every year i look forward to my year-end entry. i often collect thoughts and experiences throughout the year to share in my year-end reflections. but this year i gave it little thought. in a way, i feel like the year was too full for me to think forward or collect moments. i'm not sure if that's good or bad really; it just is what it is, i suppose. trying to think back one full year seems like an almost impossible task. but let me try....
january
• we started off the year as new home-owners and first time landlords
• we faced the very large task of trying to legally and fairly evicting our tenants
• my dad had triple bypass surgery
february
• i bought a washing machine on kijiji, then brendan and i tried to navigate it down our narrow stairs with me nearly convinced that it would slip from my grasp and end up crushing my dear husband. thankfully that didn't happen, but it was stressful enough that we wouldn't want to try it again. getting plumbing installed was another hassle, but has ended up being worth it
• on family day weekend, we took a road trip down to cleveland to see the rock & roll hall of fame
march
• on the first of the month we were given 5 days notice from our tenants that they were going to be moving out instead of at the end of april as we had requested. while it broke every appropriate protocol, we didn't give them a hard time about it since we were so happy to see them go
• when brendan's reading week rolled around a week or so later, i used some vacation time so we could do the lion's share of our apartment renos upstairs. it still took a number of weeks to wrap up the final details, the transformation was remarkable
april
• our dear friends andrew and shannon moved in to the newly renovated apartment in mid-april, and we have enjoyed their close proximity since then. they are night and day to the experience we had with our previous tenants
• on the night they moved in, brendan and i headed up to toronto to see ani difranco perform an acoustic set
may
• brendan spent the first half of may digging up the front yard to convert into a garden
• i had my very own intern at work. this was a challenging and growing experience for me
• we planted our 'garden of eat-in' with andrew and shannon
• and i started volunteering at KGH visiting elderly patients
june
• it was a stressful month for us in terms of brendan's summer job hunt, but he ended up volunteering at rustle's general store and that was a very positive experience. looking back to his job search, it was a very value time for us and we learned a lot
• once again we enjoyed skeleton park music festival, which is a major summer highlight
july
• our most busy month of the summer. we enjoyed a whole whack of fun activities: a roadtrip to ottawa with andrew and shannon on canada where we hooked up with john and joanne; a weekend at nancy and gerry's trailer; another trip to ottawa for bluesfest to see the tedeschi trucks band; for our second wedding anniversary we drove down to stratford to go to the famous stratford festival and enjoyed the weekend with jill; followed by a weekend at fair havens with my family
• and to top it all off, we took a trip to costa rica for 10 days!
august
• filled with home-grown produce, august was a relaxed slow paced month
• in the company of shannon, brendan, beckie and kate, i enjoyed yet another wolfe island music festival
• followed by another day on wolfe island celebrating andrew's birthday
• while in costa rica, i lost my ipod, so i replaced it with an ipod touch!
september
• brendan and i became addicted to 'angry birds'
• i went to calgary as a bbd representative at a conference
• out of the blue, brendan was offered a job!
• my good friend and colleague david passed away suddenly
• i got a promotion!
• and all us nexters went up to echo lake for a weekend away
october
• brendan and i hosted a quirky, yet sophisticated wine-tasting party
• i endeavored to take the 30-day house cleaning challenge (and did very well, then promptly forgot about it at the end of the 30 days)
• b and i celebrated our 3-year dating anniversary in a memorable way
• and carved pumpkins with a+s (it was b's first pumpking carving experience, and boy was he grossed out)
november
• shanno and i went a-gambling in gan
• and rach and i FINALLY (after my foiled attempts) went to the one of a kind show in toronto
december
• a month filled with get togethers, celebrations, food and much needed time off
• we took a road trip to north bay
• and will wrap up yet another good year with rach and jase
in addition to all these things, i've enjoyed many visits with bren and dinners with her clan. sunday lunches with my family, meals with b's family. potlucks at next, cups of tea with friends, many good books and new experiences. it's been a good year.
a long december and there's reason to believe,
maybe this year will be better than the last.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
sherlock
on boxing day i started coming down with some kind of cold. we'd planned to head up to north bay the following day, and i figured i'd probably be feeling better and if not, i'd just be sitting around at home so i might as well sit around in the car on the 6 hour drive. so we proceeded as planned. the weather was crumby, but doable.
when we arrived, we had a nice visit with his dad and made plans to go to algonquin park the next day. but that night i was up constantly with a sore throat, cough, congestion, stuffy nose. so i didn't feel up for a hike, but brendan went on his own with andy, so that was good. i spent the day in bed, watching 'love it or list it' in back-to-back episodes (it's an ok show, but the hosts clearly have scripted lines and they're very bad at delivering them convincingly).
thankfully, while watching tv i saw a commercial for breathe right strips, so b picked me up some and they are awesome! and the work instantly!
by evening i'd pretty much concluded it wasn't a cold, but rather the flu :S sucky. i suppose it could've been worse. we drove home today, making a stop at ikea in ottawa, and arrived home to the snowy streets of k-town in the evening. i think someone may have shoveled our driveway while we were gone. b had shoveled before we left, but more snow had fallen since then. it made parking and getting around much easier. our picnic table has about 2.5 feet of snow on it. quite surprising.
while in north bay, andy asked us if our car would be ok not plugged in overnight, and it reminded me of the 80s when everyone's car had a block heater. now i don't think anyone needs one in southern ontario. the night i was born my dad had forgotten to plug in the car and they had to call a friend to come give them a boost in the middle of the night because the car wouldn't start.
brendan's dad gave us an amazing nikon camera for christmas. it's kind of half way between a point+shoot and a DSLR camera. it takes some super awesome pictures. we've very pleased and appreciative.
the slow one now
will later be fast.
when we arrived, we had a nice visit with his dad and made plans to go to algonquin park the next day. but that night i was up constantly with a sore throat, cough, congestion, stuffy nose. so i didn't feel up for a hike, but brendan went on his own with andy, so that was good. i spent the day in bed, watching 'love it or list it' in back-to-back episodes (it's an ok show, but the hosts clearly have scripted lines and they're very bad at delivering them convincingly).
thankfully, while watching tv i saw a commercial for breathe right strips, so b picked me up some and they are awesome! and the work instantly!
by evening i'd pretty much concluded it wasn't a cold, but rather the flu :S sucky. i suppose it could've been worse. we drove home today, making a stop at ikea in ottawa, and arrived home to the snowy streets of k-town in the evening. i think someone may have shoveled our driveway while we were gone. b had shoveled before we left, but more snow had fallen since then. it made parking and getting around much easier. our picnic table has about 2.5 feet of snow on it. quite surprising.
while in north bay, andy asked us if our car would be ok not plugged in overnight, and it reminded me of the 80s when everyone's car had a block heater. now i don't think anyone needs one in southern ontario. the night i was born my dad had forgotten to plug in the car and they had to call a friend to come give them a boost in the middle of the night because the car wouldn't start.
brendan's dad gave us an amazing nikon camera for christmas. it's kind of half way between a point+shoot and a DSLR camera. it takes some super awesome pictures. we've very pleased and appreciative.
the slow one now
will later be fast.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
muppet
brendan has this pet peeve about me, that i frequently eat with my mouth full. i've had other close friends point this out as well. sometimes i do it because the food is too hot in temperture or in spice, other times i do it because i'm eating something hard that hurts my teeth if chewed in close proximity. we had a chat this afternoon about bad habits or lazy defaults that we feel should change about ourselves. while this really doesn't bug me, i know it's unpleasant for those around me, especially when i'm eating noisily. so i'm willing to try to improve my eating style. not sure how well this will go, but it's worth throwing some effort at.
i skyped with beckie today. i'm super pleased because i've only skyped once before – with a 6 year old who was in the same house as me. i remember someone telling me once that skype is very unnatural, it's neither like talking on the phone or talking in person because in neither case do you just look directly into one's face for the whole conversation. i do think that's a bit of a flaw, but something that can be worked around. knitting while skyping would be good.
what would frank lloyd wright say?
i skyped with beckie today. i'm super pleased because i've only skyped once before – with a 6 year old who was in the same house as me. i remember someone telling me once that skype is very unnatural, it's neither like talking on the phone or talking in person because in neither case do you just look directly into one's face for the whole conversation. i do think that's a bit of a flaw, but something that can be worked around. knitting while skyping would be good.
what would frank lloyd wright say?
Saturday, December 22, 2012
blundstone
my first week of xmas holidays is done, and i'm thrilled that i still have 9 days left. this has been a good week. really fun and restful.
last night we had christmas part 1 with brendan's family. a full day of hangouts, gifts and eats. i'm really fortunate to have in-laws that i really like.
our bread machine is currently disabled since i can't find the paddle anywhere. it's really annoying because it shouldn't have wandered off and i feel that i should simply be where it is in my head. my search to find it resulted in me beginning a thorough cleaning of the kitchen. it's not quite done yet, and it isn't the room that needs the most attention right now, but i'm pleased with my progress nonetheless.
what do people mean when they say 'eating greens'? do they just mean fresh veggies, or are they referring to green vegetables specifically? and how many green veggies are there? i feel like i should eat more greens. i can't eat apples. i had one recently and it ended badly.
have you ever heard some news before that's bad for someone else, but good for you? emma left a message on my phone the other day, telling me that one of my colleagues is leaving the company at the end of the year. i think she was let go. i really like her as a person, and i worry about her health-care because she lives in the states. but it will make it easier for me to do my job without her. i'm divided really. sheesh, listen to me, i'm all talking about work and i'm on vacation.
for christmas, ben and meg gave me a book of 642 things to write about. i think i'll try tackling those on pspd. for my birthday they gave me a biography of ani difranco. i'm pretty excited. i think it will be a very interesting read. i like used books. especially when parts have been highlighted or underlined. it gives insight into what another person was thinking, or what caught their eye. ironcially, i hate reading books that I'VE underlined and highlighted, because it makes it hard for me to be objective and read it with fresh eyes. so form a new opinion.
you stick around now, it may show.
last night we had christmas part 1 with brendan's family. a full day of hangouts, gifts and eats. i'm really fortunate to have in-laws that i really like.
our bread machine is currently disabled since i can't find the paddle anywhere. it's really annoying because it shouldn't have wandered off and i feel that i should simply be where it is in my head. my search to find it resulted in me beginning a thorough cleaning of the kitchen. it's not quite done yet, and it isn't the room that needs the most attention right now, but i'm pleased with my progress nonetheless.
what do people mean when they say 'eating greens'? do they just mean fresh veggies, or are they referring to green vegetables specifically? and how many green veggies are there? i feel like i should eat more greens. i can't eat apples. i had one recently and it ended badly.
have you ever heard some news before that's bad for someone else, but good for you? emma left a message on my phone the other day, telling me that one of my colleagues is leaving the company at the end of the year. i think she was let go. i really like her as a person, and i worry about her health-care because she lives in the states. but it will make it easier for me to do my job without her. i'm divided really. sheesh, listen to me, i'm all talking about work and i'm on vacation.
for christmas, ben and meg gave me a book of 642 things to write about. i think i'll try tackling those on pspd. for my birthday they gave me a biography of ani difranco. i'm pretty excited. i think it will be a very interesting read. i like used books. especially when parts have been highlighted or underlined. it gives insight into what another person was thinking, or what caught their eye. ironcially, i hate reading books that I'VE underlined and highlighted, because it makes it hard for me to be objective and read it with fresh eyes. so form a new opinion.
you stick around now, it may show.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
good
well my birthday passed in a whirl and before i knew it i hadn't sat down to write.
my 33rd birthday was lovely. i enjoyed a morning of reading and baking cupcakes. then b took me to chien noir for a nice lunch. followed by an afternoon of tidying and dinner at my sister's with my parents. then i had a small group of friends over for cupcakes. it was a really fun and special day. rach and jill stayed til after midnight talking with me and brendan. and before i knew it, it wasn't my birthday any more :)
i feel really good about turning 33 and all that is in store for this, my 34th, year. if the past is any indication, it will be filled with new experiences, adventures, challenges and love. i feel that after 33 years, i'm growing to be more and more equipped for life, with more emotional intelligence, coping skills, people skills, awareness, and faith. but i'm far from being fully equipped, which is partly what makes new years so special. they're an opportunity for more growth. i love the potential, it's almost tactile in the air.
as always, i wonder what the next year will hold, and i wonder what life and i will be like this time next year. the mystery of it all is one of the most beautiful parts.
so fair, i've kicked of another year by eating granola with yogurt. it was delicious, but there was perhaps too much yogurt.
you are ever true, ever new in love
and i mean that in the best and worst way.
my 33rd birthday was lovely. i enjoyed a morning of reading and baking cupcakes. then b took me to chien noir for a nice lunch. followed by an afternoon of tidying and dinner at my sister's with my parents. then i had a small group of friends over for cupcakes. it was a really fun and special day. rach and jill stayed til after midnight talking with me and brendan. and before i knew it, it wasn't my birthday any more :)
i feel really good about turning 33 and all that is in store for this, my 34th, year. if the past is any indication, it will be filled with new experiences, adventures, challenges and love. i feel that after 33 years, i'm growing to be more and more equipped for life, with more emotional intelligence, coping skills, people skills, awareness, and faith. but i'm far from being fully equipped, which is partly what makes new years so special. they're an opportunity for more growth. i love the potential, it's almost tactile in the air.
as always, i wonder what the next year will hold, and i wonder what life and i will be like this time next year. the mystery of it all is one of the most beautiful parts.
so fair, i've kicked of another year by eating granola with yogurt. it was delicious, but there was perhaps too much yogurt.
you are ever true, ever new in love
and i mean that in the best and worst way.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
parade
well here i sit, on my final day of being 32. i feel pretty good about that. i used to hate my birthday eve. it used to freak me out, but i feel a lot more content and at peace than i used to. i think this is good. an improvement. i suppose it's a sign of maturity. 32 has been a good year. a really good year full of all sorts of new experiences and steps forward. i feel happy.
a year ago today (the 16 – not the third sunday of december), we took possession of our house and prepared to move in. i remember when b and i got the keys and came in to our home the first time. i got all teary-eyed and overwhelmed. now we're firmly established here and fully integrated into this space.
i really have so much to be thankful for, big and small, that i can only go into 33 feeling pumped and ready for whatever comes next.
this afternoon b and i went to see jian ghomeshi at the baby grand. it was really great. he talked, read excerpts from his book and had a question and answer time. i was surprised by how much i laughed. he was great. and is a really down to earth guy. very fun.
we're all late bloomers when it comes to love.
a year ago today (the 16 – not the third sunday of december), we took possession of our house and prepared to move in. i remember when b and i got the keys and came in to our home the first time. i got all teary-eyed and overwhelmed. now we're firmly established here and fully integrated into this space.
i really have so much to be thankful for, big and small, that i can only go into 33 feeling pumped and ready for whatever comes next.
this afternoon b and i went to see jian ghomeshi at the baby grand. it was really great. he talked, read excerpts from his book and had a question and answer time. i was surprised by how much i laughed. he was great. and is a really down to earth guy. very fun.
we're all late bloomers when it comes to love.
Friday, December 14, 2012
legion
i'm very pleased!!
i got great news yesterday that my brother-in-law had passed his big exam that certifies him as a medical physicist and later the same day was offered a job at KGH! amazing! i'm so pleased for them, and happy that it means they can stay in kingston instead of having to move far away. i really like having all my family in town. and brendan and i really like seeing our nieces and nephews regularly. they're pretty fascinating little people.
this was one of those times when the future was full of uncertainity and joy heldfast to the belief that everything was going to work out ok, and it did!
today is my last day of work, then i'm on holiday for the next 2.5 weeks :) i really need this break. maybe i just want it. either way, paid time off work is never a bad thing.
in addition to this being my last day of work, it's also my last day of working with marilyn, who will be retired by the time i return in january. it really stinks! i spend a lot of time with marilyn, and she's really easy to be around. she's a fun-loving extrovert and i appreciate that she's always included me even though i'm pretty reclusive at work. i'm really excited for marilyn, it will be really nice for her to not have to work anymore, but i'll really miss her.
there's all sorts of changes taking place. part of me wonders if i won't even recognize my life in a year - at least not at work, all my pals are leaving and i don't connect as well with the 20-somethings. i get along well with folks in their 50s and 60s. i don't know if it's because i've been surrounded by them for the last 10 years, but i find there's no pretense and i can just be myself. plus people who are older have great stories and experiences. interesting people are my favourite.
last night i was telling brendan about the picket-line scene in billy elliot (i saw some teachers striking the other day and felt their aproach of standing in a huddle and drinking coffee to be lacking), and it got me all choaked up. man, i am moved to tears quite easily these days. it's kind of funny!
don't let yourself fall down.
i got great news yesterday that my brother-in-law had passed his big exam that certifies him as a medical physicist and later the same day was offered a job at KGH! amazing! i'm so pleased for them, and happy that it means they can stay in kingston instead of having to move far away. i really like having all my family in town. and brendan and i really like seeing our nieces and nephews regularly. they're pretty fascinating little people.
this was one of those times when the future was full of uncertainity and joy heldfast to the belief that everything was going to work out ok, and it did!
today is my last day of work, then i'm on holiday for the next 2.5 weeks :) i really need this break. maybe i just want it. either way, paid time off work is never a bad thing.
in addition to this being my last day of work, it's also my last day of working with marilyn, who will be retired by the time i return in january. it really stinks! i spend a lot of time with marilyn, and she's really easy to be around. she's a fun-loving extrovert and i appreciate that she's always included me even though i'm pretty reclusive at work. i'm really excited for marilyn, it will be really nice for her to not have to work anymore, but i'll really miss her.
there's all sorts of changes taking place. part of me wonders if i won't even recognize my life in a year - at least not at work, all my pals are leaving and i don't connect as well with the 20-somethings. i get along well with folks in their 50s and 60s. i don't know if it's because i've been surrounded by them for the last 10 years, but i find there's no pretense and i can just be myself. plus people who are older have great stories and experiences. interesting people are my favourite.
last night i was telling brendan about the picket-line scene in billy elliot (i saw some teachers striking the other day and felt their aproach of standing in a huddle and drinking coffee to be lacking), and it got me all choaked up. man, i am moved to tears quite easily these days. it's kind of funny!
don't let yourself fall down.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
twelve twelve twelve
my dad has always been something of a go-getter. he comes up with great ideas and has the ability to take the lead to bring things together. my mom used to always say that he was ahead of his time.
for the last few years, he's been leading this seniors group at his church. he wanted to call it 'geezers for god', but no one else found that funny, so they went with 'evergreen'. he enjoys the group a lot, but is constantly frustrated by the lack of participation and support from the others involved. no one wants to help. at 67, he's the youngest in the group, but aren't old church ladies supposed to be the salt of the earth? apparently these old people somehow didn't get the memo that being old hasn't stopped generations of old folks from doing dishes and helping with meals. part of me wonders what kind of world are we living in that even old folks aren't dependable anymore. but i guess that's a whole other rant.
anyways, because of the lack of help, my dad asked brendan if he'd be willing to help out with some dishes today for their annual christmas lunch/dinner. b's been done school since monday and has had a lot of spare time. back to my original story. so brendan agreed to help out because he didn't work til 2:30. my dad called me mid-afternoon to tell me what a super job brendan did with the dishes, and how proud he was of him. that made me super happy.
side note... he's been reading the hobbit, but called me up the other day and said "i know you were planning on reading that book of shannon's 'how to be a woman', but i'm a faster reader than you, so can i read it first?" yes, b is currently reading a book called 'how to be a woman' (have i mentioned how awesome my husband is?? i love how he's not threatened by womanhood. and frig, why would he be? no one in their right mind should feel threatened by women or femininity). the writer is like a feminist version of tina fey, and b heard jian interviewed her on Q and she's really funny. speaking of jian... nancy bought brendan and i some tickets to his live show in kingston this weekend! should be fun!
just two more days of work left til my holidays! thankfully this week isn't dragging.
i seem to recall that earlier this year i waxed poetic about my new 2012 daytimer/planner. in that entry, i was worried that i'd become accustomed to, and come to prefer this new planner format and then next year end up with something completely different. that worry has become a reality. hmph. i know it's not a big deal, but i feel inconvenienced or at the very least toyed with. going back to my plan old format planner feels like a step backwards :S
i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land.
for the last few years, he's been leading this seniors group at his church. he wanted to call it 'geezers for god', but no one else found that funny, so they went with 'evergreen'. he enjoys the group a lot, but is constantly frustrated by the lack of participation and support from the others involved. no one wants to help. at 67, he's the youngest in the group, but aren't old church ladies supposed to be the salt of the earth? apparently these old people somehow didn't get the memo that being old hasn't stopped generations of old folks from doing dishes and helping with meals. part of me wonders what kind of world are we living in that even old folks aren't dependable anymore. but i guess that's a whole other rant.
anyways, because of the lack of help, my dad asked brendan if he'd be willing to help out with some dishes today for their annual christmas lunch/dinner. b's been done school since monday and has had a lot of spare time. back to my original story. so brendan agreed to help out because he didn't work til 2:30. my dad called me mid-afternoon to tell me what a super job brendan did with the dishes, and how proud he was of him. that made me super happy.
side note... he's been reading the hobbit, but called me up the other day and said "i know you were planning on reading that book of shannon's 'how to be a woman', but i'm a faster reader than you, so can i read it first?" yes, b is currently reading a book called 'how to be a woman' (have i mentioned how awesome my husband is?? i love how he's not threatened by womanhood. and frig, why would he be? no one in their right mind should feel threatened by women or femininity). the writer is like a feminist version of tina fey, and b heard jian interviewed her on Q and she's really funny. speaking of jian... nancy bought brendan and i some tickets to his live show in kingston this weekend! should be fun!
just two more days of work left til my holidays! thankfully this week isn't dragging.
i seem to recall that earlier this year i waxed poetic about my new 2012 daytimer/planner. in that entry, i was worried that i'd become accustomed to, and come to prefer this new planner format and then next year end up with something completely different. that worry has become a reality. hmph. i know it's not a big deal, but i feel inconvenienced or at the very least toyed with. going back to my plan old format planner feels like a step backwards :S
i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
solid
now that it's fall and heading towards winter, i'm finding my house very stuffy. the air is kind of stale, and when i enter the house i can smell the remnants of food in the air. i don't like it. it kind of grosses me out. is there anything i can do about it? i don't just want something that will mask the stale air smell. i'd really like the air to circulate somehow. would it help if i left the fan going in the bathroom? i suppose that would at least suck out some of the stale air.
lately i've been having difficulty sleeping. i wake up at different times of the night and feel complete awake from thought. i remember experiencing that when we bought the house. it was hard to sleep because my brain would wake up thinking and wondering about the house. last week was perhaps the worst because i'd lie awake thinking about my sermon. last night, as i sleeplessly lied in bed trying to fall asleep at the beginning on the night, i tried counting. counting down from 100, or up from 35. i suppose it didn't NOT work. because i don't remember giving up on that, so i think i fell asleep before i became frustrated.
my mom seems to have a new boyfriend. it's always a little strange when parents are dating. it's kind of like uncharted territory - there's no social norms for how this plays out. that said, this isn't the first time my mom has had a boyfriend, but it's been a long while (her last serious boyfriend died suddenly, it was very sad). she's had a good friend who's a man for many years, and i like him very much, but he's just a friend and has made it clear that he doesn't want to evolve into something different. so anyway, she has this new man in her life, and i feel uncomfortable about it because his past is kind of sketchy. while i'm not someone who usually discounts someone because of past mistakes, but it doesn't sound like this man considers his mistakes mistakes, and there seems to be a pattern. i don't really know what to do. actually, 'do' is the wrong word. i don't know how to interact with my mom on this topic. she's kind of giddy as one is with a newly infatuated, but i just want this situation to go away or simply be different. i've had two dreams recently that she ended it. clearly my subconscious is expressing its desires.
i frequently find myself wishing undesirable things or circumstances would go away. i've actually felt that about people before. but thankfully things get easier as i grow more accustomed to the person or thing. in fact, i told b last night "that so and so is really growing on me". and he scoffed at me for taking so long to come around.
except all the radios agree with all the tvs,
and all the magazines agree with all the radios.
lately i've been having difficulty sleeping. i wake up at different times of the night and feel complete awake from thought. i remember experiencing that when we bought the house. it was hard to sleep because my brain would wake up thinking and wondering about the house. last week was perhaps the worst because i'd lie awake thinking about my sermon. last night, as i sleeplessly lied in bed trying to fall asleep at the beginning on the night, i tried counting. counting down from 100, or up from 35. i suppose it didn't NOT work. because i don't remember giving up on that, so i think i fell asleep before i became frustrated.
my mom seems to have a new boyfriend. it's always a little strange when parents are dating. it's kind of like uncharted territory - there's no social norms for how this plays out. that said, this isn't the first time my mom has had a boyfriend, but it's been a long while (her last serious boyfriend died suddenly, it was very sad). she's had a good friend who's a man for many years, and i like him very much, but he's just a friend and has made it clear that he doesn't want to evolve into something different. so anyway, she has this new man in her life, and i feel uncomfortable about it because his past is kind of sketchy. while i'm not someone who usually discounts someone because of past mistakes, but it doesn't sound like this man considers his mistakes mistakes, and there seems to be a pattern. i don't really know what to do. actually, 'do' is the wrong word. i don't know how to interact with my mom on this topic. she's kind of giddy as one is with a newly infatuated, but i just want this situation to go away or simply be different. i've had two dreams recently that she ended it. clearly my subconscious is expressing its desires.
i frequently find myself wishing undesirable things or circumstances would go away. i've actually felt that about people before. but thankfully things get easier as i grow more accustomed to the person or thing. in fact, i told b last night "that so and so is really growing on me". and he scoffed at me for taking so long to come around.
except all the radios agree with all the tvs,
and all the magazines agree with all the radios.
Thursday, December 06, 2012
howl
well... a trip to berlin is back on the table. i wonder what number
this is. berlin trip opportunity number 6? would anyone like to bet on
whether or not this trip will actually happen? i think chances are
pretty good this time, but i won't hold my breath.
i stayed home from work with a bad sinus headache yesterday. i slept
til noon then lied on the couch all day reading. i finished my book
and got a third of the way thru a new one - beatrice and virgil. it's
the third book by yann martel that i've read. i'd say this is the
easiest to read. it just flows so easily that i find myself moving
from page to page quite quickly.
earlier this week i got a new computer at work. the nicest thing is
that i now have two flat screen monitors and they take up
significantly less space. i'm having to find new places for all my
things - visine, hand cream, a ruler, kleenex box, etc.
do home-made banana muffins count as a serving of fruit?
i've lost my ability to italicize :S no lyrics today!
this is. berlin trip opportunity number 6? would anyone like to bet on
whether or not this trip will actually happen? i think chances are
pretty good this time, but i won't hold my breath.
i stayed home from work with a bad sinus headache yesterday. i slept
til noon then lied on the couch all day reading. i finished my book
and got a third of the way thru a new one - beatrice and virgil. it's
the third book by yann martel that i've read. i'd say this is the
easiest to read. it just flows so easily that i find myself moving
from page to page quite quickly.
earlier this week i got a new computer at work. the nicest thing is
that i now have two flat screen monitors and they take up
significantly less space. i'm having to find new places for all my
things - visine, hand cream, a ruler, kleenex box, etc.
do home-made banana muffins count as a serving of fruit?
i've lost my ability to italicize :S no lyrics today!
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
rotating
it's recently occurred to me how much i dislike disagreeing. when i reach an impasse with someone that can't be resolved. one exception that comes to mind is belief in God. this disagreement doesn't phase me as much because i don't consider the belief in God to be one based on intellect. you can disagree with me on this, but i've found personal experience to be a weighty factor in the belief or disbelief in God. hm, maybe any difference of opinion formed through experience is ok by me. for instance, if you and i both go to a restaurant and we both leave with different opinions, that wouldn't faze me because our experience was different.
anyway, disagreeing on an issue or life choice really troubles me. i think this is because if both parties are informed, intelligent people (which i assume we are), i don't get how we can look at the same thing and see something different. it makes me question reality, because how else could we understand things differently than both of us not having a clear understanding of the situation? at times, i try to give myself some peace of mind by trying to factor personal experience in. it's really the only thing that makes sense of disagreeing. but somethings really are objective, regardless of experience. and even when it's not... can't we all just say "well, in my experience, x or y was important" and let it go? i'm not someone who wants to convince everyone of my opinion, but there's some part inside me that believes that there is truth at the heart of any issue regardless of our personal opinion or experience, and i just want to uncover that.
sadly, not every issue, perspective, life choice has a clear and definitely answer. this is especially uncomfortable as one who feels most peaceful among certainty. i suppose i just need to remind myself that life is not comprised of an infinite number yes or no answers. sometimes, it seems, it really does come down to personal choice.
the story with the animals is the better story.
anyway, disagreeing on an issue or life choice really troubles me. i think this is because if both parties are informed, intelligent people (which i assume we are), i don't get how we can look at the same thing and see something different. it makes me question reality, because how else could we understand things differently than both of us not having a clear understanding of the situation? at times, i try to give myself some peace of mind by trying to factor personal experience in. it's really the only thing that makes sense of disagreeing. but somethings really are objective, regardless of experience. and even when it's not... can't we all just say "well, in my experience, x or y was important" and let it go? i'm not someone who wants to convince everyone of my opinion, but there's some part inside me that believes that there is truth at the heart of any issue regardless of our personal opinion or experience, and i just want to uncover that.
sadly, not every issue, perspective, life choice has a clear and definitely answer. this is especially uncomfortable as one who feels most peaceful among certainty. i suppose i just need to remind myself that life is not comprised of an infinite number yes or no answers. sometimes, it seems, it really does come down to personal choice.
the story with the animals is the better story.
Monday, December 03, 2012
argh!
well it's official. i can't eat raw apples at all anymore :S i used to be able to eat them in fall and winter. but i just had one, then had a huge sneezing fit. i was already feeling unwell from my cold, but now i feel 10 times worse. i'm going to go to bed now. it's early, but i'm hoping the sleep will help. i hate hate hate allergies. the cold i could handle, but the allergies on top of the cold is simply too much.
er
i think i'm coming down with a cold. brendan is too. ugh.
it was a nice weekend. it's kind of crazy to think there's only one weekend left before i start my christmas holidays. i have 4 vacation days left, plus a day in lieu from my trip to calgary, so i'm taking an extended christmas vacation. i'm pretty excited. i'll have my birthday off, plus 2.5 weeks off from work. i'm really hoping that week will be restful and not all full of christmas stuff. every year i watch gone with the wind while wrapping gifts. brendan watched (parts of) it with me a couple years ago, but once was enough for him. his main comment at the end was that he was surprised that in a 4 hour film scarlette only got pushed down the stairs once. this will be my first time watching it since i read the book (last year was too hectic for me to watch it), and i know i will be a little disappointed by all the omissions. BUT i'm still looking forward to it. i feel like it's whimsy will be good for my soul. can one call a civil war film whimsical?
one main milestone that must be completed before i can truly slide into vacation is my sermon. i'm preaching next sunday on christmas - the second week of advent. i'm looking forward to it. i really enjoy the writing process, but find speaking my sermon the hard part. words get lost in translation from my brain to mouth. last time i relied on my written word more than any other time. i'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it saved me a lot of advanced frustration from trying to practise repeatedly. you reach a point when preparing a sermon when you get really sick of what you've written. often you're hit with the thought that what you've written is complete crap. usually when that happens, there's nothing else you can do, but just stop worrying about it. i'm hoping that this time, more than any other, i will feel the most at ease speaking what i've prepared. i also hope that people will be receptive and they will really consider my christmas challenge.
it was a nice weekend. it's kind of crazy to think there's only one weekend left before i start my christmas holidays. i have 4 vacation days left, plus a day in lieu from my trip to calgary, so i'm taking an extended christmas vacation. i'm pretty excited. i'll have my birthday off, plus 2.5 weeks off from work. i'm really hoping that week will be restful and not all full of christmas stuff. every year i watch gone with the wind while wrapping gifts. brendan watched (parts of) it with me a couple years ago, but once was enough for him. his main comment at the end was that he was surprised that in a 4 hour film scarlette only got pushed down the stairs once. this will be my first time watching it since i read the book (last year was too hectic for me to watch it), and i know i will be a little disappointed by all the omissions. BUT i'm still looking forward to it. i feel like it's whimsy will be good for my soul. can one call a civil war film whimsical?
one main milestone that must be completed before i can truly slide into vacation is my sermon. i'm preaching next sunday on christmas - the second week of advent. i'm looking forward to it. i really enjoy the writing process, but find speaking my sermon the hard part. words get lost in translation from my brain to mouth. last time i relied on my written word more than any other time. i'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it saved me a lot of advanced frustration from trying to practise repeatedly. you reach a point when preparing a sermon when you get really sick of what you've written. often you're hit with the thought that what you've written is complete crap. usually when that happens, there's nothing else you can do, but just stop worrying about it. i'm hoping that this time, more than any other, i will feel the most at ease speaking what i've prepared. i also hope that people will be receptive and they will really consider my christmas challenge.
(there is none to fear).
Saturday, December 01, 2012
phone
since moving into the exile almost a year ago, i haven't spent much time in our kitchen. one of my favourite rooms at the maxi pad was the kitchen, and i'd sit in there quite a lot. our kitchen here is a different shape and although it has more counter space and cupboards, it has less hanging out room. BUT this evening, i cleared the table, which is sadly mostly used as a dumping zone, and set about working on a puzzle. i'm very pleased. admittedly, the puzzle is a challenging one, and my eyelids are starting to get heavy, but i'm encouraged that this is the beginning of a new dynamic between me and the kitchen.
when puzzle building i always like to listen to musicals. i have three that i rotate between... 1) sound of music, 2) my fair lady, 3) fiddler on the roof. it's kind of like listening to a book tape, only you don't have to listen closely and i can sing along if i feel like it.
it's rather dull in town, i think i'll take me to paree.
when puzzle building i always like to listen to musicals. i have three that i rotate between... 1) sound of music, 2) my fair lady, 3) fiddler on the roof. it's kind of like listening to a book tape, only you don't have to listen closely and i can sing along if i feel like it.
it's rather dull in town, i think i'll take me to paree.
Monday, November 26, 2012
crayon
this weekend rachel and i took a roadtrip to the one of a kind show in toronto. everything we saw there was beautiful and inspiring, and quite expensive. often we would see something very lovely and concluded that we could make that ourselves. the problem is that we don't. but maybe that should be a motivation. one pleasant surprise was that we bumped into rachel greenwood, which is quite remarkable considering the size of that craft fair. had we not been taking a sit-break, we probably wouldn't have crossed pathes.
on sunday i went to the fat goose fair in ktown to pick up one thing in particular. so over all, i'm quite surprised to say that we're well on our way with our christmas shopping. and although it's still november, it's starting to feel like christmas, and i'm ok with that.
i've noticed that our house starts to feel small when it's messy. right now it's very messy. i have clothes everywhere and it's hard to see the floor, much less walk around, in our bedroom. i need to do something about this. this week is looking quite full, but i have to make tidying a high priority.
my right ear has been buzzing all day. it's quite annoying.
grace...
it's a name for a girl,
it's also a thought that changed the world.
i've noticed that our house starts to feel small when it's messy. right now it's very messy. i have clothes everywhere and it's hard to see the floor, much less walk around, in our bedroom. i need to do something about this. this week is looking quite full, but i have to make tidying a high priority.
my right ear has been buzzing all day. it's quite annoying.
grace...
it's a name for a girl,
it's also a thought that changed the world.
Friday, November 23, 2012
guitar riff
so i got my hair cut.
there are two things i dislike about hair dressers...
1) when they tell me MY (natural) hair is unhealthy because it has split ends, meanwhile their hair is so overly treated it's a small miracle that it doesn't randomly break off.
2) when they straighten my hair. ESPECIALLY when i bring in a picture of what i want my hair to look like and it's NOT straight. they should at least ASK if i want it straightened. instead i have to patiently wait and then wash it again when i get home to style it myself.
i think i need to find a new salon to go to. the ladies at regis are either really out of touch or just incredibly lazy so they style everyone's hair the same way. i want something EDGY, with character, not something 'off the rack'. ugh. thankfully, after washing it AGAIN, i think it's turned out relevantly like i want it. mostly. but next time i'm going elsewhere. plus, i think they raised their prices.
does anyone know of a decent salon for less than thank 35 bux? i'm starting to think my best bet might be asking a novice hair-cutting friend to do it for me. i bet all the really edgy hair cuts i see out there are either VERY expensive or completely free.
i've gotta go. my date is badgering me to get out the door. we're going to see the life of pi in 3D.
bangin' on the bongoes like a chimpanzee.
there are two things i dislike about hair dressers...
1) when they tell me MY (natural) hair is unhealthy because it has split ends, meanwhile their hair is so overly treated it's a small miracle that it doesn't randomly break off.
2) when they straighten my hair. ESPECIALLY when i bring in a picture of what i want my hair to look like and it's NOT straight. they should at least ASK if i want it straightened. instead i have to patiently wait and then wash it again when i get home to style it myself.
i think i need to find a new salon to go to. the ladies at regis are either really out of touch or just incredibly lazy so they style everyone's hair the same way. i want something EDGY, with character, not something 'off the rack'. ugh. thankfully, after washing it AGAIN, i think it's turned out relevantly like i want it. mostly. but next time i'm going elsewhere. plus, i think they raised their prices.
does anyone know of a decent salon for less than thank 35 bux? i'm starting to think my best bet might be asking a novice hair-cutting friend to do it for me. i bet all the really edgy hair cuts i see out there are either VERY expensive or completely free.
i've gotta go. my date is badgering me to get out the door. we're going to see the life of pi in 3D.
bangin' on the bongoes like a chimpanzee.
shaggy
i've decided to get my hair cut. well, cut isn't really the right word. there will be cutting involved, but it's not so much the length as the style. lately i've found that my hair has gotten quite long and the weight of it just pulls it flat. i'd like it to have more volume and body. actually, i'd like it to have more character. i'm excited, but this is a pretty big step because i've never really had a hairstyle before. it's always just been long or growing out to long. i hope i like it. and i hope that it's easy to maintain. i can get away with being quite delinquent with my hair cuts when it's just long, because it just gets longer. with a hairstyle, it will need to keep some form of shape.
this is KIND OF what i have in mind. minus the colour. thoughts?
this is KIND OF what i have in mind. minus the colour. thoughts?
sarah and i had a long chat about hair, hair cuts, and hair styles last evening. i feel very pumped for change of some kind. frig... it's just hair right? it grows back. besides, i think the change would do me good. i think becoming more comfortable with change would do me good. i remember when i first joined facebook that changing my profile pic stressed me out. i don't feel that way anymore. i dunno, maybe that's not great, but having anxiety around change is unproductive and an unnecessary burden.
onwards and upwards, i say!
but i feel like a waterfall.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
moist
i suppose it's murphy's law. but just when i need my window scraper i don't know where to find it.
on tuesday nights, brendan works in napanee and i volunteer at KGH. sometimes he can get a drive with his colleague, but about half the time she's already there so he needs the car. we've worked out a pretty good system. i park in the underground parking lot, and he comes to fetch it there. so far it's worked out great. so after my patient visits, i walk home and usually pick up some dinner for myself because i just need something quick and easy because i'm hungry by 6:30. i quite enjoy these walks home. my solo dinners. i like spending time with b, i never grow tired of him, but i also like spending time by myself. so it's a win-win. i had a nice evening last night visiting. i think it felt particularly rewarding because people actually told me how encouraged they were and how good it was to have engaging conversation. i spent time with a woman who was 106!! that's the oldest patient i've visted so far. she was pretty sweet, and only confused because i'd woken her up from a nap (i'm supposed to wake people because the less they sleep in the day the better they sleep at night.
sometimes i think about things like the phrase "on the lam" and wish i could go on the lam just so i could use the phrase "on the lam" in an actual sentence.
how are things with you, i wonder.
it had a son that mowed the lawn.
on tuesday nights, brendan works in napanee and i volunteer at KGH. sometimes he can get a drive with his colleague, but about half the time she's already there so he needs the car. we've worked out a pretty good system. i park in the underground parking lot, and he comes to fetch it there. so far it's worked out great. so after my patient visits, i walk home and usually pick up some dinner for myself because i just need something quick and easy because i'm hungry by 6:30. i quite enjoy these walks home. my solo dinners. i like spending time with b, i never grow tired of him, but i also like spending time by myself. so it's a win-win. i had a nice evening last night visiting. i think it felt particularly rewarding because people actually told me how encouraged they were and how good it was to have engaging conversation. i spent time with a woman who was 106!! that's the oldest patient i've visted so far. she was pretty sweet, and only confused because i'd woken her up from a nap (i'm supposed to wake people because the less they sleep in the day the better they sleep at night.
sometimes i think about things like the phrase "on the lam" and wish i could go on the lam just so i could use the phrase "on the lam" in an actual sentence.
how are things with you, i wonder.
it had a son that mowed the lawn.
Friday, November 16, 2012
shot
well... i got audited. as soon as i saw a letter for me from the CRA, i knew something was up. thankfully i was able to locate my 2011 tax return with relative ease. this morning i printed out a few copies of receipts, then sent them off in the mail. part of me is worried that they might get lost in transit. but that's just me being anxious again.
i recently spent some time reading about worry and anxiousness. it pointed out that worry is basically the refusal to accept uncertainity. the site i was reading gave me 4 questions to work through, to really ask myself if uncertainty is really all that bad (i concluded that it isn't). and the funny thing is... even though there's a lot in life that we don't or can't know, the one thing that is certain is that i'm going to be ok. no matter what, i will cling to what is good. i will know peace in hard times. even if my worst fears were realized, i would cope and i'd probably cope surprisingly well. things are never as bad as we imagine them to be. i ended up concluding that there's no sense in me sitting and stewing. being afraid of this or that really won't make one ounce of difference. and even if it helped "prepare" me, which i doubt, i'd still have to experience it for what it is. so i guess that is to say... if my tax receipts go missing, i'd either contact the charities and ask them to issue me new ones, or i'd pay the difference. no big deal and seriously not worth me making my self sick with stress.
i think that's what i'm going to do from now on. when i find myself worrying, i will imagine what my response will be if my negative projections come true, then grab onto the reality that it'll be ok. what-ifs are not worth my time. or yours, for that matter!
i recently spent some time reading about worry and anxiousness. it pointed out that worry is basically the refusal to accept uncertainity. the site i was reading gave me 4 questions to work through, to really ask myself if uncertainty is really all that bad (i concluded that it isn't). and the funny thing is... even though there's a lot in life that we don't or can't know, the one thing that is certain is that i'm going to be ok. no matter what, i will cling to what is good. i will know peace in hard times. even if my worst fears were realized, i would cope and i'd probably cope surprisingly well. things are never as bad as we imagine them to be. i ended up concluding that there's no sense in me sitting and stewing. being afraid of this or that really won't make one ounce of difference. and even if it helped "prepare" me, which i doubt, i'd still have to experience it for what it is. so i guess that is to say... if my tax receipts go missing, i'd either contact the charities and ask them to issue me new ones, or i'd pay the difference. no big deal and seriously not worth me making my self sick with stress.
i think that's what i'm going to do from now on. when i find myself worrying, i will imagine what my response will be if my negative projections come true, then grab onto the reality that it'll be ok. what-ifs are not worth my time. or yours, for that matter!
hold my hand, i'll walk with you, my dear.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
suitcase
it feels really good to be on the ball. it's only been a few days, but i've been really proactive lately. i hate the feeling of having something hanging over my head that i need to do. so lately i've been thinking "now... is there anything outstanding that i need to address". so i sent a thank you card to my dad's friend, contacted the newspapers and asked them to stop delivering to our house, made an inquiry into a christmas gift for audrey. it's really great not procrastinating.
sometimes when volunteering at the hospital i get more than i bargained for. that's ok though, i guess. i feel that my years of life-drawing class prepared me for unceremonious exposure to people's body parts.
now that we're at mid-november i find myself counting down to my year-end holidays. maybe it's just the affect of november. a sort of nothing month that feels like a bus tranfer station on your way to something else. and although the end of december will bring with it good things, i don't want to impatiently fast-forward through all the joys of daily life til then.
sometimes when volunteering at the hospital i get more than i bargained for. that's ok though, i guess. i feel that my years of life-drawing class prepared me for unceremonious exposure to people's body parts.
now that we're at mid-november i find myself counting down to my year-end holidays. maybe it's just the affect of november. a sort of nothing month that feels like a bus tranfer station on your way to something else. and although the end of december will bring with it good things, i don't want to impatiently fast-forward through all the joys of daily life til then.
"come on in, come on in, where it all begins."
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