séancé

sometimes andrew, shannon, brendan, and i sit in a cemetary in the dark on wolfe island sharing scary stories of christian rock bands from the 80s. we ate ice cream.

shanno and b are having a difficult time getting their minds around their upcoming birthdays. i totally know how they feel. i've never liked that age is something that just keeps changing. i've often thought we should just go by the year we were born "1979". we'd all have a handle on how old that is compared to 1963 or 1987. then it would be a nice stationary thing in a life full of changes. being in one's early 20s is hard. it's a very confusing time. it's kind of like emotional puberty - all these big new changes, experiencing strange new feelings, not really understanding what's going on in your own life. having gone thru it i empathize with what my dear friends are experiencing. andrew's just turned 29, and as you know i'm 30. andrew and i feel excited about life, i think i can speak for andrew when i say that we feel like we're coming more alive as we get older. it's kind of exciting to experience the 20 something puberty with someone else. it's so easy for me to say and feel like IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OK! JUST YOU WAIT... IT'S ONLY GETTING BETTER! but since that's unhelpful for someone in the thick of it, i'll instead try to help them out and encouragement them. enduring these waters is a wonderful accomplishment, and one that is best appreciated when fully experienced.

there's something about life that requires us to relearn to live every once and a while. i've been thinking a lot about my mom these days. she has a defeatest attitude and looks at herself as though she's unable. i want so much for her to grasp the potential of her life. to really take her situation and life it to the fullest. unlike with shanno and b, i'm not very sympathic with her. i'm trying to be patient, but i too have experienced life as a single woman who was lonely. i chose to fully embrace that phase of life believing that it was not permanent and i wanted to be able to look back on that time and be thankful and glad with how i spent my time. that's not to say i didn't experience my share of crappy times, because i did. but being sad, and frustrated, and alienated, and despondant for a significant period of time has only made me all that more appreciative of this new phase of life. i want for my mom to be happy. i want to see her help herself, and make steps in a positive direction. every life phase has it's challenges. and really, when it all boils down to it, it's probably good that we have to keep relearning and changing, it keeps things interesting.

if i was scared, i would.
if i was bored, i would.