decisions, decisions

it's boxing day. we spend 3.5 very full days with family, and i am feeling pooped. granted, this is partly because otis had the worst night EVER last night, and i barely slept. i'm gonna just wrap up here, brush my teeth and crawl into bed. i'm hoping he's gonna sleep better tonight.

i was thinking today about how beckie and i became friends X number of years ago today (i think it was 11). we'd both arrived to our respective homes from christmases with our families, and ended up hanging out. we went to shoppers for some reason, and i remember beckie blurting out in the car "you know i'm an atheist right?". that always makes me smile. it's nice because she's arriving tomorrow to spend a few days with her little buddies, and me and b.

i wanted to say more, but i'm blanking. i really should go to sleep.

rectify

well, a week has past since my crappy birthday. starting with a fight with b, ending with a flare-up of IBS. i think i've softened, and stopped chastising myself for trying to make my birthday special. sure, there are people who don't care about birthdays. but i kind of wonder if they just say they don't care. who would really be indifferent to spending time with people they love and getting to do a few different and fun activities.

b tells me that he's glad that i don't make him guess at what i'm feeling or thinking. he also said that he realizes that he may not always like what i say, but at least he knows what's going on. i appreciated that he took steps to make amends with me, and set things right.

expectations

things haven't really gone very well this morning. it's my birthday. and it's silly really, but i've pretty much being crying on and off all morning. brendan and i had a misunderstanding, that just triggered me to cry about anything and everything. it's been a long time since i had a good cry, so in a way it's therapeutic. i guess it's just not really how i thought my birthday would go. but that's also silly. it's just a day, and i'm 37, so maybe i'm supposed to be past feeling like my birthday is special.

i'd been looking forward to this year's main street parade, but now that i'm upset, i don't really want to go and socialize. i just want to spend time by the fire reading in peace. so brendan and eamon have gone without otis and me.

i don't know. i might decide to keep my birthday low-key next year. not throw a party and tell b not to get my a gift. brendan wants to try to "turn today around", but i kind of feel that i might as well just give in to it.

postal

for the first time ever, i decided i wanted to give out christmas cards. it's kind of ironic, that i'd get on board now since christmas cards are kind of disappearing from our culture. but last year, i really liked displaying the ones we got, so i wanted to give some to others too. plus, i've got time. eamon's at daycare, otis is sleeping really well today, i finished my book a few days ago, and i didn't really have anything else planned for today. anyway, the problem is for my overseas cards, i'll have to dig for addresses. i have several in various places, but not one central, and handy location.

cycles

you know that "broken window" theory? that theory that if a city or house has a broken window, it's more likely to be vandalized? well, that's pretty much how i function within our home. if it's tidy, i keep it tidy. if it's messy, i contribute to the mess. i really wish i was more organized. i suspect though, that i need to have less stuff, and that would make it easier for me to take better care of my space.