fixed

i'm not what you'd call 'an early adapter', but neither am i a late adapter. i usually land somewhere in the middle. trying something new once it seems proven and i've heard good reviews from reputable people.

this past weekend i bought an eReader. i'm pretty excited about it. i felt reluctant because i like books. i like the smell of books, the feel of books, i like browsing through books at book stores, i like keeping books as mementos. so for all these reasons, and more, i was not interested in an eReader for a long time. until recently, when i was looking at our bookshelf full of books and thought we were running out of space. i started wondering if my nostalgic feeling towards books was really worth the trade off.

so i chose a kobo touch, and so far i really like it. it's actually really compatible with my current life style, because i always found reading a book while nursing was too difficult. éamon was always moving, his arms and legs would get in the way, i'd lose my place, i'd have to set down my book quickly and lose my page. but with the kobo, i can hold it in one hand, i can turn the page with the touch of a finger, i can put it down and pick it up again right where i left off, it's great. i'm very pleased. AND often times the eBook is cheaper than the paperback or hardcover.

needless so say, i've been doing a lot more reading these days. that, and the fact that i've reduced my time watching netflix. our internet bill was super big for february, and i was going to call and increase our bandwidth, but it turns out that's no longer necessary because of my reduced tv time :p yay for self-discipline!

i try, i've tried, i'm still trying

solar

when i was a kid, we lived in collins bay. our house was on clark crescent and it faced north. every spring, i'd watch the snow on all the other front lawns melt away, while we were stuck with a big pile of snow out front to gaze upon. thinking back, i spent a lot of time sitting, starring out that window, which is kind of surprising since there was very little foot traffic. this afternoon, éamon and i popped out our front door to check the mail and i was surprised to see that almost our entire garden was free from snow, and yet the house across the street is still covered. it's nice to be on the sunny side for a change.

the sun is coming up.

pick

for some reason, today i started feeling very excited for éamon about daycare. i think he's going to do well there, will learn a lot and make friends. i feel confident about this new adventure. it's also nice because this optimistic feeling isn't coming from a jaded place in me. it's not like i'm sick of him, because i'm not. i just feel encouraged that it'll be a good change for us.

with the worry of daycare off my shoulders, i don't dread returning to work in july. i love the freedom i have now – a loose schedule, a loose bedtime, a loose wake-up time, not being in a hurry, getting to do whatever i want. but thankfully, as far as work goes, i like my job, and for the most part, i'll be happy to be there.

in july, we'll begin a new normal that will last for several years. the thought of diving into that new routine seems appealing. that said, i will reach a point when the novelty wears off, and it'll start to feel daunting. but i think i'll do a better job at protecting my time and energy, because i know how much better i feel when i'm not stretched thin.

my main regret is how far away my office is. i want to find a way to use that time well. or perhaps to even find out if it's possible to use my commute in a better way. what can be done with 23 minutes of sleepy-tired driving in the morning, followed by 23 minutes of work-tired driving in the late afternoon?

darling,
i'll be waiting here until these days are through,
and then i'll work some more.

holder

for some reason i'm growing tired of facebook. actually, tired isn't quite the right word, more like weary. it's not facebook itself, but i kind of miss the days when people had actual status updates rather opinion pieces. i didn't ask, nor do i care, why are you telling me this. what i am interested in is what you're up to lately.

i'm also a little increasingly uncomfortable when it seems a person is using facebook to fill some kind of emotional need. i think everyone has a legitimate need for connection and community, but it strikes me as sad when facebook is (or appears to be) the only means of relationship. i've seen people put extremely personal information (such as details of marital strife) on facebook, and it made me so sad because that's the kind of info that should be shared with close friends or family, not 260+ of your closest acquaintances.

and i think it also troubles me that i compulsively check my facebook (without conscious intention), even though there's never really that many updates in the course of a couple hours. yesterday i didn't check it all day until evening (which was what i'd do while working), and i was caught up in a matter of minutes, so it's really not necessary for me to check it so often.

all of this said, i think it's better for me to put a little distances between this tool that can both amuse and irritate me. during the lenten season, i decided to put restrictions on my use of netflix. maternity leave + nursing + netflix = a lot of wasted time. when i was a kid, my mom would let us watch an 1.5 hours of tv a day, and would regularly tell us that she'd rather we used our imagination, which i value. i don't really know how much time i was spending watching netflix, but i can be sure that i wasn't using my imagination or other forms of creativity or activities that i value. so i'm reverting to my childhood rules around tv, and have already found this a very rewarding discipline. i've been reading, praying, reflecting, and in general managing my time much better. so i think i'll keep to this schedule come easter.

i will not be a victim of circumstance.

mandolin

even though i shouldn't be surprised, i was struck today when i realized by how conversations with my girl-friends have changed. five years ago, while sharing a meal with friends, the conversation would've been about dating and men. but today, during brunch with shannon and scarlete, we talked about babies and finances. i suppose it's natural for discussions to evolve with life circumstances, but it still amused me some. it just emphasized that we're growing, changing and maturing into adults.

i'm sure i've mentioned this before, but spring always feels like my season. what i mean by that is that i feel so much more comfortable in my body and so liberated in general that it's a season i feel able to really thrive in. this afternoon, i left éamon at home with brendan and headed down to the grocery store. i was wearing my spring/fall vest, new pants (which are 3 sizes smaller than what i had been wearing), and a new bag that arrived today from etsy. i don't know if it was the freedom of my winter jacket, the fact that my pants fit me and didn't sag or bunch, or just the excitement of my long-awaited bag, but i was reminded of what it's like to be streamline and to feel good in my own skin. i feel like i've really come into my own. it's encouraging. plus, even though i know we still have a few weeks left of winter, these pockets of spring-like weather here and there will definitely get me through :)

i bought this ben howard album last spring. i remember not getting as hooked on it as i'd expected myself to at the time. there was part of me that wondered if my timing was just off and that i might've connected with it better in another season of my life. it seems that season is now. i'm hooked on it like it was brand new. it's funny how that is sometimes.

the river's cracked and cold.