lately i've come across several news pieces on two-parent families. the first was an article, the other was a debate. i'm guessing this is a hot topic right now, partly because some jackasses have been spouting out nonsense on national television. the thing that i've noticed (and what bugs me) is the focus seems to be about parenting. the debate seems to be two-parent vs one-parent, and which scenario results in the most successful child. this really angers me because of what's being implied (and overlooked) about the kids. as someone about to have a kid with my partner, yes, i'm happy that we're undertaking child-rearing together. BUT as a person who was raised in a one-parent family, and who's partner was also raised in a one-parent family, i want to give these news people the middle finger and tell them "up yours!!". thanks for telling me that i'm significantly worse off than my two-parent counter-parts. thanks for effectively saying that the hurdles i've had to over come (financially, emotionally, relationally, academically, etc) is not the definition of a "successful" person. i'm not saying that my family scenario was ideal, in fact, it was not, but there's nothing i can do about that, and i'm not going to sit here and let some stranger tell me that i'm a failure because my parents couldn't work out their problems. it's just ridiculous. yes, one-person families are often put kids at a disadvantage, but that does not dictate one's future. there are loads of screwed up two-parent families, the appearance of a 'stable' home doesn't guarantee that the adult-child will take advantage of their advantages. in fact, many take them for granted.
in addition, i resent the use of the word 'stable' to define a two-parent family, because it's not a given. stability is the result of healthy, stable individuals - not of their marital status. this is similar to the perception that a person only becomes "settled" once they're married. my mom used this line on me before, that she wanted to see me "settled" (i'm pretty sure she meant before she died) even though i'd been working consistently at the same job for the last seven years or so (at the time), was maintaining my own home and finances, was debt free and was fortunate enough to have many wonderful friends and no relationship drama. i'm no more settled now than i used to be, the only difference is that i have someone to share experiences with.
it's high-time people change their definitions and embrace the fact that people's lives and families are going to look a little different to how they did in the past. and recognize that there has never been a perfect scenario to begin with.
talking trash like soldiers,
with your friends lined up behind you.
in addition, i resent the use of the word 'stable' to define a two-parent family, because it's not a given. stability is the result of healthy, stable individuals - not of their marital status. this is similar to the perception that a person only becomes "settled" once they're married. my mom used this line on me before, that she wanted to see me "settled" (i'm pretty sure she meant before she died) even though i'd been working consistently at the same job for the last seven years or so (at the time), was maintaining my own home and finances, was debt free and was fortunate enough to have many wonderful friends and no relationship drama. i'm no more settled now than i used to be, the only difference is that i have someone to share experiences with.
it's high-time people change their definitions and embrace the fact that people's lives and families are going to look a little different to how they did in the past. and recognize that there has never been a perfect scenario to begin with.
talking trash like soldiers,
with your friends lined up behind you.
1 comment:
Hear, hear! Well said, Les. I grew up in a 2 parent home and I'm raising my kids in a 2 parent home as well. But I agree 100% with everything you say here.
Post a Comment