oops

well... believe it or not, we accidentally didn't feed our cat for 2 weeks :S

in our defence, we did think we were feeding her and were wondering why she wasn't eating. today, brendan picked up her food bowl and said to her "honey, is there a reason why you're not eating this food?" then looked in the bowl and realized the food was all moldy. it turns out the food got all wet at some point during the move. it got all stuck together and moldy. so, naturally, she didn't eat it. she has been adjusting really well to our new home, so we had no clue there was anything wrong. and it's not unlike her to go through phases of not eating. BUT i'm glad we got that figured out before more time passed.

we feel pretty badly about it. she was probably feeling like "i like this new house, but the food here SUCKS!".

coats of paint

our new tenants moved into main street tonight. i was surprised to discover that it feels weird to think of other people living there. and when i go by tomorrow to drop off the keys, that i will need to knock on the door and wait for them to come answer it. i think it'll be ok though. it's the start of us establishing our new normal.

it seems the house we didn't end up buying has reappeared on the market with a new realtor and a new higher price. i'm really glad we didn't buy that house though. our brant house is so much better for us, and we LOVE the park out back.

i struggle sometimes with worry that our tenants will be unhappy and that they'll resent me if the house is in anyway disappointing. i wonder if i'm a little bit of an overachieving landlord because of a desire for affirmation from them. i think i need to work through this and set some landlord-tenant boundaries. it's reasonable for me for strive to be a good landlord, and keep the house(s) in good shape. ultimately i want to take care of our rental spaces so that if i lived there, that i'd be happy with their condition, etc. but it's easy to seek approval when i shouldn't. since we plan to be landlords for a long time, i'm gonna have to work on said boundaries.

that house

i'm physically tired, but not really for sleep yet. i walked down the hall to see cheerios and a tipped over sippy cup on the table, dirty dishes stacked in the kitchen, toys scattered all over the living room floor and boxes waiting to be unpacked.

there just isn't enough time. i suspect that several boxes will remain unpacked for years to come. some boxes just aren't a priority. right now i don't want to do any of it.

ripped shirt

i hadn't realized it, but it's been a while since i did some freelance/pro bono design work at home in the evenings. i definitely have preferences of what kind of design i like, and what i don't like as much, so sometimes i'm less eager than other times. BUT...

i had a really enjoyable evening working on the layout of a book.

good tunes, indesign, no bra. it was really enjoyable. i don't get to truly stretch my design muscles at work. it just felt good to be creative. i used to have more creative outlets. when we first were getting unpacked here i found a thick folder full of old next standards, and it reminded me of how fun that was to do. it was super time consuming, but i really liked it.

if i had a beverage in my hand, i would make a toast saying "here's to fun, creative design work (and no bras)".

down then up

i've had an odd 12 hours. 

1) last night eamon did not want to go to bed and put up a big fight. 

2) since i'd had such a dull and lethargic day, i thought it would do me good to spend the evening painting the bedroom in the basement. i've always just bought the most affordable can of paint before, but when we had the exile painted for our new tenants, our painter told us to buy a good quality can because it covers better. so that's what i did for our basement paint, and to my delight, it said on the can that it had a built-in primer and should only need one coat! which is amazing because i painted on saturday with some old paint from the maxipad and it took 3 coats. so i got to work thinking it would only take an hour. but unfortunately, i got started later than planned because of my bed-time reluctant toddler. i painted the evening away in silence - just me, some paint and my thoughts. i'm quite happy with how it turned out. it's a nice colour and when the flooring gets installed, i think it will be a really livable room - friendly, yet sophisticated. 

3) when i was done, it was nearly 11 (it took 1.5 coats, plus tape and cutting in), but i wanted some downtime, so i got some leftover salad, some mediocre cookies i baked on the weekend (i didn't mix in the baking powder very well), and some cider and watched an episode of 30 rock. it was nice, because i was still up when b got home. 

4) unfortunately, as the murphy's law of parenting predicts (the later you stay up, the earlier your kid wakes up), eamon woke at 3 am upset. so i thought i'd bring him into bed with us til he got sleepy. that worked ok. he likes to cuddle with me in bed. unfortunately (again) within 10 minutes, his diaper leaked and our bed was soaked (we've been having this problem regularly lately). so, after changing him, we put him back into his bed, and just got a towel to cover the wet spot. it took me a long time to fall asleep again after that, when when my alarm clock went off 2 hours later, i was not ready to get up. 

5) unfortunately (AGAIN), because i had loads of paint in my hair, i had to shower even though i was already late, which made me later :S 

6) but on the bright side, i decided to have a sing-a-long on the way to work. i've heard that singing is a good stress reliever and i thought it would be invigorating. so i dug out a mixed cd in the car that i knew had lots of my favourites, and set off. that was just what i needed to redeem my day (possibly my whole week!). and i'm feeling back to normal now :) 

drag

i hate being bored.

it's probably one of the most demotivating and deflating mental states.

it's been one of those days when i can't get myself out of a funk. being at work was dull and i really missed marilyn. i've never been a social butterfly at work. i generally keep to myself, and do my job. but i've enjoyed a handful of more outgoing, chatty workmates over the years. right now i'm in a real dry spell and it's depressing. i kind of feels self-generated. that it's my fault for being shy and withdrawn. my social needs are limited and i get those met outside of work. 

in every area of my life, i'm constantly struggling to find the balance between too much and too little. it's like i have a goldilocks complex.

blah.

empty

i suspect that hearing about someone unpacking is one of the most boring things. which leaves me short on things to share about.

i will say this... there's something satisfying about getting your box of tea unpacked, finding a good place to put the contents, and knowing where you'll quickly get your hands on it next time you're in want of a cuppa.

other than that, b and i tried to rest today. we watched an episode of 'friday night lights' and then had a nap. it was good.

growing up

i made two purchases on kijiji today.

1) a lawnmower

2) binoculars

we, obviously, need the lawnmower to our lawn. the grass isn't really growing, but the weeds are. it feels very grown up to own a lawnmower, and it's a nice one too. it's gas. i've only ever mowed with electric, and brendan's only ever mowed with gas. this will be a new experience for me.

the other purchase is more odd, and could be considered sketchy. i wanted to get binoculars to see people at the playground and the soccer field. we managed to spot garry and shannon at the soccer field on monday with the naked eye, but i want to be able to identify people more easily. and when eamon is bigger to see what he's up to at the climber. so i found a brand new pair on kijiji for $15! brendan finds it weird – he thinks i'm becoming "one of THOSE neighbours". i'm keeping them on top of the china cabinet for easy people watching.

bearings

we're feeling more and more at home here on brant ave.

although, we both feel like we're staying at someone's cottage or something. we've quickly adjusted and really like it here, but there's a certain temporary feel to everything. perhaps it's because daily routines feel novel.

last night our neighbours had a fire going in their backyard and the campfire scent wafted through the windows. which just added to that cottage-feeling.

the hood

i walked down to giant tiger today to pick up some things while brendan had the car in napanee. it was good to get better acquainted with this part of town. on the way i thought about how odd it feels that we went from 1 house with 1 rental unit, to 2 houses with 3 rental units. it's nuts! we're really landlords now!

i'm super tired. i haven't had an early night since we moved here. so i'm going to crawl into bed now.

first days

we've moved all our stuff over to our new house now. we're currently living among boxes, but on the whole have been able to put our hand to what we need pretty well. eamon slept through the night last night, so i think he's adjusting well. he LOVES the backyard. he's been over to the park a few times, but is just as happy in the backyard. it's interesting how a neighbour cultures vary because of subtle differences. we've noticed that the playground at our park is often vacant, while at skeleton park it's always in use. but that's because most of the kids in kingscourt have their own backyard and many have their own play structures. i'm sure we'll still go to the park a lot. i like the community aspect of that.

our room faces the park and sometimes at night i think i heard people playing in the park. i don't know if that's actually happening or if i'm imagining things. this morning, when i got up for work, the field was all foggy and the sun was glistening on the dew. it was a lovely scene.

having a kitchen table is blowing our minds. we often have to remind ourselves that it exists. i'm a little worried that we won't use our living room as much because we eat in the dining room and my computer is in our bedroom. but our living room is so lovely that it would be a shame to not use it very much. we got this really nice new couch on kijiji on saturday, and on the whole, the room is coming together really nicely.

i think i'll have to paint our bedroom. i thought it was cream coloured, but it's actually plain white :S it's not even a warm white. i always find plain white like that makes me feel like my brain is going to implode.

the end of exile

tonight is our last night here at our exile on main street. who knows, maybe someday we'll move back here when we're old. but for now, it's our last night.

this has been a great home for us. i feel in many ways brendan and i have come into our own as individuals and as partners in this space. i've loved working on the house with small and large improvements over the years. i'm proud of the house it's becoming. i'm glad our relationship is just changing and not ending. when we moved last time, it was the end of our relationship (it turned into a place we used to live), where the exile remains ours, even if we're not living in it. 

our new place (or as our realtor calls it "our forever home") is just a short bike ride away. i'm actually really excited about having more of a reason to cycle places. 

i should go. i'm pretty tired. 

it's a bittersweet night.

hammers

this evening, éamon and i went out for dinner at saigon delights. most of our kitchen is packed up, so i'm trying to avoid cooking. we sat at the window seat, across from one another and he pointed out the window at the trucks and motorcycles that passed. he was a good date.

my mom commented last night as we chatted on the phone, that i get to get more excited before an event. actually she said i get more excited about "planning". i told her that i didn't think it was planning that i'm excited about, but i think it's the anticipation that i find exciting. sarah told me once that anticipation is most of the fun. i think that's true a lot of the time. or at least it's special in it's own way, different than the realization phase.

sometimes it feels good to have a cry while talking to your mom on the phone. i feel a lot better.

countdown

hmm mmm "rachel's" buttertarts are so delicious.

also...

now that we're down to our last week on main street, i'm feeling eager to just get this week over with. unfortunately, this week will be filled with more packing, my mid-year performance evaluation, errands and spending money. ugh. sounds like a real drag.

flaws

*pfff* i'm having a super difficult time not being annoyed or expressing exasperation. i honestly didn't know how sensitive i am. i worry, i take things personally, i stew, and i need to lighten up and get more thick skinned.

SO WHAT if my dad made a dismissive comment about how 'george' is eamon's last middle name. it was kind and thoughtful of us to give him that middle name, and we had good reasons for the order. so i'm gonna try to not be irritated and/or upset by that. perhaps this is an indication of where i got my annoyed attitude from – someone who gets annoyed about small things. i mention this, despite the fact that i'm trying to stop venting frustrating, because it's a prime example of the types of things that get under my skin :S

our house definitely looks like we're moving now. one week today and we'll be in our new place!

evolving

now that i've identified myself as a generally annoyed person, i seeing things more clearly. partly because i'm recognizing that i'm the problem, not the situations, circumstances or people that i'm annoyed by. the other part is that this is helping me recognize that being perpetually annoyed is super anti-social behaviour. i'd have to say it's my biggest anti-social vice. since i believe in the value of being pro-social, i've gots to cancel out my annoyed attitude. i wonder what the opposite of annoyed is...

[checks dictionary]
Near Antonyms for 'Annoyed' delighted, pleased; content, happy, satisfied; calm, pacific, peaceable, placid, serene, tranquil

interesting! these are all good things. although, pacific seems a little out of place, but i trust that the dictionary knows what it's talking about.

being an annoyed person, i get annoyed at myself too. for example... yesterday, i rinsed out my tea infuser to make a fresh cup of tea. and instead of filling my tea cup with water, i 'filled' just the tea infuser (sans tea cup), and sprayed hot water everywhere. now... that's not a delightful, pleasing or happy situation, but i suppose i could choose to be grateful that i wasn't severely burnt or anything. while i can't be pro-social with myself, i could exercise self-kindness and not call myself an idiot.

oh learning curves...
when will i get the hang of being a proper human?

all because of a noisy toilet

we all have our 'thing' that is linked to our most difficult and unflattering trait.

mine is easily being annoyed or irritated. i'm pretty much always annoyed or irritated on some level. it's always right below the surface. even when i'm having a great day, if the right topic comes up in conversation it just spills out. i know other people like this too. i've concluded this low-level, perpetual annoyance is managed through talking out about the latest, most annoying thing to whoever will listen. this usually doesn't involve talking to the annoying person. partly because my annoyance is small, and usually opinion based. plus, i regularly forget about it later on.

this is actually difficult for me to admit, because i'm not proud of it. i'd rather not draw attention to this trait, just in case others haven't noticed it.

all that said, when it comes to irritation and my partner, i let it all hang out. i don't spare him any of my thoughts, frustrations, or unkind words when expressing my annoyance. and the poor guy is blind-sided by my below-the-belt comments that exceed the cutting words and oddly perceptive remarks that only an entitled teenager is capable of. in moments like that, i don't much like myself, but i've just pushed away my closest ally, so i just commit and stand by what i've said. it's too late to recant, so i just dive right in.

i really don't know if it's possible to do things differently. i guess one thing i could do is use my self-awareness skills and try to stop myself before my annoyance snowballs.

somethings ever change.

wrapping

tomorrow i return to work from a nice at-home mini-break. it was good to do regular, at home stuff and to spend extra time with eamon. that said, i don't mind returning to work. i love having my freedom, but having a little bit of structure is good for me, plus my job makes my world bigger and is good exercise for my brain.

all of this said, i really enjoy spending time with éamon. i feel like he makes me feel fun. and i like our relationship dynamic. 

ridge

4 days away from work, and i still have one more day off :) i'm really enjoying this 5 day long weekend. i'm going to do this again sometime.

beckie, éamon and i swam in the rain in malcolm lake. it was lovely.

hurricane

sometimes brendan and i talk together about how often we're reminded of what a big impact parents have on their adult children. so many people have baggage, or worldviews, or self-views, or hang-ups, etc etc, because one parent, both parents, their parents relationship with each other, or their parents relationships with other people. it's kind of good to get this reminder. it helps us put our role as parents in perspective, and to remember that we are trying to raise a healthy, aware, fully-functioning adult.

i'm going to take another stab at the book "middlemarch".