expectations

things haven't really gone very well this morning. it's my birthday. and it's silly really, but i've pretty much being crying on and off all morning. brendan and i had a misunderstanding, that just triggered me to cry about anything and everything. it's been a long time since i had a good cry, so in a way it's therapeutic. i guess it's just not really how i thought my birthday would go. but that's also silly. it's just a day, and i'm 37, so maybe i'm supposed to be past feeling like my birthday is special.

i'd been looking forward to this year's main street parade, but now that i'm upset, i don't really want to go and socialize. i just want to spend time by the fire reading in peace. so brendan and eamon have gone without otis and me.

i don't know. i might decide to keep my birthday low-key next year. not throw a party and tell b not to get my a gift. brendan wants to try to "turn today around", but i kind of feel that i might as well just give in to it.