you know... i'm amazed by technology. out of the blue my friend jill from college just added me to her msn list. we haven't had contact since i moved home from toronto. i think she got my info from matthew, or wait she said she's a big fan of "msn searches" so maybe she searched for me. which is ironic because i googled her the other day! i really don't know why she wasn't on my msn list years ago. she was on my icq list back in the day. about a year ago i when on icq (i'd forgotten i even had an account) partly out of curiousity to see who was on my list, but the account was so old that they'd deleted all my contacts so it was just me online with no one to chat to until melinda added me, which is kind of pointless because she's just down the wall. although, we do talk on msn a lot, but having account where i can only talk to her seems weird. i digress, my point was... i felt like a knob. however, getting back to jillian, it was really nice catching up with her.
man it was such a beautiful day. i went for a walk at lunch time and took off both my coat and my sweater (i had a t-shirt on). wow, i find nice weather so uplifting. i just walk around blow away by beauty and can't help but be in an awesome mood.
i wonder what i'll do this weekend. well tomorrow night will be pretty crammed and sunday will be jam packed, but i wonder what i'll do during the day tomorrow. who i'll bump into and what advertures will be had.
i had a really good week at work. due to certain recent events, i'm knickers' new favourite person. i'm feeling challenged again. when i first started there was a huge learning curve but it plateaued out for a while. but now she's really depending on me and giving me all sorts of responsibility. its nice. i like that she trusts me to handle the things she can't. it makes me an asset to the company, not only am i a designer but i can do all this other stuff too! yay! i don't mean to sound like i'm tooting my own horn here, its just the way it is. i was on this conference call today about revamping our website, and this one lady excused herself because she said i was on top of things and she wasn't needed. i liked seeing my co-workers nodding when i spoke and having respect for my opinion. it makes me feel like an equal.
old mcdonald had a farm, ee i ee i doo be doo be doo.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
ink
so apparently we're having a "house party" to say good-bye to our house on friday, april 7th. starting at 9. melinda is getting a dj and everything. so everyone is invited. this is your invitation.162 pine street.
peroxide
i think some day i'll get a motorcycle license and buy myself a vespa. ya, that'll be cool. not anytime soon. maybe in 10 or 20 years. it'll be a nice change i think.
my mom told me today she's proud of me. which is really nice to hear. as much as i'm not a "people pleaser" (i'm not motivated by a need for others approval) i AM pleased when what i do pleases people. and the fact that my mom is proud of me marks a new phase of our relationship. i think she finally "gets" me. which is awesome!!
i told joy today about matt's engagement. she didn't seem as thrilled as me, her response was literally "well... i guess that was inevitable". and i have to say, if i ever get engaged i'd like people's reaction to not be disappointment. it was interesting talking to joy because she seemed to want to make sure that i was ok with matt getting married. i was telling her "you know... i realized when i was talking to him i wasn't even an ounce jealous. it really doesn't bother me at all!!" you'd think finding out a man i dated for 3 years, and have continued to consider as one of my best friends, is getting married it might cause some sting but it really doesn't!! matt IS very special to me, i mentioned that yesterday, and i love him very much, but as my brother and i'm ecstatic for him. it just goes to show how much i've changed. i CAN do this. and i can do it well too! and to all the people who think i need to "find a man" - you really don't know what you're talking about. its like telling a recovering alcoholic "you need a drink".
he ran a marathon
he didn't quite finish
my mom told me today she's proud of me. which is really nice to hear. as much as i'm not a "people pleaser" (i'm not motivated by a need for others approval) i AM pleased when what i do pleases people. and the fact that my mom is proud of me marks a new phase of our relationship. i think she finally "gets" me. which is awesome!!
i told joy today about matt's engagement. she didn't seem as thrilled as me, her response was literally "well... i guess that was inevitable". and i have to say, if i ever get engaged i'd like people's reaction to not be disappointment. it was interesting talking to joy because she seemed to want to make sure that i was ok with matt getting married. i was telling her "you know... i realized when i was talking to him i wasn't even an ounce jealous. it really doesn't bother me at all!!" you'd think finding out a man i dated for 3 years, and have continued to consider as one of my best friends, is getting married it might cause some sting but it really doesn't!! matt IS very special to me, i mentioned that yesterday, and i love him very much, but as my brother and i'm ecstatic for him. it just goes to show how much i've changed. i CAN do this. and i can do it well too! and to all the people who think i need to "find a man" - you really don't know what you're talking about. its like telling a recovering alcoholic "you need a drink".
he ran a marathon
he didn't quite finish
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
quarter karot
quick story i didn't have time to tell you before...
the other night i fell asleep with my right arm resting on my forehead. hours later i woke up and had no feeling in my arm. it just felt cold. i literally had to lift it off my face with my left hand to rest it on my stomach because it was completely drained of blood and had no strength to lift itself. after that i actually had to feel up my arm to confirm it was in fact attached to my body. it was weird, but i was only half-conscience so that accounts for some of the weirdness.
OH MY GOODNESS!! i just got off the phone with matthew, he and shauna are ENGAGED!!! yay, i'm soooo happy for him. and her. them really. oh yay, they're probably gonna get married on september 2nd. i said to him "oh matty, you're all grown up and getting married" then we concluded that he was getting married but not growing up. wow, that's neat. wow, now that i think of it, he is my first really-close friend to get married. matt's very special to me.
the other night i fell asleep with my right arm resting on my forehead. hours later i woke up and had no feeling in my arm. it just felt cold. i literally had to lift it off my face with my left hand to rest it on my stomach because it was completely drained of blood and had no strength to lift itself. after that i actually had to feel up my arm to confirm it was in fact attached to my body. it was weird, but i was only half-conscience so that accounts for some of the weirdness.
OH MY GOODNESS!! i just got off the phone with matthew, he and shauna are ENGAGED!!! yay, i'm soooo happy for him. and her. them really. oh yay, they're probably gonna get married on september 2nd. i said to him "oh matty, you're all grown up and getting married" then we concluded that he was getting married but not growing up. wow, that's neat. wow, now that i think of it, he is my first really-close friend to get married. matt's very special to me.
raw
i think there's a real epidemic in the world today of lonely people. and the thing that really gets me is that no one wants to admit it. now don't get me wrong, this rant isn't coming out of my own feelings of loneliness, because right now i'm not lonely. but if i WAS lonely i'd tell you. and that's what i don't understand. there are hordes of lonely people out there, the problem is how do we connect them with other people to end their loneliness. i think instead of internet dating, there should be internet friends sites. places where lonely people can meet other people who are also feeling isolated. i think the problem is with our culture. i have a feeling there are less lonely people in africa, where everyone (or a lot of people) still live in tribes. i'm fortunate, next church is my tribe. but what do people do who don't go to church? where to they meet people and fit in. i don't know. it makes me sad. its this underlying problem in our society, i think we should be open and upfront about it. i bet there are more confessed alcholics out there then isolated people. it think that's because there are groups and organizations out there to support alcholics, letting them know that things will get better once they admit their problem. if someone told me "i'm lonely" i'd be more inclined to invite them along to things, otherwise i assume their busy or have enough going on in their lives. i don't know, i'm a wear "my life on my sleeve" kind of person, you can honestly accuse me of not being upfront about how i feel. so maybe that makes me unsympathic to others because i think "what's their problem? why don't they just say what's going on in their life?" i guess its a matter of patience. all i know is there's more to life than dating. and if people need to chronically date in order to be happy – that's a problem. try making friends instead of lovers, you'll find there's a greater return.
when i go swimming in your intellect the water's so shallow
when i go swimming in your intellect the water's so shallow
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
spitz
dr k is dead. it came as a surprise to the others and me. oh poor dr k and mrs dr k. i never knew you, you will be seldom thought of.
well i'm just about done this week's standard. it was easy, which is a welcome change from last month's which (if you can recall) was my most PAINFUL issue ever!! i think its because it coincided with my mini-mental breakdown. or perhaps it was the cause. hmmm, i wonder...
i think i'm going to try to put my Y membership on hold over the summer. when it gets nicer out i'll want to spend my evenings biking and being outdoors. one of my favourite things is to bike to murney's tower and read. actually, i didn't do that too regularly last summer because the grass was so dang dry and itchy. i sat on benches mostly.
when do you think watermelon season will start? ah crap, is it still march?? it sure doesn't feel like march. oh april won't you hurry up and get here! ahaha, that's a funny statement because i have a friend named april. and a friend named MAYelin. speaking of mayelin... april and i met up with her and her new baby today for lunch at the westend copper penny. which (evidently) DOES have a 10ft waterfall in it. ah, that last part won't make any sense to you at all. in fact, the beginning of this entry won't make sense either. i wonder how much of pspd is actually cohesive. its the obsurity that keeps you coming back, isn't it?
the trees call out your name.
well i'm just about done this week's standard. it was easy, which is a welcome change from last month's which (if you can recall) was my most PAINFUL issue ever!! i think its because it coincided with my mini-mental breakdown. or perhaps it was the cause. hmmm, i wonder...
i think i'm going to try to put my Y membership on hold over the summer. when it gets nicer out i'll want to spend my evenings biking and being outdoors. one of my favourite things is to bike to murney's tower and read. actually, i didn't do that too regularly last summer because the grass was so dang dry and itchy. i sat on benches mostly.
when do you think watermelon season will start? ah crap, is it still march?? it sure doesn't feel like march. oh april won't you hurry up and get here! ahaha, that's a funny statement because i have a friend named april. and a friend named MAYelin. speaking of mayelin... april and i met up with her and her new baby today for lunch at the westend copper penny. which (evidently) DOES have a 10ft waterfall in it. ah, that last part won't make any sense to you at all. in fact, the beginning of this entry won't make sense either. i wonder how much of pspd is actually cohesive. its the obsurity that keeps you coming back, isn't it?
the trees call out your name.
Monday, March 27, 2006
lemonade
well the sun has set on my dad's 61st birthday. i made him a card which i did more out of conveinence but in the end realized how much i enjoyed that and will do again in the future.
i've had a good day. i don't know, some days i just wake up in a really pleasant mood and it sets the tone for the whole day. i've concluded i don't mind working 8 hours, i just wish the day was longer. i wish we were on a 30 hour clock instead of a 24 hour clock because there's too many things i want to do in my spare time and don't have time for everything. making dinner and eating take up a large chunk of time. and then on top of that i like to have a proper and long nights sleep. its so nice that the days are getting longer, i like waking up when there's daylight outside.
you know! it was a year ago today (or maybe yesterday. it was march 27th, but it was a sunday) that i left for my big trip to the U.K. that was a great trip. but on top of that, i came home really changed. melinda was always commenting that i was soo much more ballsy. its amazing that a trip like that can alter you in that way, but there was something about that experience and that time with pam that made me so much more confident. it was super fun, i spent 6 nights in 6 different cities. very cool. hmm, lets see if i can find some neat pics...
ok, 1st pic - eiffel tower.
2nd - me climbing a gate in nottinghill. 3rd - me and pam on the eurostar (man, my hair has really grown since then!). 4th - me and pam at musée rodin (thinking beside the thinker). 5th - ummm we got a little obsessed with pope john paul. um ya. i like how you can see my cuffs sitting beside the t.v. hahahaha.
well that's a very brief summary. i'm going to bed now. bon soir.
please don't go
i cannot breathe you in
i've had a good day. i don't know, some days i just wake up in a really pleasant mood and it sets the tone for the whole day. i've concluded i don't mind working 8 hours, i just wish the day was longer. i wish we were on a 30 hour clock instead of a 24 hour clock because there's too many things i want to do in my spare time and don't have time for everything. making dinner and eating take up a large chunk of time. and then on top of that i like to have a proper and long nights sleep. its so nice that the days are getting longer, i like waking up when there's daylight outside.
you know! it was a year ago today (or maybe yesterday. it was march 27th, but it was a sunday) that i left for my big trip to the U.K. that was a great trip. but on top of that, i came home really changed. melinda was always commenting that i was soo much more ballsy. its amazing that a trip like that can alter you in that way, but there was something about that experience and that time with pam that made me so much more confident. it was super fun, i spent 6 nights in 6 different cities. very cool. hmm, lets see if i can find some neat pics...
ok, 1st pic - eiffel tower.2nd - me climbing a gate in nottinghill. 3rd - me and pam on the eurostar (man, my hair has really grown since then!). 4th - me and pam at musée rodin (thinking beside the thinker). 5th - ummm we got a little obsessed with pope john paul. um ya. i like how you can see my cuffs sitting beside the t.v. hahahaha.
well that's a very brief summary. i'm going to bed now. bon soir.
please don't go
i cannot breathe you in
Sunday, March 26, 2006
he war
this is a piece by anne taintor. holy frig she's funny. i really love her work. i went to minotaur and bought a box of 30 postcards by her to send to-out-of town friends/family. i'm excited about that. when i was there i was telling beckie how much i like her work and how in ottawa i saw a whole "coffee-table book" by her. and she told me they can special order it in for me. yay!! i did find this website.today rhonda, isaac and i had a barbeque. it was awesome!! i kept thinking "i can't believe its march and we're bbqing - nice". it was really fun. al had given isaac the ball and glove from his sermon, so we played catch after lunch. it was neat, i felt like i'd taught him how to catch. i know that seems silly, but there are things we take for granted as grown-ups and forget we learned them at somepoint and they weren't just enate. like for example, i showed him how to close over the glove with his other hand when he caught the ball. i told him that sometime i'll bring my glove over and we can play a proper game of catch. i also tried to explain to him that baseball players stick their index finger out the back so they don't break it and so on. he didn't seem interested in that, but after all my years of baseball i instinctively keep out my finger when i slide on my glove. but i can understand how it seems strange at first. i remember thinking "if you're supposed to keep out your finger they why do they have a slot for it?" i don't know, they just do.
i love that we sang "wonderwall" at church today. i've been listening to the cat power cover a lot recently. i love that song. in a way i think of oasis as my guilty pleasure.
you're gonna be the one that saves me.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
regalia
i don't think i should operate a sewing machine without proper supervision.... i shake my head at myself. why do i even try? i told you i suck with sewing machines.
sometimes i feel like i embody both my biggest fan and my worst enemy. i don't like that. life is confusing enough without division in my head. although, my worst enemy part is usually involving outside influence. how do you block those things out? i've found that even without a person in your life their words will still stick in your head and can make you feel rotten.
irina was telling me recently that one of her profs was saying people are most themselves when they're alone. i think that's true. none of this "best foot forward" stuff when you're by yourself. i like that idea. because, as you know, i've really been wrestling with this idea that people jump to conclusions about others and often mislabel them. sometimes i just want to say "no, no, no! you've got me ALL wrong!!"
however, i'm not less tortured when i'm alone.
i'm kinda not liking how my bag is turning out. its all wonky and wobbly. i'm not a perfectionist, so i don't exert a lot of effort on things. but maybe that a defense mechanism, that way i can be like "whatever, i don't care. i didn't try very hard anyway". i have a lot of defense mechanisms, another one being "oblivion". i'll pretend i don't know what's going on, or like i'm so distant from it mentally that i don't even care. but usually i care too much about just about everything. and on the odd occassion that i don't care either way about something i usually believe intensely about not having an opinion on that issue.
argh, my passion is my downfall.
you do it to yourself, you do
and that's what really hurts
you do it to yourself, just you
you and no-one else
sometimes i feel like i embody both my biggest fan and my worst enemy. i don't like that. life is confusing enough without division in my head. although, my worst enemy part is usually involving outside influence. how do you block those things out? i've found that even without a person in your life their words will still stick in your head and can make you feel rotten.
irina was telling me recently that one of her profs was saying people are most themselves when they're alone. i think that's true. none of this "best foot forward" stuff when you're by yourself. i like that idea. because, as you know, i've really been wrestling with this idea that people jump to conclusions about others and often mislabel them. sometimes i just want to say "no, no, no! you've got me ALL wrong!!"
however, i'm not less tortured when i'm alone.
i'm kinda not liking how my bag is turning out. its all wonky and wobbly. i'm not a perfectionist, so i don't exert a lot of effort on things. but maybe that a defense mechanism, that way i can be like "whatever, i don't care. i didn't try very hard anyway". i have a lot of defense mechanisms, another one being "oblivion". i'll pretend i don't know what's going on, or like i'm so distant from it mentally that i don't even care. but usually i care too much about just about everything. and on the odd occassion that i don't care either way about something i usually believe intensely about not having an opinion on that issue.
argh, my passion is my downfall.
you do it to yourself, you do
and that's what really hurts
you do it to yourself, just you
you and no-one else
Friday, March 24, 2006
nice girls finish last
holy crap, meghan tells a good story. i had the fun-est time with her this evening, she's so great. spending time with her makes my face hurt from smiling so much. our conversation brought to mind "guys are dumb, guys are so stupid". no offense dudes. but really, we mostly talked about skateboarding...
so my problem in the red t-shirt finally got up the courage to hit on me tonight. it was so cliché, and as much as i appreciated the gesture and it made me giggle in the change room, i concluded i couldn't date a guy who's never heard of the sleepless goat. too many implications.
i finished knitting my bag last night. i'm sure you appreciate the daily updates on its progess. i'm hoping to sew it together tonight before bed and then tomorrow put in the lining. oh yay!! its supposed to be rainy tomorrow – now i can justify staying inside all day working on it. i'm a little nervous about the lining part inparticular. sewing machines and i don't get a long very well. its disappointing. i wish i was more skilled in that area. i've heard before that you like what you're good at. i'm not good at sewing so i tend not to like it, but i'm going to do it anyway. i like squash and i'm pretty sucky at that. i'm determined to not let my lack of ability to ruin the fun of it. i guess i need to apply the same standards with this sewing project. i just have a problem when i get a picture in my head of what i want something to look like, then when it doesn't match the picture i get frustrated with myself. matt used to tell me "les, don't compare it to the picture in your head because that's not a complete picture". he's right. when i was picking the fabric last week it wasn't exactly like what i'd imagined, but i chose to disregard that and create a new pic to match my material. hmmm. i'm getting clever.
part of me feels like "wow, i'm such a loser that the most consistant topic discussed here at pspd for the last week is my current knitting project". but that's good. i need to mellow out a bit and not be a drama junkie. an uneventful week, or even uneventful life isn't a bad thing.
man, i'm such a waster of food. i got this massive meal at the goat tonight and couldn't eat half of it. i actually had to recruit meghan to help me out. but in the end i mustered up some courage to ask for a take-home box. so i guess i'll be having some leftover vegatarian lasagna for lunch on monday. i think i'll pop it in the freezer. yay, one more problem solved. i hate the whole issue of what to have for lunch on work days.
you surround me like a circle.
so my problem in the red t-shirt finally got up the courage to hit on me tonight. it was so cliché, and as much as i appreciated the gesture and it made me giggle in the change room, i concluded i couldn't date a guy who's never heard of the sleepless goat. too many implications.
i finished knitting my bag last night. i'm sure you appreciate the daily updates on its progess. i'm hoping to sew it together tonight before bed and then tomorrow put in the lining. oh yay!! its supposed to be rainy tomorrow – now i can justify staying inside all day working on it. i'm a little nervous about the lining part inparticular. sewing machines and i don't get a long very well. its disappointing. i wish i was more skilled in that area. i've heard before that you like what you're good at. i'm not good at sewing so i tend not to like it, but i'm going to do it anyway. i like squash and i'm pretty sucky at that. i'm determined to not let my lack of ability to ruin the fun of it. i guess i need to apply the same standards with this sewing project. i just have a problem when i get a picture in my head of what i want something to look like, then when it doesn't match the picture i get frustrated with myself. matt used to tell me "les, don't compare it to the picture in your head because that's not a complete picture". he's right. when i was picking the fabric last week it wasn't exactly like what i'd imagined, but i chose to disregard that and create a new pic to match my material. hmmm. i'm getting clever.
part of me feels like "wow, i'm such a loser that the most consistant topic discussed here at pspd for the last week is my current knitting project". but that's good. i need to mellow out a bit and not be a drama junkie. an uneventful week, or even uneventful life isn't a bad thing.
man, i'm such a waster of food. i got this massive meal at the goat tonight and couldn't eat half of it. i actually had to recruit meghan to help me out. but in the end i mustered up some courage to ask for a take-home box. so i guess i'll be having some leftover vegatarian lasagna for lunch on monday. i think i'll pop it in the freezer. yay, one more problem solved. i hate the whole issue of what to have for lunch on work days.
you surround me like a circle.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
incognito
sometimes i just need to talk about things. i've got to talk to get out what's been stewing in my head. and once its out i feel a lot better. i had a mini rant to irina tonight as i made dinner and its good to get that off my chest. basically sometimes i forget that i'm a complicated person and not everyone gets that. i don't even understand what makes me tick, although... there are people who've had surprising insight and seem to know me very well inspite the length of our friendship. it's an amazing ability, i wish i was like that.
i hate being told what to do. if someone tells me to do something i immediately want to do the opposite. i'm extremely stubborn. joy used to say she didn't want to have kids who was stubborn like me because it drives her crazy. my mom quickly caught on to the fact that reverse pyschology works well on me. she'd be like "les, let in the dog" and when i said no, she'd say "ok, don't let in the dog". which really put me between a rock and a hard place because whatever i did it was what she wanted. argh!! so confusing!! see? stubborn.
here's a picture that i found in melinda's room. probably a lot of you know at least one or more person in it so i thought i'd share it with you. it was taken in 1997. i'm trying to remember what this was taken for. it was at our youth group banquet and i think we were all on the youth executive or something. except, i have a feeling ryan just snuck into the photo, because i don't remember there being 7 of us.
top row: melinda richka, genevieve ostiguy (now villeneuve) and lesley mcknight. front row: jason lockerbie, ryan satnik, derek satnik and dan roud. who is it YOU know?
for every lie i unlearn
i learn something new
i hate being told what to do. if someone tells me to do something i immediately want to do the opposite. i'm extremely stubborn. joy used to say she didn't want to have kids who was stubborn like me because it drives her crazy. my mom quickly caught on to the fact that reverse pyschology works well on me. she'd be like "les, let in the dog" and when i said no, she'd say "ok, don't let in the dog". which really put me between a rock and a hard place because whatever i did it was what she wanted. argh!! so confusing!! see? stubborn.
here's a picture that i found in melinda's room. probably a lot of you know at least one or more person in it so i thought i'd share it with you. it was taken in 1997. i'm trying to remember what this was taken for. it was at our youth group banquet and i think we were all on the youth executive or something. except, i have a feeling ryan just snuck into the photo, because i don't remember there being 7 of us.top row: melinda richka, genevieve ostiguy (now villeneuve) and lesley mcknight. front row: jason lockerbie, ryan satnik, derek satnik and dan roud. who is it YOU know?
for every lie i unlearn
i learn something new
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
peking
i backed into a fence at the Y tonight in my car.
i don't think the fence will ever be the same again.
my mom used to always tell me "one person can't be everything to you" and matt used to say "one person can't be the whole village". i'm starting to see what they were talking about. i have such an eclectic group of friends. all so different and special. and its interesting that each person plays a different role in my life. i've bonded with each person in a different way. for every struggle or problem i know exactly which friend to go to for support or guidance. that's amazing. friends i talk to about God, about my family situation, my job, my future, boys. i'm glad. i feel very fulfilled and blessed. i hope having me as a friend is a support and delight as well. i'm not perfect. sometimes i'm downright crappy. but i care, and i hope that shows through. i remember a line from a beatles song that goes "and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make" i think that's true. its one of those "you get what you put in" kind of things. i've definately found that to be true. there was a brief time in my life that i had 2 friends. that was it. 2 great friends. matt and melinda. i was very shy back then, and had a horrible self-esteem. so i'm completely blown away by the deluge of friends i have now. i'm very happy. how did i make so many friends? by making better decisions and putting myself out there. and also via this blog. i've been so amazed by the friendships that have been formed as a result and i'm glad about that too.
night night.
a little reminder that it's alright.
it's alright.
i don't think the fence will ever be the same again.
my mom used to always tell me "one person can't be everything to you" and matt used to say "one person can't be the whole village". i'm starting to see what they were talking about. i have such an eclectic group of friends. all so different and special. and its interesting that each person plays a different role in my life. i've bonded with each person in a different way. for every struggle or problem i know exactly which friend to go to for support or guidance. that's amazing. friends i talk to about God, about my family situation, my job, my future, boys. i'm glad. i feel very fulfilled and blessed. i hope having me as a friend is a support and delight as well. i'm not perfect. sometimes i'm downright crappy. but i care, and i hope that shows through. i remember a line from a beatles song that goes "and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make" i think that's true. its one of those "you get what you put in" kind of things. i've definately found that to be true. there was a brief time in my life that i had 2 friends. that was it. 2 great friends. matt and melinda. i was very shy back then, and had a horrible self-esteem. so i'm completely blown away by the deluge of friends i have now. i'm very happy. how did i make so many friends? by making better decisions and putting myself out there. and also via this blog. i've been so amazed by the friendships that have been formed as a result and i'm glad about that too.
night night.
a little reminder that it's alright.
it's alright.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
little
well i'm just going to let the graphic designer in me loose. i was just installing some new fonts on my computer and i got thinking about how Gill Sans is my favourite typeface. other notable favs are Univers, Frutiger and Futura, but Gill Sans stands firm as my all-time favourite. i find it interesting that i have such respect for typefaces and i chose to use capital letters. hmmmm. i wonder what that means...
also, i've recently started using the "Unsharpen Mask" tool in photoshop. and i have to say it makes me feel like yelling out "UNSHARPEN MASK TOOL - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!!" the odd thing about that tool is that it doesn't actually "unsharpen" anything, it in fact makes objects sharper. puzzling.
so i finally got around to mailing the second part of my friend leslie's wedding gift. her wedding was in october. i had a picture of me, her and our other old housemate, bonnie, put on a mug. hahaha. super funny. i think she'll like it, but i don't know about her husband. i don't know him at all. he might think its dumb and purposely try and break it. wait, no, i doubt he's vindictive.
lately i've been trying to determine how tall i am. i've noticed that i'm not as tall as i think i am. i wonder why that is. sometimes i see people at the Y and think "i wonder if that's how tall i am" there was someone recently who i was told i was the same height as and i remember thinking "she's pretty short!!" err. how do i feel about this?? i've also found lately that i have a tendancy to look angry when i'm not angry at all. my normal face (when not smiling) looks stern. may that be a warning to you, i'm most-likely not angry if you see me and think i looked a little ticked off.
I have not a need
I do have desire
also, i've recently started using the "Unsharpen Mask" tool in photoshop. and i have to say it makes me feel like yelling out "UNSHARPEN MASK TOOL - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!!" the odd thing about that tool is that it doesn't actually "unsharpen" anything, it in fact makes objects sharper. puzzling.
so i finally got around to mailing the second part of my friend leslie's wedding gift. her wedding was in october. i had a picture of me, her and our other old housemate, bonnie, put on a mug. hahaha. super funny. i think she'll like it, but i don't know about her husband. i don't know him at all. he might think its dumb and purposely try and break it. wait, no, i doubt he's vindictive.
lately i've been trying to determine how tall i am. i've noticed that i'm not as tall as i think i am. i wonder why that is. sometimes i see people at the Y and think "i wonder if that's how tall i am" there was someone recently who i was told i was the same height as and i remember thinking "she's pretty short!!" err. how do i feel about this?? i've also found lately that i have a tendancy to look angry when i'm not angry at all. my normal face (when not smiling) looks stern. may that be a warning to you, i'm most-likely not angry if you see me and think i looked a little ticked off.
I have not a need
I do have desire
Monday, March 20, 2006
thesaurus
HERE I AM!!!
i went to my accountant today and had my taxes done. how grown up do i sound?? my accountant. well to be honest, i don't think i really consider him my accountant, just my taxman. it went well. its so much easier taking it to someone to do it for me, it takes him only about 10 minutes. and i was pleasantly surprised by how effeminate he is. i didn't really notice it before, but tonight i found it so amusing. how often do you meet an effeminate 50 something year old man. it was really cute. hahahaha. well he got me a bigger income tax return than i expected. YAY for charitable donations!! don't get me wrong, i would give to causes regardless, but its an added bonus that you can claim your donations.
when i got home, i had a cheque in the mail for $6.44 for over paying something. hahaha. $6.44. SCORE!!
i'm so crafty lately. all i want to do is knit, and yet at the same time i want to be making an old pair of pants into a skirt. i opened the seam yesterday, now all i need to do is cut them and sew the center up a little. i've never been handy in this way before. usually when i'm working with my hands it involved sanding or painting. interesting turn of events. i'm just sooo excited about this bag i'm knitting. i know i'm a huge nerd.
i'm feeling great. i'm a little pooped, but all-in-all i've had a good and productive day. well i'm sleepy, so i'm going to indulge myself with a good-night's sleep. love ya.
you're right beside me in this life.
i went to my accountant today and had my taxes done. how grown up do i sound?? my accountant. well to be honest, i don't think i really consider him my accountant, just my taxman. it went well. its so much easier taking it to someone to do it for me, it takes him only about 10 minutes. and i was pleasantly surprised by how effeminate he is. i didn't really notice it before, but tonight i found it so amusing. how often do you meet an effeminate 50 something year old man. it was really cute. hahahaha. well he got me a bigger income tax return than i expected. YAY for charitable donations!! don't get me wrong, i would give to causes regardless, but its an added bonus that you can claim your donations.
when i got home, i had a cheque in the mail for $6.44 for over paying something. hahaha. $6.44. SCORE!!
i'm so crafty lately. all i want to do is knit, and yet at the same time i want to be making an old pair of pants into a skirt. i opened the seam yesterday, now all i need to do is cut them and sew the center up a little. i've never been handy in this way before. usually when i'm working with my hands it involved sanding or painting. interesting turn of events. i'm just sooo excited about this bag i'm knitting. i know i'm a huge nerd.
i'm feeling great. i'm a little pooped, but all-in-all i've had a good and productive day. well i'm sleepy, so i'm going to indulge myself with a good-night's sleep. love ya.
you're right beside me in this life.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
crotchless pants
i like how today at sunday lunch at my mom's, joelle was pronouncing ice cream like "ass cream" hahahaha. it was soooo funny. i kept asking her to say ice cream over and over to hear her say it again. "yes joelle, if you finish your lunch you can have some ass cream and maybe some ice cream too!!"
i really like the analogy that brenda used at church today about the tsumani. she talked about how the villages where washed out to sea and the only thing left was the cement foundations of the buildings that used to stand there. i can really relate to that in a figurative way. the experience i eluded to last week was very much like that for me. my life was washed away from me and i've had to rebuild it. i have to say, i like it much better now than before. and i value my family, friends and experiences so much more now. its devastating to lose everything, but its interesting what's revealed in the process.
i think i'm going to bike to michelle's to drop of the weight-lifting book she lent me. this is my first bike ride of the year. the only problem with bikes is my bellbottoms get caught in the pedals, its annoying.
all you have left is one reminder
of the time we spent when i was blind.
i really like the analogy that brenda used at church today about the tsumani. she talked about how the villages where washed out to sea and the only thing left was the cement foundations of the buildings that used to stand there. i can really relate to that in a figurative way. the experience i eluded to last week was very much like that for me. my life was washed away from me and i've had to rebuild it. i have to say, i like it much better now than before. and i value my family, friends and experiences so much more now. its devastating to lose everything, but its interesting what's revealed in the process.
i think i'm going to bike to michelle's to drop of the weight-lifting book she lent me. this is my first bike ride of the year. the only problem with bikes is my bellbottoms get caught in the pedals, its annoying.
all you have left is one reminder
of the time we spent when i was blind.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
blackeye
its technically sunday, but i'm going to mark today's entry as saturday because for me its still saturday night.
i went to fabricland today to choose some fabric for the inside of the bag i'm knitting. i'm going all out, i'm going to put a pocket inside it for my knitting needles, and another pocket for scissors and sewing needles. oh so fancy. so advanced. i'm very excited, my bag is brown and i chose this fuzzy baby blue material. you know, to me the word "textile" does not say "fabric". i remember window shopping in kennsington market and seeing hordes of "textile" stores and i didn't understand what they were. i think "tile" or "text" not material. but anyway, i went to f-land and i have to say i hate that store. the workers are so rude and snooty. they make me feel like an idiot and they never come to help serve me. apparently, it seems, if you aren't an avid sewer they won't serve you. its annoying. thankfully, it seems its not just me. hmm, that's an odd thankfully. "thankfully their rude to everyone..." huh. well. yes.
hmm, the juice i'm drinking tastes a little funky....
i had a really fun time at michelle's tonight, watching "walk the line" and knitting with my knitting posé. i took my camera along, so there's a few pics on my flickr account. when i got home, i played around with my camera a little more. here's a special one of me and irina. its a performance piece. hmm, maybe i'll take my camera to living room tomorrow night. that should be entertaining.
today, beckie's co-worker gave me a button that says "design is my girlfriend". i think that's pretty cool. i'm getting quite the mega collection of buttons on my bag and coat. its cool. i like it. beckie was like "oh, give her a button she's a graphic designer" and she has a valid point. this button will have a special place in my heart. he told me, if anyone asks about it to tell them about his website, which is apparently www.designismygirlfriend.com lets test it out. well, so it is... neato!
i wanna be an airbot ranger.
i wanna live a life of danger.
i went to fabricland today to choose some fabric for the inside of the bag i'm knitting. i'm going all out, i'm going to put a pocket inside it for my knitting needles, and another pocket for scissors and sewing needles. oh so fancy. so advanced. i'm very excited, my bag is brown and i chose this fuzzy baby blue material. you know, to me the word "textile" does not say "fabric". i remember window shopping in kennsington market and seeing hordes of "textile" stores and i didn't understand what they were. i think "tile" or "text" not material. but anyway, i went to f-land and i have to say i hate that store. the workers are so rude and snooty. they make me feel like an idiot and they never come to help serve me. apparently, it seems, if you aren't an avid sewer they won't serve you. its annoying. thankfully, it seems its not just me. hmm, that's an odd thankfully. "thankfully their rude to everyone..." huh. well. yes.
hmm, the juice i'm drinking tastes a little funky....
i had a really fun time at michelle's tonight, watching "walk the line" and knitting with my knitting posé. i took my camera along, so there's a few pics on my flickr account. when i got home, i played around with my camera a little more. here's a special one of me and irina. its a performance piece. hmm, maybe i'll take my camera to living room tomorrow night. that should be entertaining.today, beckie's co-worker gave me a button that says "design is my girlfriend". i think that's pretty cool. i'm getting quite the mega collection of buttons on my bag and coat. its cool. i like it. beckie was like "oh, give her a button she's a graphic designer" and she has a valid point. this button will have a special place in my heart. he told me, if anyone asks about it to tell them about his website, which is apparently www.designismygirlfriend.com lets test it out. well, so it is... neato!
i wanna be an airbot ranger.
i wanna live a life of danger.
Friday, March 17, 2006
bite me i'm irish
well... hmmm... i think i may be at a loss of things to say!!
that's hard to believe. there must be something.
i'm starting to try to not talk about work. people keep warning me that i could get fired for what i write on my blog. so if there's something work related i've been trying to be obscure about it. did you notice that? see, its working!!
today is sarah's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!! i wonder if i can find a picture of her on the internet and paste it in this entry... or maybe i have one from the xmas party... hmm, unfortunately, this is all i have. i'm seeing her tomorrow so maybe i'll take my camera and get a good one then. i need to start taking my camera along to things more often. i had hordes of fun with my camera on my trip to blitzburgh. i'm going to rhonda's after this, i think i'll take my camera with me. although, she's not feeling great so i hope she doesn't mind. i don't have many pictures of me & melinda, and i don't have many of our house, so i'll have to take a bunch this month because i'm moving in 6 weeks!! wow. crazy.
i'd like to have a wall of pictures at my new place. so i'll need to get a bunch of frames. i'm going to have pics of everyone up on my wall. and i have to get some more recent photos of joelle and caleb. jeepers, he's sitting up already and i still have a picture of him at 3 weeks old up in my cubicle.
i'm gonna go find some super comfy clothes to wear. and hmm, maybe find something to eat. me so hungie....
she's flying where she should
that's hard to believe. there must be something.
i'm starting to try to not talk about work. people keep warning me that i could get fired for what i write on my blog. so if there's something work related i've been trying to be obscure about it. did you notice that? see, its working!!
today is sarah's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!! i wonder if i can find a picture of her on the internet and paste it in this entry... or maybe i have one from the xmas party... hmm, unfortunately, this is all i have. i'm seeing her tomorrow so maybe i'll take my camera and get a good one then. i need to start taking my camera along to things more often. i had hordes of fun with my camera on my trip to blitzburgh. i'm going to rhonda's after this, i think i'll take my camera with me. although, she's not feeling great so i hope she doesn't mind. i don't have many pictures of me & melinda, and i don't have many of our house, so i'll have to take a bunch this month because i'm moving in 6 weeks!! wow. crazy.i'd like to have a wall of pictures at my new place. so i'll need to get a bunch of frames. i'm going to have pics of everyone up on my wall. and i have to get some more recent photos of joelle and caleb. jeepers, he's sitting up already and i still have a picture of him at 3 weeks old up in my cubicle.
i'm gonna go find some super comfy clothes to wear. and hmm, maybe find something to eat. me so hungie....
she's flying where she should
Thursday, March 16, 2006
vault
i'm really into rice cakes lately. i'm not intentionally trying to be healthy, i just always get snacky around 10 a.m. and they tie me over until noon. i'm fascinated by them, how do they get them to have that unusual texture.
i'm getting really excited about my apartment. i can't wait to set it up and paint. i think i'll have an "open house" when i get settled so i can have everyone over to visit and check out my new place. that'll be fun, and that means my family, and friends from all different groups will meet! i used to be really, really bad at mixing groups of friends. i hope i'm getting better at it.
man, i really want to be knitting right now, but i hate just knitting and staring at the walls and i don't want to watch t.v. i wish i had a friend to visit with, but i'm going out to the "save vince" show at the grad club later tonight. apparently he's dying of anorexia or something. hahaha, just kidding. i think meghan might be going too, she said it depended on her school work. i really, really don't miss being a student. although, the transition into the working world was much harder than they let on. i was really unprepared for the identity crisis that came along with it.
well i just want to say, i really enjoy sharing my life with you guys via pspd. i hope you enjoy it too. i wish i wasn't always on a constant emotional roller-coaster, i kind of wish i didn't think so much. i wonder if i spend too much time alone. i sit for 8 hours a day working at a computer which allows me a LOT of time to analyze my life. today "someone" implied that i was old, actually it wasn't implied it was stated. what WAS implied was "why aren't you married and having babies??" and another person recently asked me "are you going to be an old maid?". both statements hurt my feelings and i proceeded to over-think things wondering "what IS wrong with me??" but i feel really accepted by you guys and i need to focus on that.
all you can hear is my refusal
cos i haven't got the time for a jerk-off loser.
i'm getting really excited about my apartment. i can't wait to set it up and paint. i think i'll have an "open house" when i get settled so i can have everyone over to visit and check out my new place. that'll be fun, and that means my family, and friends from all different groups will meet! i used to be really, really bad at mixing groups of friends. i hope i'm getting better at it.
man, i really want to be knitting right now, but i hate just knitting and staring at the walls and i don't want to watch t.v. i wish i had a friend to visit with, but i'm going out to the "save vince" show at the grad club later tonight. apparently he's dying of anorexia or something. hahaha, just kidding. i think meghan might be going too, she said it depended on her school work. i really, really don't miss being a student. although, the transition into the working world was much harder than they let on. i was really unprepared for the identity crisis that came along with it.
well i just want to say, i really enjoy sharing my life with you guys via pspd. i hope you enjoy it too. i wish i wasn't always on a constant emotional roller-coaster, i kind of wish i didn't think so much. i wonder if i spend too much time alone. i sit for 8 hours a day working at a computer which allows me a LOT of time to analyze my life. today "someone" implied that i was old, actually it wasn't implied it was stated. what WAS implied was "why aren't you married and having babies??" and another person recently asked me "are you going to be an old maid?". both statements hurt my feelings and i proceeded to over-think things wondering "what IS wrong with me??" but i feel really accepted by you guys and i need to focus on that.
all you can hear is my refusal
cos i haven't got the time for a jerk-off loser.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
empire
~ dedicated in loving memory of irina's hair ~
i've come to a conclusion... if i don't have the balls to say something in person or even on the phone to someone i SHOULD NOT tell them in an email. the internet give false security, it gives you courage because you're hiding behind your computer. i'm going to force myself to live by this policy because its a rule there to protect myself and others.
i was reading rachel's blog yesterday, her entry was about how she owns way too many clothes. then when i was putting away my laundry i was having a really, really hard time closing my dresser drawers. i don't wear half the stuff because they don't fit me anymore. you may have noticed that i go to the Y a lot. i go three times a week to be exact. well the truth is... (argh, this is embarrassing for me) i've lost easily 50 pounds with no exaggeration. its only embarrassing because most of you have only known me within the last year, so don't realize that when i was 23 i gained a lot of weight, and then took 2 years to lose it. i'm now at my normal size, i'm actually fitting into jeans i haven't woren since i was 20. i'm my college weight!! its embarrassing because people at work are ALWAYS commenting on it like its some kind of miracle, but that's because they don't realize this is my normal size and i'm not usually overweight. argh, you can tell this is a sensitive issue for me because i've had my blog since october and this is the first time this has come up. i've found though, i really like being active, riding my bike, walking, going to the gym. i'm starting to get mega ripped, its awesome!! it feels great, and i'm much more confident. so i've concluded that i'm going to go thru all my clothes before i move because that's one less thing to move. ironically, the diabetes foundation just called and said they're doing a pick up next thursday and do we have anything to donate. so i'll do that this week and wash everything i don't wear and let them have it.
the joy of repetition really is in me.
i've come to a conclusion... if i don't have the balls to say something in person or even on the phone to someone i SHOULD NOT tell them in an email. the internet give false security, it gives you courage because you're hiding behind your computer. i'm going to force myself to live by this policy because its a rule there to protect myself and others.
i was reading rachel's blog yesterday, her entry was about how she owns way too many clothes. then when i was putting away my laundry i was having a really, really hard time closing my dresser drawers. i don't wear half the stuff because they don't fit me anymore. you may have noticed that i go to the Y a lot. i go three times a week to be exact. well the truth is... (argh, this is embarrassing for me) i've lost easily 50 pounds with no exaggeration. its only embarrassing because most of you have only known me within the last year, so don't realize that when i was 23 i gained a lot of weight, and then took 2 years to lose it. i'm now at my normal size, i'm actually fitting into jeans i haven't woren since i was 20. i'm my college weight!! its embarrassing because people at work are ALWAYS commenting on it like its some kind of miracle, but that's because they don't realize this is my normal size and i'm not usually overweight. argh, you can tell this is a sensitive issue for me because i've had my blog since october and this is the first time this has come up. i've found though, i really like being active, riding my bike, walking, going to the gym. i'm starting to get mega ripped, its awesome!! it feels great, and i'm much more confident. so i've concluded that i'm going to go thru all my clothes before i move because that's one less thing to move. ironically, the diabetes foundation just called and said they're doing a pick up next thursday and do we have anything to donate. so i'll do that this week and wash everything i don't wear and let them have it.
the joy of repetition really is in me.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
truce
well i'm making progress in my horrific room. yay for les!!
tonight i got a phone call from a little voice. joelle called just to talk. it was sooo cute. unfortunately, she doesn't grasp that making conversation requires using real words and tends to just make up sounds eventhough she has quite a large vocabulary.
so i'm doing the "eat the entire contents of your fridge" challenge. well its not a real challenge and its technicially not the ENTIRE contents of my fridge since melinda and irina have food in it too. but basically i'm just gonna eat up everything i have before i do a real grocery shop. i haven't really grocery shopped since november, or wait maybe once since then. i've only cooked a proper meal probably 5 times in 2006. thankfully my dad will be delivering my vegetable bag on thursday because i'm running low. oh my vegetable bag is this thing done through the KFL&A Health Unit. they're trying to encourage healthy eating, so for 5 dollars you get this bag full of tons of veggies. i've grown quite dependant on it without even realizing it. now, melissa's always asking me "what do you eat??" well tonight i had a pear, i may have some peanuts or a butter tart later too. so there you have it! well i had a really big lunch. its easy to snack away the evening. actually, if i had more fruit i'd probably only have that for dinner. hmm, maybe i should invest 10 dollars each month and get the vegetable box, it comes with both fruits and veggies. the problem is, i'm seasonally allergic to a lot of fruit (just spring and summer), so that won't do me much good.
i like talking to the engineers at work about trains. i love that i can talk trains with the big boys. sometimes i think "how do i know so much about trains, bogies, linear induction motors, propulsion, traction and gradients?? i'm just a graphic designer!!!" when i was in pittsburgh, we were on a tour of the facility and one of the other people on the tour started asking me all these questions and strangely enough... i knew the answers!! there were two different kinds of trains being manufactured and i explained to them the difference between the bogies of each train. fyi: a bogie is the "wheels" of the train (and, coincidentally enough, also british slang for a booger).
i've still got sand in my shoes.
tonight i got a phone call from a little voice. joelle called just to talk. it was sooo cute. unfortunately, she doesn't grasp that making conversation requires using real words and tends to just make up sounds eventhough she has quite a large vocabulary.
so i'm doing the "eat the entire contents of your fridge" challenge. well its not a real challenge and its technicially not the ENTIRE contents of my fridge since melinda and irina have food in it too. but basically i'm just gonna eat up everything i have before i do a real grocery shop. i haven't really grocery shopped since november, or wait maybe once since then. i've only cooked a proper meal probably 5 times in 2006. thankfully my dad will be delivering my vegetable bag on thursday because i'm running low. oh my vegetable bag is this thing done through the KFL&A Health Unit. they're trying to encourage healthy eating, so for 5 dollars you get this bag full of tons of veggies. i've grown quite dependant on it without even realizing it. now, melissa's always asking me "what do you eat??" well tonight i had a pear, i may have some peanuts or a butter tart later too. so there you have it! well i had a really big lunch. its easy to snack away the evening. actually, if i had more fruit i'd probably only have that for dinner. hmm, maybe i should invest 10 dollars each month and get the vegetable box, it comes with both fruits and veggies. the problem is, i'm seasonally allergic to a lot of fruit (just spring and summer), so that won't do me much good.
i like talking to the engineers at work about trains. i love that i can talk trains with the big boys. sometimes i think "how do i know so much about trains, bogies, linear induction motors, propulsion, traction and gradients?? i'm just a graphic designer!!!" when i was in pittsburgh, we were on a tour of the facility and one of the other people on the tour started asking me all these questions and strangely enough... i knew the answers!! there were two different kinds of trains being manufactured and i explained to them the difference between the bogies of each train. fyi: a bogie is the "wheels" of the train (and, coincidentally enough, also british slang for a booger).
i've still got sand in my shoes.
Monday, March 13, 2006
grandpa's sox
this has been a most entertaining evening. i like it when melinda brings home mysterious bearded men. their timing was a little bad though. as you know, i regularly dance alone in the kitchen when no one is looking. tonight i was sitting down doing a crossword puzzle, dancing with one arm moving free as they walked in the front door. i felt a little awkward but quickly turned my dance into a friendly wave. i like how he just laughed at me, he seems most pleasant. i tried to "be cool" about our guest, unfortunately i couldn't squelch my smirk – i apparently suck at being non-chalant. although, i pride myself in my ability to appear disconnected but apparently i shouldn't because i'm not very good at it.
i understand this goat has stumbled across pspd, so i'd like to extend my welcome to our friendly neighbourhood bus driver ;)
anyways, on to more important things... today i was thinking about how when melinda and i were teenagers we used to play my nintendo with the t.v. on mute so we could listen to radiohead, hayden, counting crows and other mixed tapes. to this day "fake plastic trees" reminds me of super mario 3. the point i'm getting at is, she used to be mario and i'd be luigi because it would leave an M where she finished a level and a L where i completed one. this was most amusing to us. recently she came across a ton of letters we'd written each other we when were 15 during class or late nights. apparently i'd made up some kind of make-believe pet elephant, i dunno... i hardly remember it. but it was really fun reading our old letters. actually we also got a huge kick out of reading some of the emails we sent back and forth when she was in europe last summer. one inparticular was very ironic.
yesterday when i was talking to garry, shannon, laney and meghan outside the polished hole, shannon said "wow, i feel like i'm talking to your sister right now!!" joy and i have very similar mannerisms, but i noticed tonight when i met... err... ahh... "whatshisface" that melinda and i have very similar mannerisms as well. its funny how we're starting to rub off on irina too. she left a note on our broken toilet the other day that said "this toilet has a problem". which is our most common term – "problem" or the close second "mental problems".
this is the story of the boys who loved you,
who love you now and loved you then.
and some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you,
and some just laid around in bed.
i understand this goat has stumbled across pspd, so i'd like to extend my welcome to our friendly neighbourhood bus driver ;)
anyways, on to more important things... today i was thinking about how when melinda and i were teenagers we used to play my nintendo with the t.v. on mute so we could listen to radiohead, hayden, counting crows and other mixed tapes. to this day "fake plastic trees" reminds me of super mario 3. the point i'm getting at is, she used to be mario and i'd be luigi because it would leave an M where she finished a level and a L where i completed one. this was most amusing to us. recently she came across a ton of letters we'd written each other we when were 15 during class or late nights. apparently i'd made up some kind of make-believe pet elephant, i dunno... i hardly remember it. but it was really fun reading our old letters. actually we also got a huge kick out of reading some of the emails we sent back and forth when she was in europe last summer. one inparticular was very ironic.
yesterday when i was talking to garry, shannon, laney and meghan outside the polished hole, shannon said "wow, i feel like i'm talking to your sister right now!!" joy and i have very similar mannerisms, but i noticed tonight when i met... err... ahh... "whatshisface" that melinda and i have very similar mannerisms as well. its funny how we're starting to rub off on irina too. she left a note on our broken toilet the other day that said "this toilet has a problem". which is our most common term – "problem" or the close second "mental problems".
this is the story of the boys who loved you,
who love you now and loved you then.
and some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you,
and some just laid around in bed.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
mekong
well meghan, you'll be glad to know the bathroom has been cleaned. now lets never speak of this again....
unfortunately, among all my unplanned detours, my plan to tidy my room has been disgarded once again. although, i am optimistic that i am one day closer to a clean bedroom. just when that day will be is still unclear. tomorrow is also unlikely.
we had a magical girls night at laney's last night. and i'd have to say it was just what i needed. its nice to just lounge around with munchies and anecdotes. it was fun. good idear beckie. laney, linds, lissa and me (les) are hitting nyc over easter weekend. we'll be the L-TEAM. i'm excited, it'll be a lot of fun. i don't think i've ever been on a group road trip like this before. hmmm, now that i think about it, i really haven't! see what i'm talking about?? i'm a late bloomer!! sometimes i feel like i'm making up for my lost early twenties. wow, that's quite an outlandish statement, but its really true.
i've really been contemplating the notion of "a connection". what does that mean? is it legitimate? there are people you just immediately click with and others you only connect with over a long period of time. and sometime an immediate connection will disintegrate over time. but what's recently been on my mind is the idea of a one sided connection. it never occured to me that that was possible, but i think it is. usually you'll hear someone say "i thought we really had a connection, i guess i was wrong". i don't think that's true, i think its more that YOU connected to that person and they didn't have the same connection with you. for example, there's an older woman in my life who really feels connected to me like i was her daughter. but the truth is, i don't feel the same way about her. i have a strong connection with my mom, and that trumps this other relationship.
sometimes putting on deodorant is kingdom work
unfortunately, among all my unplanned detours, my plan to tidy my room has been disgarded once again. although, i am optimistic that i am one day closer to a clean bedroom. just when that day will be is still unclear. tomorrow is also unlikely.
we had a magical girls night at laney's last night. and i'd have to say it was just what i needed. its nice to just lounge around with munchies and anecdotes. it was fun. good idear beckie. laney, linds, lissa and me (les) are hitting nyc over easter weekend. we'll be the L-TEAM. i'm excited, it'll be a lot of fun. i don't think i've ever been on a group road trip like this before. hmmm, now that i think about it, i really haven't! see what i'm talking about?? i'm a late bloomer!! sometimes i feel like i'm making up for my lost early twenties. wow, that's quite an outlandish statement, but its really true.
i've really been contemplating the notion of "a connection". what does that mean? is it legitimate? there are people you just immediately click with and others you only connect with over a long period of time. and sometime an immediate connection will disintegrate over time. but what's recently been on my mind is the idea of a one sided connection. it never occured to me that that was possible, but i think it is. usually you'll hear someone say "i thought we really had a connection, i guess i was wrong". i don't think that's true, i think its more that YOU connected to that person and they didn't have the same connection with you. for example, there's an older woman in my life who really feels connected to me like i was her daughter. but the truth is, i don't feel the same way about her. i have a strong connection with my mom, and that trumps this other relationship.
sometimes putting on deodorant is kingdom work
Saturday, March 11, 2006
mets
I bought a rose
to give to you
a windy day
the petals flew
from the stem
to the street
i tried to catch them
with my feet
i got to your door
you looked to see
through the peep hole
right at me
you let me in
and i just froze
i gave you a stem
that was a rose...
that was a rose
to give to you
a windy day
the petals flew
from the stem
to the street
i tried to catch them
with my feet
i got to your door
you looked to see
through the peep hole
right at me
you let me in
and i just froze
i gave you a stem
that was a rose...
that was a rose
pearl
do you ever feel like life is made up of the same moment on repeat? that you keep reliving the same conversation over and over?
you've always given me bad advise, i'm going to choose to ignore you.
i wish my room was tidy. you're probably thinking "AGAIN!!" yes. i admit to having a problem. instead of cleaning, when i'm done here i'm just going down to the living room to avoid the chaos chez lesley.
melinda and i were talking today about how sometimes when you meet someone you forget that they've had an entire life before you. its such a interesting thought. i know i've done that, and i think that was very ignorant and closed minded of me. i hate it when that's done to me.
i had a lot of dreams last night. dreams about the most obscure people too. i swear i had 6 to 10 dreams and they were all really weird!! then out of the blue today i'll have a flash back of a dream i had and just shake my head. i find myself feeling differently about a few people like they're mad at me, then remember "that wasn't real!!" yay. have you ever dreamt that someone died and feeling really sad then waking up to realize it was just a dream and feeling really happy? that happened not too long ago with one of my friends, and i thought "next time i see her i'm gonna run up to her and give her a big hug!!" but then i changed my mind because no one likes being told that someone dreamt they died. i told kristen that once and she said "i hope you don't have the gift of prophecy".
here's to the klepto i was eavesdropping on in indigo yesterday!! keep on truckin'.
(hey don't judge me, she was a loud talker. and secretly i think she wanted to be eavesdropped on...)
you and i, we take it all in stride
you and i rely on little things to get by.
you've always given me bad advise, i'm going to choose to ignore you.
i wish my room was tidy. you're probably thinking "AGAIN!!" yes. i admit to having a problem. instead of cleaning, when i'm done here i'm just going down to the living room to avoid the chaos chez lesley.
melinda and i were talking today about how sometimes when you meet someone you forget that they've had an entire life before you. its such a interesting thought. i know i've done that, and i think that was very ignorant and closed minded of me. i hate it when that's done to me.
i had a lot of dreams last night. dreams about the most obscure people too. i swear i had 6 to 10 dreams and they were all really weird!! then out of the blue today i'll have a flash back of a dream i had and just shake my head. i find myself feeling differently about a few people like they're mad at me, then remember "that wasn't real!!" yay. have you ever dreamt that someone died and feeling really sad then waking up to realize it was just a dream and feeling really happy? that happened not too long ago with one of my friends, and i thought "next time i see her i'm gonna run up to her and give her a big hug!!" but then i changed my mind because no one likes being told that someone dreamt they died. i told kristen that once and she said "i hope you don't have the gift of prophecy".
here's to the klepto i was eavesdropping on in indigo yesterday!! keep on truckin'.
(hey don't judge me, she was a loud talker. and secretly i think she wanted to be eavesdropped on...)
you and i, we take it all in stride
you and i rely on little things to get by.
Friday, March 10, 2006
stride
the beauty of unsaid words.
they can be more truthful than anything spoken.
what have i left unsaid? much. many. lots.
and the fact that content has been omitted keeps you in the dark. it even keeps you in the dark to the reality that you're in the dark at all. i'm going to let you in on a little secret. i won't say much, just enough to elude to something. to make you aware that there IS a story you've been unaware of. and eventhough you'll remain unaware of what that story is, and how it has effected me, you'll at least be aware that one exists...
today i came across an article about a man. a man i'd once loved and lost, and in the process lost myself.
there was a thursday night early last summer. i went to laney's as usual. the girls were still fairly new to me, and i was fairly new to them. i remember sitting there, choking on my heart, and as she turned to me to ask "how are you?" i started to cry and my story poured out of me. these girls, who were in many ways still strangers to me, were so warm and compassionate, and for me that conversation opened a new dimension to our relationship.
and really, i can't divulge this story without paying tribute to my faithful friend who let me move in with her inspite all the extra baggage.
and my other faithful friend who has traded my yoke for his.
you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
for any spirit to haunt
they can be more truthful than anything spoken.
what have i left unsaid? much. many. lots.
and the fact that content has been omitted keeps you in the dark. it even keeps you in the dark to the reality that you're in the dark at all. i'm going to let you in on a little secret. i won't say much, just enough to elude to something. to make you aware that there IS a story you've been unaware of. and eventhough you'll remain unaware of what that story is, and how it has effected me, you'll at least be aware that one exists...
today i came across an article about a man. a man i'd once loved and lost, and in the process lost myself.
there was a thursday night early last summer. i went to laney's as usual. the girls were still fairly new to me, and i was fairly new to them. i remember sitting there, choking on my heart, and as she turned to me to ask "how are you?" i started to cry and my story poured out of me. these girls, who were in many ways still strangers to me, were so warm and compassionate, and for me that conversation opened a new dimension to our relationship.
and really, i can't divulge this story without paying tribute to my faithful friend who let me move in with her inspite all the extra baggage.
and my other faithful friend who has traded my yoke for his.
you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
for any spirit to haunt
Thursday, March 09, 2006
oscillating fan
uh-oh, my problem in the red t-shirt is back with vengence. well not vengence, more like determination.
i'm amazed by the ever-changingness of life. sometimes we don't anticipate change in our own lives but a change in someone else's life can alter ours drastically. that has happened to me recently, and its actually postioned me quite well.
i'm really excited about summer. i'm looking foward to watermelons, reading at murney's tower, dates with my girl-friends to white mountain, a warm summer breeze, sitting on my balcony with twinkle lights and good conversation, mini skirts, bike rides, swimming, camping, barbeques. yay!!
i've been slacking off at writing to pam regularly, and i've only written kathryn one letter since she moved. i stink. maybe i'll have to make a date to go to indigo tomorrow evening and do some letter writing.
oh you know what i forgot to mention?? at the metric concert last week, jim guthrie was playing with island. that was so awesome since that was right after my crazy guthrie marathon. i'm always on crazy marathons. usually 3 at a time. my work marathon, car marathon, and home marathon, where i only listen to a certain album over and over. sometimes even the same song on repeat for dayz!! side note: i'd have to say u2's achtung baby is one of the best albums ever hands down. i know not everyone will agree, especially when it comes to u2 most people think joshua tree is the best, and melinda opts for october. but achtung baby remains the love of my life. aside from asparagus.
baby, baby, baby, light my way.
i'm amazed by the ever-changingness of life. sometimes we don't anticipate change in our own lives but a change in someone else's life can alter ours drastically. that has happened to me recently, and its actually postioned me quite well.
i'm really excited about summer. i'm looking foward to watermelons, reading at murney's tower, dates with my girl-friends to white mountain, a warm summer breeze, sitting on my balcony with twinkle lights and good conversation, mini skirts, bike rides, swimming, camping, barbeques. yay!!
i've been slacking off at writing to pam regularly, and i've only written kathryn one letter since she moved. i stink. maybe i'll have to make a date to go to indigo tomorrow evening and do some letter writing.
oh you know what i forgot to mention?? at the metric concert last week, jim guthrie was playing with island. that was so awesome since that was right after my crazy guthrie marathon. i'm always on crazy marathons. usually 3 at a time. my work marathon, car marathon, and home marathon, where i only listen to a certain album over and over. sometimes even the same song on repeat for dayz!! side note: i'd have to say u2's achtung baby is one of the best albums ever hands down. i know not everyone will agree, especially when it comes to u2 most people think joshua tree is the best, and melinda opts for october. but achtung baby remains the love of my life. aside from asparagus.
baby, baby, baby, light my way.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
root canal
well i won't be homeless as of may 1st. i saw an apartment today and signed the lease immediately. its totally awesome!! here's a map (note: drawing not to scale).
it has this really big enclosed porch at the back, a really nice balcony at the front. it has an extra "office" space that i'm going to use as a studio space for painting and refinishing furniture. it has a spin washing machine (so i'll make a clothes line on the porch). it has an eat-in kitchen and they're redoing the bathroom.
ooooh, i'm so excited, its totally awesome. its on york street right across from the memorial centre, so a little farther away from downtown than i would have liked but its just so great its not a big deal. i have a car and i like using my bike a lot. well that's pretty much my big news of the day. i'm all fantasizing about decorating. but it really won't need a lot of work. the only thing is its semi-outdated because it was owned by an old couple and they haven't rented it out in a long time. its really cute. i'm really excited, i can't wait to have people over. it'll be so rad...
i guess that's all i have to say. its really consuming my mind. it'll be nice to only have one bathroom instead of having to go back and forth between the two and forget something in my room and have to go all the way back upstairs.
you're so vain, you probably think [this blog entry's] about you.
it has this really big enclosed porch at the back, a really nice balcony at the front. it has an extra "office" space that i'm going to use as a studio space for painting and refinishing furniture. it has a spin washing machine (so i'll make a clothes line on the porch). it has an eat-in kitchen and they're redoing the bathroom.
ooooh, i'm so excited, its totally awesome. its on york street right across from the memorial centre, so a little farther away from downtown than i would have liked but its just so great its not a big deal. i have a car and i like using my bike a lot. well that's pretty much my big news of the day. i'm all fantasizing about decorating. but it really won't need a lot of work. the only thing is its semi-outdated because it was owned by an old couple and they haven't rented it out in a long time. its really cute. i'm really excited, i can't wait to have people over. it'll be so rad...
i guess that's all i have to say. its really consuming my mind. it'll be nice to only have one bathroom instead of having to go back and forth between the two and forget something in my room and have to go all the way back upstairs.
you're so vain, you probably think [this blog entry's] about you.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
this is captured not manufactured
dear sir or madame...
today melinda and i took the batmobile for a wash. this was its first bath since i was given the car 3.5 years ago. to be honest i was a little worried that the dirt was keeping it together, but its still intact and looking mighty fine. when we arrived home, i walked down the laneway to admire it from a distance.
all's well on the homefront. actually all's well on everyfront, which i appreciate even more after my brief brush with melancholy. its nice how a few encouraging words or a point in the right direction make a world of difference.
as you know, i was feeling pretty down last week. i was frustrated because it seemed everything required such effort, and i just didn't have the energy to give anymore. i just wanted something good to JUST HAPPEN for me. under normal circumstances i realize that doesn't happen, and everything i've ever done that was worth doing, required a lot of work. but maybe that's why i was feeling so jaded. well anyway, i was driving home last night listening to hayden and there was a line in a song that when like this "it makes sense to forget what it takes" and it really struck me. i need to forget all the effort it sometimes takes to get things done, because in the end, the experience will be worth so much more than the struggle. so i'm going to remember "forget what it takes and just go for it!!"
side note: dancing in my chair. dancing IN my chair. oh baby, cut copy...
ready to let go of the steering wheel.
today melinda and i took the batmobile for a wash. this was its first bath since i was given the car 3.5 years ago. to be honest i was a little worried that the dirt was keeping it together, but its still intact and looking mighty fine. when we arrived home, i walked down the laneway to admire it from a distance.
all's well on the homefront. actually all's well on everyfront, which i appreciate even more after my brief brush with melancholy. its nice how a few encouraging words or a point in the right direction make a world of difference.
as you know, i was feeling pretty down last week. i was frustrated because it seemed everything required such effort, and i just didn't have the energy to give anymore. i just wanted something good to JUST HAPPEN for me. under normal circumstances i realize that doesn't happen, and everything i've ever done that was worth doing, required a lot of work. but maybe that's why i was feeling so jaded. well anyway, i was driving home last night listening to hayden and there was a line in a song that when like this "it makes sense to forget what it takes" and it really struck me. i need to forget all the effort it sometimes takes to get things done, because in the end, the experience will be worth so much more than the struggle. so i'm going to remember "forget what it takes and just go for it!!"
side note: dancing in my chair. dancing IN my chair. oh baby, cut copy...
ready to let go of the steering wheel.
Monday, March 06, 2006
handle
to my amazement, knickers really likes my nosering! hurray!! that's nice, i'm glad. not like it mattered if she didn't, but that was my only hesitation. so that's a bit of a load off my mind.
i was once again feeling a little run down today. a little mopey. side note: i like that when i told the butlers yesterday that i'd been walking around kingston wallowing in my own self-pity, that carolyn laughed and said "you're funny". its good to laugh at yourself. anyways... i went to the Y after work and i left feeling totally AWESOME!! i'm awesome, that's right!! i feel fit, i look fit, i feel confident and i used that time to really focus my attention where it should be. "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" was my mantra. what a good combination - prayer and exercise! now i'm feeling much better. i'd forgotten what a high i get from going to the Y and i haven't been going regularly. plus, april and i started walking at lunch again now that the weather is getting better. its really nice being away from my desk, getting some fresh air and not just sitting all the time.
ok so you guys were right. dumb and dumber IS older than i thought. i looked it up today and it came out in 1994. so actually, paul was dead-on with his guess of 12 years. i swear i saw it in first year college, but i was more confused by the fact that mike said he saw it when he was 13 or 14, but i was 14 in 1994, so he must not have seen it when it first came out.
ah man! now i'm all craving a watermelon.... darn it!! i can't wait til summer.
she was so down, look at her now
she's never been so high!
everyone knows, give it some time
the clouds will clear the sky!
i was once again feeling a little run down today. a little mopey. side note: i like that when i told the butlers yesterday that i'd been walking around kingston wallowing in my own self-pity, that carolyn laughed and said "you're funny". its good to laugh at yourself. anyways... i went to the Y after work and i left feeling totally AWESOME!! i'm awesome, that's right!! i feel fit, i look fit, i feel confident and i used that time to really focus my attention where it should be. "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" was my mantra. what a good combination - prayer and exercise! now i'm feeling much better. i'd forgotten what a high i get from going to the Y and i haven't been going regularly. plus, april and i started walking at lunch again now that the weather is getting better. its really nice being away from my desk, getting some fresh air and not just sitting all the time.
ok so you guys were right. dumb and dumber IS older than i thought. i looked it up today and it came out in 1994. so actually, paul was dead-on with his guess of 12 years. i swear i saw it in first year college, but i was more confused by the fact that mike said he saw it when he was 13 or 14, but i was 14 in 1994, so he must not have seen it when it first came out.
ah man! now i'm all craving a watermelon.... darn it!! i can't wait til summer.
she was so down, look at her now
she's never been so high!
everyone knows, give it some time
the clouds will clear the sky!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
zipper
oh man, i'm pretty exhausted. and no wonder!! seriously since my last entry i've done hordes of things!! here's a list in order:
• went to irina's artshow reception
• met up with alison at common ground for a visit
• went to rhonda's for a movie
• church this morning
• followed by the annual general meeting
• lunch with the butlers
• indigo for a read/crossword puzzle
• sleepless goat with melinda and irina
• living room
wow, no kidding i'm tired!! jeepers.... actually i have a lot to say about each of those events but i don't really have time. argh, i wish i could. basically, i've had a really good weekend.
so in order to avoid what's really rolling around in my head (all the events of this weekend, nothing dramatic - don't read into that) i'll talk about something completely unrelated. i grew up in a dr. seuss-free home. my mom HATES dr. seuss and we weren't allowed to have any of his books. i know, that probably surprises you (if not offends you), but its true! i don't share her feelings although we did grow up thinking dr. seuss was evil and it took a long time to realize otherwise. i guess it was because she went to such a extreme on it that we believe she must have some serious reason for it. but no, she just thinks he's stupid. she wanted us reading books that we could learn something from and thought dr. seuss was just nonsense. i was permitted to have a copy of bartholomew's hats because that involved counting or something.
some people can't speak their minds freely
• went to irina's artshow reception
• met up with alison at common ground for a visit
• went to rhonda's for a movie
• church this morning
• followed by the annual general meeting
• lunch with the butlers
• indigo for a read/crossword puzzle
• sleepless goat with melinda and irina
• living room
wow, no kidding i'm tired!! jeepers.... actually i have a lot to say about each of those events but i don't really have time. argh, i wish i could. basically, i've had a really good weekend.
so in order to avoid what's really rolling around in my head (all the events of this weekend, nothing dramatic - don't read into that) i'll talk about something completely unrelated. i grew up in a dr. seuss-free home. my mom HATES dr. seuss and we weren't allowed to have any of his books. i know, that probably surprises you (if not offends you), but its true! i don't share her feelings although we did grow up thinking dr. seuss was evil and it took a long time to realize otherwise. i guess it was because she went to such a extreme on it that we believe she must have some serious reason for it. but no, she just thinks he's stupid. she wanted us reading books that we could learn something from and thought dr. seuss was just nonsense. i was permitted to have a copy of bartholomew's hats because that involved counting or something.
some people can't speak their minds freely
Saturday, March 04, 2006
stauffer
i've decided to become more familar with the strokes. i was saying to meghan, kristen and jay at church on sunday how i feel like a poser because i have all these strokes buttons that melinda ordered on ebay or something that i found around the house or in my car so i stuck them on my bag or on my coat, then people see them and are all like "OH the STROKES!! i like them too". so i'm listening to mello's cd right now, to the song "is this it?" that line kind of reflects how i've been feeling lately.
i had a really good time babysitting joelle and caleb last night. they're quite the pair, so funny and quirky. they're quirky babies. we read some "curious george" books and i was telling my dad that there's something really strange about the man in the yellow hat. why does this man hang out with a monkey all the time. and why does george not know his name? if they were such great friends you'd think they'd be on a first name basis. my dad agree that the man in the yellow hat isn't all there and compared him to michael jackson. hahahaha.
joy is trying to encourage joelle to draw, drawing supposedly creates good motor skills. i think she should be drawing because she's left-handed and that suggests she's right-brained. drawing uses the right side of your brain. anyways, so there she sat drawing "mommy and daddy" who ended up like big squiggles, then she asked me to draw on some eyes, a mouth and some shoes. why shoes? i have no idea, she was very adament about it though (see what i'm talking about? weird kid). she was so awesome. i think caleb may end up left-handed too.
joy freaked out to discover i'd gotten my nose pierced and not told her. i just assumed my dad blabbed but he forgot completely that i had it done. she really liked it though and when her friends came to pick her up she dragged me to the door to show them.
so its official: melinda is moving to germany. in july. so andrew, melinda and me are going to have an "austrian dinner" next week or the week after. that should be fun. i've never had sauerkraut before, i'm looking forward to it.
imagine this sentence is a secret: tell nothing, tell no one.
i had a really good time babysitting joelle and caleb last night. they're quite the pair, so funny and quirky. they're quirky babies. we read some "curious george" books and i was telling my dad that there's something really strange about the man in the yellow hat. why does this man hang out with a monkey all the time. and why does george not know his name? if they were such great friends you'd think they'd be on a first name basis. my dad agree that the man in the yellow hat isn't all there and compared him to michael jackson. hahahaha.
joy is trying to encourage joelle to draw, drawing supposedly creates good motor skills. i think she should be drawing because she's left-handed and that suggests she's right-brained. drawing uses the right side of your brain. anyways, so there she sat drawing "mommy and daddy" who ended up like big squiggles, then she asked me to draw on some eyes, a mouth and some shoes. why shoes? i have no idea, she was very adament about it though (see what i'm talking about? weird kid). she was so awesome. i think caleb may end up left-handed too.
joy freaked out to discover i'd gotten my nose pierced and not told her. i just assumed my dad blabbed but he forgot completely that i had it done. she really liked it though and when her friends came to pick her up she dragged me to the door to show them.
so its official: melinda is moving to germany. in july. so andrew, melinda and me are going to have an "austrian dinner" next week or the week after. that should be fun. i've never had sauerkraut before, i'm looking forward to it.
imagine this sentence is a secret: tell nothing, tell no one.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
chinese democracy
some of you may have noticed my lorem ipsum link, and you may have wondered "what is that?" well let me indulge you. lorem ipsum is ancient latin text used by designers in layouts before they are provided with copy (a.k.a text). i was perusing that website one day to discover an english translation and was so facisnated by it. even though it was written in B.C. (before christ not british columbia) it was so relievant.anyway, this is my favourite part "the wise man rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains". that's something i thought of years before reading that, so i was amazed to discover not only had someone else pondered that notion, but they wrote about it in 45 B.C.!! incredible!!! but seriously, its so true. sometimes we face hard times. sometimes making the right decision is extremely painful, but it is better in the end so we avoid worse pain.
won't you help me out of the state i'm in.
lrig radnelac
If I am lost for a day; try and find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day
Calendar girl whos in love with the world
Stay alive
Calendar Girl whos in love with the world
Stay alive
I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die!"
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
January. February. March. April. May. I'm alive
June. July. August. September. October. I'm alive
November. December. all through the winter, I'm alive
I'm alive
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day
Calendar girl whos in love with the world
Stay alive
Calendar Girl whos in love with the world
Stay alive
I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die!"
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
January. February. March. April. May. I'm alive
June. July. August. September. October. I'm alive
November. December. all through the winter, I'm alive
I'm alive
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
transparent
these are strange days.
my head is flooded with 100 different half-baked thoughts. there's so much i want to say and at the same time i want to keep everything to myself. its been a completely oxymoron kind of day, where i feel two opposing things at once, on pretty much every topic. i don't know what to do, and yet there's nothing to be done. see, see what i mean?? i just feel rotten, and i don't know if its think blinking cold, or if i'm tired, or maybe just bored. to be honest i'm a little worried about myself. i think i'm just feeling really lonely. i feel a need to connect with someone, but at the same time i'm too busy to get together and chat. this newsletter has turned into a headache and a half. if i didn't have this hanging over me, eating up a lot of my time then i'm sure things would be looking brighter. i can't get my acrobat distiller to work. i bet that doesn't mean much to anyone.
i wish i had an interesting anecdote to share with you. an amusing tale about my day or some peculiar slant on life. but i'm spent. i have a rule about depressing entries, but i guess what i'm saying here is... i could really use your love and support right now. you don't have to do much, maybe send me an email about your day. just let me know i'm not all alone...
oh on a brighter topic... mayelin had her baby. a baby girl. they named her daniella. she just finished for maternity leave on friday, 2 1/2 weeks before she was due and went into labour the next day or something. funny. well that's super exciting.
i don't deserve to be lonely just cuz you say i do.
my head is flooded with 100 different half-baked thoughts. there's so much i want to say and at the same time i want to keep everything to myself. its been a completely oxymoron kind of day, where i feel two opposing things at once, on pretty much every topic. i don't know what to do, and yet there's nothing to be done. see, see what i mean?? i just feel rotten, and i don't know if its think blinking cold, or if i'm tired, or maybe just bored. to be honest i'm a little worried about myself. i think i'm just feeling really lonely. i feel a need to connect with someone, but at the same time i'm too busy to get together and chat. this newsletter has turned into a headache and a half. if i didn't have this hanging over me, eating up a lot of my time then i'm sure things would be looking brighter. i can't get my acrobat distiller to work. i bet that doesn't mean much to anyone.
i wish i had an interesting anecdote to share with you. an amusing tale about my day or some peculiar slant on life. but i'm spent. i have a rule about depressing entries, but i guess what i'm saying here is... i could really use your love and support right now. you don't have to do much, maybe send me an email about your day. just let me know i'm not all alone...
oh on a brighter topic... mayelin had her baby. a baby girl. they named her daniella. she just finished for maternity leave on friday, 2 1/2 weeks before she was due and went into labour the next day or something. funny. well that's super exciting.
i don't deserve to be lonely just cuz you say i do.
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