in the morning. i didn't rush, i couldn't force myself, i was still kind of dopey when i got there and they all got to see me in my morning glory.
i think its really funny that at minos last night i had my feet up on the chair beside david and i was slouching under the table. i bet THAT'S never been done in minos before.
today i went to the mall to pick-up my three pairs of pants that i had hemmed at stich-it. while i was there i wandered around and found another 2 pairs of pants for 10 bux each. so they're being hemmed too. now i have 4 pairs of pants to wear to work! excellent.
after trying on clothes, i was very aware of feeling "jiggly" around my middle and thought about how i need to have a walk. then i realized i have a Y membership AND i've started keeping my gym clothes in the car so i headed right there from the mall. so handy! i'm so glad! it was pretty quiet in there. i did some cardio, but i didn't have a water bottle so i was rather parched. i ended up only doing 11 minutes on the eliptical then my regular routine of weights. part of me thinks "only 11 minutes??" however, i did burn 118 calories which is pretty good for only 11 minutes. and that was on top of my regular weights. so i feel that's adequately justified.
on my way to the mall i drove thru crowds and crowds of people who were standing on the side of the road for the santa claus parade. i wanted to yell to them "haven't you heard? the kingston santa claus parade sucks ass!" i realize to a number of you that probably sounds very callused and cynical – you're probably right. and true... i did hear its better now that they're doing it at night-time. the thing i find so odd is why do we only have parades in the winter when its cold out?? why not a nice summer parade?? come one, admit it, that's dumb. i want to go to a REAL parade some day.
today i ate pizza for the fourth time in one week. no wonder i was feeling jiggly around the middle.
don't wanna go to school,
i just wanna stay at home with mel torme.
9:13 PM
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
addendum:
i just got home from meghan's spoken word performance. she did so awesome. it was so funny and so well done. i'm so proud of her. she did great. some people are stupid assholes though. i'm glad that she isn't gonna let it bother her.
this morning i went to the dream session at next. like i said, it was in the morning. i didn't rush, i couldn't force myself, i was still kind of dopey when i got there and they all got to see me in my morning glory.
i think its really funny that at minos last night i had my feet up on the chair beside david and i was slouching under the table. i bet THAT'S never been done in minos before.
today i went to the mall to pick-up my three pairs of pants that i had hemmed at stich-it. while i was there i wandered around and found another 2 pairs of pants for 10 bux each. so they're being hemmed too. now i have 4 pairs of pants to wear to work! excellent.
after trying on clothes, i was very aware of feeling "jiggly" around my middle and thought about how i need to have a walk. then i realized i have a Y membership AND i've started keeping my gym clothes in the car so i headed right there from the mall. so handy! i'm so glad! it was pretty quiet in there. i did some cardio, but i didn't have a water bottle so i was rather parched. i ended up only doing 11 minutes on the eliptical then my regular routine of weights. part of me thinks "only 11 minutes??" however, i did burn 118 calories which is pretty good for only 11 minutes. and that was on top of my regular weights. so i feel that's adequately justified.
on my way to the mall i drove thru crowds and crowds of people who were standing on the side of the road for the santa claus parade. i wanted to yell to them "haven't you heard? the kingston santa claus parade sucks ass!" i realize to a number of you that probably sounds very callused and cynical – you're probably right. and true... i did hear its better now that they're doing it at night-time. the thing i find so odd is why do we only have parades in the winter when its cold out?? why not a nice summer parade?? come one, admit it, that's dumb. i want to go to a REAL parade some day.
today i ate pizza for the fourth time in one week. no wonder i was feeling jiggly around the middle.
don't wanna go to school,
i just wanna stay at home with mel torme.
9:13 PM
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
addendum:
i just got home from meghan's spoken word performance. she did so awesome. it was so funny and so well done. i'm so proud of her. she did great. some people are stupid assholes though. i'm glad that she isn't gonna let it bother her.
Friday, November 17, 2006
space porn
whoa i'm tired. i think i'm so tired because a week of late nights combined with a full stomach.
work was rather stressful today. there are rumours a stirring. tension. on top of that they asked me to work AGAIN this weekend. argh. this is the last time for the next 3 years. i actually didn't realize i could say no, so next time, i'll say no.
i was just out for dinner with david at minos. i have this crazy obsession with minos greek salad. anyway, i like that we sat over dinner swapping stories of our mental problems. oops, i hope he doesn't mind that i said that, i don't think he'd deny it, nor would i. i like that i can talk really openly with him with no concern of "what's appropriate". having no filter creates an unusual level of comfort.
i use "air quotes" WAY to much.
whoa i really am sleepy. i think this is all i've got in me tonight.
all i want is this sweet melody.
work was rather stressful today. there are rumours a stirring. tension. on top of that they asked me to work AGAIN this weekend. argh. this is the last time for the next 3 years. i actually didn't realize i could say no, so next time, i'll say no.
i was just out for dinner with david at minos. i have this crazy obsession with minos greek salad. anyway, i like that we sat over dinner swapping stories of our mental problems. oops, i hope he doesn't mind that i said that, i don't think he'd deny it, nor would i. i like that i can talk really openly with him with no concern of "what's appropriate". having no filter creates an unusual level of comfort.
i use "air quotes" WAY to much.
whoa i really am sleepy. i think this is all i've got in me tonight.
all i want is this sweet melody.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
umbrella
well my new specs have arrived. and they're on my face. as irony would have it i'm now having doubts about whether i like them. i think that's funny considering i've pined for them for almost 2 weeks. but i think i'll just have to get used to them that's all. they were all smuggy at first so i had ill feelings towards them but now their clean so i feel more positive. this has led me to think about all the times i think i really want something, do i actually want them? would that thing, person or whatever make me happier? thankfully my happiness isn't at stake when it comes to my new glasses. the frames look blacker than my other ones. is that possible? more black? hm. again i just need to adjust. i got the anti-reflective lenses, i'm glad or else the picture shown below would be all glarey.
seeing that picture of me makes me think how weird dimples are. like, what's up with dimples?
its funny what beckie mentioned the other day about how she'd like to see me in my workplace. melissa's said that before too. i'm different at work. i'm not silly or dramatic. i'm collected, withdrawn and professional. its strange how that is. that we compartmentlize our lives. i think that's why i like checking my email at work. it combines life and work into one event. i slouch in my chair A LOT, people often comment about me sliding under my desk. i've always expected knickers to reprimand me about it, but she never has. then the other day a lady commented that she can tell that i love my job because of the way i sit in my chair "you're comfortable, at home and relaxed just doing what you love". interesting take on things. i think she's right. i just wish i could wear jeans everyday. and that i didn't have to pack a lunch.
yesterday i cooked the crappiest sheppards pie ever. its completely tasteless and the potatoes are lumpy. don't get me wrong, as much as i boast about being a bad cook, i can usually do a nice sheppards pie.
cooperation killed conflict.
seeing that picture of me makes me think how weird dimples are. like, what's up with dimples?
its funny what beckie mentioned the other day about how she'd like to see me in my workplace. melissa's said that before too. i'm different at work. i'm not silly or dramatic. i'm collected, withdrawn and professional. its strange how that is. that we compartmentlize our lives. i think that's why i like checking my email at work. it combines life and work into one event. i slouch in my chair A LOT, people often comment about me sliding under my desk. i've always expected knickers to reprimand me about it, but she never has. then the other day a lady commented that she can tell that i love my job because of the way i sit in my chair "you're comfortable, at home and relaxed just doing what you love". interesting take on things. i think she's right. i just wish i could wear jeans everyday. and that i didn't have to pack a lunch.
yesterday i cooked the crappiest sheppards pie ever. its completely tasteless and the potatoes are lumpy. don't get me wrong, as much as i boast about being a bad cook, i can usually do a nice sheppards pie.
cooperation killed conflict.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
random
i'm all disoriented. i was just telling rach how it's felt like a thursday all day. i wish it could be the day it feels like. however... that could backfire sometimes.
i had a really nice time with rach tonight. it was my 4th day in a row of going to the goat. it think that's funny. i like going there, i'd go every day if i worked downtown. we knitted and chatted. we have unusual things in common. would you say that's true rachel? i kind of wish i was as bohemian as she is, but maybe i will be some day. i bought a scarf in kenya and i'll need her help figuring out how to wrap it. i saw so many woman wearing beautiful scarves that i just couldn't not buy one. although, they don't have hair so its easier to wrap. rachel used to have dreadlocks, i'd kind of like to have dreads some day. thinking maybe 32. its funny how i plan these things for so far off.
ok, so things are going fine. not too exciting, but not too boring. its kind of nice not being on the lesley roller-coaster. i think of my friend who recently decided she's stop writing with such dramatics. perhaps drama is a drug we need to unprescribe from.
today i asked marilyn if she & her husband santo were planning on going to the xmas party. she thought so, then the two of us went to ask frank if he & his wife rita are going. he also thought so. i told them how i didn't think i'd go since i have no one to go with and all, but they convinced me that we'd all sit together and they'd watch out for me. so i guess i'm going. i'm kind of happy because it'll be fun and now i don't have to worry about being left-out :)
as you know, i post entries every day. i've often wondered about people who don't write every day. i think to myself "what makes them decide 'this is the day'?" it seems odd to me. but when i think about it, there are some days when i have profound thoughts to share and other days where i'm just sharing the tid-bits of my day. so if i only shared profound thoughts there would definately be less entries. fewer entries.
you have no idea what "workplace awkwardness" is until you have a transgender co-worker.
still no glasses.
the meaning is always lost in translation from my head to my heart.
i had a really nice time with rach tonight. it was my 4th day in a row of going to the goat. it think that's funny. i like going there, i'd go every day if i worked downtown. we knitted and chatted. we have unusual things in common. would you say that's true rachel? i kind of wish i was as bohemian as she is, but maybe i will be some day. i bought a scarf in kenya and i'll need her help figuring out how to wrap it. i saw so many woman wearing beautiful scarves that i just couldn't not buy one. although, they don't have hair so its easier to wrap. rachel used to have dreadlocks, i'd kind of like to have dreads some day. thinking maybe 32. its funny how i plan these things for so far off.
ok, so things are going fine. not too exciting, but not too boring. its kind of nice not being on the lesley roller-coaster. i think of my friend who recently decided she's stop writing with such dramatics. perhaps drama is a drug we need to unprescribe from.
today i asked marilyn if she & her husband santo were planning on going to the xmas party. she thought so, then the two of us went to ask frank if he & his wife rita are going. he also thought so. i told them how i didn't think i'd go since i have no one to go with and all, but they convinced me that we'd all sit together and they'd watch out for me. so i guess i'm going. i'm kind of happy because it'll be fun and now i don't have to worry about being left-out :)
as you know, i post entries every day. i've often wondered about people who don't write every day. i think to myself "what makes them decide 'this is the day'?" it seems odd to me. but when i think about it, there are some days when i have profound thoughts to share and other days where i'm just sharing the tid-bits of my day. so if i only shared profound thoughts there would definately be less entries. fewer entries.
you have no idea what "workplace awkwardness" is until you have a transgender co-worker.
still no glasses.
the meaning is always lost in translation from my head to my heart.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
calls
WOO-HOO WOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOO-HOO WOO-HOO WOO-HOO WOO-HOO WOO-HOO WOO-HOO.
guess who's car freakishly passed the emissions test today?!?!?!?
IN YOUR FACE MINISTRY OF TRANSPORTATION!!!
OH BABY YEAH!!!!
yes, indeed. the batmobile passed the emissions test today. it wasn't supposed to be able to. the guy was totally surprised, he was hoping for a conditional pass at best! when it was tested last week, the NOx reading was 1285 – the limit is 636. today they did a re-test and it got a 623. there's NO explaining it. yay! yay! yay!!!! hahahha, oh the sweet sweet victory of beating the system. LESLEY 1, SYSTEM 0. i'm soooo happy! i'm the happiest monkey ever!!!
AND!!!! i got my msn fixed today!!! i really AM the happiest person alive :D
on the downside... i went to the grocery store today because i forgot to buy more breakfast sausages when i was grocery shopping yesterday. i went specifically for them. i paid my 3.86 and left, forgetting the breakfast sausages at the store :( oh well. i'm not going to let it put a kink in my day :) yay! yay! yay!!! hahahaha, that's hilarious!
oh for those of you who are thinking "she's crazy and bi-polar" i'll have you know that my week-end blues was just PMS. yay again!!!
tonight i went out with catherine (aka the new girl) for a cuppa tea. it was really fun. she's really super easy to talk with, i had a lovely time :)
i'm on this new crazy kick of wanting to wear pants to work. its too cold to wear skirts and being cold makes me crabby. the cords sarah gave me would be perfect so i dropped them off at stitch-it to be hemmed, and while i was there i moseyed on over to suzy sher and found some great dress pants for 15 bucks! so i took them to stich-it too.
yay! hurray! its been a great day. the only thing that could have made today better is if they called to say my glasses were ready. maybe tomorrow.
oh come on,
you're only 26.
guess who's car freakishly passed the emissions test today?!?!?!?
IN YOUR FACE MINISTRY OF TRANSPORTATION!!!
OH BABY YEAH!!!!
yes, indeed. the batmobile passed the emissions test today. it wasn't supposed to be able to. the guy was totally surprised, he was hoping for a conditional pass at best! when it was tested last week, the NOx reading was 1285 – the limit is 636. today they did a re-test and it got a 623. there's NO explaining it. yay! yay! yay!!!! hahahha, oh the sweet sweet victory of beating the system. LESLEY 1, SYSTEM 0. i'm soooo happy! i'm the happiest monkey ever!!!
AND!!!! i got my msn fixed today!!! i really AM the happiest person alive :D
on the downside... i went to the grocery store today because i forgot to buy more breakfast sausages when i was grocery shopping yesterday. i went specifically for them. i paid my 3.86 and left, forgetting the breakfast sausages at the store :( oh well. i'm not going to let it put a kink in my day :) yay! yay! yay!!! hahahaha, that's hilarious!
oh for those of you who are thinking "she's crazy and bi-polar" i'll have you know that my week-end blues was just PMS. yay again!!!
tonight i went out with catherine (aka the new girl) for a cuppa tea. it was really fun. she's really super easy to talk with, i had a lovely time :)
i'm on this new crazy kick of wanting to wear pants to work. its too cold to wear skirts and being cold makes me crabby. the cords sarah gave me would be perfect so i dropped them off at stitch-it to be hemmed, and while i was there i moseyed on over to suzy sher and found some great dress pants for 15 bucks! so i took them to stich-it too.
yay! hurray! its been a great day. the only thing that could have made today better is if they called to say my glasses were ready. maybe tomorrow.
oh come on,
you're only 26.
Monday, November 13, 2006
paranoid
i like living across the street from the memorial centre. its handy on election day. for some unknown reason i wasn't registered, i think i probably was at pine street, but i had to register at this address. when i was filling in the paperwork the man said to me "you probably weren't old enough at the last election..." and i told him "i'm 26". he was pretty shocked. it was funny. i didn't realize it, but i live in "williamsville". huh. interesting. that's my district. my dad lives near next church and that area is "king's town". hm. neato. or wait, is it "king city", i can't remember. i bumped into christopher currie there. when i saw him i started to laugh. he said in a way only christopher can "i don't know why this is funny, you know i live in this area". but it just was. he's a funny and yet odd guy.
i met up with irina at the goat. meghan showed up because she was meeting up with some friends. we also saw jason erb and a couple other people we knew it was funny. the goat. its the place to be! anyway, i had a really great time with irina. she has this new boyfriend, and she's so swooning over him right now and it's so cute. its really great to see her happy, and even greater knowing he's a super guy and worthy of her affections.
one cup of tea sometimes tastes better than another. why? i do not know.
so knickers and i FINALLY had the chance to talk about my "field trip" to CUTA. she said maryanne had been very impressed by me, and she thought it was a valuable experience for me. she even said "you do more that graphic design, you know that". i DO know that, but its nice to actually hear that from her. but later when we were going through a presentation i was working on, she'd caught a really minor error and said "that's why i get paid the big bucks". i have NO idea why it was relivant for her to say that, because i actually corrected her correction. i'm going to try to not let it bother me, because things have been really great between us lately. i'd just appreciate if she didn't remind me that she makes about 3 times as much as me. its only fair not to.
so melissa's face is adorned with her new glasses, when my face is gonna have to wait another few days. i swear this is gonna give me an aneurysm.
i like who we've become too ;)
i'm starting to think i'll bail on the christmas party. i had a really fun time last year, but i currently have no one to go with, and i don't think knickers will be going, she's the only one who can MAKE me go. and i don't have any friends at work (i have friendly co-workers but not friends exactly. dave ferrence kind of counts but i don't think he'll be there). i'll check with marilyn & frank if they're going, but if they're not there truly is no reason for me to go. oh well. it would have been nice, but there will be other years.
i am just a dreamer wearing sensible shoes.
i met up with irina at the goat. meghan showed up because she was meeting up with some friends. we also saw jason erb and a couple other people we knew it was funny. the goat. its the place to be! anyway, i had a really great time with irina. she has this new boyfriend, and she's so swooning over him right now and it's so cute. its really great to see her happy, and even greater knowing he's a super guy and worthy of her affections.
one cup of tea sometimes tastes better than another. why? i do not know.
so knickers and i FINALLY had the chance to talk about my "field trip" to CUTA. she said maryanne had been very impressed by me, and she thought it was a valuable experience for me. she even said "you do more that graphic design, you know that". i DO know that, but its nice to actually hear that from her. but later when we were going through a presentation i was working on, she'd caught a really minor error and said "that's why i get paid the big bucks". i have NO idea why it was relivant for her to say that, because i actually corrected her correction. i'm going to try to not let it bother me, because things have been really great between us lately. i'd just appreciate if she didn't remind me that she makes about 3 times as much as me. its only fair not to.
so melissa's face is adorned with her new glasses, when my face is gonna have to wait another few days. i swear this is gonna give me an aneurysm.
i like who we've become too ;)
i'm starting to think i'll bail on the christmas party. i had a really fun time last year, but i currently have no one to go with, and i don't think knickers will be going, she's the only one who can MAKE me go. and i don't have any friends at work (i have friendly co-workers but not friends exactly. dave ferrence kind of counts but i don't think he'll be there). i'll check with marilyn & frank if they're going, but if they're not there truly is no reason for me to go. oh well. it would have been nice, but there will be other years.
i am just a dreamer wearing sensible shoes.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
kosher
so how are things? i'm doing.... alright.
rhonda lent me a book today and i went to the goat. its very well written and i'm committed to actually finishing it. so hold me to that ok? the writer has a very unique style, same author who wrote "our lady of the lost & found". remember when i was reading that? its called "forms of devotion" this book has got me wondering "am i faithful or faithless?" and i've got to say... i don't know. i kind of wish i wasn't so "wishy-washy", because its difficult when your worldview chances with every outfit. melissa tells me "you're you" and that's true, but i guess i have to come to the point of accepting what that means. when i was talking to melinda yesterday she said something about "perhaps that's coming out of your past insecurities". i don't think i really understood what she was talking about at first, but sometimes its easier to identify things when you're looking at, not looking out.
to my disappointment, NO ONE was available for lunch after church. i guess i should have pre-planned something, or taken the opportunity to ask the new girl out for lunch. argh. however, why didn't she ask me? why does no one ask me to do stuff?????!!?! poor les. i did have a pleasant time at the goat by myself, i saw several people i know through melinda.
i had a visit with rhonda, i had to deliver the lego i stole from the church for her. i'm glad, because i needed to have a visit. i'm going to try to swing by there after living room tonight.
a sunset without you is no less pretty then it ever was.
rhonda lent me a book today and i went to the goat. its very well written and i'm committed to actually finishing it. so hold me to that ok? the writer has a very unique style, same author who wrote "our lady of the lost & found". remember when i was reading that? its called "forms of devotion" this book has got me wondering "am i faithful or faithless?" and i've got to say... i don't know. i kind of wish i wasn't so "wishy-washy", because its difficult when your worldview chances with every outfit. melissa tells me "you're you" and that's true, but i guess i have to come to the point of accepting what that means. when i was talking to melinda yesterday she said something about "perhaps that's coming out of your past insecurities". i don't think i really understood what she was talking about at first, but sometimes its easier to identify things when you're looking at, not looking out.
to my disappointment, NO ONE was available for lunch after church. i guess i should have pre-planned something, or taken the opportunity to ask the new girl out for lunch. argh. however, why didn't she ask me? why does no one ask me to do stuff?????!!?! poor les. i did have a pleasant time at the goat by myself, i saw several people i know through melinda.
i had a visit with rhonda, i had to deliver the lego i stole from the church for her. i'm glad, because i needed to have a visit. i'm going to try to swing by there after living room tonight.
a sunset without you is no less pretty then it ever was.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
band-aid
well work called, but thankfully i was able to work from home.
the highlight of my day ws going to aphra's place. that was fun. although, i had a difficult time finding their house and actually went up to the wrong house. it was pouring rain and i didn't want to drive all the way home to double check the address, so i went to the butlers place and they showed me the way. on the way home from there i saw a fat dalmation and that made me laugh out loud from the depth of my inners.
between having to work and having nothing better to do if i wasn't working, that got me in a pretty cranky mood. thankfully beckie heard thru the grape vine that i was feeling lonely and she gave me a call. i started to cry almost the second i heard her voice. and later melinda called and patiently listened as i ranted in anger about being lonely. she said i was sounding much better at the end of our converstation. i think she's right. and i felt better after crying too. sometimes i feel as though i always have to initiate contact and because i hadn't i was left at home with nothing to do. that's why i appreciated aphra's invitation so much.
tonight i watched "the notebook" on tv. it made me cry. at a happy part. i only cry at happy parts in movies, but this time it was more like "they're so happy and i'm so misrable". i cried again later too. i like my tears to dry on my face. it leaves my skin feeling funny.
i know you don't mean to make me feel stupid. i just don't know what to do with you.
i want you... to take me out.
the highlight of my day ws going to aphra's place. that was fun. although, i had a difficult time finding their house and actually went up to the wrong house. it was pouring rain and i didn't want to drive all the way home to double check the address, so i went to the butlers place and they showed me the way. on the way home from there i saw a fat dalmation and that made me laugh out loud from the depth of my inners.
between having to work and having nothing better to do if i wasn't working, that got me in a pretty cranky mood. thankfully beckie heard thru the grape vine that i was feeling lonely and she gave me a call. i started to cry almost the second i heard her voice. and later melinda called and patiently listened as i ranted in anger about being lonely. she said i was sounding much better at the end of our converstation. i think she's right. and i felt better after crying too. sometimes i feel as though i always have to initiate contact and because i hadn't i was left at home with nothing to do. that's why i appreciated aphra's invitation so much.
tonight i watched "the notebook" on tv. it made me cry. at a happy part. i only cry at happy parts in movies, but this time it was more like "they're so happy and i'm so misrable". i cried again later too. i like my tears to dry on my face. it leaves my skin feeling funny.
i know you don't mean to make me feel stupid. i just don't know what to do with you.
i want you... to take me out.
busted
why am i home alone on a saturday night?
this is seriously depressing.
i've uploaded my photos onto my flickr account.
this is seriously depressing.
i've uploaded my photos onto my flickr account.
this is a picture of me my first night in nairobi at the hotel. click the pic to go to see the others. i've gone pass the max number of photos so i'll upload more next month.that's a picture of a nice girl! why does she have nothing to do on a saturday night!?!?!?
Friday, November 10, 2006
soft spoken secrets
oh this is a serious problem. my pants a frickin tight! no more crappy junk for me for a little while. although... i DID just get this pants back from the laundromat and they probably are just tight from the dryer. i'm not used to dryers, i haven't used one in over 6 months.
so guess what melissa told me? when she was in at precision optical today ordering her glasses she was told "they'll be ready monday". i was there on sunday and they told me a week!!! argh, i'm so mad (well disappointed), i'm going in there tomorrow and demanding my glasses! just kidding, i won't demand. but i really, really hope their ready!
one of the best things about weekends is the night before, knowing you don't have to go to work the next day. but not tonight, they want me to go into work tomorrow which totally sux!! i'm so frustrated, i hope they don't call. its if they need some additional help on this presentation for a bid. now, i understand the importance of a bid. i recognize that at work NOTHING comes before a bid. however, i need my weekends, i don't want overtime pay, i want my time!! i hope they don't call. work lesley likes to appear willing, but freetime lesley wants her freedom.
yesterday i drove over the new overpass. it was trippy. i thought to myself "all of a sudden i'm in a different part of the city". i also thought melinda especially would be interested in this piece of information.
tonight i went to the movies with melissa and lindsay. we saw "stranger than fiction". we had planned to see "marie antoniette, but it was gone already. bummer. anyway, we really liked it. i was surprised to realize how much i liked miss pascals tattoos. the big one on her arm that looked like a sleeve. i also liked the little stars on her neck & hand too. i've thought about getting a star on my hand before. but i think i'm a chicken. and too uncommittal for something like a tattoo.
fallen for you,
boy who's trying to be a man,
boy who don't know if he can.
so guess what melissa told me? when she was in at precision optical today ordering her glasses she was told "they'll be ready monday". i was there on sunday and they told me a week!!! argh, i'm so mad (well disappointed), i'm going in there tomorrow and demanding my glasses! just kidding, i won't demand. but i really, really hope their ready!
one of the best things about weekends is the night before, knowing you don't have to go to work the next day. but not tonight, they want me to go into work tomorrow which totally sux!! i'm so frustrated, i hope they don't call. its if they need some additional help on this presentation for a bid. now, i understand the importance of a bid. i recognize that at work NOTHING comes before a bid. however, i need my weekends, i don't want overtime pay, i want my time!! i hope they don't call. work lesley likes to appear willing, but freetime lesley wants her freedom.
yesterday i drove over the new overpass. it was trippy. i thought to myself "all of a sudden i'm in a different part of the city". i also thought melinda especially would be interested in this piece of information.
tonight i went to the movies with melissa and lindsay. we saw "stranger than fiction". we had planned to see "marie antoniette, but it was gone already. bummer. anyway, we really liked it. i was surprised to realize how much i liked miss pascals tattoos. the big one on her arm that looked like a sleeve. i also liked the little stars on her neck & hand too. i've thought about getting a star on my hand before. but i think i'm a chicken. and too uncommittal for something like a tattoo.
fallen for you,
boy who's trying to be a man,
boy who don't know if he can.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
token
i want to get into bed so i'm going to keep this short.
i got my clothes back from the laudromat. haven't yet checked to see if they're all there, but i'll trust that they are. it cost me $8.50 for 2 loads. that's not to bad. i think i'll do it again. if i don't wait 2 weeks i'll only have 1 load so it'll only be $4.25.
my msn isn't working and its making me feel crippled.
fru is finally getting used to having me home again and isn't purring & wanting to be a centimetre from my face all the time. phew, that was annoying.
still no new glasses.
my grandma is in the hospital. i don't think she's going to make it. i have mixed feelings because she's old (92) and is a christian and is ready to go. and i feel ok with that. but the other part of me thinks "this is my grandma – the only grandma i've ever known, who i've haven't been able to spend much time with because of the ocean that divides us. with my grandma goes a lot of the secrets of my family that i will never know". please don't give me your condolences or your "i'm sorry to hear that" because its not necessary or even appropriate. we aren't close – i love her anyway, but its ok when she dies, i gave her my good-bye when i was in england last. although, she may still rally, this is not the first time that grandma's "not doing well".
i've noticed via my webmeter someone regularly visits from ottawa, on a mac and clicks in thru vinc's blog. lisa... is that you? well, whoever you are, i just wanted to say hello.
ok well i'm going to get ready for bed. its jeans day tomorrow. yay!
every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.
i got my clothes back from the laudromat. haven't yet checked to see if they're all there, but i'll trust that they are. it cost me $8.50 for 2 loads. that's not to bad. i think i'll do it again. if i don't wait 2 weeks i'll only have 1 load so it'll only be $4.25.
my msn isn't working and its making me feel crippled.
fru is finally getting used to having me home again and isn't purring & wanting to be a centimetre from my face all the time. phew, that was annoying.
still no new glasses.
my grandma is in the hospital. i don't think she's going to make it. i have mixed feelings because she's old (92) and is a christian and is ready to go. and i feel ok with that. but the other part of me thinks "this is my grandma – the only grandma i've ever known, who i've haven't been able to spend much time with because of the ocean that divides us. with my grandma goes a lot of the secrets of my family that i will never know". please don't give me your condolences or your "i'm sorry to hear that" because its not necessary or even appropriate. we aren't close – i love her anyway, but its ok when she dies, i gave her my good-bye when i was in england last. although, she may still rally, this is not the first time that grandma's "not doing well".
i've noticed via my webmeter someone regularly visits from ottawa, on a mac and clicks in thru vinc's blog. lisa... is that you? well, whoever you are, i just wanted to say hello.
ok well i'm going to get ready for bed. its jeans day tomorrow. yay!
every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
manitoulin
uh-oh. i just dropped off my clothes at the laundromat for the wash & fold service and i think i'm experiencing separation anxiety. i'm all phobic they're going to lose my clothes. yikes. when i called the other day she said if i drop my clothes off before 6:30 she can almost guarantee they'll be ready by 8. but tonight was a busy night so she asked that i come back tomorrow evening to pick them up. hmm, i'm nervous about this. i hope it turns out to be convienent though. also, since i thought i'd be getting my stuff back tonight i threw in all my pjs, so i don't have any pairs left to wear tonight. i guess i'll find something.
ok so bad news. my batmobile failed the emissions test. bummer. so for now i'm calling it my "badmobile". i have an appointment for next week for a diagnostic test so they can find out why its failing. i'm kind of freaked out. although, when i got back to work frank explained they can't force me to buy a new car because it failed. they'll have to give me a temporary pass or something, which i find comforting. isn't it ironic that people who can afford to repair their car are the same people who don't have to worry about their car passing? its the people like me who are driving their sister's run-down hand-me-downs that can't afford to fail. argh!
it hit me today that my work christmas party is coming up and i no longer have friends at work to sit with since april & mayelin haven't worked at BBD since the feb/may. this means i'll have to bring someone. this blows. i wish i had more guy friends, i have hardly any at all! most of my guy friends are married and usually their married to my friends which is often how we became friends. i thought of buddy, i wish he lived here. he would be a great date. is anyone interested in coming with me? this invite does not exclude girls.
if everyone hates you except for me, what is it i'm not realizing?
i'm meeting meghan at the goat at 7. i should go get ready. i've got to take out my contacts. still no glasses. i canny wait though, and wearing my current glasses make me want my new ones all the more.
the only truth i know is you.
ok so bad news. my batmobile failed the emissions test. bummer. so for now i'm calling it my "badmobile". i have an appointment for next week for a diagnostic test so they can find out why its failing. i'm kind of freaked out. although, when i got back to work frank explained they can't force me to buy a new car because it failed. they'll have to give me a temporary pass or something, which i find comforting. isn't it ironic that people who can afford to repair their car are the same people who don't have to worry about their car passing? its the people like me who are driving their sister's run-down hand-me-downs that can't afford to fail. argh!
it hit me today that my work christmas party is coming up and i no longer have friends at work to sit with since april & mayelin haven't worked at BBD since the feb/may. this means i'll have to bring someone. this blows. i wish i had more guy friends, i have hardly any at all! most of my guy friends are married and usually their married to my friends which is often how we became friends. i thought of buddy, i wish he lived here. he would be a great date. is anyone interested in coming with me? this invite does not exclude girls.
if everyone hates you except for me, what is it i'm not realizing?
i'm meeting meghan at the goat at 7. i should go get ready. i've got to take out my contacts. still no glasses. i canny wait though, and wearing my current glasses make me want my new ones all the more.
the only truth i know is you.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
portions
well, its been a fun and adventurous day :D
let me start from the beginning. i took the train traveling VIA 1. it was super. they served me steak and eggs for breakfast, and my breakfast came with an appetiter of a fruit plate. i was all "i'm new at this" and told the stewardess (are they called stewardess on trains?) "i ordered the steak", she was like "that's your entree". oops.
anyway, i've concluded a couple things:
1) we live in a beautiful country.
2) i love the frickin train
3) if i were to travel cross-country, i would like to do it by train. this is because the train takes all these crazy "back roads" you don't see otherwise and everything looks beautiful. i had to laugh a number of times because its surprising the things people leave out in the middle of a field. hahaha. it was overcast and it reminded me of england. and i thought to myself "inspite the fact that its overcast it still beautiful, it almost accentuates it".
ok so the tradeshow. it was SO MUCH FUN! i had a really great time. secretly i hope i'll be able to do exhibitions more often. i surprised myself at how good at working the booth i was. i was friendly and smiley and knowledgable. maryanne (my co-worker from another division) was very impressed by my knowledge, i hope she tells that to knickers. i was most-likely the youngest person there and was by far the youngest LOOKING person there. it was at the "direct energy centre" at exhibition place (a.k.a. the CNE, a.k.a. the X). at lunch time i got this giant salad because i could hear my mom's voice in my head saying that salads are a good source of fibre. it was a fancy salad with ham, cheese and egg in it, and i found it ironic that i was rediscovering my hate for swiss cheese at the exact place i first discovered that i hate swiss cheese roughly half my life ago.
this reminds me... does anyone know how to make a hard-boiled egg? because i don't know how, and i'd like to learn! yum.
as i wandered around i bumped into dave – tim's best friend. he was the best-man in their wedding while i was the maid-of-honor. it was so funny because i SOOOO didn't expect to see him there, its been a long time since i saw him. he works for a map company. it was cool. he's a really hyper guy. funny.
afterwards i jumped on a streetcar and went to the eatons centre. i was very surprised how i much i missed toronto. even when we first pulled up on the train and i saw the crumby toronto style houses, i thought to myself "man, i miss this city". it bothers me that i'm getting rusty and needing to look at the subway map to know what station is next.
when i arrived home, driving up to my house, i was shocked to high-heaven to see that my downstairs neighbours hung christmas lights. but you know what really gets me?? they hung them along MY balcony!!! ARGH!
sometimes when i'm alone and reading an email or something, my face will lite up. i wish i could witness one of those moments in other people's lives.
if there's something inside that you wanna say,
say it outloud it'll be okay.
let me start from the beginning. i took the train traveling VIA 1. it was super. they served me steak and eggs for breakfast, and my breakfast came with an appetiter of a fruit plate. i was all "i'm new at this" and told the stewardess (are they called stewardess on trains?) "i ordered the steak", she was like "that's your entree". oops.
anyway, i've concluded a couple things:
1) we live in a beautiful country.
2) i love the frickin train
3) if i were to travel cross-country, i would like to do it by train. this is because the train takes all these crazy "back roads" you don't see otherwise and everything looks beautiful. i had to laugh a number of times because its surprising the things people leave out in the middle of a field. hahaha. it was overcast and it reminded me of england. and i thought to myself "inspite the fact that its overcast it still beautiful, it almost accentuates it".
ok so the tradeshow. it was SO MUCH FUN! i had a really great time. secretly i hope i'll be able to do exhibitions more often. i surprised myself at how good at working the booth i was. i was friendly and smiley and knowledgable. maryanne (my co-worker from another division) was very impressed by my knowledge, i hope she tells that to knickers. i was most-likely the youngest person there and was by far the youngest LOOKING person there. it was at the "direct energy centre" at exhibition place (a.k.a. the CNE, a.k.a. the X). at lunch time i got this giant salad because i could hear my mom's voice in my head saying that salads are a good source of fibre. it was a fancy salad with ham, cheese and egg in it, and i found it ironic that i was rediscovering my hate for swiss cheese at the exact place i first discovered that i hate swiss cheese roughly half my life ago.
this reminds me... does anyone know how to make a hard-boiled egg? because i don't know how, and i'd like to learn! yum.
as i wandered around i bumped into dave – tim's best friend. he was the best-man in their wedding while i was the maid-of-honor. it was so funny because i SOOOO didn't expect to see him there, its been a long time since i saw him. he works for a map company. it was cool. he's a really hyper guy. funny.
afterwards i jumped on a streetcar and went to the eatons centre. i was very surprised how i much i missed toronto. even when we first pulled up on the train and i saw the crumby toronto style houses, i thought to myself "man, i miss this city". it bothers me that i'm getting rusty and needing to look at the subway map to know what station is next.
when i arrived home, driving up to my house, i was shocked to high-heaven to see that my downstairs neighbours hung christmas lights. but you know what really gets me?? they hung them along MY balcony!!! ARGH!
sometimes when i'm alone and reading an email or something, my face will lite up. i wish i could witness one of those moments in other people's lives.
if there's something inside that you wanna say,
say it outloud it'll be okay.
Monday, November 06, 2006
blushing
so i must admit, i've wondered all day what i was going to say tonight because my brain has been swimming with loads of different things. i must proceed with caution. the two visit pspd only occassionally, but i know with just my luck they'll both read this. hello there.
anyway. speaking of the two, i've concluded i'm sick of it all. i'm tired of the drama. i can't deal with this anymore. so have thus concluded "i'm done with guys". not forever, just for now. before you start jumping to all kind of conclusions, let me just tell you... nothing has happened. i just woke up this morning kind of fed-up and just let go. ta-da. that's that. i feel a lot better. because i just don't care.
this morning when i was getting ready for work i happened to glace at my phone bill and noticed that my last name is spelled wrong. this explains two things, why tele-marketers always call me "ms. mckight" and why i still don't appear in the online phonebook.
the other day i bought 5 dollar shirt at garage. we were in a rush so i didn't try it on. i didn't notice until much later when i saw it in different light that the front of it is horribly see-thru. it was done on purpose down my left side. i thought at first it was a darker shade of yellow, but no, its missing every other stitch to make it see-thru. oopsy. i guess its my new "slutty dance bar shirt". i hope there's a concert coming up i can wear it to, because a dark concert is the only appropriate place to wear such a shirt. hahaha. its really not that slutty, just a little revealing compared to what i'm used to.
tomorrow is my field trip to CUTA. i mentioned that before, remember? i'm pretty excited, i hope its a fun time. i'm going by myself, knickers is arriving when i'm leaving. i'm taking the train, it should be relaxing. i'll take my knitting and a glamour magazine.
i've decided its important for my mental health and feelings of connectedness to spend time with friends every evening this week. surprisingly the week has really filled up, but probably because i'm not arriving home til late tomorrow evening so tuesday is out. i'm going to have to call someone when i get home so that i don't have a sense of anti-climax coming home to an empty house.
i skipped the Y tonight. i've been odd lately. its tricky when i don't force myself to do things i don't want to do, but i end up misrable when i've procrastinated something and i end up misrable for not just relaxing. i just can't figure myself out. i need a hug. and to spend an extended period of time with friends without having to leave because i have something else that obligates me.
i'm looking forward to getting my new glasses. i hope it doesn't take a week.
i appologize for my odd mood. sometimes we as people feel lost for no reason.
let me forget about today until tomorrow.
anyway. speaking of the two, i've concluded i'm sick of it all. i'm tired of the drama. i can't deal with this anymore. so have thus concluded "i'm done with guys". not forever, just for now. before you start jumping to all kind of conclusions, let me just tell you... nothing has happened. i just woke up this morning kind of fed-up and just let go. ta-da. that's that. i feel a lot better. because i just don't care.
this morning when i was getting ready for work i happened to glace at my phone bill and noticed that my last name is spelled wrong. this explains two things, why tele-marketers always call me "ms. mckight" and why i still don't appear in the online phonebook.
the other day i bought 5 dollar shirt at garage. we were in a rush so i didn't try it on. i didn't notice until much later when i saw it in different light that the front of it is horribly see-thru. it was done on purpose down my left side. i thought at first it was a darker shade of yellow, but no, its missing every other stitch to make it see-thru. oopsy. i guess its my new "slutty dance bar shirt". i hope there's a concert coming up i can wear it to, because a dark concert is the only appropriate place to wear such a shirt. hahaha. its really not that slutty, just a little revealing compared to what i'm used to.
tomorrow is my field trip to CUTA. i mentioned that before, remember? i'm pretty excited, i hope its a fun time. i'm going by myself, knickers is arriving when i'm leaving. i'm taking the train, it should be relaxing. i'll take my knitting and a glamour magazine.
i've decided its important for my mental health and feelings of connectedness to spend time with friends every evening this week. surprisingly the week has really filled up, but probably because i'm not arriving home til late tomorrow evening so tuesday is out. i'm going to have to call someone when i get home so that i don't have a sense of anti-climax coming home to an empty house.
i skipped the Y tonight. i've been odd lately. its tricky when i don't force myself to do things i don't want to do, but i end up misrable when i've procrastinated something and i end up misrable for not just relaxing. i just can't figure myself out. i need a hug. and to spend an extended period of time with friends without having to leave because i have something else that obligates me.
i'm looking forward to getting my new glasses. i hope it doesn't take a week.
i appologize for my odd mood. sometimes we as people feel lost for no reason.
let me forget about today until tomorrow.
sour
i don't want to go to work today.
i don't want to wear my work clothes.
i want to be comfy.
and to stay in bed all day.
lesley is an idiot.
she has shot herself in the foot.
ok maybe i'm not an idiot, but i feel like one.
i think i may mope all day.
and lick my self-inflicted wounds.
it's just that i've been losing so long.
i don't want to wear my work clothes.
i want to be comfy.
and to stay in bed all day.
lesley is an idiot.
she has shot herself in the foot.
ok maybe i'm not an idiot, but i feel like one.
i think i may mope all day.
and lick my self-inflicted wounds.
it's just that i've been losing so long.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
fibre
i'm just taking a break from my cleaning frenzy to bring you my thougts for today.
i was talking to melinda on msn this afternoon and it got me thinking. melinda and i have gone through lots of crap together, and as a result i don't think we have any delusions where each other are concerned. we love each other for our endearing qualities and our flaws. that's pretty unusual. we might say with our mouths that we love our friends for who they are, but the thing is... do we ACTUALLY know our friends flaws that well? would we really be accepting of those traits if we actually knew about them? melissa and i have been talking lately about how people only know what we show them. basically this means, a person only knows 2 shades of grey if that's all we show them. as a result they get the impression that we only have these 2 shades, except we have many others that we're just not showing. the question i want to bring before you is.... do you love me for who i am or for who you perceive me to be? (this question isn't exactly about me, but more how you view people in general.) i recognize that you may only be seeing what i show you, but its also possible that you're only seeing what you want to see. there's a great quote from simon and garfunkel that goes "a man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest". i would like to think people would still love and accept me inspite my sneaky and bad behaviour. i would like to know that i would love you just the same too. actually, to take it a step further... i would like to know what i feel is legit even if you don't understand it.
so yes, i'm attempting to clean my entire abode. i feel buried under a pile of everything, both literary and figuratively. so i decided to clean my life up. to get on top of things once again. i want to connect with people again. i want to have a social life that engages me and makes me feel work is just a portion of my life and not the majority of it. so basically, if you'd like to get together some time, just lemme know, because i hate feeling like i'm chasing people for company.
i kind of feel like i resent you.
i've had a number of people giving me words of warning this week. i appreciate that they're concerned about me, because apparently i don't have the common sense to know any better. isn't it strange the way i feel like "i've seen this episode before, i know how its going to end" and yet i keep watching. actually, the strange thing is that when it ends, i'll be surprised eventhough i shouldn't be, because as i said "i've seen it before".
today was "awkward sunday" at church and i really liked it :)
these apples are delicious
i was talking to melinda on msn this afternoon and it got me thinking. melinda and i have gone through lots of crap together, and as a result i don't think we have any delusions where each other are concerned. we love each other for our endearing qualities and our flaws. that's pretty unusual. we might say with our mouths that we love our friends for who they are, but the thing is... do we ACTUALLY know our friends flaws that well? would we really be accepting of those traits if we actually knew about them? melissa and i have been talking lately about how people only know what we show them. basically this means, a person only knows 2 shades of grey if that's all we show them. as a result they get the impression that we only have these 2 shades, except we have many others that we're just not showing. the question i want to bring before you is.... do you love me for who i am or for who you perceive me to be? (this question isn't exactly about me, but more how you view people in general.) i recognize that you may only be seeing what i show you, but its also possible that you're only seeing what you want to see. there's a great quote from simon and garfunkel that goes "a man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest". i would like to think people would still love and accept me inspite my sneaky and bad behaviour. i would like to know that i would love you just the same too. actually, to take it a step further... i would like to know what i feel is legit even if you don't understand it.
so yes, i'm attempting to clean my entire abode. i feel buried under a pile of everything, both literary and figuratively. so i decided to clean my life up. to get on top of things once again. i want to connect with people again. i want to have a social life that engages me and makes me feel work is just a portion of my life and not the majority of it. so basically, if you'd like to get together some time, just lemme know, because i hate feeling like i'm chasing people for company.
i kind of feel like i resent you.
i've had a number of people giving me words of warning this week. i appreciate that they're concerned about me, because apparently i don't have the common sense to know any better. isn't it strange the way i feel like "i've seen this episode before, i know how its going to end" and yet i keep watching. actually, the strange thing is that when it ends, i'll be surprised eventhough i shouldn't be, because as i said "i've seen it before".
today was "awkward sunday" at church and i really liked it :)
these apples are delicious
Saturday, November 04, 2006
danger DANGER
man, i'm cold and not feeling well. ugh.
this evening i was having a mini-meltdown. i'm thankful because beckie talked me back into good sense. i was talking to vinc' on the phone earlier this evening and he said something like "whenever i ask myself a question i already know the answer". that's an excellent point. so when i was freaking out later with beckie, she basically steered me back to my first hunch. my mom always says "go with your first hunch". i think that's great advice. because i knew what to do, but outside sources were confusing me. now i'm back on course.
my house continues to be unpleasantly untidy and its pretty safe to assume that it's unpleasantly unclean under the untidy. if i was a reasonable woman i'd tidy a little before watching a movie, but i'm cold and feeling achey so that's not going to happen.
melissa and i went glasses shopping today, and i quickly found the pair i want. i'm pleased about that. i'm going to take in my prescription tomorrow. yay! we also briefly went to the mall where i impulse bought some clothes. oh well, i like them so i'll somehow justify it.
i'm kind of kicking myself because i've not been on the ball this week. i just finished the standard at like 8:00 on a saturday night, i've never left that so late before. i want to upload some pics onto my flickr account but i'm don't feel like it. maybe if i had a heater on in here i might be more productive.
how could it hurt you when it looks so good.
this evening i was having a mini-meltdown. i'm thankful because beckie talked me back into good sense. i was talking to vinc' on the phone earlier this evening and he said something like "whenever i ask myself a question i already know the answer". that's an excellent point. so when i was freaking out later with beckie, she basically steered me back to my first hunch. my mom always says "go with your first hunch". i think that's great advice. because i knew what to do, but outside sources were confusing me. now i'm back on course.
my house continues to be unpleasantly untidy and its pretty safe to assume that it's unpleasantly unclean under the untidy. if i was a reasonable woman i'd tidy a little before watching a movie, but i'm cold and feeling achey so that's not going to happen.
melissa and i went glasses shopping today, and i quickly found the pair i want. i'm pleased about that. i'm going to take in my prescription tomorrow. yay! we also briefly went to the mall where i impulse bought some clothes. oh well, i like them so i'll somehow justify it.
i'm kind of kicking myself because i've not been on the ball this week. i just finished the standard at like 8:00 on a saturday night, i've never left that so late before. i want to upload some pics onto my flickr account but i'm don't feel like it. maybe if i had a heater on in here i might be more productive.
how could it hurt you when it looks so good.
Friday, November 03, 2006
solution
i'm a silly girl. a silly woman. silly silly.
i spent a lovely evening with the butlers. i enjoyed just veging on the couch sharing a blanket with sarah. it was fun having some girl talk with sarah & carolyn and joking about crooked circumcisions.
melissa and i are going glasses shopping tomorrow. i also have to finish the standard. i was planning on getting most of it done this evening, but sarah suggested we go to the late show of 'borat'. i went home for a bit and they picked me up. when we arrived it was sold out so we turned around and went home. it was funny, i've never done that before. its still nice driving around with friends. i'm feeling kind of tired so its alright with me that we didn't get tickets. i'll probably go to bed soon.
for a number of nights in a row i've been waking up with my left arm completely numb. i often sleep with my arms above my head so my left arm is getting no circulation. its a totally surreal feeling. having to lift ones own arm, its cold and heavy.
as one grows smaller the other grows greater.
ok so like... who's the person who uses Opera 9.0?
i'm looking forward to spending time with melissa tomorrow. i've felt oddly disconnected lately. i think its because there's no one i really see on a consistant-regular basis right now. i see rhonda often but for only short periods of time it seems. everyone is super busy, a number of people are in school. like melissa's in school and i feel like school is her mistress taking her away from me. grrr. hahahah. no it sucks not being able to spend time with people, but i know that school and jobs are important so i should preoccupy myself. i miss melinda.
i'm cold. when i first got home my house was frickin hot! so i put on some shorts and a t-shirt but now i'm getting chilly. i feel a little sick. i hope i'm not coming down with maleria. that would suck.
excuse me if the truth comes out in drips and drabs. i want to be brave.
i got my oil changed today. its still kind of dirty because i left it so long between changes. i'm rough on my car, i'm not careful with it. its bound to fall apart! i sure hope it passes its emissions test, that would be problematic if it doesn't. i think i need to baby my batmobile more.
funny because i thought i barely had anything to say today. ha. that's funny. i think i'll get into bed now and get up early (earlier) to do the standard. nothing like leaving it to the last minute.
you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone.
i spent a lovely evening with the butlers. i enjoyed just veging on the couch sharing a blanket with sarah. it was fun having some girl talk with sarah & carolyn and joking about crooked circumcisions.
melissa and i are going glasses shopping tomorrow. i also have to finish the standard. i was planning on getting most of it done this evening, but sarah suggested we go to the late show of 'borat'. i went home for a bit and they picked me up. when we arrived it was sold out so we turned around and went home. it was funny, i've never done that before. its still nice driving around with friends. i'm feeling kind of tired so its alright with me that we didn't get tickets. i'll probably go to bed soon.
for a number of nights in a row i've been waking up with my left arm completely numb. i often sleep with my arms above my head so my left arm is getting no circulation. its a totally surreal feeling. having to lift ones own arm, its cold and heavy.
as one grows smaller the other grows greater.
ok so like... who's the person who uses Opera 9.0?
i'm looking forward to spending time with melissa tomorrow. i've felt oddly disconnected lately. i think its because there's no one i really see on a consistant-regular basis right now. i see rhonda often but for only short periods of time it seems. everyone is super busy, a number of people are in school. like melissa's in school and i feel like school is her mistress taking her away from me. grrr. hahahah. no it sucks not being able to spend time with people, but i know that school and jobs are important so i should preoccupy myself. i miss melinda.
i'm cold. when i first got home my house was frickin hot! so i put on some shorts and a t-shirt but now i'm getting chilly. i feel a little sick. i hope i'm not coming down with maleria. that would suck.
excuse me if the truth comes out in drips and drabs. i want to be brave.
i got my oil changed today. its still kind of dirty because i left it so long between changes. i'm rough on my car, i'm not careful with it. its bound to fall apart! i sure hope it passes its emissions test, that would be problematic if it doesn't. i think i need to baby my batmobile more.
funny because i thought i barely had anything to say today. ha. that's funny. i think i'll get into bed now and get up early (earlier) to do the standard. nothing like leaving it to the last minute.
you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
gap
i'm really tired. its been a busy day.
i did an employee survey today at work. they grouped us alphabetically. i ended up in the same group as argo (for those of you who don't remember, argo is the 50 something year old man who kept trying to get me to have an affair with him), i was amused by the fact that he said hi to everyone but me. the survey went well, and i was pleasantly surprised to discover how happy i am with my job. i just wish we were busier these days and i had more to challenge me. next week i'm going to toronto for a day to go to the CUTA (Canadian Urban Transit Association) exhibition. i'm pretty excited about that. so that's tuesday.
after work i hung out with david. we ate pomegranates and looked at my pictures from kenya. i wore black, he wore an apron. i feel like i talked his ear off the entire evening, stories of my life – from stitches to my parents split. whoa, that was a lopsided conversation, however i did hear recently that women talk twice as much as men. so i shouldn't feel too bad. besides, i don't THINK he was bored – i'm a pretty animated story teller.
we went to the brew pub to meet up with helen & terrence and bumped into al & gang. that was fun too, but then i had to jet to rhonda's for greys. melissa & laney... i missed having you there. linds, it was lovely having your company.
out with it. the truth can't be more awkward. am i'm holding back? i guess i am. even though i said i wouldn't. only because telling the truth will lead down paths i've already been. you don't want to go there again. or at least i don't want to. i can only be reminded so many times. you've got to show me i won't get the same response. sometimes i feel like i could wait forever, but only if i'm not waiting in vain.
dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
i did an employee survey today at work. they grouped us alphabetically. i ended up in the same group as argo (for those of you who don't remember, argo is the 50 something year old man who kept trying to get me to have an affair with him), i was amused by the fact that he said hi to everyone but me. the survey went well, and i was pleasantly surprised to discover how happy i am with my job. i just wish we were busier these days and i had more to challenge me. next week i'm going to toronto for a day to go to the CUTA (Canadian Urban Transit Association) exhibition. i'm pretty excited about that. so that's tuesday.
after work i hung out with david. we ate pomegranates and looked at my pictures from kenya. i wore black, he wore an apron. i feel like i talked his ear off the entire evening, stories of my life – from stitches to my parents split. whoa, that was a lopsided conversation, however i did hear recently that women talk twice as much as men. so i shouldn't feel too bad. besides, i don't THINK he was bored – i'm a pretty animated story teller.
we went to the brew pub to meet up with helen & terrence and bumped into al & gang. that was fun too, but then i had to jet to rhonda's for greys. melissa & laney... i missed having you there. linds, it was lovely having your company.
out with it. the truth can't be more awkward. am i'm holding back? i guess i am. even though i said i wouldn't. only because telling the truth will lead down paths i've already been. you don't want to go there again. or at least i don't want to. i can only be reminded so many times. you've got to show me i won't get the same response. sometimes i feel like i could wait forever, but only if i'm not waiting in vain.
dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
cheeky
ah crap! i haven't been checking my voicemail messages because i thought my dad was the only person who calls me, but it turns out i keep missing calls from europe. i'm retarded.
frig, watching the tv sure eats up a lot of your time. i SHOULD have been working on the standard this evening, BUT instead i watched the tape of missed shows. argh. i'm kind of annoyed at myself. oh well.
so. hmm. ok so like.... i don't know. wow, its been a relatively boring day! i don't have a lot to say! maybe i'll dig out an entry from my plog again. hmm, i can't find a really great entry. maybe i'll just compile a number of single paragraphs:
• my bathroom has no mirror. i haven't seen my reflection in 2 days. its sort of an odd feeling.
• i'm getting a sinus headache from caffine withdrawl. they drink chai tea here. everywhere "chai" this and "chai" that.
• you know what's funny? there's a butcher shop called "jed's garage".
• they have these purple trees. they're beautiful.
• sometimes i laugh at inappropriate times.
• i never thought i'd be listening to "play that funky music white boy" in kenya.
• unfortunately, kenya smells funny.
• i'd forgotten how much i like simon and garfunkel.
• i broke the poenaru's toilet seat. oops. my bad.
hahahha. that was fun.
ok and for more amusement, i put together the below little video :)
please don't confront me with my failures,
i have not forgotten them.
frig, watching the tv sure eats up a lot of your time. i SHOULD have been working on the standard this evening, BUT instead i watched the tape of missed shows. argh. i'm kind of annoyed at myself. oh well.
so. hmm. ok so like.... i don't know. wow, its been a relatively boring day! i don't have a lot to say! maybe i'll dig out an entry from my plog again. hmm, i can't find a really great entry. maybe i'll just compile a number of single paragraphs:
• my bathroom has no mirror. i haven't seen my reflection in 2 days. its sort of an odd feeling.
• i'm getting a sinus headache from caffine withdrawl. they drink chai tea here. everywhere "chai" this and "chai" that.
• you know what's funny? there's a butcher shop called "jed's garage".
• they have these purple trees. they're beautiful.
• sometimes i laugh at inappropriate times.
• i never thought i'd be listening to "play that funky music white boy" in kenya.
• unfortunately, kenya smells funny.
• i'd forgotten how much i like simon and garfunkel.
• i broke the poenaru's toilet seat. oops. my bad.
hahahha. that was fun.
ok and for more amusement, i put together the below little video :)
please don't confront me with my failures,
i have not forgotten them.
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