trinity

one of my favourite things to do is dreaming and scheming. my plans come and go, but it's the imagining them that's the fun part.

yesterday, after $750 car repair :S i had to let go of the dream of going to costa rica this christmas. i feel ok about that. i hold my schemes pretty loosely. and i had some fun dreaming, it was a good run.

however... b and i ARE planning on going to cornerstone music festival next year. it's a big christian hippie music festival with lots of great workshops. it will be our big trip of the year. i'm super excited because jill goes every year and it will be super fun hanging out with her there. i just came up with the totally awesome plan to stop at the rock and roll hall of fame in cleveland on our way to illinois (which is where cornerstone is). heehee. i'm giddy with excitement. when i made my suggestion to brendan about the hall of fame he went "oooooh" which is the extent of his ability to express excitement. but i knew i'd hit a homerun with suggestion from his reaction, so i'm pretty happy.

yup, the mojomobile robbed me blind this week, but that's ok. it's running really smoothly and beautifully so it was worth it. i don't recall it driving this well in years, if at all! i'm having to make up the time i missed from coming in late. i don't mind though. it's pretty relaxing after regular hours. no one else is there and the place is pretty chilled. then after work tonight i'm going to the movies with mayelin. it will be great to get caught up with her.

 

i feel like i'm building friendships that will last a life-time. which is my favourite part.

how should i know we were going nowhere?

animosity

i'm currently at home waiting to hear from the mechanic. my muffler is shot. it was only mildly shot as of saturday, but then on the way to work today it became completely shot and i just couldn't drive it like that. so i turned around was arrived just as the garage opened for business. i've called work saying that i'm hoping it'll just be the morning and i'll make up the time.

i wanted to write on friday and tell you about the end of an era. i finally closed the joint bank account with my mom. as i left the bank and got into the car it really truly hit me that i'm married. the only bank account i know have is joined with b. we made the decision to join our account for a lot of reasons but primarily because of something we learned on my favourite show "til debt do us part". gail vos-oxlade always tells her clients that in order to overcome financial challenges a couple has to approach their finances as a team. she takes it further and says that you can't be at team if you have separate accounts. that may not be true for everyone. if you and your partner have separate accounts i'm not saying you're not a team, but we could understand the logic behind what gail said and decided to take that approach. we also do our banking together so we have a shared understanding of what our situation is.

yesterday i preached for the second time. it was fun. i learned things yet again about how to present a talk and how to do a few things differently. everyone's feedback was very helpful and encouraging. for a number of people what i said really hit home and they appreciated it - and i appreciated that. i was concerned that what i had to say would not translate well thru my mouth. i'm pretty comfortable standing in front of a crowd speaking, but i don't believe myself to be as articulate as i am in the written word. preparing a sermon is a great learning experience. i remember hearing years ago that you learn 70% of what you teach, so it's a good opportunity for personal development for me too.

after it was over i felt so elated. it was like i was walking on sunshine, like i was beginning a permanent vacation. it took some time for me to remember i had to get up and go to work in the morning.

it was a nice weekend. on saturday we had the chance to connect with rach, jase, joanne, meg, bethany, sarah k, our neighbour ben, tim and tracy at the gertrudes show. on saturday we had dinner with nancy and gerry, then had a visit with mike and bren. on sunday i got to see melissa and michelle at church, then my mom came for lunch and we hung out with andrew and shannon in the evening. the whole weekend was very lovely.

hm, it's now quarter to 9 and i haven't heard from the mechanic yet. i hope it's not too much longer.

don't let it bring you down.

release

there's not a lot to be proud of when it comes to an office job. their kind of dull, you're cooped up in an office all day, people tend to over eat out of boredom, and in general they tend to get a bad rap. however, there is one thing that really thrills me about being an office worker. one thing that makes me giggle and feel plesant. i know how to transfer calls on my telephone. i do it well and i do it with etiquette. i like that. not just anyone knows how to transfer a call, and if they manage to do it it's rather clumsy. yes indeedy. this is one way that office workers are a tiny bit superior to those working folks who have fresh air, change of scenery, get to use their body instead of sitting around all day. ok fine, it's really our only bragging right so i'm going to live it up :p

i've hit a snag with my garter knitting. the girls at book club told me to rip it out and start over. jordin very kindly lent me a book with lingerie patterns, but it turns out there's a difference between a garter belt and a garter - i didn't know that. so i won't be able to use the pattern. however, the book has a cute skirt in it that i might knit. the wedding is in less than a month (4 weeks tomorrow) i'm feeling the pressure, that's for sure.

i wonder about music and poetry. the writter can tell us things that in regular circumstances would not be appropriate or classified as too much information. it's nice actually. it eliminates a lot of barriers and social constructs. in that sense i wish i had that liberty. i can't even use the term "bedroom project" without people getting bent out of shape.

life springs eternal.

idem

woo-hoo! i'm a frickin genius!!!

hooray!

ok, let me explain. when i was around 12 i developed seasonal allergies. typical hay fever stuff in the spring and summer. it soon became apparent that allergic reactions were triggered by certain fruits and sometimes vegetables (apples, pears, plums, strawberries, fresh green beans, however citrus, bananas, melon are ok). when i was 17, on a camping trip with my youth group i decided to eat an apple, there was a big bushel and i couldn't resist, and i was fine. which lead me to believe i was no longer allergic to apples. the next spring i discovered that was not true and my allergies flared up once again. by trial and error i deduced that my allergies were ok and the fall and winter, and active in the spring and summer. i also discovered that drinking water helped soothe my allergy attacks and halted my sneezing. these attacks are not life threatening, but they're uncomfortable and annoying (very distruptive to those around me too). so that's how i've functioned for many years, thankfully apple season is in the fall so i don't miss out on that. i remember telling melissa about my seasonal allergy to fruit and she did not believe me. so i've been planning on eating an apple in front of her in the summer and then again in the winter to prove it.

cooked fruits and vegetables are a-ok.

thru my own wits, i concluded that there was a connections between the active pollen in the air and the pollen in the fruit. my theory became... that my body could handle a certain amount of pollen, but an excess of that lead to allergy fits. so in the fall and winter when trees are not pollenating (i'm allergic to trees) i am ok. now, i'm just a lay-person, i don't know about fancy "science" stuff, i didn't even know if fruit actually had pollen in it, but that's my theory and i've lived by it for a number of years. it's served me well.

this morning after my mid-morning snack i ate two kiwis (they're a great source of vitamin C), and oddly enough i had a reaction to them. this has never happened before, and it's annoying because the kinds of fruits i'm able to eat are becoming less and less. so i googled "seasonal allergies to fruit" and found a very insightful article!!!

basically.. it's called "food-pollen allergies". it explained that during allergy season (hay fever season) the body misinterprets the fruit as pollen and therefore reacts to it. the reaction doesn't occure when the food is cooked. it also explained that these kinds of food-pollen allergies appear with age and are not like true food allergies (nuts and shellfish) that appear when the person is a child. AND it said that drinking water helps wash the pollens out of the mouth. YAY!! affirmation! i love affirmation. i'm excited to finally understand my allergies and it's neat to see that i'd figured it out myself thru trial and error. i feel kind of relieved to understand this allergy, that's great!

they build it up just to burn it back down.

full moon

you know that expression "where there's smoke there's fire"?

well i've come to the conclusion "where there's fruit-flies there's rotting fruit".

TWICE within the last week i've discovered fruit-fly colonies on decomposing fruit that had been completely forgotten about. it's sad really :S i have a major aversion to specifically fruit-fly magets and the black banana i found this morning was covered in them. i put the bowl out on the front balcony then went into the bedroom to ask as sleeping brendan to deal with it when he gets up. he grunted yes, i hope he remembers. i kind of feel sorry for the banana. it's unfortunate that one day it was growing proud and strong on a banana tree down south somewhere - full of potential. only to meet it's demise in the lorimer kitchen without fulfilling it's destiny. poor unfortunate banana.

things are progressing with my sermon. last night i started working on my powerpoint slides. my title slide made me giggle with delight :)

in the last year i've started to get the hang of the nuturition facts on the side of food containers. high fibre = good, high sugar = bad, low sodium = good, high calories = be cautious. i'm feeling healthier these days. i've been drinking a TON of water. i realized that i drink water more when it's readily available. so i took a pitcher to work with me and and dole out water constaintly. over an 8.5 work day i'll drink 6 glasses of water! awesome!

i used to sign my name.

toast

we were given a breadmaker for our wedding from bren. we now use it on a weekly basis to make our supply of bread. i like this. for some reason i find it very satisfying to be off the grid for bread.

when i was 24 i started scrap-booking. in hindsight it was art-therapy. i spent ours sorting out my life and pasting it into a small journal. i created some beautiful pages. in early 2005 my scrap-booking came to an end. i think it ran it's course and i no longer needed it. i reluctantly browsed thru the book this evening. i don't like to do that because i put in that book everything i needed to leave behind. looking at it brings back everything that's better in pages of history. it got me thinking though. blogging is my new scrap-book. and probably my new art-therapy too. i like that i've documented so much of my life on this thing. it's going on 5 years old! hard to believe.

what i wanted most was to get myself all figured out,
and what i figured out was that i needed more time to figure things out.

nomadic

lately i've been forgetting to wash the conditioner out of my hair. it won't be until i'm dressed and ready to leave that i notice the residue in my hair. it's really annoying.

when i was getting a cup of tea, there was a man at the coffee station who likes to give me a hard time about getting/being married. he think's he's being funny. this morning he asked me "how's married life?" so i said "it's going fine" and he said "oh come on, tell the truth". i didn't respond after that, thankfully other people arrived at the coffee station. i got thinking about my answer "it's fine", and wondered why i was so vague - it's going great and i could've said that. after thinking about it i concluded that i don't like virtual strangers asking me about my marriage. it's pretty strange that just because we're newlyweds people are intrusive like that. i don't mind when my friends ask me, because they genuinely want to know and i appreciate that. but superficial colleagues, no thanks. i think next time he or other acquaintances ask me that i'll say "it's good, how's your marriage?"

i went jogging yesterday evening for the first time since mid-june. it was nice because i did it voluntarily, and the weather was not too hot and not too cold. however, since it had been so long i was clearly out of routine and missed a number of my landmarks (where i switch from running to walking and vice-versa). it will take some time to get back into the swing of things.

ugh, sour mike got spilled on me and my desk this morning. i don't know if the word spill is correct really. the milk cup leaked all over us (me and the desk). and now my cubicle stinks like sour milk :S

quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock.

plaid

nancy and i drove down to mississauga for megan's bridal shower today. we yaked, yaked, yaked on the way there :) the shower was at meg's aunt's place, it's was a totally beautiful house, and the food was great. it was really super getting the chance to get to know meg's family a little bit. it was pretty complicated, she seemed to have an abundance of aunts and it was difficult which ones were sisters, which ones were married into the family, and which side of her family (mom or dad) they were from. we also got to meet her sister-in-law, christine, who is also in the wedding party. she recently had a baby so everyone was very excited to talk with her so we just briefly interacted. besides the fact that nancy and i represented ben's side of the family, i'm also really happy that when i see these people again in 4 week's time they'll be familiar and such. i like making memories :)

on the way home nancy and i listened to the fiddler on the roof soundtrack and we sang and sang.

it was a long drive, but it went by quickly. it rained a lot, but nancy did very well driving. she brought along their GPS which would bellow instructions at us. the electronic woman frightened me a little bit, but i couldn't find the volume so i would try covering the speaker with my hand to muffle the sound. too funny.

it was a good day. i'm very fortunate to have such a great mother-in-law and sister-in-law :)

seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers.

time travel

sometimes i read a book and i hate the ending. on occasion i'll even toss the book across the room. BUT for some reason i'll find it unforgivable when in the film-version of the book changes the ending. i HATE THAT! hm. i'm left feeling unpleasantly tingly and kind of disturbed.

today's been a funny day. everyone is out of town and brendan's consumed with his sermon. i think this is the first time i've felt lonely in a long time. i've done a lot of chores, which is good, but also kind of unsatisfying. i wish i had cable tv. i want to just mindlessly channel surf my evening away. that would be good.

i kind of like that i feel restless tonight. it kind of feels normal. the last year has been big and busy and distracting. i like that i'm settling in to this new normal to discover i'm still the exactly the same. i've often been afraid of changing, of losing touch with myself, but it's assuring to know that i'm still me. that i remain me amongst transition.

their colours match the tone of my skin.

mellow

this evening i'm going to start writing my sermon. it seems that the maxi pad is currently sermon central, because brendan's writing his sermon too. he's preaching this sunday, and i'm preaching next sunday. i feel less nervous than last time. i have a better idea of what i need to do, and i feel that this topic writes itself. b on the other hand was given the most predictable passage ever (love is patient, love is kind...) and is struggling to find something insightful and interesting to say about such a worn out passage. i'm all about applicable faith. if i can't apply my beliefs to how i live then it's pointless. so my sermons tend toward making the bible make sense to the average post-aughties person (yes! i used that word in a sentence! brendan is convinced it's not going to catch on).

i've started a new knitting project. shanno has asked me to knit her a garter belt for her wedding. i took a shot in the dark and googled "wedding garter belt knitting patterns" but not surprisingly... there are none. so i said to b "what is LIKE a garter belt" and he said "a headband" - ooohh, good one. so i googled that and found some nice headband patterns, but they are no longer available online :S annoying. so i'm using my sheer wits to fashion this belt. it's going ok, but i feel the stitch that i selected is more difficult than i'm used to, and it doesn't help that i knit backwards so i have to mirror the instructions instead of follow them exactly. i feel a lot of pressure because i want it to turn out awesome, but i'm trying to just relax about it because i want it to be fun. on the bright side, i think i've finally figured out how to properly measure something to fit properly. AND i've FINALLY (after 5 years) learned how to properly select the correct type of yarn for a project. man, i feel a little like a dummy, but i do enjoy the thrill of learning something new in an activity i've been doing for a number of years. it keeps things interesting.

this weekend is the first one in a while that i don't have any big plans (for the saturday). i was going to think of something awesome to do, but then concluded i've done my fair share of awesome things this summer, so instead i'll just stay home and do housework. i have clothes and papers everywhere, and it's time i did something about that. it's supposed to rain tomorrow, which is good. rainy days are perfect for stay-at-home days.

here in my own skin i can finally begin.

km

so i just got some sponsorship info from the tex fox run people. if you are interested in sponsoring my ride and giving to a really important cause, you can click here: http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=2697968

cannabis

a few years ago i adopted my "do one new thing each month" policy. i declared 2008 my year of doing things i'd never done before. that carried over into 2009. what i find really neat is that by 2010 doing new things became part of what i do. i no longer need to think up new things that i've never done before, but i naturally seek new opportunities. i'm really happy about that.

yesterday, for the first time, i participated in the united way bus tour. it takes people to visit 4 different organizations within downtown kingston who benefit from donations thru the united way. it was really great! we all met up at the memorial centre, which was really convenient for me because the m centre is practically my front lawn. to be honest, i felt rather uncomfortable joining 45 strangers for the tour, i felt awkward and invisible. regardless, i really tried to participate to my fullest because i was pretty excited about the opportunity to learn more about our community. at one point while on the bus i had to listen to two women sitting around me about how "it's so stupid that they're doing so much work to the arena. no one uses it anymore". i really pissed me off and i wanted to interrupt them and say "actually, i live across the street from the memorial centre, and people use it all the time. there's a whole community that lives around it, and the improvements are being made for THOSE people, not for people from the west-end". it really made me feel hurt that they would completely discount the whole downtown population like that. i really regretted not speaking up, but i didn't want to seem like i was eavesdropping. anyways, on the tour we visited the CNIB (which was really neat. it made me feel like if i was a young person going to college i would totally be interested in working at the CNIB), the elizabeth fry (e-fry) society, the youth shelter, the boys and girls club, joe's mill music lending library, and the youth diversion program. as i reflected on the tour i felt disappointed that we didn't visit anywhere that provides services to regular men in need of support. we visited places for the disabled, women, teens, and children, but there wasn't a place for men to go for help. it made me wonder if it was just a coincidence or if services for men are really lacking. i totally believe that the needs of women, kids+teens, and the disabled are important FOR SURE, but a lot of the time the brokenness of women and children is caused by the brokenness of men. i really hope that they are not being ignored or expected to fend for themselves, there needs to be support for men if we are going to change our entire community. the most prominent service for men in this town are the prisons, and sadly those individuals are being TAKEN FROM these days because of the closing of the prison farms. this is NOT the way it should be.

while i was on the city bus for the tour i happened to see a poster for the terry fox run. last year i decided i wanted to participate in the "run" (on my bike) but missed the event by a few days. so now i know that it's the 19th of september. i'm going to look into it and see how to join, etc. i'd have to collect pledges right? :S i'll feel a bit awkward about that, but at least it's an organization that's well known and respected. would any of you want to sponsor my ride?? i don't really know how it works. do i just show up on the day? i registered, and received fundraising info, but will i receive anything telling me what the route is and other information necessary?? i'm kind of nervous. just like i was on the bus tour yesterday. fear of the unknown i guess. this is why i started my "do something new every month" initiative - so i would push has the hard emotional hurdles that i erect myself.

when mail comes from a place like cambodia it tends to take a long time. it's not a reflection on canada post, or even the other countries mail system, that's just how it is.

my mind is open wide,

now i'm ready to start.

alliteration

it seems strange to me that i've learned this in 2010, because it would've been very useful in the decade that just passed.

apparently... the decade 2000-2009 is referred to as "the aughties". aught meaning "zero". it's currently in the "open dictionary" which is a dictionary for up-and-coming words that will soon graduate into the regular dictionary. for some reason i feel a great deal of peace to have learned this tidbit. it has plagued my mind for the last 15 years.

we used to wait.

séancé

sometimes andrew, shannon, brendan, and i sit in a cemetary in the dark on wolfe island sharing scary stories of christian rock bands from the 80s. we ate ice cream.

shanno and b are having a difficult time getting their minds around their upcoming birthdays. i totally know how they feel. i've never liked that age is something that just keeps changing. i've often thought we should just go by the year we were born "1979". we'd all have a handle on how old that is compared to 1963 or 1987. then it would be a nice stationary thing in a life full of changes. being in one's early 20s is hard. it's a very confusing time. it's kind of like emotional puberty - all these big new changes, experiencing strange new feelings, not really understanding what's going on in your own life. having gone thru it i empathize with what my dear friends are experiencing. andrew's just turned 29, and as you know i'm 30. andrew and i feel excited about life, i think i can speak for andrew when i say that we feel like we're coming more alive as we get older. it's kind of exciting to experience the 20 something puberty with someone else. it's so easy for me to say and feel like IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OK! JUST YOU WAIT... IT'S ONLY GETTING BETTER! but since that's unhelpful for someone in the thick of it, i'll instead try to help them out and encouragement them. enduring these waters is a wonderful accomplishment, and one that is best appreciated when fully experienced.

there's something about life that requires us to relearn to live every once and a while. i've been thinking a lot about my mom these days. she has a defeatest attitude and looks at herself as though she's unable. i want so much for her to grasp the potential of her life. to really take her situation and life it to the fullest. unlike with shanno and b, i'm not very sympathic with her. i'm trying to be patient, but i too have experienced life as a single woman who was lonely. i chose to fully embrace that phase of life believing that it was not permanent and i wanted to be able to look back on that time and be thankful and glad with how i spent my time. that's not to say i didn't experience my share of crappy times, because i did. but being sad, and frustrated, and alienated, and despondant for a significant period of time has only made me all that more appreciative of this new phase of life. i want for my mom to be happy. i want to see her help herself, and make steps in a positive direction. every life phase has it's challenges. and really, when it all boils down to it, it's probably good that we have to keep relearning and changing, it keeps things interesting.

if i was scared, i would.
if i was bored, i would.

batman

on saturday as we drove to toronto we stopped at a tim hortons just off the highway. we needed a beverage to tide us over until we arrived at licks. i ordered at the drive-thru gave the fella a 20 and 6 cents, and took our drinks, it was a pretty straightforward exchange. as we arrived in scarborough about an hour later b said to me "where's the change from tim horton's?" and i realize that i'd driven away without our 14 worth of change! ARGH! so annoying! man, i felt bad.

that night when we drove home we stopped at a mcdonalds for their $1 soft drink deal, and i gingerly said to b and beck "this time i'll try to not forget the change". but that time, it was the poor employee who kept screwing up our order. really... it was a very complicated interaction for 3 mid-night pops. we did pay with exact change so at least that part went smoothly. the three of us had a very difficult time not busting at gut at the misfortune of the fast food worker. i think we kept it together ok.
coke zero. fruitopia? no, coke zero.
3 mediums. 3 large? no, 3 medium.
3 medium coke zeros and 1 large root beer? no 2 medium coke zeros and 1 medium root beer.
and so on and so forth :S

take it from your heart,
put it in your hand.

olympic

the arcade fire concert last night was amazing. beck, brendan and i all feel it was the best concert we've been to. we had an amazing view, i'd say we were within 40 ft of the stage. the crowds and crowds of people behind us were unbelievable. the performance was great, music and entertainment were awesome. really wonderful.

afterwards we had to wait for at least an hour, if not longer, for the ferry back to toronto. they did their best to shuttle people back to mainland but there were just so many people that it took AGES. by the time we got out of toronto it was 1:45 and we had another 2 hours to go. driving was ok, and i did alright at feeling fully awake. however, by the time we got to trenton we had to stop for an hour nap. we got in to ktown at 4:45, i had to wake up at 9:15 for church (i had to do the powerpoint stuff). it's been a full day, we had lunch with my family and then went to the women's art festival.

the festival marks one year with brendan. the day we accidentally went on our first date. when i went to look at my blog entry from this day last year it made me really happy. i mentioned 2 times that i had a really fun time with him, and that i enjoyed his company. to me, that just goes to show how much i enjoyed myself because i tend to downplay those types of things on pspd. funniest part is that i named the entry "uh-oh" that was because i was feeling very conflicted and confused about this young man who'd been just my friend of many years.

we did manage to go to lick's in the beaches yesterday before the concert. it was just as good as we remembered it and that was very satisfying. yum.

count the headlights on the highway.

recess

you know what i think is kind of neat?

how nowadays, even with all our high tech devises, courtroom cases are still depicted thru illustration.

i find that quite fascinating. partly because it's bending the rules (it's not TECHNICALLY a photo, but it distributed the same way), but also because it's nice to see in this modern age there is still need for artists.

the lost art of art.

sapo

last night i decided to stay home from book club because i was feeling tired and needed a night of doing nothing. i fell asleep at 8:30! i was reading and passed out. brendan kept coming into the bedroom and saying "you're still sleeping?" my response was something like "grrrrrrrmmm" it was nice to just sleep. it was one of those really nice deep sleeps too.

lately work has been draining. i feel like i'm biding my time til i can go home. there's always something else i could or should be doing outside of these walls. it's hard to sit here. for example, i need to get my oil changed in car before i forget. i'm overdue for a change and we're driving to toronto tomorrow to see ARCADE FIRE! our tickets came in the mail yesterday (although i'm not sure where brendan put them - hopefully in a safe place). b is super crazy over the top about it. i'm pretty excited too. we're going to go to licks to get a burger on our way to the ferry (we've been fantasizing about licks burgers for a couple weeks now). the concert is on toronto island, which is kind of funny because we took a ferry to an island for a concert last week too! beckie is going to join us in TO for the show, which will be fun. i'm glad b and her are getting the chance to get to know each other better. i hope the drive home saturday night isn't too difficult, we have to be back for church in the morning (we're both doing stuff there).

i have this problem that i lose things in the house. i may have mentioned this before, but i'm becoming quite distressed about it. i currently can't find my capris or my diaphragm :S i couldn't find my yoga pants either, but then i found then in the bottom drawer of the dresser this morning..... i'd been puzzled for weeks as to where they were but then found them in the more likely of places. hmph. i wish i was more skilled at finding things or at least remembering where i left stuff. i'm pretty annoyed about my diaphragm. i know i brought it back from cambodia with me because i thought before i packed it "i can't forget this!" but i haven't seen it once since being back in canada. really annoying. brendan refuses to help me find stuff because he says i always do eventually, he thinks the more frustrated i become the closer i am to finding whatever's lost.

you never trust a millionaire quoting the sermon on the mount.

tiny maple

THANK GOODNESS!!

after 9 months of sharing a computer with brendan, we've FINALLY got a router that works. this means his computer gets wireless internet from the living room. he likes to watch john mayer clips while i'm in bed. the room gets filled with the glow from the computer screen and it's hard to sleep. now he can do that elsewhere. phew! it's so nice not having one another underfoot, and having to sign out of each other's accounts to have access to our own things. i can't even tell you how many times i accidentally commented on someone's status on facebook using b's profile instead of mine. this is our third router, the other ones didn't work for various reasons. plus i'm really happy because tomorrow the speed of our internet is increasing. when i spoke to cogeco the other day i had our phone plan reduced and our internet increased, so it still works out to be less then what we're currently paying. yay! i'm so happy about the internet today!

all the kids have always known that the emperor wears no clothes.

mailman

thing have been on the busy side at work lately, so i haven't had the chance to write as often.

this morning i had a dentist appointment. i had to have 2 fillings :S it turns out that they were just two leaky fillings from before and no new ones, so that's good. i didn't take care of my teeth enough as a young lady. i was under the impression when i had my original 8 fillings a couple years ago that once you have a filling you can't have a cavity in that tooth again. but i was wrong. i'd like to really take care of my teeth well from now on.

do you ever listen to cfrc?? well, my new brother-in-law ben has a new show on monday afternoons (2:30). it's pretty good and his commentary is extremely funny. i listened to it online while at work on monday. i would giggle in my cubicle.

i want to learn to listen better. better in general not specifically. when i'm talking with people i have lots of questions or interject with comments and affirmation. but i'm starting to realize if i just kept my mouth shut then they're likely to say all sorts of interesting things. things i wouldn't get out of them by asking. see... the problem with asking is that it can sometimes lead the conversation in alternate directions. i'm suddenly intrigued by what is said when i wait and listen.

i finished the girl who played with fire on monday evening. i had planned to do a ton of different things around the pad, but ended up just reading. reading and baking smores. it was such a great book. it's funny that even though i knew how it ended (because i saw the movie) it was STILL a page turner. i really want to go out and buy the final book of the series, but i've decided to read a book that devona suggested - we're seeing her again in september for our final session and i think it would be wise to take the counselor's advise and read the book she suggested. it's called "highly sensitive people" - as it turns out both b and i are HSP types. the term highly sensitive people seems to be a misnomer. it implies that they're sensitive to getting their feelings hurt, but it's actually referring to people being highly sensitive to the environment around them then becoming affected by it. the author regularly talks about HSP's being over-aroused. it's probably more actuate to call the book "highly aroused people", but that just sounds rude. although, saying highly sensory or highly simulated people would work just as well. as much as being addictive to reading is kind of debilitating (because nothing else gets done), it's also really wonderful. i was on a roll and i hope it doesn't slow to a stop because i'm reading non-fiction (which is not the type of book i'm drawn to).

i need the darkness, someone please cut the lights.

aka

while at the music festival i accidentally made up a fancy band name for me and brendan. if we were a music group, we'd be called "the lorimer bedroom project". so that's who we'll be, even though we're not a performing song and dance duo.

jones

wolfe island music festival was great as usual.

the weather was great, the music was good, and the company shared was phenomenal. it's very possible that the music is really just an excuse to sit outdoors all day on an island with friends. i liked that at one point the blanket was covered by such a wide variety of friends, all gathered together in the sun. my mom always says that i'm not good at mixing friends, but i really enjoyed myself on saturday! maybe i'm beginning to get better at it (it's hard to juggle so many people and help them feel included).

i got a gross sunburn that is giving me a great deal of discomfort. thankfully, it's no where near as bad as shannon's sunburn from last weekend that left her bedridden for 2 days.

you'll never believe it, but i ripped my pants twice!

the funniest part of the day was during the last act. we were standing watching and listening to the weakerthans when 2 couples came and stood right in front of us blocking our view. i hate it when people are inconsiderate of other behind them. tall people should be smart enough to check if their blocking shorter people. anyways, we were able to see around them ok, but they were all over each other! rubbing and kissing, swaying and grinding. one of the couples inparticular began to really get hot and heavy. it was pretty embarrassing. i was quite puzzled because it was pretty dark out, they could easily find a hidden place slightly out of the way to get it on, but instead they stood among a crowd. no doubt they were drunk or impaired in some way, but still! we all continued to try to ignore them until they were suddenly on the ground in front of us! him on top and her legs wide open! at that point we moved slightly to the right to disassociate with them. i was certain clothes were going to start coming off. thankfully they got up again after a view minutes, but carried on making out without missing a beat. it was highly amusing.

it was brendan's first wolfe island festival. it was nice having him there eventhough i gave him a hard time about it beforehand. i'd tried to convince him not to come because it was always something i'd done with my girl-friends before and didn't really intend for that to change. but shannon wanted him to come and it was an opportunity for him to get to know beckie better. in the end it worked out quite well since his friends unexpectedly showed up and sat with us too - three friends from highschool were accidentally right behind us, and one of his bandmates & wife arrived and sat with us. it gave us the change to be together but still with our respective friends. it was fun having him there, i especially enjoyed when my favourite acorn song came on. i immediately perked up with excitement, when i looked his way he already had a huge smile on his face because he knows how much i love dents. i love being known by him.

beckie crashed at our place that night. we got an inflatable bed as a wedding gift specifically for when we have guests. it worked out GREAT! it turns out to be a queen size, which means it's bigger than our bed. we plugged it into the wall and turned the knob on the auto-inflate and very quickly we had a full-size bed (the height of 3 mattresses) with a pillow-top to boot! it was awesome. when we deflated it yesterday honey was on top of it, she sat there very confused as the mattress began to sink more and more around her. it was very funny. b and i like to tease our cats a great deal.

so there's yet another wolfe island music festival come and gone. it was great as usual.

if i could have back all the time that we wasted,
i'd only wasted it again.

arcade

i think i've finally realized why i hate feeling controlled so much.

it makes me feel small.

not even belittled, specifically it makes me feel small. the other person becomes big and overwhelming then i slowly lose my nerve to speak up. what's the point? they can't hear my anyways.

i hate feeling suddenly out of the driver's seat on something that was my own initative. i know that no one (or at least next to no one) is intentionally controlling, often people are just so enthusiastic that they get carried away. when that happens i usually conceed because i can't think of any logical reason why their way is not also a valid approach. so i go along with them, then end up feeling like a fifth wheel in my own enterprise. maybe it's a question of boundaries. maybe my expectations of boundaries are here, but the other participant's boundaries are much bigger, and i'm suddenly enveloped into their scheme of things. i think i keep my circles quite small. compartmentalizing fragments in separate functions. sometimes people with bigger broader circles don't like how i keep myself in such confined spaces. but the thing is that i live one step at a time, i can't be looking all they way over to your stepping stones when i'm trying to walk the narrow rocks placed out for me.

when i'm not good at stuff or when i'm new at stuff it's hard but i like to figure it out for myself. my mom has tried to explain to my sister for the last 30 years that i need to learn things for myself. my mom and joy look around them, observe other people and proceed with caution along what they perceive to be the best course of action. i on the other hand, step out into treacherous territory, make my way, slip and fall down, then look back at the path i've taken and come to specific conclusions about what i would do next time. that's how i work, and that method serves me well.

now that we've established that, i don't know what to do about feeling small. i think i'm a good team player when i know my role. i expect other people to know their roles as well. that's not always the case. i guess it's a live and learn thing. hopefully next time i'll be able to relax about it or speak up. the reality is that some people are planners, and other people are last minute organizers. that's just the way it is. so i suppose if i'm going to be last minute about things i'm bound to end up feeling controlled by people who are more forward thinking.

it cares not for your pyramid schemes.

the annex

august has become a flurry of social activities. i can't recall a month that was so full...

this weekend is wolfe island music festival, on sunday we're going to camp iawah, then home again for brendan's nana's birthday celebration.

next weekend we're going to see arcade fire on toronto island, and on sunday we'll have lunch with my family before going to women's art festival in city park - which is the anniversary of me and b's first date.

the 3rd weekend on august i'm driving up to mississauga with nancy to attend megan's bridal shower

the 4th weekend i'm preaching at next - my second sermon ever. i've been thinking on my topic since june, but i really need to start forming it on paper.

then the first weekend on september us lorimers are going camping again, this time to bon echo. we were clever enough to not wait til the last minute to book a site.

for the most part we'll still have time on weekends for relaxing, and i'm hoping to go to visit beckie's cottage at some point. my lovely northern friend has found a job in lower canada. in quebec city to be exact. it's a one year contract at an english high school, but she's been wanting to break into the quebec circuit for quite some time, so this is EXCELLENT. i'm glad that she'll be closer by and visiting her will be less expensive and less unpredictable.

yes indeedy, august will be a full month, but extremely enjoyable. in amongst all our activities we need to find time to get caught up with friends and family. so to start we're going to joy's place for dinner. we haven't seen them since that day in june.

they've begun renovating the m centre's front lawn. they've been doing a lot of digging. i'm looking forward to the end product, i think it's going to look fabulous.

it's not about the money.

wesley

so lorimer and lorimer went camping this past weekend. i would've written earlier than this, but i was at home sick yesterday for unrelated reasons.

camping was very fun. i was really proud of us because considering it was our first time we were remarkably well prepared. it was a good learning experience. we discovered that we overlooked a few things (like garbage bags), and completely forgot the stove (we both thought the other had packed it, but we had the bbq so we were a-ok), but all in all we did very well.

our campsite was pretty nice. it was actually much bigger than we needed, so next time i don't think we'll get such a big one. we were surrounded by a very large muslim family which made for very interesting people watching. i was just wrapping up a book called "girls of riyadh" which is actually about muslim girls so i found it particularly interesting to see how some of them wear hijabs while others did not. i learned from my book that it's a reflection of how devout a girl is to her religion. brendan noticed that only 2 of the men adjourned to the tent for prayers (they knelt in the mesh part of the tent so we were able to see them). considering there were so many of them (at least 25 with kids. taking up 3 full campsites) they were not especially loud and when they were, they didn't speak in english which allowed for some privacy for both them and us.

when camp got set up we walked down to the beach and i went swimming. brendan is not a fan of swimming, while i on the other hand love swimming. i had to swim alone for years during family vacations, and i did look forward to a partner who would join me. so this is something that we'll have to find some middle ground on. when we told this to brendan's aunt later she laughed at us and said "oh you newlyweds, by my age i just yell 'GET IN THE WATER!!' ".

we ate a super great dinner that brendan made on the bbq, not long after i was finished the washing up did we start our campfire. it was so lovely. we roasted marshmallows for a long time. b was super thrilled to discover that he was going to introduce me to s'mores for the first time because i'd never had one before. after my first one i suggested other ways of doing it, he was unimpressed by my techniques and said that i'm too progressive.

i kept wondering what time it was, but b said that when camping time is of no consequence, so we just rolled with the flow. however, i did peak at the clock before i fell asleep and it was 11:20. we slept in the following morning. it was much warmer in the tent than i had expected. i had all these layers of clothes to keep me warm, but didn't end up needing my socks and hoodie. our new sleeping bags are super cozy. when we got up we had a lovely breakfast, followed by another swim and a walk about, then it was time to pack up.

after leaving silver lake we went to brendan's aunt nancy's cottage. it was fun hearing stories from her and having a better sense of what that side of the family is like. she took us out on a boat ride to see sharbot lake and fed us dinner. it was fairly late before we headed out. b got showing his cousin how to play "here comes the sun" on her guitar. it was funny because we brought his guitar along with us camping but he didn't end up taking it out of the car. meanwhile as soon as he touched quinn's guitar it was difficult to get it out of his hands so we could get going.

we've decided to go camping labour day weekend too :) it worked well on a long weekend, so we'll probably do that pretty frequently :)

it's gonna take time,
a whole lot of precious time.
it's gonna take patience and time,
to do it right child.