i love hanging diapers on the line and seeing how clean they are when i take them down. i enjoy the simplicity of it. i think i'll miss that a lot once we're past the diaper stage.

serial numbers

after last year's washing machine related basement flood, we bought a brand new washing machine. we felt that meant we wouldn't have to worry about major break-downs for a while. but unfortunately, just after our year warranty expired, we started having trouble with it. so I had a repairman come in, and he told me that the part we needed would cost $400 (not including labour). this is more than half of what we paid. I was pretty frustrated and disappointed. so today I called the manufacturer, in hopes that they might be able to do something (apparently some machine parts have a longer warranty), and thankfully they agreed to a one-time courtesy repair. I am relieved. I'm hoping it will be as straightforward as that, and there won't be any surprises. it also redeems my opinion of this particular manufacturer. 

i'm in need of a little agency in my life. i want a break from exterior factors, things completely unrelated to me, impacting how i spend my time. i'm looking forward to august, when i can figuratively throw my hair up, and get organized.

saturday (and sunday) in the park

i really enjoyed SPAF this weekend. it was probably the first year since i was pregnant with eamon that i felt i could just sit and enjoy the festival. we're in this funny reprieve between eamon's busy baby/toddler years and otis's busy baby/toddler years. although otis can crawl, he's not getting into everything. and he can still nap on the fly.

it was nice because i often feel a lot of anticipation leaving for the festival in the morning, and then in the evening, head to bed with a "well, that's it for this year" kind of feeling. but having a second day of festival was really nice. it felt different from yesterday, probably partly because it was slightly different crowd to hangout with.

it's been a long time coming, i guess. but it's still noteworthy. i sent in my resignation to bbd. while i have never once seriously considered returning after this maternity leave, i was hesitant to hit that 'Send' button. it just made it very final. i'll have to return my company credit card, and my ID, and complete an exit interview, but other than that, i'm done. well... as of august 11. they sent me a PDF of the "exit procedure" that i'll have to look over at some point. i'm not sad. but feel a little nervous. that job has provided some security, despite how unstable the company was.

i do relish having my freedom, and knowing that my days are not numbered with otis. i'm relieved i won't have to go through the process of leaving my baby at daycare, and feeling exhausted a lot of the time from working full time and being a mom to small kids. we'll learn to be tighter with our money, which we have done in the past, just not lately. and i have a few irons in the fire, but i won't get into that right now.

i'm grateful for my career at bbd, even though it ended on a negative note. it's as though i stayed longer than i should've. or maybe just long enough to know it was right to move on.

silent

brendan is away at a work conference. while he was away, his computer crapped out on him, so we can't facetime or email. i thought he would call this evening, but he hasn't. i'm disappointed. it's not that i have anything i need to tell him, and it's not that i need to hear from him, but i'm disappointed because of my expectations.

i don't really know what to do with myself. i could go to bed, but i'm not really sleepy. i could cross stitch some more, but i don't really feel like it. i think i feel slightly off, because my norm is shifted.

now, i don't want to get all gushy about brendan. i do miss him, and am looking forward to him returning tomorrow. i find it quite fascinating that our 7 year wedding anniversary is coming up, and i have never once grown tired or bored of him. he still has stories to tell me that i don't know. he still surprises me, and impresses me.

i suppose i shouldn't feel mad that he hasn't called. no doubt that he wanted to call, and wasn't able to for whatever reason.

sump

lately i've been experiencing some anxiety. knots in my stomach. unwelcome unease. i thought at first it was circumstantial, and maybe it is or was, but it seems to be grabbing hold of me and i can't shake it. at times like this, i often think "if only i could sit and rest, i'll feel better" or "if only i could get some stuff done, i'd feel better". and neither seem to be helping.

perhaps it's just a season of adjustment, in one particularly area of my life. and once i get into a new rhythm, i'll feel more at peace. or maybe i'll just have to look forward to the end of this short chapter, and know that this pressure will let up once it reaches conclusion.

in recent years, it does seem like external factors have been making me more anxious than stuff in my own life.

i think i've been hand crafting for 3 hours now. which means that otis has been sleeping that whole time. i suppose it's time to get him up, and get busy.