cedar

well, we're heading out on our trip to philadelphia this morning. i'm pretty excited about it. there's part of me that feels it's a lot harder to drive your self somewhere than to just sit on a plane and let someone else take you there. but then on the other hand, we have a lot more freedom with what we bring, and a more flexible schedule. we've borrowed a GPS device, so i'm sure things will go smoothly.

it'll be nice to spend some time in a different place. it's not like i need a break from life here, but it's always energizing to see a different place and a different part of the world.

we haven't done a lot of trips where we need to bring a lot of supplies (food, games, equipment). and i feel like i'm still getting used to being the one responsible for all these things (rather than my parents or joy or someone else). it's exciting to not have someone taking care of me, but it's also a lot more work. now i have to pack for the baby and for me. it feels like a lot of responsibility, but i'll get used to it. it'll become the norm for travel.

i should go. i got up at 7 to get a bunch done, and i've just spent 18 minutes on the computer. i need to mentally aim at 8:30 if we're going to leave at 9.

now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened

about

you know...
i've got to say...

after all the hype built up around 'sham wow's, i was expecting something more than just a think piece of felt.

but that said, it makes perfect sense. what else is such a great absorber.

newspapers

there are several occasions in life when one feels a greater awareness of their clothing...

• when returning from a trip from a warmer climate;

• after extensive amounts of naked time around the house;

• when wearing uncomfortable clothing;

• and, after someone accidentally sees you naked.

all i can say is that it was a close call. i'll classify it as horrifyingly embarrassing rather than full out humiliating :p next time, i won't be so quick to walk around the house naked without checking the curtains or, at the very least, if the coast is clear.

on another note, i want nick miller to make me a mixed cd.

everytime i look around
it's in my face.

traditionalist

i've been starting to think that maybe sometimes people don't change. or maybe what i should be saying, rather than "people" i should be more specific. i don't change. I don't. me.

every so often i feel really on top of things, specifically around the house. things are tidy, dishes are done with regularity, yada yada yada. and i feel liberated from my old ways. but there comes a day where i let one thing slide. i always figure that it's no big deal, it's just one thing. but things start to pile up and eventually, they slip for a few more days, so that eventually i'm back to square one, only it feels worse because i can still remember how good it feels to be tidy.

i'm currently in an upswing. but for the first time, i struck me that this most likely will not last, and i'll "suddenly" find myself stressed and frustrated by our messy house – probably sooner than i'm expecting.

today, i've felt overcome by stress. pretty much everything i could've stressed about, i did. i don't know if this was partly because i had some caffeinated tea, but i'm sure it didn't help (that said, it was tastey).

i was thinking about returning to work. and all things aside (missing my kid, having to get up early in the morning, having less time to manage our home), just considering me and the job, i realized that there's always been part of me that's resented my job. the commute, my unflexible work schedule, how it steals my time and energy, how i'm stuck indoors all day, how inactive i am, how i have to wear uncomfortable business-casual clothes. when i started at 23, i was unfamiliar with those struggles, and for 10 years i didn't know anything else. it was my only reality. i really don't want to resent how i spend my time – how i spend my life, for that matter. i'm really going to have to psyche myself up for round two.

i’ve gotta know… can we work it out?