ok so what i SHOULD be doing right now is throwing a bunch of clothes into a bag and getting ready to hit the road. after an odd twist of fate, i now have a traveling companion, poor vincent is going to have to sit in my dirty car with me for 2 hours while i (most likely) talk his ear off. lucky for him, his english is not so good. however, i did just go through my car and throw out all the garbage and shake all the floor mats. that's good enough for now.
well i've finished all my errands i've been planning on doing all week. helped the mccaffery's move, called "africa inland mission", took my skirt to "quick sew", went to odessy travel, got gas, put some air in my tires. unfortunately i didn't get my dishes done, and yet i still have time for my daily blog entry.... you can see where my priorities are.
i'm feeling a little stressed again about the whole kenya thing. but you know, it'll pass. wha...
i actually have much to say, and no time to say it. thankfully i have the whole weekend to chat with rhonda, so i'm sure much of what's on my mind will be unloaded.
here come old flattop, he come grooving up slowly.
he got joo-joo eyeball, he one holy roller.
he got hair down to his knee.
got to be a joker he just do what he please.
he wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football.
he got monkey finger, he shoot coca-cola.
he say "I know you, you know me".
one thing i can tell you is you got to be free.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
jughead
its been an odd day.
i've been meaning to mention, how i loved that at the skeleton park music festival no one had a watch. doing gear check i was always asking people "do you know what time it is?", they didn't so we had to guessimate based on what band was playing. i thought that was so funny, all the free-spirits in the park not paying attention to the time of day.
today i was talking to this guy in dallas and mentioned i was pretty good considering it was the thursday before the long weekend, and he said "oh, do you celebrate our independance day there too?" i said "are you kidding me??!?" i honestly didn't know if he was serious or not, but evidentally, he'd never heard of canada day before. oh my goodness...
knickers told me today "your car is rusty", one of those obvious statements and i could do without. anywayz, i responded with a derogatory comment about the owner of rust-check and she told me i needed to get out more. i told her "i get out plenty" then i blushed. she doesn't know me at all if she thinks i need to get a life. seriously. it got me thinking about how many really great people are in my life. i'm very thankful.
so i'm going to ottawa with rhonda and isaac tomorrow. actually we're meeting there, its a long story. i just got wondering... when was the last time i was in ottawa? melinda... do you know? i know i was there in 2003 to see ozzy osbourne (yes, i've seen ozzy in concert. does that surprise you? i have a great story about that. it involves a deer with no head ironically enough...) so unless melinda can think of any other time... oh wait, i went with lana last summer. ok, that was the last time then.
while he was speaking, i fainted and lay there with my face to the ground.
i've been meaning to mention, how i loved that at the skeleton park music festival no one had a watch. doing gear check i was always asking people "do you know what time it is?", they didn't so we had to guessimate based on what band was playing. i thought that was so funny, all the free-spirits in the park not paying attention to the time of day.
today i was talking to this guy in dallas and mentioned i was pretty good considering it was the thursday before the long weekend, and he said "oh, do you celebrate our independance day there too?" i said "are you kidding me??!?" i honestly didn't know if he was serious or not, but evidentally, he'd never heard of canada day before. oh my goodness...
knickers told me today "your car is rusty", one of those obvious statements and i could do without. anywayz, i responded with a derogatory comment about the owner of rust-check and she told me i needed to get out more. i told her "i get out plenty" then i blushed. she doesn't know me at all if she thinks i need to get a life. seriously. it got me thinking about how many really great people are in my life. i'm very thankful.
so i'm going to ottawa with rhonda and isaac tomorrow. actually we're meeting there, its a long story. i just got wondering... when was the last time i was in ottawa? melinda... do you know? i know i was there in 2003 to see ozzy osbourne (yes, i've seen ozzy in concert. does that surprise you? i have a great story about that. it involves a deer with no head ironically enough...) so unless melinda can think of any other time... oh wait, i went with lana last summer. ok, that was the last time then.
while he was speaking, i fainted and lay there with my face to the ground.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
honolulu
i know myself pretty well. i am my own soul mate ;) but seriously, over the years i've discovered how i work and i try to be accomodating to that or else i pay later. i don't cope well with uncertainty, and i don't cope well in disorganization. by nature, i'm not particularly organized, but i like to be organized because i function best in a (at least) semi-organized environment.
now some of you may have heard me complain about my lazy neighbours who never check their mail, and left a door lying in the drive way for 4 days. well today i went out on my balcony to see an old man (who may or may not have had teeth) mowing the lawn. they HIRED someone to mow the lawn, that's how lazy they are. most of you have seen my front lawn, frig... our lawn is about 10 ft squared!!
it was beautiful out when i went for my lunch time walk today. i swear if i'd been anywhere else, i would have loved to lie down in the middle of a field and watched the clouds go by.
i'm meeting melinda at the artel in less than an hour and we're going to the goat. i think i'll take my knitting and knit away while we visit. i'm moocho-moocho pleased with my current knitting project, especially since i'm making it up as i go. i'm surprised at my ability to just dream up knitting projects, i didn't know that was in me. what i'd really like is a black cardigan. but i'm still not a great knitter and it would take me a very long time to knit myself one. would you like to knit me one? i need it for work, my current "at work cardigan" is WAY too big, my mom knit it for me as a teenager. it was large when she made it but has stretched tremendously. i think it could cover 2 and a half people at once.
its funny how things can change from one week to the next.
i saw this episode of seinfeld recently and i've been meaning to mention this to you. jerry was trying to decide what to buy elaine for her birthday, he told george "what ever i get her she's gonna end up asking everyone in the country 'what does this MEAN?'" ahahaha. so funny. so true.
feel like just a baby,
portrait of a lady,
poster of a girl.
now some of you may have heard me complain about my lazy neighbours who never check their mail, and left a door lying in the drive way for 4 days. well today i went out on my balcony to see an old man (who may or may not have had teeth) mowing the lawn. they HIRED someone to mow the lawn, that's how lazy they are. most of you have seen my front lawn, frig... our lawn is about 10 ft squared!!
it was beautiful out when i went for my lunch time walk today. i swear if i'd been anywhere else, i would have loved to lie down in the middle of a field and watched the clouds go by.
i'm meeting melinda at the artel in less than an hour and we're going to the goat. i think i'll take my knitting and knit away while we visit. i'm moocho-moocho pleased with my current knitting project, especially since i'm making it up as i go. i'm surprised at my ability to just dream up knitting projects, i didn't know that was in me. what i'd really like is a black cardigan. but i'm still not a great knitter and it would take me a very long time to knit myself one. would you like to knit me one? i need it for work, my current "at work cardigan" is WAY too big, my mom knit it for me as a teenager. it was large when she made it but has stretched tremendously. i think it could cover 2 and a half people at once.
its funny how things can change from one week to the next.
i saw this episode of seinfeld recently and i've been meaning to mention this to you. jerry was trying to decide what to buy elaine for her birthday, he told george "what ever i get her she's gonna end up asking everyone in the country 'what does this MEAN?'" ahahaha. so funny. so true.
feel like just a baby,
portrait of a lady,
poster of a girl.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
cedar
oh, i forgot to mention before and i wanted to give you fair warning (hahahaha)... vacation season is upon me. i'm going camping with the fam north of whitby from july 15 to july 22. so obviously i won't be doing much blogging action. although, they do have computers for the general public in one of the lodges, so i might once. we'll see.
also, i'm heading up to our nations capital with the lovells for the long weekend (friday to sunday).
we're off the rails,
we are trains ourselves.
also, i'm heading up to our nations capital with the lovells for the long weekend (friday to sunday).
we're off the rails,
we are trains ourselves.
talk to me
i'm kind of glad that its raining. it gives me a valid excuse to stay in-doors. i feel like a quiet night in to read, knit, vacuum, do my puzzle. is vacuum the only word in the english language with to corresponding U's like that?
i have this problem which involves me thinking people are angry at me/hate me if they don't respond to my emails. i know, its odd and i don't like how it makes me feel. i need to somehow convince myself that "it's ok, they're not mad at you". argh, that's weird. do you guys ever feel that way?
so i got thinking today about what garry was talking about on sunday "live your life in such a way that a blind man could see your testimony". i'm pretty open here on pspd, maybe more open here than i am in regular life, because there are things i'd say here that i may not tell you in person. regardless, i feel pretty transparent, and i'd be the first person to admit i'm screwed up and i'm flawed and i'm cracked. but what i'm afraid of is that all my blatant defects are what's most prominent. like how will i be remembered? what mark am i leaving behind? i hope its good. i dunno. don't get me wrong, this isn't a self-pity rant at all, i'm just analysing my life, digging thru my mind. am i doing enough? i can't change the world, nor am i expected to but what am i doing to help others and be a blessing to those around me?
so, what a relief... the startek mystery has been solved. hurray! you know... you two need to come over to see my place! i'll make you a milkshake, how's that for an incentive??
i feel kind of weird, but good. i'm happy, just feeling bizarre.
you're the colour,
you're the movement and the spin.
i have this problem which involves me thinking people are angry at me/hate me if they don't respond to my emails. i know, its odd and i don't like how it makes me feel. i need to somehow convince myself that "it's ok, they're not mad at you". argh, that's weird. do you guys ever feel that way?
so i got thinking today about what garry was talking about on sunday "live your life in such a way that a blind man could see your testimony". i'm pretty open here on pspd, maybe more open here than i am in regular life, because there are things i'd say here that i may not tell you in person. regardless, i feel pretty transparent, and i'd be the first person to admit i'm screwed up and i'm flawed and i'm cracked. but what i'm afraid of is that all my blatant defects are what's most prominent. like how will i be remembered? what mark am i leaving behind? i hope its good. i dunno. don't get me wrong, this isn't a self-pity rant at all, i'm just analysing my life, digging thru my mind. am i doing enough? i can't change the world, nor am i expected to but what am i doing to help others and be a blessing to those around me?
so, what a relief... the startek mystery has been solved. hurray! you know... you two need to come over to see my place! i'll make you a milkshake, how's that for an incentive??
i feel kind of weird, but good. i'm happy, just feeling bizarre.
you're the colour,
you're the movement and the spin.
Monday, June 26, 2006
geraniums
there's an explaination for everything. far too often i find myself feeling confused or thinking "that doesn't make any sense". but i've concluded that there's a reason for the way things are, i just don't know the answer yet, it doesn't mean i won't ever. there are countless examples of this phenomenon, last night in pirates of the caribean, will asked elizabeth why she'd given his last name as her own, and she said she didn't know why. i'm sure he was confused, but it eventually became obvious that she was secretly in love with him. i have other examples, but they're from the personal lives of my friends and i think they'd prefer me not to share. i like this because i feel i can relax and things will make sense in time. am i being clear inspite my obscure ways?
something that's also been on my mind lately is this whole "be yourself thing". that's what i wanna do, i can't be bothered to play games or pretend things that aren't. and yet my natural reactions to things isn't always "best practice". i COULD be like "i don't want to clean my house, that's just me. that's how i am", but that's not best because things around a house need to get done. or i could be like "i drink heavily and expose myself in public, that's just want i do" (neither example is true by the way). so i find myself trying to discover the best of both worlds – being myself and also not hindering myself through bad behaviour or habits.
oh my goodness, one of my greatest phobia's is that i'll accidentally click on the wrong name when sending an email and will send something personal to the wrong person. ouch, that could be awkward. especially since there are a handful of people who i email most frequently who i don't address the email to them and just start right in. the poor accidental recipient wouldn't have the foggiest clue that it wasn't intended for them. unless, i signed it something like "lata lova" in which case i hope they'll realize something was amiss.
i know it sounds very collected in jars.
is that just the place that i wanna be?
something that's also been on my mind lately is this whole "be yourself thing". that's what i wanna do, i can't be bothered to play games or pretend things that aren't. and yet my natural reactions to things isn't always "best practice". i COULD be like "i don't want to clean my house, that's just me. that's how i am", but that's not best because things around a house need to get done. or i could be like "i drink heavily and expose myself in public, that's just want i do" (neither example is true by the way). so i find myself trying to discover the best of both worlds – being myself and also not hindering myself through bad behaviour or habits.
oh my goodness, one of my greatest phobia's is that i'll accidentally click on the wrong name when sending an email and will send something personal to the wrong person. ouch, that could be awkward. especially since there are a handful of people who i email most frequently who i don't address the email to them and just start right in. the poor accidental recipient wouldn't have the foggiest clue that it wasn't intended for them. unless, i signed it something like "lata lova" in which case i hope they'll realize something was amiss.
i know it sounds very collected in jars.
is that just the place that i wanna be?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
goosehunt
i just woke-up from a nap on the floor and am walkin round my house in a total daze.
man, i was rudely awoken from my nap by st. mary's church, who i swear rang their church bells about 100 times. argh. so annoying!
and yes, you did read correctly, i had a nap on the floor of my back porch. i don't know what it is about that room, i really like it. i just wanted to be in it, but felt sleepy. it was nice.
i had a good time at church this morning. i introduced myself to a girl who was sitting by herself and sat with her. her name (i think) was genica, she was really nice and we have lots in common. striking up conversation with perfect strangers at next is something i used to do all the time, but i've noticed that as i've made friends i've been doing it less because there's always someone to sit with. she seemed to really appreciate it too. i also met a girl named holly who said she started coming with some friends of hers, i asked "oh who are your friends?" and she said "alison lau", i was like "oh she's my friend too!"
isaac and rhonda came over for lunch today. this was the first time since moving day that they've been able to come over. rhonda gave me the lonely planet kenya book for a housewarming gift. i told her "i guess this means i HAVE to go". tonight we're going to watch pirates of the caribean which i'm oh-so-excited about.
i saw melody and kevin last night. i really enjoy my friendship with melody, its very unique. besides the fact that we have admittedly nothing in common, its the kind of friendship that we can go months, even years without talking, then when we do, we pick up right where we left off. maybe that's why neither of us put out a lot of effort to keep in touch, because its not necessary.
i can't help but wonder if every instinct i've ever had is wrong.
i guess we're all just out on loan,
and everybody is only their own.
man, i was rudely awoken from my nap by st. mary's church, who i swear rang their church bells about 100 times. argh. so annoying!
and yes, you did read correctly, i had a nap on the floor of my back porch. i don't know what it is about that room, i really like it. i just wanted to be in it, but felt sleepy. it was nice.
i had a good time at church this morning. i introduced myself to a girl who was sitting by herself and sat with her. her name (i think) was genica, she was really nice and we have lots in common. striking up conversation with perfect strangers at next is something i used to do all the time, but i've noticed that as i've made friends i've been doing it less because there's always someone to sit with. she seemed to really appreciate it too. i also met a girl named holly who said she started coming with some friends of hers, i asked "oh who are your friends?" and she said "alison lau", i was like "oh she's my friend too!"
isaac and rhonda came over for lunch today. this was the first time since moving day that they've been able to come over. rhonda gave me the lonely planet kenya book for a housewarming gift. i told her "i guess this means i HAVE to go". tonight we're going to watch pirates of the caribean which i'm oh-so-excited about.
i saw melody and kevin last night. i really enjoy my friendship with melody, its very unique. besides the fact that we have admittedly nothing in common, its the kind of friendship that we can go months, even years without talking, then when we do, we pick up right where we left off. maybe that's why neither of us put out a lot of effort to keep in touch, because its not necessary.
i can't help but wonder if every instinct i've ever had is wrong.
i guess we're all just out on loan,
and everybody is only their own.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
frisbee
i had a really wholesomely good time at the skeleton park music festival today. it was really great. volunteering is fun AND easy. i was lucky because i got paired with garry for 2 hours at gear-check and the other 2 with irina. so it was nice being with people i know, especially because it was two people i don't see often. it was cool, everyone involved got these wrist bands made of fabric. i really like mine, however, i don't have room on my wrists for another 2 inch bracelet. i'll keep it around though, maybe wear it on more dressy occassions.
as garry said... the hippies were out in full force and it was fun. it was an eclectic group, i knew lots of people (both acquaintainces and friends) and the bands were great. my favourite was infortourist and i bought me a t-shirt!
ooooh, i'm tired now. being in the sun. covered in sunscreen. i'm a little disappointed because i didn't get any of my errands done. stupid odessy travel closed at 3:00 – what kind of store closes at 3 on a saturday!?! i wasn't happy about that.
squito... i should have given you a hug after you told me your crappy news. i'm sorry that i wasn't on the ball. i feel for you. no doubt the same thing will be happening to me soon too. then we can have a pity party.
well i had a great time at the festival and am excited that its not over yet. i'm looking forward to next year already!
trying to find a decent high noon cup of tea.
as garry said... the hippies were out in full force and it was fun. it was an eclectic group, i knew lots of people (both acquaintainces and friends) and the bands were great. my favourite was infortourist and i bought me a t-shirt!
ooooh, i'm tired now. being in the sun. covered in sunscreen. i'm a little disappointed because i didn't get any of my errands done. stupid odessy travel closed at 3:00 – what kind of store closes at 3 on a saturday!?! i wasn't happy about that.
squito... i should have given you a hug after you told me your crappy news. i'm sorry that i wasn't on the ball. i feel for you. no doubt the same thing will be happening to me soon too. then we can have a pity party.
well i had a great time at the festival and am excited that its not over yet. i'm looking forward to next year already!
trying to find a decent high noon cup of tea.
Friday, June 23, 2006
barbeque
dave ferrence told me something today that i would like to immortalize on here on pspd. "you can't do ANYTHING to make the situation any better, so why don't you do NOTHING. it can't get any worse". hmmm. excellent. i think i might just do that. its not always applicable advise, but definately in my situation.
so melody just called me, she & kevin are driving home from their holidays and are gonna stop over night here in k-town. i'm pretty excited about that, they're gonna come out to the grad club for the closure of the skeleton park music festival. i told her the butlers are gonna be there, so i hope they are.
i met up with melinda's friend sarah at the festival's opening night to see her perform with kyra & tully. to my disappointment, they didn't play "riding my bike" which is my favourite song of theirs. speaking of bikes, i rode mine with no hands almost the whole way there tonight. i'm getting good at that :) anyways, it was a good set. it was funny because when i arrived i waved at melinda on stage and she waved back, but the lady in front of me didn't know melinder was waving at me so she also waved. hahaha. man, that's embarrassing. for her.
we went go the goat afterwards, and i got this organic juice. for some not-fully-thought-out reason i thought "i should shake this first", only to remember it was carbonated. i can't take myself anywhere.
ah me.... what am i gonna do? nothing. i'm gonna do nothing....
stop me from falling cause i can see where this is going.
so melody just called me, she & kevin are driving home from their holidays and are gonna stop over night here in k-town. i'm pretty excited about that, they're gonna come out to the grad club for the closure of the skeleton park music festival. i told her the butlers are gonna be there, so i hope they are.
i met up with melinda's friend sarah at the festival's opening night to see her perform with kyra & tully. to my disappointment, they didn't play "riding my bike" which is my favourite song of theirs. speaking of bikes, i rode mine with no hands almost the whole way there tonight. i'm getting good at that :) anyways, it was a good set. it was funny because when i arrived i waved at melinda on stage and she waved back, but the lady in front of me didn't know melinder was waving at me so she also waved. hahaha. man, that's embarrassing. for her.
we went go the goat afterwards, and i got this organic juice. for some not-fully-thought-out reason i thought "i should shake this first", only to remember it was carbonated. i can't take myself anywhere.
ah me.... what am i gonna do? nothing. i'm gonna do nothing....
stop me from falling cause i can see where this is going.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
weird
i don't think i'm a very eloquent speaker. i'm not quick with my responses. i'm one of those people who thinks later on "THAT's what i SHOULD have said!!!" and even when i have a witty response i often stumble over my words. its what i call my "speech impediment" even though its not really diagnosable. my dad has the same problem, but it doesn't embarrass him the same way, he's used to it. maybe by the time i'm 61 i won't care either. i think i'm much better in the written prose. i have more time to think over what i'm saying, and can re-read/re-word what i've said. funny that.
i'm getting sleepy. i'm a sleepy dee. its like everything is draining from my brain...
i was just working on my puzzle on my porch, i have quite the set up out there. i had all the windows open and i was singing along with my sound of music soundtrack. i was really belting it out! i was a little worried that my neighbours might hear me thru the open window. awkward. good news though!! while i was working away i dropped a puzzle piece down a gap between the cabinets, so i moved it out of the way and found the missing piece from my last puzzle!! yay!! i felt so unsatisfied because it wasn't complete. ahhhh, now i can sleep soundly.
i'm trying to listen to the leaves speak,
trying to steal secrets from fishes in the creek.
i'm getting sleepy. i'm a sleepy dee. its like everything is draining from my brain...
i was just working on my puzzle on my porch, i have quite the set up out there. i had all the windows open and i was singing along with my sound of music soundtrack. i was really belting it out! i was a little worried that my neighbours might hear me thru the open window. awkward. good news though!! while i was working away i dropped a puzzle piece down a gap between the cabinets, so i moved it out of the way and found the missing piece from my last puzzle!! yay!! i felt so unsatisfied because it wasn't complete. ahhhh, now i can sleep soundly.
i'm trying to listen to the leaves speak,
trying to steal secrets from fishes in the creek.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
yodeling
i've had this theory for a number of years that air-conditioning makes people think that unreasonable temperatures are good. meaning, people set their air-conditioner to be colder than they'd allow there house to be during the winter. that makes NO sense. i once worked in an office that was so cold i felt like i was sitting in a walk-in fridge. it was sooo unpleasant. i hate waking up and having to decide if go in normal summer clothes or in layers. i don't want to have to wear sox in the summer. or a frickin sweater for crying out loud! i was snooping around our office yesterday and discovered evidence that confirmed that it is in fact colder than the winter time. that's stupid. its summer i shouldn't be cold.
i had a really super fun time yesterday with joanna and sarah. sarah and joanna. its amazing because i feel like i've known them for years, but i haven't. well like, i've known sarah since i was 16, but i didn't KNOW her. so that doesn't count in the same way. girls, i have to tell you... you know how i was saying the only thing i can do is expect random things? ya. happened again. but its ok, i was expecting that. anyways, they were saying i'm very vague sometimes, and i like that. i do it intentionally. i also fear that i sometimes things come out in fragments like the whole rustle thing. inspite my anxiety, i also felt reassured after the meeting, but i guess i didn't express that. although, maybe i didn't feel reassured until i had time to digest everything i'd heard. so i'm sorry if i'm sometimes a walking contradiction. a lot of the time i feel more than one way – something which is obviously confusing.
anyway, last night with j&s (s&j) we had milkshakes. then i had milkshakes with beckie tonight. MMMmmmmm. yummy. i inherted a drink mixer thing from the forbes', and it makes a kickass milkshake. i was craving one all day at work. i actually had one before my dinner.
so what am i thankful for today? accountability.
auf wiedersehen (for my austrian friend).
it's gonna be okay, cause i'm okay with me.
i had a really super fun time yesterday with joanna and sarah. sarah and joanna. its amazing because i feel like i've known them for years, but i haven't. well like, i've known sarah since i was 16, but i didn't KNOW her. so that doesn't count in the same way. girls, i have to tell you... you know how i was saying the only thing i can do is expect random things? ya. happened again. but its ok, i was expecting that. anyways, they were saying i'm very vague sometimes, and i like that. i do it intentionally. i also fear that i sometimes things come out in fragments like the whole rustle thing. inspite my anxiety, i also felt reassured after the meeting, but i guess i didn't express that. although, maybe i didn't feel reassured until i had time to digest everything i'd heard. so i'm sorry if i'm sometimes a walking contradiction. a lot of the time i feel more than one way – something which is obviously confusing.
anyway, last night with j&s (s&j) we had milkshakes. then i had milkshakes with beckie tonight. MMMmmmmm. yummy. i inherted a drink mixer thing from the forbes', and it makes a kickass milkshake. i was craving one all day at work. i actually had one before my dinner.
so what am i thankful for today? accountability.
auf wiedersehen (for my austrian friend).
it's gonna be okay, cause i'm okay with me.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
wellington
to my delight, i came home to receive a postcard from melissa in the mail!! i've been longing for a postcard lately. and its perfect because its a vertical one and i've been needing a vertical one for the next spot on my cupboard. it was this pic of john.last night i dreamt that i was working on the standard while i was at work and knickers found out and i was in big trouble. hahahaa. i wonder what that means. does anyone have the gift of dream interpretation?
i was just at east side mario's for dinner with my family for father's day. i fear i may have stuck my foot in my mouth, not with my family but with the person at the next table. oh well.
when i was leaving i saw this guy i know who i'm avoiding. i'm paranoid that if he gets the chance he's going to ask me on a date and its freaking me out! i was passing the patio in my car and looked up to see him watching me. i gagged. i'm not kidding!! this guy actually induces a vomitus reflex. i'm disturbed. i'm disturbed in my room.
i've been thinking lately "what is a friend? what classifies someone as a friend?". there seems to be people who use the term very loosely and others very seldomly. if frequent was a 10 and never as a 1, i would be a..... 8. i remember my old friend scott used to say he only classifed someone as his friend if they'd hung out alone at least once. he's logic was you weren't really friends if you didn't hang out alone. i see his point to some extent. however, there are different KINDS of friends. some people are group friends, some are close friends, some are work friends, some are 'blank' friends and so on. do you think this is true? i think its most definately possible for friends to fall into multiple categories. i'm just hashing out scott's hang out rule in my brain.
well i should go. i have some "friends" coming over and i need to clean the washroom. i swear my toilet will never be the same after the plumber detached it the other day.
two of us sending postcards,
writing letters on my wall.
Monday, June 19, 2006
restLES
well first things first. i finished the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. that was fast huh? i started it last wednesday. i only know this because i checked my previously entries. its handy having a weblog. i liked it but it was a little sad, and it made me very anxious when he went to london.
i got caught in the rain biking home from my errands today. NOT pleasant. i didn't like it at all.
i had a crappy night sleep last night. i tossed and turned all night. i like to have very heavy blankets, but i'd discarded them thinking it was a hot night, however not hot enough. i can't sleep comfy-ly without the heavy blankets. you know, i think i might go to bed early tonight. like seriously, i think when i'm done this i might start my getting to bed routine. i love being in bed early, it reminds me of when i was a kid and going to bed when it's still light out.
you know what?? i can't print a lower case k. i know its a weird affliction. i always print it as an upper case K. so my printing looKs liKe this. there's nothing i can do about it. i've tried, i really have. thanKfully the only k in my name IS an upper case K (McKnight). phew!
melissa lent me the new jewel cd. i imported it on my computer at work so i could give it back to her. darn that reminds me i was going to drop it off tonight on my bike ride. anyways, i'm enjoying it. she's got a very unique poetic style.
ok so what am i thankful for today? ummm, for email conversations. for road tripping friends. for healthy paths steered by self-control (and the friends that keep me on track). oooh that was THREE things! four kind of.
the point of it all, is that if i should fall still you're name i'll call.
i got caught in the rain biking home from my errands today. NOT pleasant. i didn't like it at all.
i had a crappy night sleep last night. i tossed and turned all night. i like to have very heavy blankets, but i'd discarded them thinking it was a hot night, however not hot enough. i can't sleep comfy-ly without the heavy blankets. you know, i think i might go to bed early tonight. like seriously, i think when i'm done this i might start my getting to bed routine. i love being in bed early, it reminds me of when i was a kid and going to bed when it's still light out.
you know what?? i can't print a lower case k. i know its a weird affliction. i always print it as an upper case K. so my printing looKs liKe this. there's nothing i can do about it. i've tried, i really have. thanKfully the only k in my name IS an upper case K (McKnight). phew!
melissa lent me the new jewel cd. i imported it on my computer at work so i could give it back to her. darn that reminds me i was going to drop it off tonight on my bike ride. anyways, i'm enjoying it. she's got a very unique poetic style.
ok so what am i thankful for today? ummm, for email conversations. for road tripping friends. for healthy paths steered by self-control (and the friends that keep me on track). oooh that was THREE things! four kind of.
the point of it all, is that if i should fall still you're name i'll call.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
lime green
its hot but i'm not going to complain because this is how i like it. i was a little worried earlier because i dug out my fan and it was making some really terrible sounds. but i just thought if i wack it a few times it'll be ok and it was. thankfully because now i have NO MONEY now that i'm saving for kenya, so i couldn't afford to buy a new one.
so i got a lot of compliments on my new snazzy hat today ;) oh good news!! i was at church on time today. little r gave me a call at 10 to wake me up. hurray!!
i'd just like to shine a light on all the single-parent out there who each day play the roll of both mom and dad. its never easy and they are unsung heros.
it was such a beautiful afternoon. i sat out on my balcony reading but got dozey and fell asleep. it was so nice. the sound of the wind in the leaves. so peaceful, so soothing.
i used to have a journal of things i was thankful for each day. i sat tucked my bed each night and made myself come up with something i was thankful for from that day. i think impliment that on pspd. i don't know how often, i'd like to do it frequently but we'll see. so today (and i know this may sound dumb. no wait, i'm not going to say that because if you think its dumb than that's you're problem. you can't possibly understand my logic on everything) i'm thankful that i had enough mayonaise for my potato salad – added bonus is that it the expiry date was june 18, 2006. ironic huh? you know... when i used to work at KGH they would say someone was "expired" when they had died. isn't that TERRIBLE??
i belong in the service of the king,
i belong anywhere but in between.
so i got a lot of compliments on my new snazzy hat today ;) oh good news!! i was at church on time today. little r gave me a call at 10 to wake me up. hurray!!
i'd just like to shine a light on all the single-parent out there who each day play the roll of both mom and dad. its never easy and they are unsung heros.
it was such a beautiful afternoon. i sat out on my balcony reading but got dozey and fell asleep. it was so nice. the sound of the wind in the leaves. so peaceful, so soothing.
i used to have a journal of things i was thankful for each day. i sat tucked my bed each night and made myself come up with something i was thankful for from that day. i think impliment that on pspd. i don't know how often, i'd like to do it frequently but we'll see. so today (and i know this may sound dumb. no wait, i'm not going to say that because if you think its dumb than that's you're problem. you can't possibly understand my logic on everything) i'm thankful that i had enough mayonaise for my potato salad – added bonus is that it the expiry date was june 18, 2006. ironic huh? you know... when i used to work at KGH they would say someone was "expired" when they had died. isn't that TERRIBLE??
i belong in the service of the king,
i belong anywhere but in between.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
eisenhower
well its nice to be back in our home and nativeland.
melinda and i took a road trip to syracuse today. for reasons i won't get into involving melinda & her licence i ended up driving her parents car. it was kind of tricky because its automatic and i've been driving a standard car for 7 years, did you know automatics don't have a clutch?? hahaha, just kidding. i developed a rivalry with another car, no matter how hard i tried to get a way from them the were always on our tail.
that was my 3rd trip out of the country this year and kenya will be my 4th. it think that's interesting because before pittsburgh, i don't think i'd been into the states since 2000. i was a little worried today because i couldn't find my passport, but in my search i found 5 american dollars left from my trip to nyc. so i used that for my lunch, and the only thing i bought was a really snazzy hat for 6 bucks on my credit card. i liked that no one was on to us, they couldn't tell we were canadians because we weren't wearing our toques.
i have to say... the sound of the northern new york state accent makes my ears bleed. ugh, its terrible.
i found a grey hair on my head while in the restroom of the mall. it didn't freak me out or anything. i've occassionally come across grey hairs since i was a teenager, back then it was like "hey cool a grey hair", but now i'm like "hmm, a grey hair... i guess i'm that age". joy started getting grey hairs after joelle was born and she was my age then. but for some reason i thought that was related to the fact that she became a mom, but that's silly. oh well, i'm a grown-up and that's ok. i notice in this picture that i have lines on my face when i smile. i actually don't think they're wrinkles, i think its a result of losing weight. matt used to be able to pull his skin out really far after he lost 40 pounds.
ok well i have to go. running late. just had to get my days event off my chest before moving on to my next event.
trying to figure out who i am –
a pretty mediocre cook,
and even worse mathematician,
maybe a mother one day.
what will i be?
melinda and i took a road trip to syracuse today. for reasons i won't get into involving melinda & her licence i ended up driving her parents car. it was kind of tricky because its automatic and i've been driving a standard car for 7 years, did you know automatics don't have a clutch?? hahaha, just kidding. i developed a rivalry with another car, no matter how hard i tried to get a way from them the were always on our tail.
that was my 3rd trip out of the country this year and kenya will be my 4th. it think that's interesting because before pittsburgh, i don't think i'd been into the states since 2000. i was a little worried today because i couldn't find my passport, but in my search i found 5 american dollars left from my trip to nyc. so i used that for my lunch, and the only thing i bought was a really snazzy hat for 6 bucks on my credit card. i liked that no one was on to us, they couldn't tell we were canadians because we weren't wearing our toques.
i have to say... the sound of the northern new york state accent makes my ears bleed. ugh, its terrible.i found a grey hair on my head while in the restroom of the mall. it didn't freak me out or anything. i've occassionally come across grey hairs since i was a teenager, back then it was like "hey cool a grey hair", but now i'm like "hmm, a grey hair... i guess i'm that age". joy started getting grey hairs after joelle was born and she was my age then. but for some reason i thought that was related to the fact that she became a mom, but that's silly. oh well, i'm a grown-up and that's ok. i notice in this picture that i have lines on my face when i smile. i actually don't think they're wrinkles, i think its a result of losing weight. matt used to be able to pull his skin out really far after he lost 40 pounds.
ok well i have to go. running late. just had to get my days event off my chest before moving on to my next event.
trying to figure out who i am –
a pretty mediocre cook,
and even worse mathematician,
maybe a mother one day.
what will i be?
Friday, June 16, 2006
troubadour
i have some totally fantastic news!!! I'M GOING TO KENYA!!! yay! i'm so excited. this is something i've been wanting to do for quite a while, i'm so thrilled that its working out. i'm going in either september or october, still to be determined. currently i'm going by myself, however i'd really like some company, so if you'd like to come or know someone who might be interested please let them know. this is an opportunity of a life time. its basically a short-term missions trip, there's a couple i know there who are doing medical missions. i'm gonna to be working with kids (doing vbs type program) and women, as well as doing some graphic design (brochures and such). while i'm there i'll be staying in the guest apartment they have set aside for such visitors (they have people going pretty frequently so they provided me tons of information), and i'll be able to do some touristy stuff too, like safari's and stuff. oh man, i'm so happy, this was exactly what i needed to blow me out of my rut, something exciting to look forward to. its amazing how quickly things can change.
this has been an interesting evening, i guess my toilet was leaking water into the apartment below me so the plumber was here and took of my toilet to fix the seal. my landlord's crazy mother stopped by and i was little nervous because i didn't ask permission to paint and wasn't sure what she'd say. but she actually really liked my colour choices and asked to look around. what a relief.
sometimes i think blogging is similar to when we had to write in a journal in public school.
oh, i was meaning to mention yesterday that dawna & clan have just moved to moose jaw. i'm going to really miss you guys and all that you bring to next. i hope you get settled in quickly and discover a love for you new surroundings :)
well i'm gonna bike to the store to get some cool ranch doritos now.
the world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
this has been an interesting evening, i guess my toilet was leaking water into the apartment below me so the plumber was here and took of my toilet to fix the seal. my landlord's crazy mother stopped by and i was little nervous because i didn't ask permission to paint and wasn't sure what she'd say. but she actually really liked my colour choices and asked to look around. what a relief.
sometimes i think blogging is similar to when we had to write in a journal in public school.
oh, i was meaning to mention yesterday that dawna & clan have just moved to moose jaw. i'm going to really miss you guys and all that you bring to next. i hope you get settled in quickly and discover a love for you new surroundings :)
well i'm gonna bike to the store to get some cool ranch doritos now.
the world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
sherlock holmes
well i've decided to steer away from serious topics for a while.
the other day when rhonda and i were trying to think of a cheap resturant, we started wishing there was a "lonely planet kingston" wouldn't that be great?? hahaha. part of me wants to make one, but it would be pretty shotty.
we hired a new girl at our pittsburgh site in our department. well knickers did, i wasn't involved. she's a writer. she seems really nice and is young (32) too, knickers told me julie is older than you so you're still our baby. its really interesting because she has all these questions about the company and comes to me to explain them. i like it, for the first time at work i feel like a grown-up who's experienced and knowledgable instead of some young kid who no one pays attention to.
i like that my hair has grown long enough that it flies out my open window as i drive through the country on my way home from work.
i went to value village today and picked up some clothes that actually FIT me. yay! i'm pretty psyched about that. i cringed as i spent the money but i really like my purchases and i do feel justify in the fact that my 11 items cost approximately the same as 3 shirts at a normal store. plus, i'm set for a little while now. i'm pleased that value village is moving into the old walmart. it seems a little ironic, thrift store replacing loathed-corporate-take-over store front. on the other hand, value village is kind of the walmart of thrift stores. in my first interview the lady told me that their goal was to be "the largest thrift department store IN THE WORLD".
i think my nose ring is starting to get one of those little bumps that some times happen. what's the deal with that? does anyone know how to approach such a thing? joel... dess has had her nose pierced for a long time. can you ask her please?
there. that's it. i'm pleased with this entry. by the way, i'm good. my girls gots my back...
oh crap, to my dismay i've forgotten my beloved book at work. i had a great quote to share out of it, oh well, i'll save it for tomorrow. i guess i'll close with this instead...
there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry its over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say
the other day when rhonda and i were trying to think of a cheap resturant, we started wishing there was a "lonely planet kingston" wouldn't that be great?? hahaha. part of me wants to make one, but it would be pretty shotty.
we hired a new girl at our pittsburgh site in our department. well knickers did, i wasn't involved. she's a writer. she seems really nice and is young (32) too, knickers told me julie is older than you so you're still our baby. its really interesting because she has all these questions about the company and comes to me to explain them. i like it, for the first time at work i feel like a grown-up who's experienced and knowledgable instead of some young kid who no one pays attention to.
i like that my hair has grown long enough that it flies out my open window as i drive through the country on my way home from work.
i went to value village today and picked up some clothes that actually FIT me. yay! i'm pretty psyched about that. i cringed as i spent the money but i really like my purchases and i do feel justify in the fact that my 11 items cost approximately the same as 3 shirts at a normal store. plus, i'm set for a little while now. i'm pleased that value village is moving into the old walmart. it seems a little ironic, thrift store replacing loathed-corporate-take-over store front. on the other hand, value village is kind of the walmart of thrift stores. in my first interview the lady told me that their goal was to be "the largest thrift department store IN THE WORLD".
i think my nose ring is starting to get one of those little bumps that some times happen. what's the deal with that? does anyone know how to approach such a thing? joel... dess has had her nose pierced for a long time. can you ask her please?
there. that's it. i'm pleased with this entry. by the way, i'm good. my girls gots my back...
oh crap, to my dismay i've forgotten my beloved book at work. i had a great quote to share out of it, oh well, i'll save it for tomorrow. i guess i'll close with this instead...
there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry its over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
daliah
i can legitimately say i feel confused about life. there's no reason for this. none at all. except i don't know what i want, but i suppose that's only half the battle. pretty rarely does what we want ever come to fruition. maybe that's why i'm frustrated. i want what i have, so that's good, but i also want what i can't have. although i know that won't make me happier, therefore i want to stop wanting that. no scratch that, i want to stop wanting all together. i'm tired of emotions. i'm reminded of that modest mouse song that says "if life's not beautiful without the pain, well i'd just rather never ever even see beauty again".
i'm just feeling tired of not having an answer when i asked "hey! how's it goin?" or "what's new?". i moved. a month and a half ago. and before that i went to nyc, but it had been a couple months since i'd had anything to say in response. i think before that the last thing i'd done was go to pittsburgh but that was in february. blah, blah, blah.
i haven't had a break from work since december, its starting to wear on me and that's starting to show. i have some holidays coming up in july, that will do me some good. i suppose i just need a reminder of what the point is. why we go through these motions. why we get up and comb our hair. i'm sure i'll bounce back again and soon will be feeling like "wow, i can't believe i was even questioning this!" i know i'm not alone. and i'm sure i'm not the only person who's suffering from "the grass is greener" sentiments. i should be and AM smarter than this. but i guess its a part of the circle. not the circle of life, but the other one.
on a brighter note: i started reading the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. its really great. i love it already. it's charming and amusing. there's sometime quirky about the main character that reminds me of francis in observatory mansions. i think i'll speed through it because its one of those books i read at every opportunity.
i've recently discovered how much i like going barefoot. i usually wear my flipflops but i couldn't find them for a couples weeks. but now i don't want to wear them i like how soft my discoloured carpet feels under my skin and how natural it makes me feel. it makes me glow.
i'm feeling more light-hearted already. i like this. blogging that is. it gives me someone to share my day with.
omnipresent phrase in my mind
spoken word i've said one million times
who are you to tell me it'll always be this way
i close my eyes and i turn around
and leave it all behind
i'm just feeling tired of not having an answer when i asked "hey! how's it goin?" or "what's new?". i moved. a month and a half ago. and before that i went to nyc, but it had been a couple months since i'd had anything to say in response. i think before that the last thing i'd done was go to pittsburgh but that was in february. blah, blah, blah.
i haven't had a break from work since december, its starting to wear on me and that's starting to show. i have some holidays coming up in july, that will do me some good. i suppose i just need a reminder of what the point is. why we go through these motions. why we get up and comb our hair. i'm sure i'll bounce back again and soon will be feeling like "wow, i can't believe i was even questioning this!" i know i'm not alone. and i'm sure i'm not the only person who's suffering from "the grass is greener" sentiments. i should be and AM smarter than this. but i guess its a part of the circle. not the circle of life, but the other one.
on a brighter note: i started reading the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. its really great. i love it already. it's charming and amusing. there's sometime quirky about the main character that reminds me of francis in observatory mansions. i think i'll speed through it because its one of those books i read at every opportunity.
i've recently discovered how much i like going barefoot. i usually wear my flipflops but i couldn't find them for a couples weeks. but now i don't want to wear them i like how soft my discoloured carpet feels under my skin and how natural it makes me feel. it makes me glow.
i'm feeling more light-hearted already. i like this. blogging that is. it gives me someone to share my day with.
omnipresent phrase in my mind
spoken word i've said one million times
who are you to tell me it'll always be this way
i close my eyes and i turn around
and leave it all behind
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
jewels
this evening i went with melinda to wash her car. well, actually, i went to watch her. it reminded me of the time when me and whatshisface took my car there to wash the deer off my batmobile. hahaha. that's a whole other story that i like to keep for special occassions.
the other night beckie brought some helium balloons over to rhonda's. it was most entertaining. i'd never inhaled helium before. it was so funny! we concluded that talking about serious topics with helium made it much more light-hearted. beckie said it would really take the sting out of wedding speeches. how bout a eulogy? or would that be too much perhaps?
i'm craving chocolate.
things i did today list:
• had a lovely evening working on my new puzzle – this one is of big ben.
• beckie stopped by while walking her dogs (i really like it when she stops by. i'll miss that when she goes to the artic).
• i also made a good dent in this week's standard. yay les.
• i finished my book today (cause celeb), it was good. sad but good.
• i sat doing a crossword puzzle this evening.
• i grocery shopped after work.
man i got a lot in today. cool. well i'm late for bed.
i think i'm slowly becoming more rational/logical but at a high price. i think my emotions are just coming out in other ways. over compensating or something. please be advised and be on "highly-sensitive" alert. like i said yesterday i'd like to do without people who make me feel crappy, the downside is when unexpectedly someone you trusted hurts your feelings. then what do you do? i'm trying to be more honest with people and not just be a "yes man" kind of friend, but at what cost? people don't always like to be told what you actually think. i don't. at least not in my present state.
lost somewhere between the earth and the sky.
the other night beckie brought some helium balloons over to rhonda's. it was most entertaining. i'd never inhaled helium before. it was so funny! we concluded that talking about serious topics with helium made it much more light-hearted. beckie said it would really take the sting out of wedding speeches. how bout a eulogy? or would that be too much perhaps?
i'm craving chocolate.
things i did today list:
• had a lovely evening working on my new puzzle – this one is of big ben.
• beckie stopped by while walking her dogs (i really like it when she stops by. i'll miss that when she goes to the artic).
• i also made a good dent in this week's standard. yay les.
• i finished my book today (cause celeb), it was good. sad but good.
• i sat doing a crossword puzzle this evening.
• i grocery shopped after work.
man i got a lot in today. cool. well i'm late for bed.
i think i'm slowly becoming more rational/logical but at a high price. i think my emotions are just coming out in other ways. over compensating or something. please be advised and be on "highly-sensitive" alert. like i said yesterday i'd like to do without people who make me feel crappy, the downside is when unexpectedly someone you trusted hurts your feelings. then what do you do? i'm trying to be more honest with people and not just be a "yes man" kind of friend, but at what cost? people don't always like to be told what you actually think. i don't. at least not in my present state.
lost somewhere between the earth and the sky.
Monday, June 12, 2006
next
the question burning a hole in my head is... is rustle street going to give me an ulser? it was a good meeting tonight, but i felt so anxious through most of it. this is a normal occurance for me, its always promptly followed by "why is my stomach burning? what does my body know that it forgot to tell my brain?" i told al tonight that i don't have an opinion, but i think a more true statement is i haven't yet figured it out. i know i'm scared. not exactly sure why, except for the fears created by my involvement in past church-plants. i don't know, that's all i know for sure.
i had a revelation today. i'm always thinking and having stupid revelations and they ususally cause emotional distress. i'm determined not to let this bother me. i want to get control of my thoughts and my emotions. that is my goal. so i've given myself the task of busying myself with tasks. when i'm busy or preoccupied i don't have time to over-analyze, over-think or over-dissect.
i figured you out.
hahaha. i love this picture! click on the image for a link to laney's flickr account. there's some great photos, she's learned a lot from that hubby of hers :) hey, isn't it weird how that building beside the pita pit is now gone?? so unexpected – like a thief in the night. kind of.
i'm feeling good. i'm feeling sensational actually. i want to ban from my presence anyone who makes me doubt or second guess myself. they can go away.
this is a long entry. which surprises me because today i was starting to question why i do this.
she's fast and thorough,
and as sharp as a tack.
i had a revelation today. i'm always thinking and having stupid revelations and they ususally cause emotional distress. i'm determined not to let this bother me. i want to get control of my thoughts and my emotions. that is my goal. so i've given myself the task of busying myself with tasks. when i'm busy or preoccupied i don't have time to over-analyze, over-think or over-dissect.
i figured you out.
hahaha. i love this picture! click on the image for a link to laney's flickr account. there's some great photos, she's learned a lot from that hubby of hers :) hey, isn't it weird how that building beside the pita pit is now gone?? so unexpected – like a thief in the night. kind of.i'm feeling good. i'm feeling sensational actually. i want to ban from my presence anyone who makes me doubt or second guess myself. they can go away.
this is a long entry. which surprises me because today i was starting to question why i do this.
she's fast and thorough,
and as sharp as a tack.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
handshake
i've had a really good day.
i just got home from hanging out with cas and alison. cas made a "surprise" visit to kingston this morning and i asked if i could join them in whatever they were doing. i felt a little shy about asking at first but i've really missed cas so wanted to spend some time with them. it was really fun, i got to see some of her films. i particularly loved the silent film, it really cracked me up. even thinking about that guy sitting on that dog is making me laugh right now :) i like that we toured around kingston making many stops.
before that, i went out for lunch/breakfast with rhonda and isaac. we were trying to decide on a cheap place to eat when we bumped into jason & nicole, they mentioned they'd had the 2.99 breakfast at the toucan so off we went. it was a long wait so we spent the time playing hang-man which was fun.
i was really late for church this morning and missed half the service. ARGH! that really frustrates me. every week since i moved i've been late for church, its disappointing. i like being there early so i can see people and visit. i told rhonda that next sunday i need someone to call me to make sure i don't sleep late by accident again. my stupid alarm clock.... argh.
i've told you about my day in complete reverse order. how strange.
last night (the backwards entry continues), alison and i were at the goat. i read on the chalkboard in the washroom "be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second-rate version of someone else". wow. that's pretty amazing. i hope to do that.
sarah, via paul, gave me a copy of a book today. it was the second part of my house-warming gift. actually, it matches my randall shirt quite well. its called even god is single. i can't help but wonder what she's getting at ;) its actually really funny and positive. surprisingly enough, by the same publishing house who produced some of the knitting books alison and i were looking at today. anyways, i'm feeling really happy to be single. the more i think about it, the more i realize how much dating is just a big hassle and its easier simply being single. i think this book fits perfectly with where i am right now.
i saw you in the curve of the moon,
in the shadow cast across my room.
i just got home from hanging out with cas and alison. cas made a "surprise" visit to kingston this morning and i asked if i could join them in whatever they were doing. i felt a little shy about asking at first but i've really missed cas so wanted to spend some time with them. it was really fun, i got to see some of her films. i particularly loved the silent film, it really cracked me up. even thinking about that guy sitting on that dog is making me laugh right now :) i like that we toured around kingston making many stops.
before that, i went out for lunch/breakfast with rhonda and isaac. we were trying to decide on a cheap place to eat when we bumped into jason & nicole, they mentioned they'd had the 2.99 breakfast at the toucan so off we went. it was a long wait so we spent the time playing hang-man which was fun.
i was really late for church this morning and missed half the service. ARGH! that really frustrates me. every week since i moved i've been late for church, its disappointing. i like being there early so i can see people and visit. i told rhonda that next sunday i need someone to call me to make sure i don't sleep late by accident again. my stupid alarm clock.... argh.
i've told you about my day in complete reverse order. how strange.
last night (the backwards entry continues), alison and i were at the goat. i read on the chalkboard in the washroom "be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second-rate version of someone else". wow. that's pretty amazing. i hope to do that.
sarah, via paul, gave me a copy of a book today. it was the second part of my house-warming gift. actually, it matches my randall shirt quite well. its called even god is single. i can't help but wonder what she's getting at ;) its actually really funny and positive. surprisingly enough, by the same publishing house who produced some of the knitting books alison and i were looking at today. anyways, i'm feeling really happy to be single. the more i think about it, the more i realize how much dating is just a big hassle and its easier simply being single. i think this book fits perfectly with where i am right now.
i saw you in the curve of the moon,
in the shadow cast across my room.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
puzzle
well hello there. i just got home from dropping off alison. i had a really fun time with her this evening. thankfully i did NOT kill her on the drive to her place, although her door did fly open while we were turning a corner. we were grateful for seatbeats.
spending time with alison it totally hit the spot. being alone, cleaning my house all day was starting to make me stir crazy and slightly insane. i needed some company and some good conversation.
i was telling her tonight that over the last several days i've developed a shotty self-esteem and many insecurities. this is odd and i don't like it. what could have triggered such a thing? i'm not going to tell you that, although i'm still not sure what to attribute it to, inspite my suspicion.
i've also developed this awful jealous streak. i wouldn't say i've ever felt this way before. at least not when it wasn't merited (when is jealous really called for? really?? never. although there are times when it makes sense. this does not). maybe its actually related. maybe i'm feeling jealous of others because i'm feeling insecure and doubting myself. that would make sense. argh! i think i'm crazy. i've gotts to kick this habit. we concluded tonight that confidence is an attractive feature.
oddly enough i still feel quite confident and awesome in other ways. i think that's why being insecure is so unsettling, because its unnatural. its like a foreign object embedded in my being. like when i had a leech on my foot at camp as a kid, i feel like "help help – someone get this thing off of me before it latches on!!" i need some distance. i need some closeness. i hate feeling in limbo. i hate feeling limbless.
you know what's ironic to me? that "apart" and "a part" mean two opposite things, and yet its one tiny space that changes the meaning of a statement.
i like that things aren't always what they seem.
you heard me in my tune when i just heard confusion.
spending time with alison it totally hit the spot. being alone, cleaning my house all day was starting to make me stir crazy and slightly insane. i needed some company and some good conversation.
i was telling her tonight that over the last several days i've developed a shotty self-esteem and many insecurities. this is odd and i don't like it. what could have triggered such a thing? i'm not going to tell you that, although i'm still not sure what to attribute it to, inspite my suspicion.
i've also developed this awful jealous streak. i wouldn't say i've ever felt this way before. at least not when it wasn't merited (when is jealous really called for? really?? never. although there are times when it makes sense. this does not). maybe its actually related. maybe i'm feeling jealous of others because i'm feeling insecure and doubting myself. that would make sense. argh! i think i'm crazy. i've gotts to kick this habit. we concluded tonight that confidence is an attractive feature.
oddly enough i still feel quite confident and awesome in other ways. i think that's why being insecure is so unsettling, because its unnatural. its like a foreign object embedded in my being. like when i had a leech on my foot at camp as a kid, i feel like "help help – someone get this thing off of me before it latches on!!" i need some distance. i need some closeness. i hate feeling in limbo. i hate feeling limbless.
you know what's ironic to me? that "apart" and "a part" mean two opposite things, and yet its one tiny space that changes the meaning of a statement.
i like that things aren't always what they seem.
you heard me in my tune when i just heard confusion.
water
i just found this while cleaning my house. hahahaha. i don't remember getting it, so i can't explain its existence but soooo much is implied.
Friday, June 09, 2006
dinosaur
melinda gave me a pep talk today about telling people when they've hurt my feelings. she has a good point. and appreciate her concern. i will try to do this. i'll do it in stride. starting with knickers. next time she comments on the dark circles under my eyes i'll try to delicately say to her "you know, that's actually just my face. i'm not just tired, i forgot to apply my concealer today and i'm really self-conscienous about it." i guess people do have a right to know when they've said or done something inappropriate. i know she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings.
i've been thinking lately about how very few of my friends have known me longer than a year. many of my friends i met in early 2005, but most i met just last fall. melinda, jay and the butler's are the only people who've known me for over a decade (well obviously there are other people in the WORLD, but i'm thinking primarily of people who visit pspd). its kind of a surreal experience. part of me feels like to you, my life just started a year ago, much like how i find it hard imagining your lives before me. trippy.
oh my goodness, i had a stressful day at work today. i swear, if i had a heart condition i would have had a heart attack. frig. i didn't get out of there until 5:30. i was ready to pull out my hair, vomit and i was screaming out "kill me now". ok, well i wasn't screaming, but i did SAY that to frank.
my feet feel wet. oh wait, i think they're just cold. i think wet sox has come up more often on pspd than any other topic. peculiar.
man, my stomach is STILL in knots. it sure takes me a while to unwind. i'm gonna get ready for bed.
i'm not broke but you can see the cracks.
you can make me perfect again.
i've been thinking lately about how very few of my friends have known me longer than a year. many of my friends i met in early 2005, but most i met just last fall. melinda, jay and the butler's are the only people who've known me for over a decade (well obviously there are other people in the WORLD, but i'm thinking primarily of people who visit pspd). its kind of a surreal experience. part of me feels like to you, my life just started a year ago, much like how i find it hard imagining your lives before me. trippy.
oh my goodness, i had a stressful day at work today. i swear, if i had a heart condition i would have had a heart attack. frig. i didn't get out of there until 5:30. i was ready to pull out my hair, vomit and i was screaming out "kill me now". ok, well i wasn't screaming, but i did SAY that to frank.
my feet feel wet. oh wait, i think they're just cold. i think wet sox has come up more often on pspd than any other topic. peculiar.
man, my stomach is STILL in knots. it sure takes me a while to unwind. i'm gonna get ready for bed.
i'm not broke but you can see the cracks.
you can make me perfect again.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
support
well that's MUCH better. yay! problem solved.
i had a lovely time at the forbes' this evening. my mind is slowly going blank and i can't remember what i was going to say about it. but i had fun and that's the main point.
so its come to my attention that i have NO foresight. my friends and others around me can anticipate danger and other things where i just don't. interesting, i wonder if some major life disasters could have been avoided if i had the foresight gene. so often i find myself reflecting on things i've done – even things i did a hour before – and wonder "what the heck was i thinking??" i think i just do what i want to do that moment and deal with the consequences later. wow, i love how writing makes me realize things that wouldn't have surfaced otherwise.
i have some really great friends. no question about it. but sometimes it amazes me that i have friends at all when you consider how little time i spend with them compared to the amount of time i spend in my cube. its unfathomable, but not everything is meant to be understood and not everything will make sense. i'm starting to appreciate that, maybe even dabble with giving up trying.
i'm tired. i need a good night's sleep. i need to sift my thoughts.
i'm 'round the corner from anything that's real.
i had a lovely time at the forbes' this evening. my mind is slowly going blank and i can't remember what i was going to say about it. but i had fun and that's the main point.
so its come to my attention that i have NO foresight. my friends and others around me can anticipate danger and other things where i just don't. interesting, i wonder if some major life disasters could have been avoided if i had the foresight gene. so often i find myself reflecting on things i've done – even things i did a hour before – and wonder "what the heck was i thinking??" i think i just do what i want to do that moment and deal with the consequences later. wow, i love how writing makes me realize things that wouldn't have surfaced otherwise.
i have some really great friends. no question about it. but sometimes it amazes me that i have friends at all when you consider how little time i spend with them compared to the amount of time i spend in my cube. its unfathomable, but not everything is meant to be understood and not everything will make sense. i'm starting to appreciate that, maybe even dabble with giving up trying.
i'm tired. i need a good night's sleep. i need to sift my thoughts.
i'm 'round the corner from anything that's real.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
rubber
i'm just trying to figure out how that chicken bone ended up on my balcony. odd.
tonight nurse rhonda taught me that the human skull is the equiviant of 3 stacked-pennies thick. stacked as in a pile. so like a 1/4 inch high. i had no idea. i had a nice time with rhonda tonight. its comforting when you tell your friend something you're embarrassed about and she says "you realize you're normal, right?"
i had a MUCH better day at work. i was busy from the "get-go", calling south africa, emailing san francisco and making a powerpoint presentation for india. yup, i realize that sounds totally outragous, but its true. some days i'm unfazed, then others (like today) as i listened to the unusual ring on the other end of the phone i thought "i'm calling south africa and i'm so casual about it". i'm always kind of amused when i call overseas and end up dialing the wrong number. how random would that be for the person on the other end of the phone. i used to have this obsession with south africa, but i've heard a lot of horror stories from my colleagues that my love affair is diminishing. anywayz, back to my day, it was a lot better which is encouraging. sometimes i find even changing up what cd i'm listening to makes a huge difference.
i think i'm getting better at using my "appropriate filter". it's encouraging that when i put my mind to doing something i can do it.
i'm not particularly patient. waiting is difficult if not painful.
so i've been meaning to ask, who's all going to the skeleton park music festival? i guess i'm working one of the merch booths, should be interesting.
how embarassed i’d been if you knew what i was thinking of.
tonight nurse rhonda taught me that the human skull is the equiviant of 3 stacked-pennies thick. stacked as in a pile. so like a 1/4 inch high. i had no idea. i had a nice time with rhonda tonight. its comforting when you tell your friend something you're embarrassed about and she says "you realize you're normal, right?"
i had a MUCH better day at work. i was busy from the "get-go", calling south africa, emailing san francisco and making a powerpoint presentation for india. yup, i realize that sounds totally outragous, but its true. some days i'm unfazed, then others (like today) as i listened to the unusual ring on the other end of the phone i thought "i'm calling south africa and i'm so casual about it". i'm always kind of amused when i call overseas and end up dialing the wrong number. how random would that be for the person on the other end of the phone. i used to have this obsession with south africa, but i've heard a lot of horror stories from my colleagues that my love affair is diminishing. anywayz, back to my day, it was a lot better which is encouraging. sometimes i find even changing up what cd i'm listening to makes a huge difference.
i think i'm getting better at using my "appropriate filter". it's encouraging that when i put my mind to doing something i can do it.
i'm not particularly patient. waiting is difficult if not painful.
so i've been meaning to ask, who's all going to the skeleton park music festival? i guess i'm working one of the merch booths, should be interesting.
how embarassed i’d been if you knew what i was thinking of.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
polo
so something really interesting (at least i think its interesting) occured to me today. sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours straight is detrimental to my mental health. i begin obsessing over things that aren't good for me, and tend to not be able to break out of that train of thought. once leaving the office, i began noticing new and different things about my new and different surroundings as i drove home. my mind – which had previously felt like mush – slowly became more solid and less foggy. phew! what a relief! i was getting concerned. i'm still feeling a little yucky from being trapped in my 8 x 8 blue cube all day, but i think i might be ok in an hour or two. the problem is, while i'm still "hung-over" i'm not really capable of making good decisions, and i find myself sitting here wondering "what should i do with my evening? it better be good to make up for my dull day". i can't even decide if i want company or alone-ness. i know i want to work on my puzzle at some point, and i need to do some chores, and make some food so i have left-overs for lunch tomorrow. hmmmm.
oh! i wonder if i can find a pic of my puzzle! or the painting the puzzle is making up rather....
there.
ok so i think my plan is... go for a bike ride. MAYBE write pam a letter. MAYBE read my book. MAYBE journal – at murney's tower of course! i remember the summer melinda and irina worked at the museum of healthcare they used to find me sitting there pretty regularly. then MAYBE pick up a popsicle if i can find 50¢. then come home, do some chores while my dinner cooks, then maybe call a friend and have a chat. that way i have people contact but can still be at home! the best of both worlds i guess.
oh man, what a relief that i'm not insane! i was really worried, i guess i was a "victim" to my circumstances.
i wonder what cas is up to lately... i WOULD write her an email but my emails kind of blow goats lately due to lack of quality material and on account of me losing my marbles (more so the latter than the former).
gotta go. signed,
blissfully finding her entire load of bricks ;)
i am the conscience clear
in pain or ecstacy
and we were all weaned my dear
upon the same fatigue
oh! i wonder if i can find a pic of my puzzle! or the painting the puzzle is making up rather....
there.ok so i think my plan is... go for a bike ride. MAYBE write pam a letter. MAYBE read my book. MAYBE journal – at murney's tower of course! i remember the summer melinda and irina worked at the museum of healthcare they used to find me sitting there pretty regularly. then MAYBE pick up a popsicle if i can find 50¢. then come home, do some chores while my dinner cooks, then maybe call a friend and have a chat. that way i have people contact but can still be at home! the best of both worlds i guess.
oh man, what a relief that i'm not insane! i was really worried, i guess i was a "victim" to my circumstances.
i wonder what cas is up to lately... i WOULD write her an email but my emails kind of blow goats lately due to lack of quality material and on account of me losing my marbles (more so the latter than the former).
gotta go. signed,
blissfully finding her entire load of bricks ;)
i am the conscience clear
in pain or ecstacy
and we were all weaned my dear
upon the same fatigue
Monday, June 05, 2006
moccasins
beautiful,
beautiful, beautiful,
beautiful boy
today was mr. caleb's first birthday. he's amazing. he's grown so much since i saw him 1 week ago. its unbelievable. he's gorgeous. let me pick a photo to show you... ok so i picked two.
and here's a more recent photo of joelle too (taken tonight at the big bash). she is soooo funny. yesterday she was complaining to joy that her nose hurt, and then this morning she told my mom "gran there's something up my nose!" she'd broken the nosepad off her glasses and stuck it up her nose!! hahaha. joy spent 3 hours in emerge before getting it extracted. its funny because joy did the same thing at joelle's age with a crayon. hahahaha.
so i saw kathy siebert at church yesterday. i've never met her before, and i noticed recently that she'd added me as a contact to her flickr account. it had crossed my mind that it might have been an accident, but apparently not. i thought to myself "i should go introduce myself, the girls always speak so highly of her" but then i felt shy and didn't do it. so now all of you know that i've never met kathy so you can introduce me next time she's at next. i understand she visits pspd on occassion, so kathy if you're reading this i look forward to meeting you :)
i love it when my friends say "i'm swearing off men". it makes me smile to myself. i've been there before. i was talking to ena tonight, inquiring about a certain young man for a friend of mine, and she was saying "there are a lot of really great guys at our church" it worried me, i don't want anyone to try and set me up. i'm not ready for that. i'm happy. i'm content with my puzzles and hugs from joelle. everytime she says "i love you lesley" it almost brings me to tears.
i want you're opinion... my family wants me to change my answering machine message to disguise the fact that i'm a girl living alone. is that crazy? i'm on the second floor! i don't know. input?
all these feelings cloud up my reasoning.
beautiful, beautiful,
beautiful boy
today was mr. caleb's first birthday. he's amazing. he's grown so much since i saw him 1 week ago. its unbelievable. he's gorgeous. let me pick a photo to show you... ok so i picked two.
and here's a more recent photo of joelle too (taken tonight at the big bash). she is soooo funny. yesterday she was complaining to joy that her nose hurt, and then this morning she told my mom "gran there's something up my nose!" she'd broken the nosepad off her glasses and stuck it up her nose!! hahaha. joy spent 3 hours in emerge before getting it extracted. its funny because joy did the same thing at joelle's age with a crayon. hahahaha.
so i saw kathy siebert at church yesterday. i've never met her before, and i noticed recently that she'd added me as a contact to her flickr account. it had crossed my mind that it might have been an accident, but apparently not. i thought to myself "i should go introduce myself, the girls always speak so highly of her" but then i felt shy and didn't do it. so now all of you know that i've never met kathy so you can introduce me next time she's at next. i understand she visits pspd on occassion, so kathy if you're reading this i look forward to meeting you :)
i love it when my friends say "i'm swearing off men". it makes me smile to myself. i've been there before. i was talking to ena tonight, inquiring about a certain young man for a friend of mine, and she was saying "there are a lot of really great guys at our church" it worried me, i don't want anyone to try and set me up. i'm not ready for that. i'm happy. i'm content with my puzzles and hugs from joelle. everytime she says "i love you lesley" it almost brings me to tears.
i want you're opinion... my family wants me to change my answering machine message to disguise the fact that i'm a girl living alone. is that crazy? i'm on the second floor! i don't know. input?
all these feelings cloud up my reasoning.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
tangled
i like what bob said today about how its interesting the way people perceive the things they can't have. wow, that blew my mind a little. i also really enjoyed talking to him about rustle street. i haven't really had anyone to share my thoughts and concerns with and someone to offer "educated" feed-back. thanks bob.
so today i finally located the closest mailbox in my neighbourhood. yay! i knew there MUST be one closer than the 7-11. unfortunately i have to walk past paul's house and that could be a little awkward.
today i was driving home from joanna's graduation party and got thinking about what i was doing a year ago today... it was an exciting day. caleb was just born, right before church. i think it was hotter out than it was today. i'm excited about this next year, when his personality really starts to come out. i adore both him and joelle.
i think my hospitality skills leave something to be desired. i have a lot of learning to do, but i suppose i'll figure it out. i am still a novice.
this pic was punked off laney's flickr account. thanks laney!!!
you mystify me.
tzar
i've had a pretty good and predictable day. i have to laugh because it was just exactly what i would have expected, and i like that. its not that i like predictability, or having plans (although there are times when i relish those things), its just it unraveled just as i had hoped it might.
it was nice getting together at rhonda's new house with the girls for a movie. i think we all felt so-so about the movie, but being together was nice.
have i told you about my plan to keep myself in-check? i can't remember if i've shared this or not so please forgive me if i have. i know i once wrote a big blurb about this and then deleted it. i do that pretty often, so i just can't remember if i deleted the whole blurb or just edited it. well anyways, my plan is... anything i wouldn't have the balls to say to someones face i can't say it in an email. things like "i have a crush on you" or "you're a jerk". ya, things that the other person doesn't really need to know because 5 minutes later i'll have changed my mind about sharing and once its out-there it can't be retracted. ya, i've learned this the hard way. but its a pretty good rule of thumb, it makes you question whether your computer is giving you false confidence. its a good filter. i think its working for me, well when i remember. sometimes i come up with ways of rationalizing why its ok to say something in an email. the problem is i usually regret it anyways, so i should have checked it against my plum line first. hmmm.
it wouldn't come out right, it just came out all wrong.
it was nice getting together at rhonda's new house with the girls for a movie. i think we all felt so-so about the movie, but being together was nice.
have i told you about my plan to keep myself in-check? i can't remember if i've shared this or not so please forgive me if i have. i know i once wrote a big blurb about this and then deleted it. i do that pretty often, so i just can't remember if i deleted the whole blurb or just edited it. well anyways, my plan is... anything i wouldn't have the balls to say to someones face i can't say it in an email. things like "i have a crush on you" or "you're a jerk". ya, things that the other person doesn't really need to know because 5 minutes later i'll have changed my mind about sharing and once its out-there it can't be retracted. ya, i've learned this the hard way. but its a pretty good rule of thumb, it makes you question whether your computer is giving you false confidence. its a good filter. i think its working for me, well when i remember. sometimes i come up with ways of rationalizing why its ok to say something in an email. the problem is i usually regret it anyways, so i should have checked it against my plum line first. hmmm.
it wouldn't come out right, it just came out all wrong.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
protest
i've uploaded laney some new photos onto my flickr lissa account from my trip to new york. i know, that was a while ago beckie. you may not be interested.
funny the things you can truly accidentally stumble across on the internet. things you've been purposely avoiding in order to make you forget. then it makes you remember all the more...
here's to randall:
click on photo for link to nyc pics
now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.
funny the things you can truly accidentally stumble across on the internet. things you've been purposely avoiding in order to make you forget. then it makes you remember all the more...
here's to randall:
click on photo for link to nyc pics
now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.
Friday, June 02, 2006
SOUL
well i'm making an early start to today's entry. partly because i'm meeting some of the girls for a chick-flick at 7 and i want to do some reading. i'm really enjoying my book.
i've concluded that its nice having guys to talk to at work who AREN'T 3o or 40 years OLDER than me. its less creepy. actually, they're all 2 to 4 years younger than me. and i enjoy talking to them. i've thus concluded, i like younger men. WHY DIDN'T I CLUE INTO THIS BEFORE!!?!? like 60% of my boyfriends have been younger than me, and the 2 who were older than were really immature for their age!! before i thought it was just a coincidence, but now i realize i just like younger guys. i don't know why. its just like when my friend jill always dated black guys in college and we'd tease her because she was a black-guy magnet, but after a while it just made sense. so i'd seriously bet good money that if i ever get married it will be to a younger man. that's totally fine with me. knickers on the other hand is always pushing older men at me and saying "you should be dating men in their 30s with some success in their pockets. forget this marrying for love business". but she's crazy and i just humour her. she really doesn't know me very well.
that was a dumb topic. sorry. i guess i've been thinking about this a lot lately because its a nice change having guys initiate conversation with me. my problem in the red t-shirt from the Y doesn't count. so the one guy i was talking to today actually used to work at the lonestar with jay. funny and small world. small kingston i guess.
ok so from looking at my webmeter, it appears a lot of you have macs. like 50% or something. so that got me wondering, who are all the apple-users out there. let me think: the forbes', al, alison, beckie, david, dawna, garry?, brandon? oh! and me too i guess. ok well if anyone else is a mac user and i missed you in this list lemme know because i'm uber curious. ooh, another dumb topic. sorry guys this entry gets a low rating.
it's time that we grow old and do some shit.
i've concluded that its nice having guys to talk to at work who AREN'T 3o or 40 years OLDER than me. its less creepy. actually, they're all 2 to 4 years younger than me. and i enjoy talking to them. i've thus concluded, i like younger men. WHY DIDN'T I CLUE INTO THIS BEFORE!!?!? like 60% of my boyfriends have been younger than me, and the 2 who were older than were really immature for their age!! before i thought it was just a coincidence, but now i realize i just like younger guys. i don't know why. its just like when my friend jill always dated black guys in college and we'd tease her because she was a black-guy magnet, but after a while it just made sense. so i'd seriously bet good money that if i ever get married it will be to a younger man. that's totally fine with me. knickers on the other hand is always pushing older men at me and saying "you should be dating men in their 30s with some success in their pockets. forget this marrying for love business". but she's crazy and i just humour her. she really doesn't know me very well.
that was a dumb topic. sorry. i guess i've been thinking about this a lot lately because its a nice change having guys initiate conversation with me. my problem in the red t-shirt from the Y doesn't count. so the one guy i was talking to today actually used to work at the lonestar with jay. funny and small world. small kingston i guess.
ok so from looking at my webmeter, it appears a lot of you have macs. like 50% or something. so that got me wondering, who are all the apple-users out there. let me think: the forbes', al, alison, beckie, david, dawna, garry?, brandon? oh! and me too i guess. ok well if anyone else is a mac user and i missed you in this list lemme know because i'm uber curious. ooh, another dumb topic. sorry guys this entry gets a low rating.
it's time that we grow old and do some shit.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
early
men, although different to women, also have times of making no rational sense.
so i've been doing some investigating... there is someone at startek who visits pspd every couple of days. who is it? who are you?? matty? shauna? sandra? probably not sandra, probably one of the harts. or maybe not.... hmmm.
so i've spent the evening working on a puzzle. its a tricky puzzle because its a painting, which is always the most difficult. AND the pieces don't fit together very well. but its sooo nice having space to leave it out for a week, several weeks or a month if i want. its been a while since i did a puzzle, but i really enjoy doing them. i pulled out my musical soundtracks – fiddler on the roof, my fair lady and sound of music. i like listening to them they're like book tapes to music. its been fun.
lately i've been feeling tired of reaching out to people. now i realize many of you reach out to me, and i very much appreciate it. but i guess i'm feeling like, when do you know to let go of the friends who don't ever make an effort from their side? the ones who never call you, or email you, or show any interest except for when they have nothing else to do or are in the right mood. i don't know. i'm tired. maybe i take it personally when i shouldn't. this leads me to another thought, am i a sensitive person because i'm a sensitive person or because i've been around sensitive or paranoid people and its rubbed off on me. its amazing the influence others have on us. i loved that rhonda was on a first name basis with her satellite guy, it shows him respect. it never occured to me to call them anything other than "the satellite guy" or "the little man". we call everyone "the little man" in my family. even when they're not little. i dunno.
well i'd like to be in bed at a decent time. eventhough i'm not super tired. i love being in bed and not feeling rushed to fall asleep if i want to get 7 hours of sleep or whatever.
park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
so i've been doing some investigating... there is someone at startek who visits pspd every couple of days. who is it? who are you?? matty? shauna? sandra? probably not sandra, probably one of the harts. or maybe not.... hmmm.
so i've spent the evening working on a puzzle. its a tricky puzzle because its a painting, which is always the most difficult. AND the pieces don't fit together very well. but its sooo nice having space to leave it out for a week, several weeks or a month if i want. its been a while since i did a puzzle, but i really enjoy doing them. i pulled out my musical soundtracks – fiddler on the roof, my fair lady and sound of music. i like listening to them they're like book tapes to music. its been fun.
lately i've been feeling tired of reaching out to people. now i realize many of you reach out to me, and i very much appreciate it. but i guess i'm feeling like, when do you know to let go of the friends who don't ever make an effort from their side? the ones who never call you, or email you, or show any interest except for when they have nothing else to do or are in the right mood. i don't know. i'm tired. maybe i take it personally when i shouldn't. this leads me to another thought, am i a sensitive person because i'm a sensitive person or because i've been around sensitive or paranoid people and its rubbed off on me. its amazing the influence others have on us. i loved that rhonda was on a first name basis with her satellite guy, it shows him respect. it never occured to me to call them anything other than "the satellite guy" or "the little man". we call everyone "the little man" in my family. even when they're not little. i dunno.
well i'd like to be in bed at a decent time. eventhough i'm not super tired. i love being in bed and not feeling rushed to fall asleep if i want to get 7 hours of sleep or whatever.
park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
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