foot/mouth

so... i feel a little bit dumb, but éamon cut a molar without me even realizing it. i'm not sure if that means i'm a tuned-out mother or that he's an easy teether. perhaps a little of both. he's cut teeth several times without me noticing. everything i've read and heard says that cutting molars is the worst. he has been more cranky in the last month, but i honestly just thought it was just him being a growing baby who will go through different stages of neediness. i thought we were on a break between teeth. *shrug* i guess i should be glad that the first molar is behind us. but it's a little bit hard because he's that much more a toddler and i really enjoyed my little baby.

lately i've been "borrowing" worry and stress unnecessarily. unlike my sister who feels a great responsibility to rescue people and fix their problems, i don't typically feel a sense of responsibility for others. and yet, lately i've been feeling like it's selfish of me to only be concerned with my own future. i think that's the hard part about living in community, even if the community circle is broad and lives aren't that closely connected, i have a hard time knowing where the healthy line is between doing for others and empowering others to do for themselves. it's tricky because i know from my own life experience how much i've valued (after the fact) making my own path and not having solutions offered to me on a silver platter. that said, there are times when i would've welcomed generous gifts to give me a leg up financially. probably the only time i experienced that was when my grandma died and she left me enough in her will to pay off one of three student loans, and i'm still super grateful for that. I suppose though, it might have been a different experience had I not been chipping away at that loan for several years before I received that inheritance. I'm sure I would've been grateful to receive that gift before i started paying it back, but being relieved of a burden you've been carrying for a while is more appreciated than never having to carry the burden at all. all this said... i don't really know how to support the right amount.

sausagers

last night we had our first paid babysitter. we've made an arrangement with astrid to babysit for 2 hours on thursdays so we can go to our small group. it was surprising because brendan was much more nervous about it than i was. he thinks his reluctant feelings are more normal, but i'm not convinced of that. as far as i was concerned there was no reason to be nervous, but ended up concluding my confidence was based on my experience as a 13 year old babysitter. she's a smart girl, very competent and logical. plus, she's taken the babysitters course, so i was confident that she'd do just fine, and it seems as though she did. i feel excited about this step/milestone.

i like that i know my friends' kids. i don't mean that i'm acquainted with them, but i need that i know them as people - what they're like, their personalities, interests, quirks. i feel well acquainted with bren's kids.

it looks as though this week is the start of a new routine - small group on thursdays, and swimming on tuesdays. we've started swimming lessons at artillery park. we started infant swimming lessons when éamon was 3 months old, but those were just drop-in classes at the Y. these lessons at artillery park are sign-up classes that i paid for in advance. i'm very pleased that they're evening classes, and it worked out nicely because it's on the evening that brendan works in napanee, and i've been finding those evenings more challenging at éamon's current stage. i was a bit reluctant to sign up though, because it's more expensive than the Y. but i weighed the options (time of day, location, etc) and decided to proceed, and i'm glad i decided to do that because it was immediately evident that the quality of class was much better at artillery park. as we waited for the class to start, éamon was scooting around on the pool side, and several times attempted to make a break for it down the pool ramp into the water. it was both naughty and hilarious. he really loves water.

check

it's surprising how much music impacts my impulse to write. a good song gives me that urge. right now i'm really into 'wake owl'.

recently i've only been reading books i find fun and amusing. easy reads that i look forward to reading. sadly it seems there aren't a lot of fun reads that i haven't already read. i checked a list of fun reads on 'good reads' and i'd read 20 of the top 25 books. i just finished the princess bride and found that i really did live up to the "it's better than the movie" saying, which is impressive since it's a great movie. i think it helps that the screenplay was written by the same person who wrote the book.

since i couldn't find another funny book, i've started reading the very unfunny 'sweetness in the belly'. i think i've heard good things about it, and i picked it up at the next garage sale recently. if i recall correctly, it was a big book club favourite a few years ago. it's heavier, but not too heavy.

tomorrow marks one month of brendan being without work. in that time he's applied for several jobs and had one interview. i've heard before that it roughly takes 3 months to find a new job, so i'm hoping that happens. although, we're doing ok and brendan's keeping busy. it's funny to me that shortly after i finished being at home, he's back to being at home. it's like we're taking turns. on the upside, it's convenient to have someone at home to do at-home things.

through rachel i discovered this computer app called 'f.lux' – it changes the colour of your screen after sunset so it becomes warmer in hue. it helps the transition from screen to bedtime. it seems to be doing the trick for me. i've been getting sleepy and heading to bed between 9:30 and 10:15. even though i'm going to bed early, i've been finding my 5:30 wake-ups quite difficult since sunrise is later these days. i can't remember how early the sunsets in november through to january. i'm hoping it's after 4, or i'm not going to see the sun at all.

what will become of the truth when we keep it in.

Fwd:

oh cat power, sometimes you are exactly what i need to listen to.

blade

i'm beginning to notice that lately, i deal with difficult things by just not thinking about it. at my current stage in life, i feel like it doesn't change anything if i allow the full weight of a situation hit me, so instead i just don't allow myself to spend time focusing on sorrow. at least that way, i can still function without feeling heavy-hearted.

a colleague of mine died in august. he was a really wonderful man, so lovely and kind and genuine. when news of his death was announced, no details regarding the cause of his death were shared. i've come to observe in recent years, that if those details are not disclosed openly, that there's probably a reason and the family is choosing to be quiet about it. and i respect that. in the weeks following his death, my boss told me in confidence that he'd taken his own life while on assignment in asia (this is now public knowledge). i was shocked by this news, because he was really the nicest, smiley-est person i know; and yet that explained the mystery around his death. emma was privy to quite graphic details (a news story had been published about it online), and she told me "don't google it - you don't want to know". i took her word for it and told her "i won't. that's the sort of thing i can't un-know, but would wish i could".

i chose not to go to his funeral even though i liked him very much. in an organization as large as the one i work at, the reality is that the number of work colleagues could greatly out number his family and close friends, and i really feel like a funeral serve should be for those who knew and loved the person the most. (i would not want a bunch of my work acquaintances pew warming at my memorial service).

anyway, i've been tasked with making a book of condolences for the family. it's a collection of photos him and messages for the family. when emma first asked me to take on this project, she felt badly for putting me in difficult position. but i told her that i was happy to help his family in a tangible way. but now that i've been working on it, collecting photos, reading messages and starting on the layout, my heart feels so heavy. and with each photo i can't avoid thinking about this terrible loss and feel saddened by his desperation and hopelessness. especially one photo that seems to just sum-up everything - all that he was and that he's really gone. and when i imagine his wife and four 20-something sons looking at that picture it makes me feel like my heart is going to explode with sadness.

i used to think when i was little that when people died, you just move on and its like they were never alive. but now that i'm an adult and have experienced several deaths in recent years, i'm struck by the cruelty of death because you just never stop missing them. every once and a while, i'll say out of the blue to brendan "i miss david" and he'll say "i know you do". other times i tell him "i miss teri" i wish i could talk to her, and "i hate that jul died." i hate it!. today, i'm feeling that i hate that bill died. i hate it, and it makes me so sad.

Fwd: lalalalalalala

i knew that getting up at 5:30 am would mean that eventually i would be getting up before the sun. but i thought that wouldn't be until winter. today was rough getting up, and i felt like a zombie well into the day. it was one of those days that i wished that my alarm clock had gone off at the wrong time and i could get back into bed. it was so dark, and my body felt hungover from sleep, that i really would've have been surprised if it wasn't morning (or at least my morning. i realize that when i was maternity leave i still very much considered 5:30 as the middle of the night).

i think it'll be an early night for me.

well... it's been a while since i've written. éamon's getting big and is almost walking. he's keeping me busy and for the first time since he was born, i'm starting to feel like my life is changing. when he first arrived, nothing really changed. he just fit into our lives so perfectly that we didn't feel like having a baby was interrupting life as we know it. but that change is starting to happen now, which is ok, but also difficult. sometimes when i get home from work, i just want to sit an read, but i've got this junior toddler who is always getting into things, or wants to be held, or doesn't want to be held but will just sit there whining. it's comical really. clearly he's frustrated because he can't communicate his wants. the only word he says is dada and he uses that for everything. and he doesn't seem to get sign language, but instead thinks i'm being silly and laughs or claps when i try using signs. no doubt when he does start talking the floodgates will open, so i'll just try to be patient with his whining :S

b's been doing super well, keeping busy and enjoying his time off. it's giving him the chance to decompress from the toxic work environment at his old job. he actually has a job interview tomorrow for a coordinator position for a not-for-profit in town. we're kind of in the position that if he gets it, then great! and if not, that's fine too. i'm a little bit worried that being offered a part-time job (22 hours/week) will mean that he misses out on full-time job opportunities that might open up in the coming weeks. that said, i am very pleased at his response rate - 2:1 for resumes and interviews.

ugh, i'm still feeling yucky. it's got to be an early night tonight!

btw

last night my nose-ring broke off in the night. i'm not exactly sure what happened. i just know that my nose felt itchy at 1:30 and in my sleepy state i scratched it and the hoop came off in my hand. so in the night, i tried to find the original stud to put in, but it didn't fit. so my nose is empty for the first time since 2006. i don't really like it, and i feel kind of embarrassed to be seen without it. the same kind of embarrassment one feels when they think they have stuff stuck in their teeth. hopefully i can pick up a new hoop soon, but strangely enough, i realized all the stores i'd usually go to for that kind of thing have all moved out of the downtown area or closed. i'm going to try very shari at its new location, but shari died recently and i'm not sure if its still open. otherwise i'll have to try etsy. i hope it doesn't grow over (like last time).

i'm someone who listens to the same song on repeat if i really like it. last week i discovered a new song by hayden and have been listening to it on repeat ever since. this morning at work, i thought "maybe i should just listen to cbc music sonica again, and be done with this song", but after listening to cbc radio 2 for about two songs, my current song came on the air! i thought "who am i kidding" and am back to listening to it on continuous play again.  

hoyt

it's been an eventful weekend.

1) brendan was laid off from his job effective immediately on friday morning. the program he runs is closing at the end of december, and we were expecting him to get laid off then. BUT because they've been feeding such high numbers of people, they're way over budget and couldn't afford to keep him on staff til the end of the year. in some ways, it wasn't a shock, but the termination itself was poorly executed and unsettling.

2) on thursday evening, i decided i wanted to cut my hair. after b got let go, i decided to take the afternoon off. so after he and i'd chatted, i left him to process stuff and went to get my hair chopped. afterwards, i sent my hair off in the mail for cancer. i really like my new do. it's a nice fresh change. it's also more full and manageable.

3) shannon invited us to join them at her parents place this weekend for her birthday. we'd never been to that part of ontario before, and we had a nice time getting to know shannon's family. it was also fun hanging out with a+s for the whole weekend. the timing was also really good since it distracted us from out latest lift-change and gave us something to focus on instead of our worries and concerns (i'm mostly anxious about éamon's daycare – everything else will work out just fine. i don't want to pay for and keep him in full time since we don't need to, but don't want to pull him out in case a new job opportunity comes up quickly – it's so hard to know the right thing to do).

anyways, that's everything from me.

Fwd: expertise

(i actually wrote this on friday, but didn't get around to posting it)

--

oh man!
a few mornings ago, i woke up with the name 'jill dempsey' repeating in my head. i don't know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes a name or a word will get stuck in my head like a song. the thing that confused me about this is that i don't know anyone by the name jill dempsey. i was really puzzled by it, but later forgot about it as the day got going. however... i was just listening to the news, and the news reporter just said "hello, i'm jill dempsey". so mystery solved! haha.

tomorrow we're having a garage sale. i've never had a for-profit garage sale before, and i really don't know how much to expect. thankfully, we're doing it more to get rid of stuff, and not because we need the cash for something. i'd kind of like to make $100, but that's probably overly ambitious. our most valuable item is my dad's old road racing bike, but i'm going to give him the money for that. thankfully, the weather is looking good, which will make hanging out outside with our stuff more fun, AND we're more likely to have a larger group of customers.

i'd also, we bought a storm door that i'd like to install on the kitchen door, and i'm hoping to get to that together. but it seems that éamon is afraid of the sound of the drill, similarly to how he's afraid of the sound of the vacuum (he didn't used to be, this is a relatively new development). i'm not exactly sure how we'll be able to install the door while keeping the baby from panicking. i have to admit, he's pretty cute when he's scared of something. he tries to bum scoot away as fast as he can, which again, is super cute.

enough

today was just one of those days when everything seems to go badly. not everything, just things that matter to me. i wish i could start over and do things differently. when spare time is limited, it's hard to not get upset when it gets wasted because of poor planning and poor communication (both on my part). i guess i'll just have to get used to the fact that not every wednesday afternoon is going to be a 'win'.

if you'll excuse me... i'm going to go to bed and hopefully i'll wake up in a better mood tomorrow.

Fwd: considering

after 4 weeks back at work, i can confidently say things are going well. i'm adjusting to my new routine, i'm enjoying my work, i like my new workstation, and éamon's doing well at daycare. he didn't cry at pick-up at all this week. i really like it when i arrive and he's playing well independently.

but i do have one problem. my new workstation is in a different part of the building (it's literally 50ft from my old spot, but it actually makes a significant difference), and i don't really know any of my neighbours (other than being acquainted). i'm a good conversationalist, but i am shy, especially when i have no reason to break the ice. actually... i'm shy AND independent, which means that i literally have no reason to interact with the people around me. they're in different departments than me. we work in parallel to one another, but never work together. i can go hours without speaking to anyone in person (my team is all in europe). i find myself in a bit of a funny situation, because i like having my freedom to do my own thing and i REALLY like not being interrupted. BUT i know that if i stay on this trajectory, that i'll increasingly invisible, and i'll start to feel lonely. i'm pretty sure that there are some around me that don't quite know what to think of this random person in their midst. in the past, when i've been friendly with people outside my department, it's been when they're very outgoing and break the ice with me. but unfortunately... two of those people have DIED (ugh! i miss them both!) and another two left the company. so i've decided to start putting myself out there more. to smile and say hello to people. i might even have to forgo listening to music, because i'm sure my headphones are contributing to my isolation.

bah. it's ok, i'll give it time.

on another note... never in my life have i wished for a band to break up and for all their music to be accidentally deleted from every source. until now. when i was pregnant, i listened to 'of monsters and men' and lot, i really liked them. BUT i listened to them while suffering from morning sickness, and now whenever i hear them i get nauseous. yuck! i wish i never had to hear them again.

Fwd: rain

now that i go to bed early (between 10 and 10:30), i'm always surprised that when i wake momentarily in the night, only to discover that it's only 12:30. it's funny because it feels like i've been sleeping for a long time. i've heard several times that every hour of sleep you get before midnight is worth twice as much as an hour after midnight. perhaps this is why i feel pretty well rested, even though i get up at 5:30 each morning.

i've just completed my first full week of work, and it was pretty good. i have wednesday afternoon off, and it LOVED that. i finished at 11 am, so it felt like a normal day off. truth be told, when i was at home on mat leave, my mornings were not particularly productive, so i'm not really missing anything by working that morning (other than sleeping later).

i'm definitely on my way to being fully adjusted to my new life, but poor eamon's having a harder time. he cries a lot when brendan drops him off in the morning, and then cries almost inconsolably when i pick him up in the afternoon. i think he's just so overwhelmed with a range of emotions that it's expressed with tears. i just have to hold him for a while, and usually nurse him for a bit until he settles down and is ok with not being held. i know it will get better, and eventually he'll love going to day care, but it sucks that he has to go through this first. it'll be ok, and it's kind of nice to see that he's so attached to us.

plinth

it's kind of ironic, or perhaps just a funny coincidence, that within a week of shannon losing her camera, we lost our camera charger. she has a charger and we have a camera, and yet they're useless together.

i've been listening to cbc radio at my workstation. i'm particularly fond of cbc sonica. i was telling brendan "i don't know what sonica is, or what it means, but i like it". since then i've discovered that sonica is an "adult alternative" station. that still doesn't explain a lot to me about it's name, but i'm struck my the use of the word "adult". it's not that it came as a surprise to me that i'm an adult - i've had a career job for a decade, have a baby and own a house. but radio stations with the word "adult" in it conjure up concepts or notions in my head of this strange and baffling grown-ups i observed as a teenager with their high pants and lawn mowing. it's interesting that being an "adult" is not at all how i perceived it in my salad days. it's actually not so bad. all this said... i'm really digging being able to listen to the cbc in millhaven.

bottom

i'm pretty sure that i've been sitting incorrectly on a bike my entire life.
now, i realize that doesn't seem possible, but believe me... i've discovered that it is.

seahorse

years ago, i did an enneagram personality test. it pegged me as someone who highly values freedom. which is true. and as the sun sets on my year of freedom from work, i find myself wishing that freedom wasn't so important to me. because the reality is that being an adult is full of experiences, choices, obligation, duties, and it's starting to occur to me that freedom, the way i've valued it, is just not feasible. it's almost a childish notion to believe that one can do whatever they want, whenever they want. not only childish, but perhaps also self-indulgent or just plain selfish.

maybe it's time for me to start re-framing this notion of freedom. instead of "freedom to", i should think about it as "freedom from". freedom from busy. freedom from stress. freedom from debt. freedom from worry.

yesterday, after skeleton park music festival. i bought myself some candy. i like candy, and i gave myself permission to have some. funnily enough, i felt really gross in my body afterwards. another fine example: instead of freedom to eat candy... freedom from feeling gross, heavy, bloated, etc.

i only have three weeks left until this year is just a memory. something i did once. something i remember doing. that's hard. harder than some of the other parts. éamon will be fine at daycare. and i actually think we'll be fine apart (once we adjust). but no longer living as though my time is my own will be a tough one. except, i guess this is a reality i need to start getting used to. éamon is less portable than he once was and i've already started having to miss out on things i was once free to attend. and i suppose, if i really think about it, i don't mind. i like being at home. it's like diving underwater – eventually i'll socially resurface. in the meantime, maybe i'll just learn to enjoy the quiet, more slow paced life-style. maybe freedom is over-rated.

i've been waitin' here for days
tryin' to catch a break
the way I'm livin', it's gonna cause my heart to ache.

refreshing

there's a number of things i'm not looking forward to about returning to work (being away from éamon, early mornings, cramming my personal life into my evenings, having to follow a schedule not of my own design, etc etc). but there are a few things that will be good, and i'm going to focus on those things as much as possible. i especially like thinking of this return to work as an opportunity to start over. after working at BBD for 10 years, i just sort of did things out of habit, and over time, that pattern was pretty tired, worn and ready to be thrown out. so i'm excited about starting fresh.

i want to use my morning commute as a chance to do some oil pulling.

i'm going to pick up a radio that i can plug headphones into so i can listen to the cbc (after having the freedom to listen to talk radio, i don't want to give that up).

on friday, i bought a folding bike that i'll keep in the trunk of my car and take it out at lunch time for off-site bike rides.

i got a new lunch box and new tea thermos so i can enjoy new eating and drinking routines.

i want to make some bunting flags and hang them in my cubicle to decorate the place and make it fun and homey for me.
 
and so on and so forth. i'm actually really excited about this opportunity to re-invent my work life. i want there to be less of a disconnect between my home habits/preferences and my work habits/preferences.

at the very least, i have new things to look forward to, not the same-old same-old of my first working decade.

skeleton bones stand at the sound
of eternity on the lips of the found.

air

i've been thinking a lot since this weekend away about identity. i was really surprised to discover how much and how prominent labels still are nowadays. i kind of assumed that in this modern age, where diversity was valued, that labels were no longer relevant. but i ended up concluding that for people who are struggling to attain and maintain a sense of self, that perhaps such labels are a way for them to take hold of something clear and defined.

i was thinking about my own identity, what parts of my identity would throw me into crisis if suddenly taken from me, and what things are inconsequential.

surprisingly, the first thing that comes to mind is my job. the significance of this really stands out to me, largely because i'm not technically at bbd right now, and i'm not technically working, but i still say "at my work" with regularity. while i wouldn't say it's influenced the way i see the world, it has given me a binocular through which to see the world. i've been able to learn about the world-at-large things i would never know or experience if it wasn't for this job at this company.

another big one is my relationships and community. friends, church, partner. as well as my identity as christian/jesus follower.

i also see how my circumstances have shaped me. things like coming from a broken home, being single for the majority of my 20s, and being a woman. now... when i say being a woman, i don't mean that my identity is shaped by simply being a woman, but rather by the social context in which i'm a woman. because i don't think my job, community, family or faith would be dramatically different if i was not a woman. but it seems that it's how i'm viewed as a woman that has the greater impact on me. interactions with men, interactions with other women, safety at night (or feelings of lack of safety), social norms, etc. for whatever reason, i feel that i'm a strong and capable PERSON (whether this is my natural disposition, or the result of years of having to overcome challenging circumstances), and i think i would've fared equally well/comfortably as a man. and so i think to myself, what is it then, that makes me feel connected to my womanhood? (because i do, and am) and i feel that it's because i embrace my lot in life as a physical female, a social female. it also doesn't define me, but is just one aspect of who i am.

i feel now, like my ramblings are taking me in a different direction then i'd intended. so let me get back to what i was trying to say... that identity is too complex (in my mind) to be boiled down to just one label. i think that "person" or "unique individual" or "lesley" is the only label i need. because circumstances change, and people develop, and i don't want to be limited to just one definition.

foolishness strips the soul of its light.

swing dancer

today we planted our third 'garden of eat-in' at 79 main street. when we were done, we all happily agreed that it was our prettiest garden yet! i also think it's our most practical. we've only planted vegetables and herbs that we want to eat and/or plants we know will successfully grow. we also laid black cedar chips, which will suppress the weeds and also really make the plants and the paths really pop. EXCELLENT!

éamon and i also joined a group bike ride down to the water where the living roomers for a lakeside picnic. i'm so happy to be cycling again, and even more happy that i can tote éamon along in the stoller (since it doubles as a bike trailer). i've decided to keep my eye out for an inexpensive folding bike to keep in my cubical so i can go cycling at lunch time.

ugh, i'm so tired and worn out today. i'm going to go lie back on the loveseat and watch 30 rock with b...

it was perfect til
he came along and wrecked it.

sofa

brendan and i have been married nearly four years, and during that time we have not kept a chores schedule with assigned chores. but at this point, it seems like the reasonable thing to do. it makes me wonder why we ever thought chores would get done unintentionally, or that they'd just sort themselves out. this is probably partly because i've never had a chores roster with housemates, but i suppose the longest i lived with friends was a year and a half. it was always a short term arrangement. this is a long term arrangement, so having a plan is probably a good idea.

i was talking with someone the other day who was asking about when i return to work. i go back 2 months from today. as we were talking about this upcoming transition for me, i told her about the things i've been thinking and doing to prepare for that, and she said "sounds like you're nesting for this change". that struck me interesting because i'd never thought of it that way, but i really like the sound of that.

i got this new lunch box. it's called a planet box. i really wanted something that was an all in one tray that had separate little compartments for small portions of different things. this is exactly what i was imagining.

i don't really know what's going to happen in two months. brendan's work might be closing, so it's a definite possibility that éamon won't be going to daycare after all. he'll just stay home with dada. the question seems to be WHEN is it closing – august or december. we both feel ok about this, and we're both happy at the thought of éamon being at home with b. the timing is just a bit unclear, but i'm sure it'll work out and there's no sense in being anxious for certainty.

éamon's in a bit of a fussy phase since yesterday. he's just whining a lot and wants to be held all the time. it might be his teeth. he had another tooth cut through yesterday (the fourth this month!). he finally fell asleep. so i'm going to go enjoy some peace and quiet.

all the meals you rushed
– never tasted.

as much

i don't know about you... but there are times in my life when i just have so much to say that i end up saying nothing. vincent told me once that sometimes i say too much, and sometimes i say too little. i suppose this week i've fallen in the latter category.

let me just say a few things as bullets so that i feel slightly more up to speed, then i can start talking on other stuff.

• we had an amazing time in philly. it was a really good trip and i'm really glad we went there instead of cuba. i'll get back to our trip later.

• when we got back, we picked up a new couch that i'd found on kijiji, and i'm slowly adjusting to it. it's slightly more bulky than our previous couch, but it's quite soft and i quite like lounging on it. 

• most of my headspace has been taken up with sermon prep for tomorrow. i haven't preached in a year. i've been avoiding it largely because it weighs heavily on my mind, heart and energy. that said, since i've had rather short notice, i've been able to avoid that weight for an extended time.

• éamon's starting to scoot around and get into things. it's really fun. yesterday, he ate some of my pad thai and i felt super proud of him. there's really nothing he won't eat. while i'm enjoying this new stage, there is part of me who feels nostalgic for his young, more fragile, more stationery phase. 

• i've been thinking and chatting a lot lately about my future career wise. these discussions have been met with mixed responses. however, as i look towards the more near future, i've been trying to find creative ways of addressing the less appealing aspects of working life. surprisingly enough, i'm not dreading the early mornings. lately when i've been out or up early, i've enjoyed that special time of day. 

free to roam, made a home out of everywhere i've been.