zombie

tonight, that while i lay on my bed listening to the 'what if god was one of us', i thought about my first heartbreak in 1996. i was 16 and his name was neil. it was dramatic, and angsty, horribly unhealthy and really drawn-out. i was so unhappy but thought i loved him because he gave me a sense of belonging that i longed for. i had several different boyfriend, one after another until 2004. when my heart broke the most and i decided i'd had enough and that i'd rather go it alone than risk that kind of heartache again.

years later, i met a girl (a friend of a friend) with an ordinary name, who spelled it an unordinary way. she and her boyfriend had just split up. she told me that she was sure they'd get back together, she just couldn't imagine life without him. and i told her that not being able to imagine life without him didn't mean life without him wasn't possible. and that i also thought that i'd also thought that my boyfriend and i would get back together and we didn't. i think she was really surprised to hear that her feelings were not original, but were actually very common post-break-up.

i don't actually know what happened with her and her boyfriend. we never crossed paths again, but i don't think they got back together.