a new year's lets-see-what-happens

i usually really like setting new year's goals, but i don't think i'll bother this year. in 2014, i developed two good habits (flossing daily, and doing my dishes right after supper every day) and i didn't have to set them as goals to achieve them. both became important preventative actions. so i don't think i'll set any goals this year and just see what happens naturally. there are times and stages where life propels you, and other times when you propel life.

i'm still battling my cold and my stomach bug. in terms of full health, i would give my stomach an 8 out of 10 and my sinuses a 9 out of 10.

sick day

last evening i was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach. and as usual, i was hoping it might just go away if i lied down for a while. it did not. at 1 am, i was vomiting in the bathroom, which made it official, i had a stomach bug. i don't know about you, but i have this theory that i never feel better than i do minutes after vomiting. i feel physically amazing and emotionally i feel relieved. it's hard to say if it's just the contrast between how i just felt, or it's truly the most euphoric time in my life.

i stayed in bed ALL day except for getting up to make some toast at 11ish. once brendan got home and it was time to pick éamon up at daycare, i had to pull myself together for some solo parenting this evening since b works in napanee on tuesdays. so far it's gone ok. we've spent more time nursing than usual, because it means he'll stay still and i can just laydown. i also had him sit in his highchair for quite an extended period of time. i think i'll put him to bed early. thankfully he's pretty good at entertaining himself these days.

core

i realized today that the taste and texture of pears reminds me of my school yard growing up. not a bad association, just a surprising one.

the next day

well, i put a new contact in this morning and i haven't had any weird repercussions or discomfort. so i think it's safe to assume my contact is lost outside my body somewhere.

my main regret is poking and pinching my eyeball trying to get out a contact that wasn't there.

hiding

aside from not being sure if my body is in the right time-zone (used to waking later and going to bed later), i think i'm ready to return to work tomorrow.

i had an evening shower and afterwards my left contact felt funny. i tried to take it out, but it needed more coaxing, so i thought i'd use some saline solution to loosen it up. all that said, i now can't find my left contact. it's either hiding somewhere in my eye-socket or fell out somehow without me noticing. i'm hoping that it fell out, because i'm getting zero indication that is in my head, and usually when a contact gets lost, it causes irritation. i'm going to bed soon, and in the morning, i'll be in the awkward position of deciding if i should put a new contact in or not, and risk having two in one eye simultaneously.

i'm going to go read in bed with my new book-light until i get drowsy.

ambiguous

i slipped into bed last night, hoping for a good night's sleep that would wash away my cold, and realized i forgot to write about my day. now that it's morning, i'm surprised to say that my cold was actually worse last night than that night before.

anyway, i'm also surprised by the number of people who mistake éamon as a girl. his hair is longer, but it's not long. i'm purposely growing it to be like a surfer's haircut because of his double crown – it's the only way to get it to lie down at the back.

shoelaces

i bought some sweatpants. i haven't had a real pair of sweatpants in several decades. i like them a lot. they've got this weird ornate rabbit on one leg (it's really bizarre – why a rabbit!?!?!?). it's to bad that comfortable clothes are the least flattering. i wish i could be this comfy all the time. in highschool, my friend mandy and i would refer to comfy clothes as being naked with a waistband on.

conjested

i crawled into bed early last night because i've come down with a head cold. it's been a while since i had a cold, and this one was kind of slow in coming because i had cold-like symptoms for 4 days before it really grabbed me. it sucks that i'm sick on my last day of vacation. BUT i suppose i can just take it easy, which will be nice. brendan took éamon to daycare while i slept in. apparently he was extremely excited to be there this morning, which is nice. now i can just lay around in peace. maybe i'll watch a movie. ugh. it's such a beautiful winter day out there :S it sucks being sick on a beautiful day.

highlights from 2014

- this was a year of roadtrips... north bay, philadelphia, cahoots festival, ottawa, quebec city, victoria harbour, and ottawa again.

- this was a year of transitions... back to work, éamon to daycare, brendan getting laid off, brendan looking for work, brendan finding a job (or two?).

- this was a year of taking it easy and learning to be present at home... declining commitments, using my evenings productively, allowing myself to not feel guilty about resting, transitioning into a parent of a toddler.

- this was a year of intention... mindfully making plans with friends, going to bed early, getting babysitters (family, friends and a teenager) so brendan and i could go out and not miss out on stuff.

- this was a year of new favourite things... loose-leaf tea, long walks, swimming lessons, making soup, cbc radio, baking for pleasure and naps.

this was a year of new experiences (good and bad) that has marinated me and brought out hidden abilities, desires and character i didn't know was lurking under the surface. i know i'm different, more aged and experienced than i used to be, and i feel pretty comfortable about who i am at 35.

knots

after being on the job market for four months, b was offered a job and accepted it. he's supposed to start on monday, except... today he was called to interview for a job he applied for before the other job offer at his ideal social service agency in town. ugh. why does life throw these curve balls?!?!

i thought this might happen. aye-yi-yi...

glebe

we took a roadtrip to ottawa today for a few errands. while we were there, brendan wanted to visit this guitar shop he'd heard about. éamon had just fallen asleep for his afternoon nap, so i had to stay in the car while brendan went in the store. which was too bad since i like watching brendan nerd out about guitars, but i was content to stay put. 25 minutes or more passed before brendan returned. he was utterly glowing and was so enamored that he couldn't speak for at least 15 minutes. i knew that something significant had just happened in that store – it made the highlight of my day (buying a new slipcover for my couch) seem VERY bland indeed.

women & women first

"She turned to literature. She looked for books about adolescents, books she could find herself and her problems in. There were none. She read every thin, saccharine "girl's book" she could find, and gave up. She began to read trashy novels, anything she could find in the library that looked as if it were about women."
- The Women's Room

lately, i've felt a strong desire to read books about female protagonists. books about women. ideally books about women that are not romances. basically books that i can relate to. books with storylines that i can connect with. i've been surprised to discover that i've already gobbled up many of the "top" books about women – i thought i'd only scratched the surface. i'm honestly shocked to find that were aren't a ton of books about women. half the population are women. half of authors are women. why can't i go into any book store and easily find half the books about women. it's disappointing and frustrating.

i came across a list of the top ten books that "changed how we feel about being a woman" and discovered The Women's Room. i downloaded the preview before i decided to buy it. i was starting to get into it when i came across the above segment. it seems i'm not the first person to crave books about women.

triumph

for several weeks now, we've been trying to fix our toilet seat. it was loose and when brendan tried to tighten it, he found that the screwed had become rusty. soon the screws were stripped and we tried a half-dozen things to get those damn nuts off. nothing worked. it really irritated my mind, knowing there was this small task that i couldn't accomplish and move on from. very annoying. BUT, thank goodness, tonight we got it off. we bought a keyhole hacksaw and took turns hacking away at it. i feel oddly relieved and very satisfied to have that annoyance behind me. we have one mighty sturdy toilet seat now!

boxing day

i'm not a naturally organized person, and i'm not compelled to create order from chaos, but sorting out gifts (swopping out existing stuff with new stuff) and unpacking our duffel bag this afternoon, felt good. i probably set a personal record for prompt organization (i often continue to live out of a suitcase for several weeks after returning home).

xmas day

i'm so very grateful for my extended family. we have a sleepover together every year and it fills our love-tanks and gives us memories of quality time together. sometime i'll be especially thankful for down the road when my nieces and nephews are bigger.

xmas eve

to conclude a day of carrot soup, lego board games, gifts, cousins playing together and carols... éamon pooped in the tub.

AND I'M BACK...

beckie and i were out today doing some downtown errands and drinking hot beverages. while we were out, i came across a 5-year diary that left enough space for a couple sentences about each day. i thought "that's great! i'd love to do that". i like having a record of what i did each day. i considered buying it for a minute or two, then i realized... I HAVE A BLOG! duh!

so i'm going to change the format of my blog (which is clearly unsustainable in it's past format), to a quick, simple, daily approach. unless there's something i have a lot to say about.

--

so to get the ball rolling....
i bought éamon a toddler-sized broom today and he loves it :) maybe it create positive associations with household chores.

thrones

i don't know if its the season, the weather, the fact that i'm drawing close to vacation time or because i haven't been outside much lately, but i've been feeling quite anxious. i'm also feeling unsettled in my heart about current conversations at next.

in november, eamon's moved up to the toddler room at daycare, which means we have a more flexible daycare schedule. he now goes 4 days a week and goes to my mom's on wednesday mornings. i bring him with me when i leave at 6:30. i take him straight out of bed, put him in his snowsuit and pop him in the car. when we get to my mom's, she feeds him breakfast and gives him a bath in her bathtub (this is a treat since we don't have a bathtub at home). i work til 11, then pick him up on my way home. it's a nice new system. it also gives me a chance to have a visit with my mom and sometimes i stay for lunch. i'm really thankful that they get this time together, i think it's special for both of them.

brendan had a job interview on friday, and afterwards felt really pumped about it. he clearly really connected with the interviewers. they checked his references on monday and called him on tuesday to give him good news and bad news. the bad news was that they weren't going to offer him the job, but the good news was that they'd like to give him a different job. they'd like to give him a more challenging job with more responsibility, plus it's regular 9-5 weekday hours. basically, they think he's over qualified for the job he applied for, and said they are not accustomed to getting such a high caliber candidate for that type of job. the only problem is that there isn't a position open right now. so they'll keep his resume and be in touch when they're hiring for this other department. i have mixed feelings because it's wonderful news that they thought he was so amazing and that there's a possible opportunity, BUT at the same time, it might not turn into anything. i think they're equally frustrated because they're worried he's going to get snapped up by another agency in the meantime. the funny thing is that these other agencies don't even consider him because he doesn't have a degree, which is why he's forced to apply for jobs at the bottom of the social work ladder. he's very smart, he's very socially-aware, he's very experienced (compared to his contemporaries), he's very skilled. i think all these agencies who are screening him out are stupid for missing out on a good candidate.

maybe this is also affecting my anxiousness. or maybe it's just PMS. for a while after eamon was born, i didn't get PMS, but i think it's slowly creeping back.

man, i need to do something to interrupt this funk.

if i stay here, trouble will find me.

crokinole

after years and years of hating winter, i think i've finally come around. it's definitely the most challenging season, and i'm not looking forward to it. but i've found it has some redeeming qualities.

i like how opposite it is of summer in many ways....
• i like that on a cold, snowy day there's nothing better than just staying in all day (be it at home or at work, there's something nice about being warm and dry inside).
• i like getting bundled up in lots of layers
• i like that life slows down because everything takes more time. but also, unlike summer, which is super busy with activities and social events, winter's activities are fewer and less frequent. it allows one to get into a groove and consistent rhythm.
• it's also undeniably pretty.

i'm glad the snow has come early, because november is a cold and dark month. we might as well have snow, which brings its reflective bright surface.

--

last night brendan and i went out to dairy queen before a games night at next (eamon was at home with astrid). we sat across from each other in a booth, eating blizzards, talking and laughing at his eye lids. it was nice.

i'll learn to fix stuff,

if you will teach me love.

petition

i like when i come across a couple who seem like really good friends. i don't mean that they seem more like friends than they do a couple, but that it's clear their relationship is further cemented by a deep, intertwining friendship. i'm often struck by the display of mutual respect and shared admiration. even a short interaction with such people leave me encouraged and inspired. i don't know if this is a relationship culture developed over many years together, or just their natural dynamic. but its something to aspire to.