orange

i've had a beautiful and lovely day. i slept until 12:30, got out of bed at 1:15 and have enjoyed a day of reading a good book. it's been nice.

i got talking last night at living room about why i hate dating. it's terribly monotonous to have to tell the same life stories over and over again. to explain how i came to be here, what i do for a living, what makes me tick, repeatedly is so boring. and i hate doing it. even with guys i really like, it's incredibly dull, but i suppose that's because i would much rather hear about them. i realize that i don't have to indulge every detail, and i don't, but when you've dated as much as i have, even the basics are a nuisance to re-report. my dating life can be broken-down into two categories: pre and post. in the pre-years, i had many long-lasting serious relationships. in the post-years, i've had a series of crushes and near-misses. this might come as a surprise to you, but on average i meet 3 guys a year. last year i met 4 if you count my crush on yet another gay guy, 5 if you count that other guy. anyways... oh dear, i've forgotten what my point is, so i'll digress further; an average of 3 a year probably seems high coming from a girl who can be quoted with saying "there are no men" – usually i find them unsuitable, or they find me unsuitable, or like in one case, we both found each other unsuitable. i guess what i'm saying is, that i don't want to invest myself in men who aren't going to be around, to tell them my story only have to tell it again to someone else. i enjoy my friendships, and the community i have the pleasure of being a part of. and hope i will continue to delight in meeting new people, even when i'm old and full of days.

i could use more guy friends though, but not if it's going to be complicated. boys are fun, sometimes much funner than girls, and i miss that from the pre-days. that being said, just i'll go back to reading my book and think about how i wish i had a guy friend like don miller. i think someone like that would be real value added.

i feel right at home in this stunning monochrome,
alone in my way.