perhaps it's part of pms but i was feeling really fat today. things like this effect one if unexpected ways. instead of being super discouraged about my new exercise initiative i started thinking about buying a house, having a baby, brendan's job. i couldn't figure out why i was considering those things. i'm feeling peaceful that b's job situation will work out in time, and we don't need a house til we have a baby, and i still don't want a baby for a handful of years. thankfully i was able to see thru all the distractions to see the truth. i was feeling powerless over my weight, so instead i was trying to think of something else i could control. obviously i understand that babies aren't necessarily controllable, but i was attracted to the idea of controlling conception. i began getting snippy with brendan as a result of my frustration with my weight, but reminded myself "turn towards, don't turn away".
meg gave me a pep talk the other day about exercise. she reminded me that it takes time to see the results from something like this, and to just keep at it knowing that it will pay off eventually. i'm looking forward to returning to goodlife on tomorrow.
i have more to say – like things about melissa's wedding and about the halloween harvest (food drive collection). but i'll write more tomorrow.
live unbruised we are friends.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
lumberjack
observing extroverts at my work is interesting. i'm often puzzled by their behaviour and have learned to just accept that they are a mistery to me. there are a number of them that talk loudly when they're alone. they say things like "there was a big spider in the hallway" or "that wind is really blowing". conversation things, not simply a "where did i put that?" or "ouch that hurt!" i'm never certain if it's just their extroverted nature that makes them process things outloud of if they are hoping to engage someone - anyone - in conversation about said spider or wind. the most amusing occurances is when two extroverts are talking to each other. they seem to talk over each other, no one assuming the role of listener, and to make matters worse they seem to try to out do each other with their stories. it's a pseudo conpetition to see who can out extrovert the other. sometimes in the hall i'll pass one talking to his or her self. since i'm just passing by i'm not actually part of the conversation but they sometimes look at me expecting me to pipe in like a late comer. the thing is, not only do i not really care about whether or not their lunch looks good, it's not really part of my nature to join in that manner, so instead i offer a smile. in a way, i want to just pass by ignoring them so they have space to develop new skills. they remind me of kids who don't know how to play alone. i kind of want to leave them to themselves so that they learn how to just be solo. because it's ok to be alone for chunks of time.
the sun rose later this morning. it was peaking above the trees as i exited the driveway. the golden sun cast warm light on the earth, everything seemed to glow with beautiful shades of yellow, orange and pink. the more i looked around me the more in awe i felt about my surroundings. the sky was dark grey and ominous, adding amazing contrast with the earth below. it was amazing, and beautiful. a day to be captured in a photograph. i wish all mornings were as beautiful as this one. i suppose they are, if one is up early enough to catch it. but perhaps this one was particularly splendid because of the threat of storm. harsh weather often brings beauty with it sometimes during, sometimes after, either way a storm brings appreciation.
you're an avalanche of detour signs falling of a truck.
the sun rose later this morning. it was peaking above the trees as i exited the driveway. the golden sun cast warm light on the earth, everything seemed to glow with beautiful shades of yellow, orange and pink. the more i looked around me the more in awe i felt about my surroundings. the sky was dark grey and ominous, adding amazing contrast with the earth below. it was amazing, and beautiful. a day to be captured in a photograph. i wish all mornings were as beautiful as this one. i suppose they are, if one is up early enough to catch it. but perhaps this one was particularly splendid because of the threat of storm. harsh weather often brings beauty with it sometimes during, sometimes after, either way a storm brings appreciation.
you're an avalanche of detour signs falling of a truck.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
moon
last night i was 5 minutes from home when i realized i left my purse (with wallet, gym membership, knitting) at work. i had to turn around and go back. it took an hour from my evening.
i've come up with yet another non-tv activity. i like watching the tv while i knit, there's nothing appealing to me to just knit in silence. i need to pair it with something else. so i got some books on cd from the library, and i laid in bed last evening listening to my first of 2 books while working away on brendan's toque. the hat, by the way, is looking awesome. i'm amazed at how fast it is to knit. i'm 2/3 of the way done and i only started it on sunday. i love making progress so quickly. AND the hat looks really great on him too. i just put it on his head with needles and all. smashing :D
the first book i've been listening to is called the little giant of aberdeen county. it's interesting so far. i feel a little lost not being able to see the words on the page and not being able to look back at things to double check the details. but i am enjoying the book listening and knitting at once.
often i keep my mouth shut when i don't agree with other people. just sit and listen. i've often sensed that my silence has left the talker thinking i agree with them. that didn't matter to me, they were not close friends or issues that wouldn't simply go away. but suddenly i'm on the other side of things. when a person remained silent in the wake of my views and left me naturally assuming they were on the same page as me. i felt icky. and angry. i may be misinformed but not sharing information with me seems like a crime against us both. it's made me reconsider a few things. i may need to learn how to speak up. i don't want to be guilty of withholding peace. being silent sometimes puts us up in an ivory tower where we have an advantage - the view is exceptional but it means looking down on those we didn't share with. i don't want that.
the first book i've been listening to is called the little giant of aberdeen county. it's interesting so far. i feel a little lost not being able to see the words on the page and not being able to look back at things to double check the details. but i am enjoying the book listening and knitting at once.
often i keep my mouth shut when i don't agree with other people. just sit and listen. i've often sensed that my silence has left the talker thinking i agree with them. that didn't matter to me, they were not close friends or issues that wouldn't simply go away. but suddenly i'm on the other side of things. when a person remained silent in the wake of my views and left me naturally assuming they were on the same page as me. i felt icky. and angry. i may be misinformed but not sharing information with me seems like a crime against us both. it's made me reconsider a few things. i may need to learn how to speak up. i don't want to be guilty of withholding peace. being silent sometimes puts us up in an ivory tower where we have an advantage - the view is exceptional but it means looking down on those we didn't share with. i don't want that.
love sets fire to your schedule.
Monday, October 25, 2010
emancipated
my hair is too poofy after i wash it. it just springs out into a triangle and i end up looking like a springer spanial or something. i like it best on day two. i don't really know what to do. i've never had this problem before. while i don't want it to be completely limp, i don't want it to be a puff ball either.
i was super excited on friday. i discovered two things at the gym. 1) that there's a device on each cardio machine that you plug your headphones into and it allows you to listen to the tv. you select the channel like on an airplane. i LOVE it! and 2) i got to watch my favourite show "til debt do us part". fabulous! hooray!
on saturday i met up with shanno who showed me how to use the 20 minute weight circuit. it was great. she also taught me all the stuff she learned from chelsea who learned from a personal trainer. in a way shanno was my personal trainer :p i'm pretty happy about that too. afterwards we walked over to the radisson and used their hot-tub. that's part of the goodlife membership, they've partnered with the radisson to allow their members to use a pool and hot tub facility. it's pretty swanky. i was pretty pooped when i got home, in a great awesome way :D
i've started a new knitting project. i'm pretty excited. i'm knitting brendan a toque. it's coming along really quickly. toques are fast. so are circular needles. we picked the colours by consensus, he wanted grey or black, i wanted a bright colour. so we agreed on a muted colours. green and brown. i'm going to knit one for his dad, and maybe my dad too. i'm a little bit worried that the toque might be a little loose, so if it turns out too big i'll give it to my father-in-law instead and do a smaller one for b. i like that i'm giving them matching hats. i think i'll use the same colours for my da' but i'll reverse them, so that i use up my yarn.
i can't believe it's election day! somehow i missed that memo, good thing it was mentioned at church today. we didn't receive a voters registration card in the mail, so i don't even know what station to go to. i'll give it a google :p
i bet there were no windows and no women in the room.
i was super excited on friday. i discovered two things at the gym. 1) that there's a device on each cardio machine that you plug your headphones into and it allows you to listen to the tv. you select the channel like on an airplane. i LOVE it! and 2) i got to watch my favourite show "til debt do us part". fabulous! hooray!
on saturday i met up with shanno who showed me how to use the 20 minute weight circuit. it was great. she also taught me all the stuff she learned from chelsea who learned from a personal trainer. in a way shanno was my personal trainer :p i'm pretty happy about that too. afterwards we walked over to the radisson and used their hot-tub. that's part of the goodlife membership, they've partnered with the radisson to allow their members to use a pool and hot tub facility. it's pretty swanky. i was pretty pooped when i got home, in a great awesome way :D
i've started a new knitting project. i'm pretty excited. i'm knitting brendan a toque. it's coming along really quickly. toques are fast. so are circular needles. we picked the colours by consensus, he wanted grey or black, i wanted a bright colour. so we agreed on a muted colours. green and brown. i'm going to knit one for his dad, and maybe my dad too. i'm a little bit worried that the toque might be a little loose, so if it turns out too big i'll give it to my father-in-law instead and do a smaller one for b. i like that i'm giving them matching hats. i think i'll use the same colours for my da' but i'll reverse them, so that i use up my yarn.
i can't believe it's election day! somehow i missed that memo, good thing it was mentioned at church today. we didn't receive a voters registration card in the mail, so i don't even know what station to go to. i'll give it a google :p
i bet there were no windows and no women in the room.
Friday, October 22, 2010
stitch
ok, so yesterday at goodlife i bravely boarded the weight scales. i was calm and told myself "here goes nothing". i weigh more than i thought. 10 pounds more actually. no wonder my pants don't fit. but... unlike other times, i did not freak out or get upset. i'm there because i need to lose weight and now i know just how much i need to lose. 30 pounds. my goal is 30. i can to it!
the goodlife lady really pressured me to get a personal trainer. i thought they were free with my corporate membership, unfortunately they're not but they are offered at a reduced rate the first day of my membership. i told her i had to talk to my husband. my mom always told me when i was younger that when i was stuck in a tricky situation i could always say "i have to talk with my mom first" because she used to always say "i have to check with my husband". i like that because besides getting me out of a bind it also helps me be accountable to b. i don't think it would be wise to drop $300 without talking with the person i share my money with. so while i worked out i thought about it because i had to give her my final decision before i left. in our discussion, she'd told me "with a personal trainer you could lose 6 pounds by december". while i considered that, i concluded that 6 pounds is not worth $300, or even $160. a healthy weightloss plan involves losing 1 pound a week, so 10 pounds by christmas isn't revolutionary.
however, i recognize that what i have been doing (or was doing last winter) is not working, so i decided to look for some kind of personal training guide online, because i can weigh and measure myself what i need is some instruction on what activities to do. so i found "weight loss for dummies". it's already been super helpful. it said "the harsh reality of weightloss means working out 5 or 6 days a week". i'd only been working out 3 days. and i need weight training too, and i'd only been doing cardio. i'm going to really commit to a 5 day workout. it will be part of my work day routine. i'll go to goodlife directly from work, which means my evening will begin at 6 or 6:30 depending on how much time i have to spare and if i make other stops after work. in a way, i think that will be easier than picking and choosing when to go based on whether or not i feel like having a night off. i'm going to buy the actual weightloss for dummies books so that i can really get good coaching. heck, i might even read it on the treadmill :p for now, i think it's a better investment than 6 sessions with a personal trainer. the one of the main advantages of a personal trainer is being accountable to someone, and i asked b if i could be accountable to him. having his support is more important than a stranger, especially because it means him picking up the slack at home and seeing less of me. if he wasn't on board i don't think it would be feasible.
i'm feeling pretty excited about this. it's achievable. i feel equiped. and i feel really motivated! i WILL lose that weight, and i WILL fit back into my clothes. hooray! it's a challenge and that i will eagerly meet.
in other news... b quit his job at le chien noir yesterday. he's been working there for almost 3 years. b is loyal to the core plus he loved it, but felt that the time had come for him to move on. i'm proud of him for making that big step :)
we get this crazy combination of everything and nothing right.
the goodlife lady really pressured me to get a personal trainer. i thought they were free with my corporate membership, unfortunately they're not but they are offered at a reduced rate the first day of my membership. i told her i had to talk to my husband. my mom always told me when i was younger that when i was stuck in a tricky situation i could always say "i have to talk with my mom first" because she used to always say "i have to check with my husband". i like that because besides getting me out of a bind it also helps me be accountable to b. i don't think it would be wise to drop $300 without talking with the person i share my money with. so while i worked out i thought about it because i had to give her my final decision before i left. in our discussion, she'd told me "with a personal trainer you could lose 6 pounds by december". while i considered that, i concluded that 6 pounds is not worth $300, or even $160. a healthy weightloss plan involves losing 1 pound a week, so 10 pounds by christmas isn't revolutionary.
however, i recognize that what i have been doing (or was doing last winter) is not working, so i decided to look for some kind of personal training guide online, because i can weigh and measure myself what i need is some instruction on what activities to do. so i found "weight loss for dummies". it's already been super helpful. it said "the harsh reality of weightloss means working out 5 or 6 days a week". i'd only been working out 3 days. and i need weight training too, and i'd only been doing cardio. i'm going to really commit to a 5 day workout. it will be part of my work day routine. i'll go to goodlife directly from work, which means my evening will begin at 6 or 6:30 depending on how much time i have to spare and if i make other stops after work. in a way, i think that will be easier than picking and choosing when to go based on whether or not i feel like having a night off. i'm going to buy the actual weightloss for dummies books so that i can really get good coaching. heck, i might even read it on the treadmill :p for now, i think it's a better investment than 6 sessions with a personal trainer. the one of the main advantages of a personal trainer is being accountable to someone, and i asked b if i could be accountable to him. having his support is more important than a stranger, especially because it means him picking up the slack at home and seeing less of me. if he wasn't on board i don't think it would be feasible.
i'm feeling pretty excited about this. it's achievable. i feel equiped. and i feel really motivated! i WILL lose that weight, and i WILL fit back into my clothes. hooray! it's a challenge and that i will eagerly meet.
in other news... b quit his job at le chien noir yesterday. he's been working there for almost 3 years. b is loyal to the core plus he loved it, but felt that the time had come for him to move on. i'm proud of him for making that big step :)
we get this crazy combination of everything and nothing right.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
biotic
so i purely accidentally just stumbled across this bizarre website - www.isthisyour.name/ bizarre in an intriguing way. check it out! type in your first and last name into the search engine and it provides all sorts of facts about your name. it's really interesting! i learned that approximately 9 americans are named Lesley McKnight and approximately 1 american is named Lesley Lorimer. for some reason this website appeals to me a great deal.
quota
today is me and b's official one year anniversary. so we're done with celebrating milestones until next june. we're going to go out to royal angkor tonight to celebrate. delicious. what a year it's been. it's been my favourite year so far.
i went to goodlife for my first workout last night! i really liked it. i went to the women only location inside loblaws. what a step up from the YMCA! it's so clean and warm, and comfortable. it feels less institutional. i did 20 minutes on the eliptical while listening to my ipod, and 23 minutes on the treadmill reading my book. i felt great afterwards! i'm pretty pumped. i'm going back tonight after work to have a consultation, that should be pretty helpful. besides the fact that it's a nice gym, i love that it's in loblaws. first of all, it's DIRECTLY on my way home from work (instead of a few blocks out of the way). secondly, it's so handy that it's at a grocery store, after my workout i can pick up a few things that we need without having to get back into my car and make extra stops. i HATE making extra stops, errands are my least favourite thing to do. i'm really happy i made the decision to switch to goodlife, even though it was a 7 week wait and i had to pay upfront. it will be a very positive move.
after a quick dinner, i went out with shanno to a movie at queen's called "orgasm inc", all about the new disorder "female sexual dysfunction". there's no evidence that there's a physiological sexual dysfunction in women but rather psychological barriers that inhibit women sexually. the pharmaceutical industry keeps trying to come up with a drug that women can use to fix their "FSD" because they know that if they convince people that popping a pill can fix what's "wrong" with them then a lot of money could be made. it seemed pretty clear to me that most women are just greatly misinformed. so i'm going to try to do my part in dispelling the orgasm myth.... 70% of women don't orgasm thru sexual intercourse. it's normal, that's just how the female body work. if you can't or don't orgasm thru intercourse there's nothing wrong with you, and you don't need to be medicated. you just need to be a little more creative, and your partner actually has to TRY. it seems most people learn about sex from their peers, but the reality is not everyone openly talks with their peers about sex, so they never learn that. i wish that medical science didn't always just approach things as a physical problem that needs fixing.
afterwards shannon and i walked down stuart street while she ranted about the repression of female sexuality. i love that when she said "masturbation" the girl in front of us turned around and gave us a bad look. that shanno, she's something else.
this would be a red letter year,
they didn't mention how much shit
was gonna change around here.
i went to goodlife for my first workout last night! i really liked it. i went to the women only location inside loblaws. what a step up from the YMCA! it's so clean and warm, and comfortable. it feels less institutional. i did 20 minutes on the eliptical while listening to my ipod, and 23 minutes on the treadmill reading my book. i felt great afterwards! i'm pretty pumped. i'm going back tonight after work to have a consultation, that should be pretty helpful. besides the fact that it's a nice gym, i love that it's in loblaws. first of all, it's DIRECTLY on my way home from work (instead of a few blocks out of the way). secondly, it's so handy that it's at a grocery store, after my workout i can pick up a few things that we need without having to get back into my car and make extra stops. i HATE making extra stops, errands are my least favourite thing to do. i'm really happy i made the decision to switch to goodlife, even though it was a 7 week wait and i had to pay upfront. it will be a very positive move.
after a quick dinner, i went out with shanno to a movie at queen's called "orgasm inc", all about the new disorder "female sexual dysfunction". there's no evidence that there's a physiological sexual dysfunction in women but rather psychological barriers that inhibit women sexually. the pharmaceutical industry keeps trying to come up with a drug that women can use to fix their "FSD" because they know that if they convince people that popping a pill can fix what's "wrong" with them then a lot of money could be made. it seemed pretty clear to me that most women are just greatly misinformed. so i'm going to try to do my part in dispelling the orgasm myth.... 70% of women don't orgasm thru sexual intercourse. it's normal, that's just how the female body work. if you can't or don't orgasm thru intercourse there's nothing wrong with you, and you don't need to be medicated. you just need to be a little more creative, and your partner actually has to TRY. it seems most people learn about sex from their peers, but the reality is not everyone openly talks with their peers about sex, so they never learn that. i wish that medical science didn't always just approach things as a physical problem that needs fixing.
afterwards shannon and i walked down stuart street while she ranted about the repression of female sexuality. i love that when she said "masturbation" the girl in front of us turned around and gave us a bad look. that shanno, she's something else.
this would be a red letter year,
they didn't mention how much shit
was gonna change around here.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
stinkeye
i have this problem. my dad has it too. upon hearing bad news i smirk. the worse the bad news the broader my smile. it's embarrassing and misleading, because i actually don't find it funny or amusing at all! you could stand before me, telling me about the worst experience of your life and i would grin at you like an idiot. it's terrible, and i feel ashamed of myself. i remember being on the receiving end of this kind of smirk as a kid, my dad smiled while we told him how much it hurt that he was leaving. it was infuriating. that's really not a trait i wanted to inherit. i don't want to be that person. i consider this a serious problem, so i spent some time today trying to figure out why this happens. at first i came up empty, and sort of concluded i was just emotionally immature, but i think i've finally uncovered what's going on. it's not at all that i think your woes are laughable. not at all. instead i think that it's a reaction of love. as i hear bad news, and my heart goes out those who are hurting and my love increases. it's like my heart is swelling. i smile because i'm overwhelmed with love. the greater the hurt, the greater the love, and greater the facial expression. i really hope that this is an ailment that i'll grow out of, but in case it doesn't i need for everyone to know how to translate my inappropriate smile. it means that i love. i'm sorry that a preemptive blog entry is the only thing i have to offer at this point. i'm a work in progress.
always glaring at the mirrors, mad i don't look better.
always glaring at the mirrors, mad i don't look better.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
i-cord
our internet was down for at least 2 hours this evening. it's kind of alarming because it means out phone is down too because we have cable phone. i don't like being without both. it makes me feel vulnerable.
i stayed home from work today too. i'm feeling better, but still not 100%, but that's ok. i'll be good enough to go to work tomorrow. my sinuses are hurting, and my skin feels sore (which happens when i'm sick).
it will be nice to get out of the house tomorrow. but man, i've been knitting like a fiend. i've surprised myself.
you have seen some unbelievable things.
i stayed home from work today too. i'm feeling better, but still not 100%, but that's ok. i'll be good enough to go to work tomorrow. my sinuses are hurting, and my skin feels sore (which happens when i'm sick).
it will be nice to get out of the house tomorrow. but man, i've been knitting like a fiend. i've surprised myself.
you have seen some unbelievable things.
Monday, October 18, 2010
vapo
so i went to work for about an hour and half, i got the necessities done, then left again. this cold has me down for the count. it's really holding on tight. which seems to be the nature of this season's colds.
i was in bed all day with the exception of taking meals. brendan was not impressed with me for eating toast in bed while he was trying to sleep. i watched movies and seinfeld on dvd, read and knit. i'm really happy because i'm making some serious progress with my knitting. i had knitters-block for a while, but i've had a breakthru.
i have this knack for losing things in my home. we were given a nice brown bed-skirt as a wedding gift back in june. when i went to put it on our bed months back i couldn't find it. i searched the whole pad, and was found wanting. it was very frustrating. last week bren was over, and i was telling her about the missing bed-skirt, it was going to look so nice with our duvet if i ever found it. then on saturday, after i barfed i asked brendan to pass me a kleenex, and suddenly i saw the bedskirt sitting on our bedside table. i have NO idea how it could have remained there unseen for all those months. i feel like an idiot! however, i'm happy that it's found, and it looks smashing.
great news! when i was briefly at work today i was FINALLY given my goodlife membership. hooray!! i can't wait to start working my ass off – literally. i feel sad when i see pictures of myself these days. thankfully, as paul mccartney says "love is kind" (instead of love is blind) so b still thinks i look nice. i look forward to being more in shape and feeling better about myself – both in how i feel and how i feel i look. for some reason, it always happens that i'm growing out my hair when i'm trying to lose weight. it would be nice if i liked one of those things right now, but it's rewarding having something to look forward to and work towards. i remember a few years ago when i achieved my ideal weight and had my hair long i kind of felt directionless. i didn't know what to do with myself.
all you dreams are waking up.
i was in bed all day with the exception of taking meals. brendan was not impressed with me for eating toast in bed while he was trying to sleep. i watched movies and seinfeld on dvd, read and knit. i'm really happy because i'm making some serious progress with my knitting. i had knitters-block for a while, but i've had a breakthru.
i have this knack for losing things in my home. we were given a nice brown bed-skirt as a wedding gift back in june. when i went to put it on our bed months back i couldn't find it. i searched the whole pad, and was found wanting. it was very frustrating. last week bren was over, and i was telling her about the missing bed-skirt, it was going to look so nice with our duvet if i ever found it. then on saturday, after i barfed i asked brendan to pass me a kleenex, and suddenly i saw the bedskirt sitting on our bedside table. i have NO idea how it could have remained there unseen for all those months. i feel like an idiot! however, i'm happy that it's found, and it looks smashing.
great news! when i was briefly at work today i was FINALLY given my goodlife membership. hooray!! i can't wait to start working my ass off – literally. i feel sad when i see pictures of myself these days. thankfully, as paul mccartney says "love is kind" (instead of love is blind) so b still thinks i look nice. i look forward to being more in shape and feeling better about myself – both in how i feel and how i feel i look. for some reason, it always happens that i'm growing out my hair when i'm trying to lose weight. it would be nice if i liked one of those things right now, but it's rewarding having something to look forward to and work towards. i remember a few years ago when i achieved my ideal weight and had my hair long i kind of felt directionless. i didn't know what to do with myself.
all you dreams are waking up.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
silent
i've been sick all weekend. i started on thursday with an allergy attack and it hasn't gone away. i feel pretty crappy, but not completely out of commission so i've been trying to function as normal as possible.
friday night we went to see bruce peninsula at the grad club, saturday we went to brendan's mom's place for his birthday celebration, and today we went to martha's table empty bowls. it was really awesome.
empty bowls is a fundraiser, where local potters donate bowls to a soup lunch. patrons buy tickets that include them picking out a bowl of their choice which is then filled with soup. it was really neat! we both picked really nice bowls, and the funny thing is that brendan picked a bowl by patty, who's my favourite potter in town. i always be default pick out something by her, but this time brendan did. it was pretty funny. it seems that us lorimers have a thing for patty's work. brendan said we should just invite her to move in with her kiln.
i'll probably go to work tomorrow unless i take an unexpected turn for the worst. last night i threw up after a coughing fit, right back into the mug i'd just been drinking out of. it was pretty bad, but i was thankful the mug was there to catch it. i always want to cry after barfing. i don' t know why.
i was supposed to be getting my goodlife membership on friday, but since i didn't go to work i don't know if it's available. my guess is that it's not, because i see they haven't cashed my cheque yet. it's super frustrating, even if i wasn't well enough to workout. i'm quite anxious to get started again. i no longer need a belt to keep my pants up :S i'm exciting because i know how great working out will feel. i love those endorphins. can't wait, i really hope it won't be much longer.
i guess always is all this and then some.
friday night we went to see bruce peninsula at the grad club, saturday we went to brendan's mom's place for his birthday celebration, and today we went to martha's table empty bowls. it was really awesome.
empty bowls is a fundraiser, where local potters donate bowls to a soup lunch. patrons buy tickets that include them picking out a bowl of their choice which is then filled with soup. it was really neat! we both picked really nice bowls, and the funny thing is that brendan picked a bowl by patty, who's my favourite potter in town. i always be default pick out something by her, but this time brendan did. it was pretty funny. it seems that us lorimers have a thing for patty's work. brendan said we should just invite her to move in with her kiln.
i'll probably go to work tomorrow unless i take an unexpected turn for the worst. last night i threw up after a coughing fit, right back into the mug i'd just been drinking out of. it was pretty bad, but i was thankful the mug was there to catch it. i always want to cry after barfing. i don' t know why.
i was supposed to be getting my goodlife membership on friday, but since i didn't go to work i don't know if it's available. my guess is that it's not, because i see they haven't cashed my cheque yet. it's super frustrating, even if i wasn't well enough to workout. i'm quite anxious to get started again. i no longer need a belt to keep my pants up :S i'm exciting because i know how great working out will feel. i love those endorphins. can't wait, i really hope it won't be much longer.
i guess always is all this and then some.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
harp
i'm really pumped this story about the chilien minners that's been in the news lately. like, wow, what an incredible story, what an usual tale. i've never heard of miners being rescued before. can you imagine living 70 days in a hole in the ground with 32 other men? that would be terrible! ever since i saw the movie "margaret's museum" i've really had appreciation and apprehension towards mining. it's understandably the most dangerous trade in the world. i'm so happy that people are being pulled from the ground this minute and reunited with their people. so lovely. how amazing. that makes me so happy.
today is brendan's 22 birthday :) i think it's really cute that he's 22. that's a good age. i hope it's a great year for him :)
go ahead
make your next bold move.
today is brendan's 22 birthday :) i think it's really cute that he's 22. that's a good age. i hope it's a great year for him :)
go ahead
make your next bold move.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
easy
i don't know what it is about speaker phone, but people are instantly alarmed by it.
b and i had a great time at joy's place for thanksgiving on sunday. they've been doing some big renos to their house to accommodate their growing family. it's remarkable the difference. it's so roomy, and they don't have enough furniture! anyways, we broke in the new dining room/sunroom. the food was good and so was the conversation. we went around the table and said what we were thankful for. my dad said he was thankful for brendan and tim, that as a parent he's so happy that his daughters married such good men. joy and tim were thankful that they're not having anymore kids. and my mom was thankful for her new housemate.
i baked tonight. i baked for the united way bake sale at work tomorrow. i've never participated in a bake sale as a contributor before. i've always just been a consumer. my to-do list was rather full this evening. but i did commit to the bake sale (even if it was just out of obligation), so i thought i should do something. i think they've turned out ok. i put sprinkles on top to make them more delicious and marketable. brendan seemed to think it was an abomination to put sprinkles on rice crispy squares. i think he's wrong.
my annoying coworker commented on my book today. "the book of negroes?" he said "what are you reading??" he seemed to think it was ludicrous and had clearly never heard of it. so i said to him "it's a very famous book". the thing is... that the novel "the book of negroes" is a best-seller, and the actually record book of negroes is a well known part of history. it's not my fault that he hasn't hear of either of them. i was kind of annoyed at him for making it out that i was reading some weird and random book, when it's actually just him who's got his head buried in the golf course. that man never ceases to get on my nerves.
i always just see new things to admire about you.
b and i had a great time at joy's place for thanksgiving on sunday. they've been doing some big renos to their house to accommodate their growing family. it's remarkable the difference. it's so roomy, and they don't have enough furniture! anyways, we broke in the new dining room/sunroom. the food was good and so was the conversation. we went around the table and said what we were thankful for. my dad said he was thankful for brendan and tim, that as a parent he's so happy that his daughters married such good men. joy and tim were thankful that they're not having anymore kids. and my mom was thankful for her new housemate.
i baked tonight. i baked for the united way bake sale at work tomorrow. i've never participated in a bake sale as a contributor before. i've always just been a consumer. my to-do list was rather full this evening. but i did commit to the bake sale (even if it was just out of obligation), so i thought i should do something. i think they've turned out ok. i put sprinkles on top to make them more delicious and marketable. brendan seemed to think it was an abomination to put sprinkles on rice crispy squares. i think he's wrong.
my annoying coworker commented on my book today. "the book of negroes?" he said "what are you reading??" he seemed to think it was ludicrous and had clearly never heard of it. so i said to him "it's a very famous book". the thing is... that the novel "the book of negroes" is a best-seller, and the actually record book of negroes is a well known part of history. it's not my fault that he hasn't hear of either of them. i was kind of annoyed at him for making it out that i was reading some weird and random book, when it's actually just him who's got his head buried in the golf course. that man never ceases to get on my nerves.
i always just see new things to admire about you.
Monday, October 11, 2010
corridor
we went for a hike at frontenac park today. we decided to do a medium length hike and picked one that ranges between 4 to 6 hours. we packed some sandwiches and other necessities and headed out.
it was the perfect fall day. not too hot, not too cold. it was really fun.
there wasn't much wildlife, mostly snakes, birds, and chipmunks, but at one point a huge deer ran out in front of us and stood close by for quite a long time. it was amazing. it took some time for me to remember that out in nature (and not in a car on the highway) deers aren't dangerous.
brendan is a good fast walker. i'm a tardy walker. but we did really well at matching each other's speed. i actually increased my speed pretty well, compared to my usual pace. i often twisted my right ankle, and once had to stop to crack my toes, but brendan encouraged me as we went. i wanted to bring my ipod along for "emergency" but he wouldn't let me, he wanted to go technology free. so instead we chatted and walked in silence. i like that now that i've walked the inka trail i can remind myself that i am capable, and even when i'm tired and feeling finished i am capable of carrying on.
it was a great workout. i feel very good. i needed that for sure. we finished in 4.5 hours, which is what the park man said is the norm. we forgot the map in the car, so it was difficult to know how far we were, i was a little afraid we were really far from the finish. i mostly wanted to be home before sunset, or at least civil twilight. and we were. as we drove home there was a lovely sunset. it was a great day :)
how they play and play for that happy day.
it was the perfect fall day. not too hot, not too cold. it was really fun.
there wasn't much wildlife, mostly snakes, birds, and chipmunks, but at one point a huge deer ran out in front of us and stood close by for quite a long time. it was amazing. it took some time for me to remember that out in nature (and not in a car on the highway) deers aren't dangerous.
brendan is a good fast walker. i'm a tardy walker. but we did really well at matching each other's speed. i actually increased my speed pretty well, compared to my usual pace. i often twisted my right ankle, and once had to stop to crack my toes, but brendan encouraged me as we went. i wanted to bring my ipod along for "emergency" but he wouldn't let me, he wanted to go technology free. so instead we chatted and walked in silence. i like that now that i've walked the inka trail i can remind myself that i am capable, and even when i'm tired and feeling finished i am capable of carrying on.
it was a great workout. i feel very good. i needed that for sure. we finished in 4.5 hours, which is what the park man said is the norm. we forgot the map in the car, so it was difficult to know how far we were, i was a little afraid we were really far from the finish. i mostly wanted to be home before sunset, or at least civil twilight. and we were. as we drove home there was a lovely sunset. it was a great day :)
how they play and play for that happy day.
Friday, October 08, 2010
big dipper
last year at this time, i had shannon over for a slumber party. [ see here ]
we carved pumpkins, ordered pizza, watched sex and the city, painted our nails, etc. i told shanno before she arrived that i had a story to tell her. so as we carved pumpkins i started from the top. i wanted to very gently mention to her that i was kind of interested in brendan. i was a little worried, because she was so particularly fond of brendan and i wasn't certain what her reaction would be. plus, i was afraid that she'd say to me "oh les... he's interested in someone else". she very patiently heard me out, and remained silent even though she'd figured out where the story was going and wore a smirk on her face. she actually became so engrossed in my tale that she kept carving away at her pumpkins nose and it ended up as a big hole in it's face. i was embarrased, but she put me at ease because she was so excited. without betraying brendan she told me that he would be very happy to hear that i was even considering him as boyfriend material, and that i should definitely make myself available to spending time with him.
that sunday, after church, i walked with brendan to his house to drop off a birthday gift for the bedridden sick shannon. he walked me back to church and started telling me about how he'd hung out with joel plaskett days before. when we arrived at church, our conversation was cut short by a couple of loud intruding friends, so i said good-bye and was amused by brendan's awkward and disappointed "oh, you're going?" and struggle to figure out what to do next. later that afternoon i emailed him to finish up his story, and at the end said a casual "let me know if you want to hangout some time". that seemed to be the green light he needed, because he suddenly became quite bold and suggested hanging out the next day. there wasn't even a moment of hesitation. it was such a refreshing change to see a guy so eager to spend time with me, it was very affirming, a good sign. so the next day (thanksgiving), i went to the corn maze with bren and the kids, and she and i chatted about the date i was having that evening with the most surprising of people. we smiled and giggled at the unexpectedness of it as well as the huge potential it seemed to have.
b skipped out of thanksgiving pie at the house at night, and came over at 7 o'clock for a movie and a hangout. we walked down to bren's place to pick up the movie she had and suggested. she later told me that we looked good together, we seemed to match some how. we watched "away we go" - turns out that brendan had seen it already, but didn't want to tell me that for fear that i might change our plans. afterwards we chatted and i really felt connected to him, and i felt attracted to him too. i told shannon afterwards "if he'd tried to hug, kiss, or make out with me, i think i would've been up for it!" he stayed quite late, forgetting that he had a house meeting that night, he just didn't want to leave.
and so it began.
i'm pretty happy.
p.s. thanks shanno for giving me a push :)
so i'm going home to please the one i so love pleasing.
that sunday, after church, i walked with brendan to his house to drop off a birthday gift for the bedridden sick shannon. he walked me back to church and started telling me about how he'd hung out with joel plaskett days before. when we arrived at church, our conversation was cut short by a couple of loud intruding friends, so i said good-bye and was amused by brendan's awkward and disappointed "oh, you're going?" and struggle to figure out what to do next. later that afternoon i emailed him to finish up his story, and at the end said a casual "let me know if you want to hangout some time". that seemed to be the green light he needed, because he suddenly became quite bold and suggested hanging out the next day. there wasn't even a moment of hesitation. it was such a refreshing change to see a guy so eager to spend time with me, it was very affirming, a good sign. so the next day (thanksgiving), i went to the corn maze with bren and the kids, and she and i chatted about the date i was having that evening with the most surprising of people. we smiled and giggled at the unexpectedness of it as well as the huge potential it seemed to have.
b skipped out of thanksgiving pie at the house at night, and came over at 7 o'clock for a movie and a hangout. we walked down to bren's place to pick up the movie she had and suggested. she later told me that we looked good together, we seemed to match some how. we watched "away we go" - turns out that brendan had seen it already, but didn't want to tell me that for fear that i might change our plans. afterwards we chatted and i really felt connected to him, and i felt attracted to him too. i told shannon afterwards "if he'd tried to hug, kiss, or make out with me, i think i would've been up for it!" he stayed quite late, forgetting that he had a house meeting that night, he just didn't want to leave.
and so it began.
i'm pretty happy.
p.s. thanks shanno for giving me a push :)
so i'm going home to please the one i so love pleasing.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
great
i'm wearing tights today. leggings. they remind me of being a kid and dressing up for church. tights have the undeniably unique quality of slowly falling down in the most uncomfortable way. i feel it's a good summary of toddlerhood. there's no other way of explaining it.
for most of my life my interactions with my dad's side of the family have been minimal. growing up i was saddened by the idea of that disconnection, but in reality, at family gatherings i couldn't get out of there fast enough. my family are not bad people, they're just strangers to me and rather unwelcoming. maybe things would've been different if my parents stayed together, and i KNOW things would've been different had we live in toronto. we were the odd-balls that left the big smoke for sweeter things. they didn't understand, it's impossible to imagine life beyond the GTA. after they excommunicated my dad from the family, my mom tried in vain to keep us connected. she'd drag us (me) against our (my) will to the boxing day reunion. i found it ironic that my favourite day of the year was so closely connected to my least favourite - separated by one sunset and one sunrise. thankfully, in due course, we were eventually asked to stop attending the festive gatherings. i was relieved, finally off the hook. after no contact for nearly ten years, it seemed a no-brainer to me to not bother inviting them to our wedding. i invited the one set of aunt & uncle who'd played a big part in my life, and the corresponding cousins, but that's it. during our engagement, i immediately received engagement cards in the mail from my mom's family, who live in england, but didn't hear a peep from my canadian relatives. this confirmed to me that i'd made the right decision, they remain indifferent to me, and as a result i to them. however, with an unexpected turn of events i just received an invitation from one of my forementioned cousins to a family weekend next august west of toronto. this leaves me in the awkward position of being the one to choose to be excluded. the story will change from this point on if i choose to not attend. it's difficult because i don't want to justify our excempt status, but at the same time, they've left me completely uninterested in seeing them, much less spending a weekend together. so i find myself contemplating what's gained by trying to rejoin a dysfunctional family when i've moved on. i'm content with my family of origin and my new in-laws. they fill my need for family. so the answer i keep arriving at is another question "what's lost?". what was lost was a childhood building connection and relationships with my extended family. i've already lost that. so i don't feel there's anything to lose at this point. it would seriously awkward, especially when they all know each other quite well, and hangout in TO together with frequency. in fact, 2 of my cousins were housemates. they're the incrowd, we're the outsiders. well... we have 3 seasons to decide. i think if my dad is interested in going, we'd go with him, but i'm done attending in place of him. besides, he's my favourite person in that family, and there's just no sense in going without him.
here i am at my most hungry,
and here i am at my most full.
for most of my life my interactions with my dad's side of the family have been minimal. growing up i was saddened by the idea of that disconnection, but in reality, at family gatherings i couldn't get out of there fast enough. my family are not bad people, they're just strangers to me and rather unwelcoming. maybe things would've been different if my parents stayed together, and i KNOW things would've been different had we live in toronto. we were the odd-balls that left the big smoke for sweeter things. they didn't understand, it's impossible to imagine life beyond the GTA. after they excommunicated my dad from the family, my mom tried in vain to keep us connected. she'd drag us (me) against our (my) will to the boxing day reunion. i found it ironic that my favourite day of the year was so closely connected to my least favourite - separated by one sunset and one sunrise. thankfully, in due course, we were eventually asked to stop attending the festive gatherings. i was relieved, finally off the hook. after no contact for nearly ten years, it seemed a no-brainer to me to not bother inviting them to our wedding. i invited the one set of aunt & uncle who'd played a big part in my life, and the corresponding cousins, but that's it. during our engagement, i immediately received engagement cards in the mail from my mom's family, who live in england, but didn't hear a peep from my canadian relatives. this confirmed to me that i'd made the right decision, they remain indifferent to me, and as a result i to them. however, with an unexpected turn of events i just received an invitation from one of my forementioned cousins to a family weekend next august west of toronto. this leaves me in the awkward position of being the one to choose to be excluded. the story will change from this point on if i choose to not attend. it's difficult because i don't want to justify our excempt status, but at the same time, they've left me completely uninterested in seeing them, much less spending a weekend together. so i find myself contemplating what's gained by trying to rejoin a dysfunctional family when i've moved on. i'm content with my family of origin and my new in-laws. they fill my need for family. so the answer i keep arriving at is another question "what's lost?". what was lost was a childhood building connection and relationships with my extended family. i've already lost that. so i don't feel there's anything to lose at this point. it would seriously awkward, especially when they all know each other quite well, and hangout in TO together with frequency. in fact, 2 of my cousins were housemates. they're the incrowd, we're the outsiders. well... we have 3 seasons to decide. i think if my dad is interested in going, we'd go with him, but i'm done attending in place of him. besides, he's my favourite person in that family, and there's just no sense in going without him.
here i am at my most hungry,
and here i am at my most full.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
shuttle
pmsing is harder now that i have a partner who is effected by the things i say and the attitudes i possess during this time of month. it's odd how cuttingly mean i can be to someone i love so dearly. i'm really tired lately, it's probably connected to my lack of exercise, but i don't have any energy to curb my tongue so he's forced to retreat. i'm not really a fan of myself right now. and i resent how hard life can appear on the wake of easy. it's strange how me being jealous of his free time can make me take it out on him. i wish that wasn't how i handled things.
i have a board meeting in 24 minutes. i feel my tenure winding down, and it's hard to muster any interest in the topics on the agenda. i hope having the house filled with talking and laughter will inspire me and bring me back into the necessary frame of mind. i would be surprised if i cry during the meeting for one reason or another. it wouldn't be the first time i've cried in front of those guys and said "it's ok, i'm just pmsing".
brendan is goodness. he's sunshine and sometimes i feel like a mud-puddle in his shiny life.
the fact that i adore you is but one of my truths.
i have a board meeting in 24 minutes. i feel my tenure winding down, and it's hard to muster any interest in the topics on the agenda. i hope having the house filled with talking and laughter will inspire me and bring me back into the necessary frame of mind. i would be surprised if i cry during the meeting for one reason or another. it wouldn't be the first time i've cried in front of those guys and said "it's ok, i'm just pmsing".
brendan is goodness. he's sunshine and sometimes i feel like a mud-puddle in his shiny life.
the fact that i adore you is but one of my truths.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
dump truck
sincerity is very important to me. not sincerity in other people, but my ability to believe the things that come out of my mouth. i worried that upon seeing her i'd have to fake my interest or pretend to be happy. but thankfully when faced to face i was genuine if not reserved, the exchange was so brief that i was able to be sincere without squirming. thank goodness.
i've always enjoyed voting. exercising my civil right to cast vote was the first really adulty thing i felt i did, and i tried as best as i was able to make an educated decision. looking back however, it's clear that i didn't understand the issues, and made rather uninformed decisions. years later i started voting green because i didn't believe any of the other parties were worthy of my vote. thankfully, i've grown to fully support the green party, and am now super grateful that the party i picked at random does reflect my values. so with the municiple election upon us, i'm seeing signs of all kinds along the road to work, and felt at a disadvantage that in mayoral elections candidates aren't typically associated with a party. i kept wanting a website or news article to appear that would compare the candidates so that i could base my decision on what i read there. but i finally had to conceed to the reality that i was not going to be spoon fed and it was time for me to do some digging myself. as far as i'm aware there are only 3 candidates, all men. so i visited their websites and came to a decision. i don't want to tell you who will be gaining my support, because i don't believe in endorsing policians, it seems unfair to swing the votes of others. so, i've decided to provide links to the different websites so you can read them and come to your own conclusion.
i've always enjoyed voting. exercising my civil right to cast vote was the first really adulty thing i felt i did, and i tried as best as i was able to make an educated decision. looking back however, it's clear that i didn't understand the issues, and made rather uninformed decisions. years later i started voting green because i didn't believe any of the other parties were worthy of my vote. thankfully, i've grown to fully support the green party, and am now super grateful that the party i picked at random does reflect my values. so with the municiple election upon us, i'm seeing signs of all kinds along the road to work, and felt at a disadvantage that in mayoral elections candidates aren't typically associated with a party. i kept wanting a website or news article to appear that would compare the candidates so that i could base my decision on what i read there. but i finally had to conceed to the reality that i was not going to be spoon fed and it was time for me to do some digging myself. as far as i'm aware there are only 3 candidates, all men. so i visited their websites and came to a decision. i don't want to tell you who will be gaining my support, because i don't believe in endorsing policians, it seems unfair to swing the votes of others. so, i've decided to provide links to the different websites so you can read them and come to your own conclusion.
rob matheson
i realize that not everyone is keen on voting, but the reality is that what happens in our city and country is the result of who is elected to power. the closure of the prision farms is the result of a disfunctional government. the riots during the G20 summit again, the result of the same government. don't just sit back and complain, don't even just wait to protest when injustice is taking place, take advantage of the fact that you have a say in who is elected, and know that it's a proactive way to make a difference BEFORE protesting is necessary. if the right party is elected protesting won't be necessary. so, read up, register, and know that every vote matters!
i'm wondering what it will take for my city to rise.
i realize that not everyone is keen on voting, but the reality is that what happens in our city and country is the result of who is elected to power. the closure of the prision farms is the result of a disfunctional government. the riots during the G20 summit again, the result of the same government. don't just sit back and complain, don't even just wait to protest when injustice is taking place, take advantage of the fact that you have a say in who is elected, and know that it's a proactive way to make a difference BEFORE protesting is necessary. if the right party is elected protesting won't be necessary. so, read up, register, and know that every vote matters!
i'm wondering what it will take for my city to rise.
Monday, October 04, 2010
bucatini
when i was little i woke on saturday mornings and just lied in bed in a sleepy daze staring at my wall paper. it was white with pastel hearts on it in a diagonal pattern. i felt the most peaceful and most restful in those moments. to wake naturally and not be in a rush. this past saturday, i opened my eyes late in the morning and gazed up at the red curtain over my window. i lied their just staring at the pattern and again felt as i did when i was 11 years old.
b and i went apple picking this weekend. it was great :) i haven't been apple picking since my early 20s and it's been one of those things i've wanted to do every year but haven't managed to go for many different reasons. brendan seemed reluctant to go at first, but we had a really enjoyable drive out hwy 33, i showed him where joy and i used to play in the rockcut as kids, and he told me why a good melody is so important. we walked the paths in the orchards and noticed how the weight of the apples made the trees bend over. the fruit this year is excellent. the apples grew big and crispy and have no black spots on them as they did the last time i went apple picking. it was fun, and at the end brendan said he thought it was a great date :)
shannon lee was saying yesterday how much brendan has changed since he got married. that made me laugh with pride. i think he's the same, only more people are getting a glimpse of who he is.
it's hard to believe it's fall. the house is quite cold and i have to dress in layers. i seriously wore a sweater to work today, and i don't relish that as some of my friends do. melissa always likes to wear sweaters. she often makes that her facebook status in the fall - melissa is wearing a sweater :)
it's funny how time makes things better. i was thinking of the knickers last week, feeling almost nostalgic, wondering if i should be in touch. then i was told she was coming in for some consulting work and i suddenly felt like i couldn't breathe. i guess in that case time didn't make things better, but instead made me forgetful.
watching capitalism gun down democracy.
b and i went apple picking this weekend. it was great :) i haven't been apple picking since my early 20s and it's been one of those things i've wanted to do every year but haven't managed to go for many different reasons. brendan seemed reluctant to go at first, but we had a really enjoyable drive out hwy 33, i showed him where joy and i used to play in the rockcut as kids, and he told me why a good melody is so important. we walked the paths in the orchards and noticed how the weight of the apples made the trees bend over. the fruit this year is excellent. the apples grew big and crispy and have no black spots on them as they did the last time i went apple picking. it was fun, and at the end brendan said he thought it was a great date :)
shannon lee was saying yesterday how much brendan has changed since he got married. that made me laugh with pride. i think he's the same, only more people are getting a glimpse of who he is.
it's hard to believe it's fall. the house is quite cold and i have to dress in layers. i seriously wore a sweater to work today, and i don't relish that as some of my friends do. melissa always likes to wear sweaters. she often makes that her facebook status in the fall - melissa is wearing a sweater :)
it's funny how time makes things better. i was thinking of the knickers last week, feeling almost nostalgic, wondering if i should be in touch. then i was told she was coming in for some consulting work and i suddenly felt like i couldn't breathe. i guess in that case time didn't make things better, but instead made me forgetful.
watching capitalism gun down democracy.
Friday, October 01, 2010
fickle
there's a movie that just came out on dvd. when i read the blurb about it i was shocked and laughed out loud. check this out...
"Leslie Wright, a straight-shooting physical therapist, gets the gig of a lifetime working with NBA All-Star Scott McKnight."
how hilarious is that!!! a movie, with the two central characters having my names! they're not common names, rarely used in movies. ha! so funny. now, if lorimer appears in a movie then i'd be extra super shocked!! :p
"Leslie Wright, a straight-shooting physical therapist, gets the gig of a lifetime working with NBA All-Star Scott McKnight."
how hilarious is that!!! a movie, with the two central characters having my names! they're not common names, rarely used in movies. ha! so funny. now, if lorimer appears in a movie then i'd be extra super shocked!! :p
busy
i read a great line in my book yesterday that said "sleeping people have vulnerable souls and should be woken gently". i thought that was lovely, and definitely feel it's true for me. it got me thinking about how each morning i pester brendan when he's sleeping. i like to cuddle close to him after my alarm goes off, and it drives him bonkers, he doesn't like it when i breathe on his neck. so i decided to be more considerate, and to treat him as i'd want to be treated. so this morning the alarm went off, and i got up right away. i was actually on time for work and not in a rush because i was not busying myself in an unproductive manner. so it turned out to be mutually beneficial.
it's interesting how time and circumstances change friendships. how people grow apart. it's not that people grow less significant, that they become less of a good friend, or that they become less interesting. i think it comes down to intimacy. the level of intimacy changes as time and distance come between. odd how sometimes the more time that passes makes for less things to talk about. i began to write an email to a friend i haven't communicated with in months, and found i had nothing interesting to say. just regular run of the mill things that i'd share with any old acquaintence. i think i need the level of intimacy in that friendship to be restored once again before i find more noteworthy things to say. it's hard to say if this is a new normal or just a friendship fading away. i feel both at peace and saddened by that.
i remember the old library i'd go to with my dad when i was little. it was small and was torn down in the late 90s. it had this room full of angular chairs and newspapers hanging on racks like laundry. my dad would sit for what felt like hours reading those newspapers. i'd be bored out of my skull, so i'd climb over the furniture, and walk down the aisles taking in the scent of old books and dusty carpet. i always felt like a stranger in that place, the librarians would talk to other patrons like neighbours or old friends. i felt like a misfit, like an intruder. perhaps that's why i prefer bookstores.
you are a miracle, but that's not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm looking for my door key
but you are my porch light.
it's interesting how time and circumstances change friendships. how people grow apart. it's not that people grow less significant, that they become less of a good friend, or that they become less interesting. i think it comes down to intimacy. the level of intimacy changes as time and distance come between. odd how sometimes the more time that passes makes for less things to talk about. i began to write an email to a friend i haven't communicated with in months, and found i had nothing interesting to say. just regular run of the mill things that i'd share with any old acquaintence. i think i need the level of intimacy in that friendship to be restored once again before i find more noteworthy things to say. it's hard to say if this is a new normal or just a friendship fading away. i feel both at peace and saddened by that.
i remember the old library i'd go to with my dad when i was little. it was small and was torn down in the late 90s. it had this room full of angular chairs and newspapers hanging on racks like laundry. my dad would sit for what felt like hours reading those newspapers. i'd be bored out of my skull, so i'd climb over the furniture, and walk down the aisles taking in the scent of old books and dusty carpet. i always felt like a stranger in that place, the librarians would talk to other patrons like neighbours or old friends. i felt like a misfit, like an intruder. perhaps that's why i prefer bookstores.
you are a miracle, but that's not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm looking for my door key
but you are my porch light.
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