before i had a kid, i never had thoughts or made statements like "when i have kids, they won't [this] or they will [that]". partly because one can never know what their kid will do or not do. but i did have hopes or expectations of myself – i think these expectations of myself were more subconscious than anything else. things like "i would this or that". mostly that i wouldn't succumb to certain emotions. but i've been finding lately that my emotions are rather raw and close to the surface. that my tolerance for things like food flinging is very low. it doesn't help that i'm solo-parenting 3 to 4 evenings a week now with brendan's new work schedule so there is very little to balance out my environment. i know well enough that things will even out in time, and that parenting a small child doesn't bring the best out in people. but i want to find a way to navigate this stage with joyfulness and gentleness.
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