if i were to identify the top 3 topics that arise frequently here on pspd i'd have to say they are the following....
1) boys
2) packing/travel
3) my weight
it's kind of funny that the next week involves a combination of those things. this morning as i got ready for work, an outfit i used to wear back in my cubby years was too tight. i am unbelievably discouraged about my weight, and i'm horribly scared. i'm quite phobic of getting as big as i once was, and it seems that the week before my wedding i'm the cubbiest i've been since 2005. what terrible timing. i'm afraid my cubby cheeks will forever mar my photos, and that when everyone stands to greet me as i come down the aisle that my cubbiness will be apparent to all. it seems to me that this will be the one thing that i look back on with regret - i hate my body. i probably wouldn't be so bothered if i didn't know how much better i feel to live and move inside a slightly smaller frame. within the last year it's fluctuated quite a bit. i loved my body when i returned from peru and even cuba. it's this damn cubicle. whenever i'm not stuck in it i lose weight because i'm moving and living and active. it's discouraging because i once lost 50lbs, but it seems that whatever techniques i'd once used don't work on my 30 year old body. i suppose my metabolism has changed. it's frustrating because it's not that i don't want to work out, i just don't have time. with wedding plans, and moving brendan, and getting ready for cambodia when can i find time to jog?? well... i'm going to schedule time over the next 3 days for jogging. it's not going to make any difference weightwise but at least i'll feel more pumped. plus, i'll try to do sit-ups before and after jogging, which will make my abs feel tighter. *sigh*
i think i'm pmsing - which is probably a factor in me feeling fat and me feeling discouraged about it. it's kind of funny to think that i'm pmsing before my wedding. i think i half expected it not to arise this month since this is a special occassion. in a way body's are indifferent, or perhaps even oblivious. i want to say "hey body... don't you know we're getting married this week? smarten up!". oddly enough i think that would fall on deaf ears.
you know... even though talking about this doesn't change anything i still feel better.
1) boys
2) packing/travel
3) my weight
it's kind of funny that the next week involves a combination of those things. this morning as i got ready for work, an outfit i used to wear back in my cubby years was too tight. i am unbelievably discouraged about my weight, and i'm horribly scared. i'm quite phobic of getting as big as i once was, and it seems that the week before my wedding i'm the cubbiest i've been since 2005. what terrible timing. i'm afraid my cubby cheeks will forever mar my photos, and that when everyone stands to greet me as i come down the aisle that my cubbiness will be apparent to all. it seems to me that this will be the one thing that i look back on with regret - i hate my body. i probably wouldn't be so bothered if i didn't know how much better i feel to live and move inside a slightly smaller frame. within the last year it's fluctuated quite a bit. i loved my body when i returned from peru and even cuba. it's this damn cubicle. whenever i'm not stuck in it i lose weight because i'm moving and living and active. it's discouraging because i once lost 50lbs, but it seems that whatever techniques i'd once used don't work on my 30 year old body. i suppose my metabolism has changed. it's frustrating because it's not that i don't want to work out, i just don't have time. with wedding plans, and moving brendan, and getting ready for cambodia when can i find time to jog?? well... i'm going to schedule time over the next 3 days for jogging. it's not going to make any difference weightwise but at least i'll feel more pumped. plus, i'll try to do sit-ups before and after jogging, which will make my abs feel tighter. *sigh*
i think i'm pmsing - which is probably a factor in me feeling fat and me feeling discouraged about it. it's kind of funny to think that i'm pmsing before my wedding. i think i half expected it not to arise this month since this is a special occassion. in a way body's are indifferent, or perhaps even oblivious. i want to say "hey body... don't you know we're getting married this week? smarten up!". oddly enough i think that would fall on deaf ears.
you know... even though talking about this doesn't change anything i still feel better.
is enough that you need to declare
once the love song is sung
you tie your love in a knot that will never be undone.
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