autumn

i'm feeling better. i even just ate some of the cookies i baked on the weekend, so that MUST be a good sign. since that means i'm regaining my appetite. although, i was just watching this hour has 22 minutes and it made me laugh so hard that i felt a little nauseous again.

i woke up today and quickly realized i was not ready to return to work. i started to worry because i wasn't exactly sure what was wrong, so i called telehealth and the lady seemed to think i was dehydrated. she instructed me to get some powerade to replenish the vitamins i've lost. so i threw on my poncho-hoodie and headed to the hind-quarter. it did make a significant difference, and i've felt much better for the rest of the day. i've dropped a lot of weight, but no doubt it will be back in a matter of days. i'll be glad to return to work tomorrow.

sometimes i'm embarrassed of my existence and feel as though others more "advanced" in life look at me as a pathetic excuse of a woman. i must admit, at times i feel like i'm just going thru the motions in life. now is one of those times. i wish i could fast-forward a little bit. i am afraid that by walking the thin red line, i may walk myself into pointlessness. perhaps i'm too smart for my own good, that i never make terrible mistakes and as a result avoid what could be wonderful adventures. maybe my comfortable life is really only humdrum, and i need to shake things up a bit. but where do i go from here? i haven't got the slightest clue. because too be honest, i'm too afraid to take a chance.

i will sing, sing a new song.