irresistable

when i was in highschool there was a group of people we referred to as "the cools". the modern equivent would be "the plastics". while we didn't actually think they were cool, they clearly thought they were and gave off a vibe of superiority. i'm sure you know the sort. well... it seems there's an emerging "cool crowd" at work. when i first started in 2003 there was no one even remotely close to me in age. everyone was in their late 40s and 50s. but now that i'm in my 30s, there's a whole crowd of people in their 20s and they seems to flock together. i don't share their interests, and i find the fact that they all have the same haircut very dull. but as time goes on i'm increasingly getting negative vibes from them. i didn't used to, but i feel as though because i show no interest in joining their crowd they're becoming kind of hostile towards me. and to be truthful it sucks. i'm 31 years old and i'm being socially ostracized by my coworkers. they were nice to me up until the christmas party. before that, one of the more outgoing guys told me "i can't wait to meet your husband!" but at the party he didn't speak to us, and hasn't really spoken to me since. i don't know if it's because of brendan's beard (because i'm sure that would be weird to them), or because we sat with my department colleagues instead of the young cools, but they're not friendly to me anymore. it's hard because they're all on the united way committee with me. it's kind of weird because the committee has become some kind of watering hole that they join like it's a pep-squad or something. i joined the committe because i want to help people and engage with my community, i wonder sometimes if those things interest them at all. but maybe it's wrong of me to question their motives.

i baked for the united way bake sale last night. it was stressful and my oven-baked smores got a little more roasted on top than i had planned. part of my anxiety over that was caused by the feeling that the girls would criticize my baking-fail, and make snarky comments behind my back. when i dropped off my baking i said spoke to cools several times, and was ignored by all of them except for the one really outgoing girl who seems to like me. i seriously said words and asked questions and no one responded to me.

my one other "friend" who wasn't part of that group has stopped speaking to me because i got fat. i'm not even kidding. she used to tell me that i was so beautiful, then one day in the fall she came by my cubicle, asked me if i was pregnant and started grabbing at my bulky parts, and now doesn't waste time talking with me. needless so say, i don't have an ally in her.

at this point i'm not really sure what to do or how to respond. i'm usually driven out when i feel undervalued and unwelcome, but i don't want to give in because i feel it's all a matter of misunderstanding. i'm introverted and i like to read at lunch time. i don't party and i don't spend money willynilly. i'm just different from them, and it would probably do us all some good to be exposed to our opposites. it's just harder than it was in highschool because i don't have strength in numbers.

 

i know what it's like when we're caught between a crowd.