flour

perhaps it's part of pms but i was feeling really fat today. things like this effect one if unexpected ways. instead of being super discouraged about my new exercise initiative i started thinking about buying a house, having a baby, brendan's job. i couldn't figure out why i was considering those things. i'm feeling peaceful that b's job situation will work out in time, and we don't need a house til we have a baby, and i still don't want a baby for a handful of years. thankfully i was able to see thru all the distractions to see the truth. i was feeling powerless over my weight, so instead i was trying to think of something else i could control. obviously i understand that babies aren't necessarily controllable, but i was attracted to the idea of controlling conception. i began getting snippy with brendan as a result of my frustration with my weight, but reminded myself "turn towards, don't turn away".

meg gave me a pep talk the other day about exercise. she reminded me that it takes time to see the results from something like this, and to just keep at it knowing that it will pay off eventually. i'm looking forward to returning to goodlife on tomorrow.

i have more to say – like things about melissa's wedding and about the halloween harvest (food drive collection). but i'll write more tomorrow.

live unbruised we are friends.