versatile

yesterday i was reflecting in an email to bren about the clutter in my life. i want to declutter not just the clutter in my home but the clutter in my time as well. i ended up concluding that the amount of time i waste on my computer or even watching shows is quite significant, and that something needs to change. i found that i need some boundaries around my screen time. i'm great at coming up with plans, but i stink at following thru with them. i know that coming up with a chore schedule for myself would not work. what i really need to do is change my habits. i come home, i turn on my computer, i waste time, i eat supper, i get caught up in life and chores get neglected. years ago i used to turn on my computer each morning when i woke up, until i found it was making me late for work and wasn't really adding anything to my life. i've changed that habit. so i've concluded that i will post-pone turning on my computer until after one chore is done. and really, cleaning the bathroom or putting away laundry doesn't take a long time, i just lack the motivation. but if my evening is on-hold until i take 5 minutes to do clean that washroom, then i have reason to buckle down and get it done. last night it worked excellently. in fact, i got a lot accomplished simply because i spent less time online. decluttered. this might just be the dawning of a new era for me.

i'm very pleased at the announcement that the penny is being abolished. i've been at odds with the penny for years. they are useless. you can't use them in vending machines and you can't leave them as tips, there's no way to get rid of them so they pile up. frequently i throw them in the garbage. frig, talk about getting rid of the non-essential. i think our change purses will be much lighter. or else they will be filled with useful currency.

it was all so strange and so surreal
that a ghost should be so practical.

when i saw the headline saying federal budget to push back retirement to 67 i thought "aw crap. now i have 35 years to go instead of 33."

foam trays

i had a dentist appointment this morning. while the hygenist cleaned my teeth i watched the tv mounted on the wall above me. first i watched canada am then i watched live with kelly. now that i've without tv for a year and a half, what really struck me this morning was that EVERYTHING was an advertisement. on canada am, they were interviewing their weather man who'd recently been a contestant on the price is right. the price is right is a fairly entertaining show, and i find the retro feel pretty cool, but that show was created strictly to showcase new products. it's one big advert disguised as a game! they also had a segment all about 'must have accessories for spring', which involved bringing in a fashion consultant to go over all the things people need to buy to stay trendy this spring. this sort of thing used to be interesting to me, i always found it neat to see the latest gadgets and so on. but all it is, is marketing. i know that not all shows are built around buying stuff, but it really bugged me and i'm really glad that we don't have television anymore. this is saying a lot since i really resisted it when brendan didn't want tv.

i think i'm starting to see advertising everywhere since this whole shaved legs thing. why should some companies, some people i don't know, influence my choices and tell me what i need or like?!?!

trips to the dentist are uncomfortable and my mouth remains sore afterwards. however, i usually enjoy all the other aspects, such as sleeping in a little bit later, not being rushed, going into work late, having a shorter work day. since we moved i've COMPLETELY forgotten to floss my teeth. out of sight, out of mind. i'd really like to floss more often. it seems simple enough, but piling a bunch of small tasks on top of one another ends up taking a long time. b is ALWAYS in bed way faster than me and i'm crazy jealous.

last night i attended an NA meeting in support of a friend reaching a significant milestone of sobriety. it was a pretty amazing experience. that kind of environment appeals to me in several different ways. it's an incredibly affirming atmosphere. people clap and encourage someone with 60 days clean just as much as someone with 13 years. i think it's because they recognize the value and effort at every stage of recovery. most people are also very frank about their lives and struggles. it's refreshing. i think the world would be a better place if we were more transparent about our vices and hurts. i know that NA and AA groups don't work for everyone, but i think there's a lot that can be taken from their approach even if people resist certain elements. even i feel better having gone last night, it was positive and supportive. they do a lot of reading and the one slogan that really made an impression on me was 'one time is too many, and a thousand is never enough - ever'. to me that speaks volumes of self-awareness. plus people hug a lot, and men cry freely. there's a lot we could learn from such groups.

 

make me laugh, make me cry, enrage me
but just don't try to disengage me.

sheriff

i'm toying with the idea of taking a sabbatical from shaving my legs. this line of thinking only started this morning, but since then it's progressed significantly.

to fully understand where i'm coming from, i should say that i really enjoy having shaved legs. i shave my legs every 3 days year round and have done for i don't know how long (not always, but definitely the last while). having shaved legs is very soft and smooth, and makes me feel good. in contrast to that, when my leg hair gets long and catches on my pant leg i am deeply troubled with discomfort.

as a child i was always extremelly self-conscious of how hairy my legs and arms were. having dark hair, my leg hair was more pronounced than that of my contemporaries. around age 9 and 10 i started to eagerly long to shave my legs and in the spring of grade 5 (around when my parents split up actually, probably not related but still interesting to me) i started baggering my mom about it and she finally conceeded and said "fine go shave your legs". so i did, but i found they looked so odd and exposed so i let them grow back in. funnily enough, i remember the new hair had a bit of an auburn tint to it. anyways, soon after a boy in my class said to me "why are your legs all hairy" and after that i began shaving regularly.

i have been quite happy with my routine and my legs. the thought of even considering something else had never really crossed my mind, even in the company of women who forgo shaving. it wasn't until the other day when brianne mentioned that razor manufacturers started marketing to women so they could broaden their customer-base that it occured to me that this is a custom INVENTED by someone. how odd that seems. how odd that i've never questioned this activity before. slowly it's been occuring to me the benefits of not shaving my legs and stiring in me the desire to give the other option a try. i'm realizing that my arm hair is pretty much unnoticable - significantly less noticable than it was when i was a child. perhaps if i let my leg hair return to it's natural state it may be less apparent than i remember. i'm pretty sure i could get thru the discomfort by moisturizing a lot.

if i do this. if i experiment in this way, i need to commit to a lengthy time frame. i feel that end of march may be a good time since it will allow me the privacy of pants to explore this option. i think i'll give myself until the end of may to assess things, and recognize that i might even need to go to the end of june.

basically, this is not a political statement or even a judgement on the practise of leg shaving. but i feel i need to give natural legs a try to see if i've been selling myself short. i respect beards for being what they are. maybe i should give my own legs a chance too.

 

i wonder what was wrong to begin with
that they should all have to pretend.

scotch tape

yesterday was a big day at the exile. with pekoe regularly using the cat door to the basement, we felt it was time to move the litter box downstairs. we're pretty sick of there being kitty litter everywhere, so we spontaneously decided today was the day. we imagine that we feel similar to how a parent feels taking the step towards potty training. only on a significantly smaller scale. nevertheless we are excited about this new found freedom for saw dust covering our floor (we use flushable sawdust kitty litter).

brendan went out for schooners with ben last night. i can't recall exactly how much beer a schooner is, i think it's a litre or something. anyways, he came one a little bit tipsy, which was highly amusing because that's never happened before.

 

i'm super excited because rach and jill put the idea in my head to take a trip to stratford to see a play and visit jill's new apartment. i mentioned this to b last night and we're now hoping to go for our anniversary in june. how exciting! brendan wants to see a shakespearen play because apparently as a youth (8 or 9 years old) he became obsessed with reading shakespear's tragedies. during indoor recesses he'd read king lear. what an odd kid. thinking back he's not sure why no adult found it strange. it's funny because it seems to explain why he's such a unusual 23 year old.

 

you're only dreaming.

cornfield

oh man, the upstairs apartment is really starting to come together. we got all the flooring done on the weekend and it's starting to resemble an apartment again instead of a construction zone. everything remaining just feels like icing on the cake. it's pretty crazy actually. it's already looking really different to when we first started. when we're done it will barely resemble the apartment lived in by fang and xi. we gave andrew and shannon the choice of not seeing the apartment again until we're finished. they've agreed to that, so it'll be pretty exciting to show them the final product. the funny thing about improvements, they're often unnoticable. when something looks good or right it doesn't draw attention. there are features that i wonder if they won't notice because it looks natural, and we'll have to point it out.

every week we receive 2 communist chinese newspapers in the mail. it's called "the people's daily overseas". that, and the address, are the only parts in english. the rest is all chinese. we're collecting them to use as wrapping paper. i'm curious to see how long we keep receiving them.

it's weird that it's already the first week in march. i keep thinking we're still at the beginning of the year, but we're almost in the second quarter.

 

you are subtle as a window pane.

steps

at work today i got featured in an online publication called "Employee Spotlight". it's this weekly segment on our intranet interviewing a person about their role in the company, the challenges they face, etc etc, and what they like to do with their spare time. the funny thing about me being featured is that i'm the one who publishes it online every week. i wasn't scheduled, but they asked me to be a filler when the pre-arranged person bailed last minute. i have to admit, it was kind of fun. it felt funny though, being in front of the lens for a change. i'm used to my work being distributed to an audience of 1,600 people, but it was the first time that i was the subject of their attention. i'm really glad that i had the opportunity, because i feel there's still some fogginess around what i do exactly and it was nice to have an opportunity for more visibility. i feel this will result in more support from my colleagues instead of me having to hound them – which is usually the case. although i publish the interviews each week, i generally just skim it and then read the part about what they do outside of work. that's what interests me the most. i really enjoyed my answer for that. if you're interested, let me know and i'll send it to you to read. i had to publish a picture along with it. thankfully i took an updated 'professional' looking photo of myself recently for work stuff.

coincidentally, i was also asked today by emma if i'd like to let me name stand as her successor. she's not going anywhere, but it's part of their protocol to be grooming a successor. this is quite the honour and something worth giving serious thought. i told b about it when i got home today and we had a lengthy conversation about it. it's less about me moving into her job if she were to fall ill or leave the company, but more about developing potential in me and providing me with new opportunities and leverage. i think i'll agree to accept the role of co-successor with my colleague susanne. i have 33 more years to go before i retire, and i feel that anything that provide me with new experiences and new qualifications is a good thing. who knows what will happen in the next three decades. right now i have a college diploma in graphic design to my name, and 8.5 years of experience in a high-level communications team. the more on the job training i can get the better position i will be in if i ever need to find work in my field in the future.

since i'm on a roll talking about work stuff... next year i get one additional week of vacation! hooray!

their voices rang with that aryan twang.

trust me

why is it so funny when people accidentally go in the opposite sex's washroom!?!?! i dunno what it is, but it's quite humourous to watch and embarrassing to endure.

so i says to b the other day "do you want to go see the hunger games with me this weekend?" (it's been a while since there was a film in the theatres that interested me). he said "no, i'm not really into things that have hype" (which isn't entirely true, since he himself can get pretty hyped up about the things he digs). i tried several approaches to convince him to come, but envitably failed. however, about an hour later he yelled out to me from the other room "the hunger games is opening this week and it already has 100% on rotten tomatoes!!!! now i have to see it!!" THANK YOU ROTTEN TOMATOES! i danced around the living room in delight. FINALLY rotten tomatoes leaned in my favour. then i remembered that the lead actress was in winter's bone and had gained brendan's respect at that time. so i threw that into the mix to deepen b's commitment even further. that man is stubborn, but when he has suction there's no slowing him down.

with the spring like weather i've started walking at lunch time again. it's been a great escape from the ceiling tiles and flourcent lights.

 

i'm not ready
and i'm not even close.

booster

i need some new music. any suggestions? i feel that lately i hear a song here or there that i really like, but not entirely new albums. i definitely need an influx. the playlist on my ipod reminds me of years gone past and not life as i currently live it.

having a suspicious nature, as i do, can really come in handy. i tend to pick up on cues and details that many folks overlook. the downside to this is that i also read into things that are not there. i need to make sure that i don't let my imagine run away on me. i don't need to borrow worry, that's for sure. my skepticism is going to get on b's nerves if i don't tame my alertness.

i made a big list of what's remaining on the pad upstairs. when i finished i felt that we needed another week off just to wrap everything up. *exhale* it's like eating a horse, right? one bit at a time. its tough since b's now back at school (with only 4 weeks to go in this semester) so he doesn't really have time to commit to renovation activities. i'm looking forward to being finished. in a way, it feels like we've made very little progress. but that's probably because when i'm up there i just see everything that still needs doing.

i picked the kids up at awana tonight. in the car on the way home, caleb asked me why everyone knew me. i found this funny. not EVERYONE knew me, just some people. but being a kid they tend not to realize that i have an identity beyond just being auntie lesley.

lets call our friends
and pretend
we've got ages till the sun comes along...
till the end of the this song.

tiny

it's funny, just yesterday i was thinking about how i'd been eating kind of unhealthily all week because we didn't bother grocery shopping, and today one of my coworkers randomly told me that i was looking pretty skinny these days. sounds like my junk food was cancelled out by not sitting in my cubicle all week :)

i've been trying to think of the notable highlights from our week of holiday. it's all kind of a blur actually, but here it goes...
- the feeling i get on sundays when i know i don't have to work the next day.
- the unbelievable weather
- waking up well rested
- baking during the day
- being active
- having a flexible schedule
- our tuesday afternoon walk
- hanging out at the erbs place as we helped andrew install drywall on wednesday evening
- chips and dip
- my volunteer interview at KGH
- having the melles's over for dinner
- pekoe learning how to use the cat door to the basement (he's so funny. he's super fat so he has to squeeze thru, which leaves his tiny legs dangling for several seconds).
- seeing friends on the street mid-day
- folks dropping by to say hello while we worked
- hanging out with b all the time
- getting my tax return in the mail
- buying a new computer with said tax return
- watching the wire

- going to the beer store all by myself (for the first time) with my hair full of paint to surprise brendan by buying him pabst (i felt empowered compared to all those party-going students)
- having the whole house to ourselves and not having to keep music quiet or worry about not using the chopsaw past 8:30
- creating a lovely living space for future upstairs dwellers

- sitting out on our front porch on sunday afternoon in the sun reading
- not having to wear long johns to stay warm
- feeling excited about spring and a new season in our house

it was a good week. i miss it a little bit, but am quite happy to return to work, which is always a good sign or being well rested :)

 

he's a leaky faucet.

 

escape

well my staycation is over. we had a really great week off and made a lot of progress with the apartment. it's looking great. i'm glad that we have friends moving in there so we can continue to see and enjoy the work we put into it. otherwise we'd never get to see it.

 

i've noticed two things that bother me when it comes to renos - in terms of language of other folks. i don't really like it when people say things like 'you've done very well considering you've never done renovations before' or 'i was worried that it would be hard'. i recognize that people are trying to be thoughtful and empathetic, but i feel that we're a good judge of what we're capable of and if we didn't have the skills to do these renos we would've hired someone - like we did with the ceilings. my feeling is that not only did we achieve what we set out to do, we enjoyed it and it revealed deeper talents. it's disappointing when people say things that imply that they didn't believe we had it in us.

 

brendan and i were a great team. perhaps even better than i thought we'd be in that kind of situation. we've still got work to do, but we're past the hardest parts now. i suspect that the rest will be smooth sailing :)

 

now i'm super excited about our next vacation because we're taking a trip to costa rica!

 

with a buzz in our ears

we play endlessly.

aluminum cotton

day one of my vacation has been a huge success. it was a full day, but renovations are well on their way and we're having a great time. we've hired a contractor to replace the warped ceiling in one of the rooms. we weren't able to determine the cause beforehand, we only knew there was significant damage and it needed to be repaired. however, today the contractor showed us how the beam had begun to sag and was causing the waves in the ceiling. very interesting. he's amended that problem and the ceiling is now almost finished, which is great. the ceilings and the floors are the two biggest projects. the third is the bathroom. tonight we got almost all the wainscoting installed and it's looking AMAZING! i'm extremely pleased.

it's been a beautiful day and i enjoyed being out front of our house chatting with friends as they pass by and meeting my neighbour. plus, i baked brownies mid day and had a visit with andrew. since we're short on groceries (not having time to grocery shop today as i had hoped) we went for a slice of pizza at 2-4-1. walking home i was struck with a sense of satisfaction. even without leaving town i feel invigorated and satisfied. simply knowing that i don't have to go to work tomorrow is a tremendous weight lifted and that alone is one of the best parts of any holiday.

it occurred to me today that this vacation is actually no more costly than any other holiday i take. only usually i'm traveling. b and i discussed this during our walk in the warm drizzle tonight and i concluded that it's important for me to strike a good balance between new experiences and investing in our future. only taking trips is short sighted, and only investing sells the present. i'm glad that we're doing both. and this is a very different kind of experience for us. on the whole it's been very positive and b and i are co-operating well as a team. hooray!

it's going to be a lovely week :)

anybody want a peanut?

rivet

i don't wish to disrespect international women's day, but i do want to express some concerns.

i once read that morgan freeman hates black history month. he criticizes it because black history is american history - you can't separate it like that, by doing so they're downplays it's value and significance. there's no such thing as white history month. so why, if all people groups are considered equal, have a month set aside for black history. he thinks it perpetuates racism.

i think this translates to international women's day. i love being a woman, and i think women have a lot to offer the world. i think they've definitely been mistreated and undervalued in the past, and this continues to various extents today. but to set aside a day for women, does that mean the rest of the year belongs to men? to me this doesn't feel like a step forward. it smacks a little like we're an anomaly. that we're a small or diminutive people group. i get that being a white female in north america i have more equality with my male counterparts than women in other parts of the world. and that these other women need visibility and empowerment. i value the opportunity that international women's day provides to remind us all of the need for equality everywhere, and the ongoing struggle to make change.

i value what international women's day is about: awareness, a call to end violence against women, to empower women, and so on. i think these are awesome things. so why not call it international women empowerment day. let the name reflect action, improved status and quality of life. i wonder it men would be afraid of a day called female empowerment day. it's one thing to let us have a day, one day, a year with our name on it, but it's not enough. this affirmative action day, packaged in a nice and tidy box, can be ignored or simply given honourary mention to. some world leaders give nice speeches and expect this to platiate inequality and injustice for another year. 'what do you mean i don't support women's rights? i participated on international women's day...' i dunno, maybe that's not how it is. i just feel like having a one single day to give attention to women gives an excuse to not give this issues as much attention throughout the year.

i read an article the other day about how 1/3 of women make more than their husbands. why is this headline news!?!?! by saying this is unheard of only reaffirms the social construct that women are less capable than men. and that it somehow lessens their husbands 'manliness' to not be the breadwinners. this is garbage.

i guess i'm more like morgan freeman than i thought. he says that in order to end racism we've got to stop talking about it. he says 'don't call me a black man, call me a man'. don't call me a working woman, call me a woman. and don't give us a day where women are recognized as something valuable, live that out everyday. THAT is what will put an end to gender inequality.

silence is violence
in women and poor people
if more people were screaming then i could relax.

acid

hmph, i'm so mad (translation... feeling inconvenienced). i worked really hard to make sure that i was set up on automatic deposit for my tax return. i mailed in paperwork AND i updated my information in my tax form. BUT brendan's tax return was deposited this morning and i got a message saying mine was sent out in the mail today. i'm so annoyed. it'll take a week for it to come, and then another 5 days to clear with the bank because red-tape PC financial always holds cheques (which bugs me, i don't need them to police my banking). oh well. i shouldn't be so ungrateful. i am actually very thankful to be getting a tax return. i'm just impatient.

fang returned the keys yesterday. but it's weird, he gave us two back, but they're not the same. why am i surprised?

sometimes it takes me a while to wrap my head around changes in plans. last night brendan and nancy made a pretty strong case about putting vinyl flooring in the bathroom instead of clickfloor (if we layed the wood we'd have to disconnect the toilet which would be a major pain). now that i've had some time to think, i'm warming to the idea and will try to look for something nice. i think what bugs me about vinyl floor is that it's kind of an imposter. they design it to pretend that it's tile, when it's not. why don't they just come up with attractive and unique patterns. it could be similar to wall paper in the sense that they could print anything they want on there. if i was a vinyl floor designer i'd create something very art deco. yes, i think i would.

 

you'll be my breath should i grow old.

token

my mother in law came over tonight and we cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. that kitchen is WAY better than it was, just about finished. it's amazing. i thought those appliances were beyond repair, but nancy worked wonders. i got the bathtub scrubbed pretty well too. it's old – 71 years old to be exact – so it's not perfect, but it's clean and has character.

tomorrow we're buying new flooring and are having an official lesson on saturday. we'll get the office laid. we're making very good progress.

now i'm thirsty and my feet are sore, so i'm going to sit down to watch the wire with that guy i like.

you're in my bones
and in my dreams.

hickory

it's funny... months ago i commented that if she saw me now, my life as it is now compared to how it was 2.5 years ago, she wouldn't recognize me. what's funny about that, and perhaps a bit naive as well, is that it never occured to me that that might go both ways. i don't think i recognized her at all now.

well... *exhale* fang and xi have moved out - or at least are now living else where. they've left half of their belongings behind. abandoning the things they don't want for us to have to deal with. i have to admit, i've been feeling pretty angry about it and from time to time get ranting about how completely incompetent and idiotic they are. it's very unkind of me and i'm sure its not help anything. the weekend was a bit stressful. it's hard for me to pace myself. to see this as a marathon instead of a sprint. i get really carried away and turn into something like a bulldozer. except b doesn't take it, so we butted heads often. he did a good job of keeping me grounded all things considered. thankfully, having andrew and shannon over to tour the facility was a very neutralizing experience, which put everything back into perspective.

it's like that saying about eating a horse.

the weekend began with me fighting with an extremely clogged tub for about an hour, maybe longer - using 3 plungers, a one-minute plumber, and a liquid plummer. i thought it had defeated me when finally i saw the water swirling and bubbles coming up the drain, then the water was gone. i had won. it was probably one of the grossest things i've ever had to deal with. but i'm extremely proud of myself for conquering it and not having to call in a plumber. weekend ended with me priming the walls in what will eventually be shandrew's office. i danced with my roller, drank beer, ate chips in full view of the street below. it was actually pretty liberating. i felt that as i painted that room that i was slowly reclaiming it. by the time we're finished there will be no remaining hints of the former residents. i think it's going to be one awesome space.

one things we've discovered is that there's no privacy between the two units. brendan could hear my music clearly as he did his homework, and i could ask him what time it was from the upstairs living room when he was in our living room. we never heard fang or xi, but i suspect that was because they didn't do anything. we're installing new floors and sound proofing so we're hoping that will make a difference, but i think the reality is that it will be quite similar to sharing a house. sometimes that's a good thing - it can prompt one to be mindful of their behaviour and interaction since they can be overheard.

 

it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart.

amp

every once and in while i write about pants fitting really well. today is one of those days. it seems i've lost some weight recently, and i'm fitting back into pants i haven't worn since 2009. i'm pretty excited about this because they're the right size and fit. i like that they're tight enough that they don't get all baggy or loose in places, but loose enough that they're not uncomfortably tight. excellent. i'm having a good pants day.

the news of davy jones death the other day struck close to home. he had a heart attack at 66. my dad is 66 and was on the verge of a heart attack when he saw a doctor in december. i'm extremely thankful that they were able to do the surgery and that it was a success. as we and our loved ones get older we really need to be mindful of our hearts! don't take any chances.

so moving day has arrived for fang and xi. i'm hoping that we can go in there tonight to look around. brendan thinks they'll probably leave a bunch of stuff behind. it's hard for us to imagine fang and xi packing and moving. they don't seem like the kind of guys who'd think to get boxes or rent/borrow a truck. this weekend i'm hoping to start laying new flooring in the bathroom. it shouldn't take very long and i'm pretty sure it's a one person job. it really won't be difficult to get that place looking good. a coat of paint and some new floors will go a long way. i'm toying with the idea of buying some fresh reno clothes from the sally ann. some sweat pants or something. maybe i should get some knee pads.

i'm completely delighted because after a few days of experimenting with my tea tree and olive oil mix i've found the right combination and i'm happy to say that my current eczema outbreak has disappeared. or just about. it worked like a charm AND with this combination the tea tree oils aren't so strong that the fumes irritate my eyes when i first put it on. great stuff. at this point i don't know if i should keep using it preventitively or only when i start getting an outbreak.

it's funny how certain albums speak to certain stages of life. years ago i got a jill barber album. i liked it, however it was a bit to enchanted for me to really connect with it. but the other day one of the songs popped into my head so i decided to put it back on repeat for another go. and since then i'm kind of hooked on it. i guess i have fresh ears with a fresh perspective.

the day i met a new love
well how could i be sure
whether it was ever true love
that i had known before.