lobster

you know what?? i think it would be awesome to be able to read everyone's invisible "hello, i'm...." sticker. mine would be... "hello, i'm a scrapper". what would yours be??

i've come to the conclusion that there's something to be said about being very clear. most of the people in my life who i'm closest to are terrible at hiding their feelings. now, i realize that since we're close there's a certain level of openness uncommon in general settings. however, i'm not referring to only private conversations. i know when melinda is upset about something – it's obvious. i know how rhonda's reacting to something even before she vocalizes it – it's obvious. and so on. since transparency is so normal to me, it's only just dawned on me that not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve and i think that's a shame. interacting with people with a chronic pokerface is beyond difficult.

the moon is glowing a deep yellow tonight.

when i'm bored, i'll let you know.

horseshoe

i am not afraid.

when i get my car repaired, it's sometimes disappointing because the change is hardly noticeable. part of me wants it to spit fire out of the exhaust pipe or something. for there to be SOMETHING noticeably different. on the other hand, if getting my wheels aligned causes my car to spit fire, i'm thinkin' i'd have to take it back for a second opinion. however, i found today, that the batmobile wasn't running normally today, or at least correctly as it should after a repair. it's still shaking a little, i am not pleased. i'll have to swing by tomorrow to complain. ugh.

since SOMEONE has questioned the amount of work i ACTUALLY do at while on the job, i thought i'd post a little "day in the life of lesley". this is what i did today. an average day (but not a typical day, because i do different things all the time) :
• checked emails/returned phone-calls (work emails – not gmails)
• updated monthly report for senior director
• read about bbd in the news
• called rowena at the government of ontario regarding the tradeshow in mozambique
• researched/analyzed website in preparation for conference call
• began work on powerpoint presentation for APTA conference
• one hour conference call with colleagues in berlin and pittsburgh
(lunchtime)
• continued work on presentation
• selected videos of products, uploaded them to "restricted file transfer site", then notified berlin that the files were available online.
• discussed advanced rapid transit brochure with colleagues
• more work on APTA presentation
(hometime)
usually, if there's time to send an email, i will do it between such tasks.

blah, blah, i'm sure that seems very dry to most of you, but it's a good job and i enjoy it :) i get to slouch in my chair, listen to music all day and take my shoes off.

i'm very content with how my life is currently. i've become serenely independent. that catches me off guard a little, but it's not bad, it's kind of a nice surprise.

every time things go so well,
i think of all the things that have gone this wrong.

mint

i had melissa over for dinner tonight. it made me feel like such a grown-up. cooking, especially cooking for other people, is not something i'm comfortable doing. but sometimes i make some nice little meals and i think to myself "this was simple, i could do this for a guest sometime". so i took the plunge and had the lovely lissa for dinna.

before she arrived the telephone rang long-distance. my call display showed a 1-877 number. i don't know what compelled me to answer it, but it was a lady calling from the government of ontario conducting a survey and was wondering if i was able to participate. i agreed. a lot of it was about energy consumption, green-house gases and yogurt (i know, that part puzzled me too. they wanted me to list all the brands of yogurt i can think of. this was difficult since i have an aversion to yogurt and think it's texture is like mucus). anyway, i really like doing surveys. they're like tests that i know all the answers to. i feel like a genius! i found it very interesting that the first thing that came to mind to the question "what can the government do to reduce green-house gases?" was "increase mass/public transit". haha, that's my bbd blood kicking in. clearly, i'm sold on my company.

you're insecure, but that's no excuse.

empower

victor just sent me some photos from our trip to the giraffe sanctuary. here's a pic of me feeding one of the giraffes. they have crazy long sticky-slimey tongues. it was crazy and yet fun.

jase, notice the infotourist shirt!?!? ;)

i think i talk too much. and i share too much of myself without discretion.

the timing's never been worse.

almighty

brenda talked about accountability at church today. actually, that was one of four topics, but anyway. i'm so thankful for my friends who keep me accountable. for beckie emailing me today telling me i didn't have her permission to do "such-and-such". i think she would do no less than kick my ass if i did something stupid. i'm so thankful for all my friends who keep me line, and for pspd – the way that i'm accountable to you guys :)

i'm a bit of an explosive person and sometimes my explosions come out of my mouth like a freudian slip. oh man, what else can i do but flop around on my floor later thinking "oh frig, i really didn't me it to sound that way. where did that come from!?!?!"

i hate feeling inadequate.

i have a friend i've never seen,
he hides his head inside a dream.

kazoo

today was a guy friends day. which is sort of strange for me since it's been a while since i had some good guy friends, and now i have several. i find being friends with a guy who's in a relationship (either married or in serious dating relationship) much simpler.

i woke up fairly early and wandered to street's of the williamsville district looking for pancake mix. i wanted the "just add water" kind, but came home empty handed. well not exactly, but it was empty of pancake mix. i decided i was in no rush to get showered & dressed and highly enjoyed reading on the balcony. it was very relaxing. in early afternoon tim lyon showed up to give me the files for his business card that he needs updated in adobe indesign. so i sat on the driveway with him in my pjs for quite awhile. then we sat on the floor of my balcony for another while, which is odd since i do have chairs out there.

not long after tim left and i actually brushed my teeth for the first time today, did my dad show up. we had a cup of tea. it was nice. he's planning a garden at joy's house, since they're not great gardeners, and my dad is. i'm glad for him, that will be a nice hobby. he always had a nice garden when i was a kid. he's also joined a soft-ball team for retired men. i'm really excited for him, he's a real social person but doesn't get a lot of opportunities to make friends.

then this evening terrence and i went to see shrek. helen is working in t.o. for the summer b/c she has a good job there, so terrence is here all on his own. it was fun, we stopped in a minotaur and wrestled with those metal puzzle things. very cool. and after the flick we went to the goat. making it there just in time for them to be denied dinner. and i was craving the sommerville curry too! now i'll have to wait til wednesday at the least! argh. it's been about a month since i was at the goat last. i had a good time, we had a really interesting and thought-provoking conversation.

maybe i feel detached,
i may just look too shy.

tortuga

walking down princess street today, my feet felt constrained. so i took off my shoes and walked barefoot. this was not the "urban centre" part of princess, more the "broken-glass/dirty syringe" part, but i fine. no cuts, just black soles. it was fun, and felt more natural. my feet were made for walking.

i'm gonna be bad and just get into bed.

don't bother calling back.
no really, don't bother.

rust

i'm the last of the mohicans.

for the first time in modern western society, i find myself without crush. this is the first time i can think of that i don't have feelings for some guy, and i'm telling ya... that's something special. i'm really enjoying it. i don't spend hours mooning over someone, missing someone, daydreaming about someone. it's so liberating to not be consumed that way. and thankfully, i'm not finding it too boring. probably because it's summer and there's loads to do. i think i feel like a woman for the first time in my life. i don't want anyone interfering or knocking me of kilter. keep the men away. keep them all at bay.

i'm tangled up in tries,
slipping on i wonder why.

luscious

did i tell you about the lump on honey's neck?? i think i did. well i took her to the vet today. we think (and are not completely sure) that she has ringworm. eww. to my utter relief ringworm is not an actual worm. it's a fungi. believe me, i would never have expected to be so glad to hear my kat has ringworm, however it can be treated easily, and at minimal cost. she has to wear this elizabethan collar for two week, which is frickin hilarious because she's so tiny and she looks like she's wearing a cape. pekoe seems to take this as an invitation to beat her up. the whole situation (aside from the extremely contagious fungus) is highly amusing.

frig, what's so wrong with a run-on sentence anyway?!?

i've been eating really crappily lately. just the last week or two. it can be a difficult habit to kick, but one that catches up quickly, so it's time to get back on track. i fought the urge all afternoon, and have managed thru this evening as well. although, part of me wants to reward myself by having some chips. err, inner battle. must. not. cave.

ok, it's time for all good lesleys to retire to bed and read.

beauty's just another word.

cryptic

i've lost faith in romantic notions.
and believe i'm better for it.

the modern town hardly knows silence.

popsicle

i planted my garden today. i'm so pleased, it makes me jump around and make excited sounds. i tried to take what i was doing very seriously and measured exactly 2 inches of pebbles at the bottom of each pot. i wanted to do it right and to do what it takes to ensure my garden's success. i think i'll tend it with more care than i thought i was capable of, because i'm already taking so much pleasure in it.


man, i'm having a dreadful hair-day today. yikes!

this afternoon melissa and i tag-teamed brownie making and bbq assembly. we were victorious with both, but the bbq was sightly more challenging – but we conquered.

in the evening i hung out with helen & terrence just returned from their honeymoon. it was fun going thru all their gifts, some of them totally astound me. who gives gifts like that to a young hip couple!?!? anyway, they passed along a spice-rack to me AND they got me this really awesome ugly cat button. which is great because i've been thinking lately that i need some new buttons. i feel so domesticated with my new spice-rack.

look at the trees,
and look at my face,
and look at a place far away from here.

tire swing

i am tickled pink. i've begun a balcony garden. i'm really happy too because i've managed to be frugal. i got some bricks from joy & tim, some limestone rocks from the roadside, and some pebbles for the bottom of my pots from the playground across the street. the only things i bought were the plants, four pots from value village and some twinkle lights (you CAN buy them in the summer time, they're in the gardening section). just as i was really building momentum my dad arrived and invited me to join him at the base for dinner. it's been a while since i spent time with him so i went along. i'm glad i went. early this afternoon i went to joy's for a bbq. it was just us because my mom went away for the weekend (without telling me! actually, that's ok, it's just the first time is all). tim ended up leaving to go paint-balling with his sister's husband, so that left me and joy. which was nice because that hardly ever happens. we decided we need to make more time to spend with each other. when i get my balcony all jazzed up i'll have the whole mcknight-olding clan over. i've been thinking about having a girly garden party this summer as well. not girly in the sense that we'll sit around and paint our nails, but meaning just girls. that would be fun. you're all invited – when i get around to planning it – but don't hold me to this because i'm not guaranteeing it will ever materialize.

it's odd hearing your full name on a stranger's lips. well, he's not exactly a stranger, but i've never told him my name, and it sounded so foreign, as though i was something that existed outside of myself.

the circus was in town, i saw very surprised by the number of picketers and protesters. i didn't realize the circus ignited such fury.

i'm really excited about my garden, and i hope that it turns out to be something i nurture as opposed to neglecting. when i was a kid i'd lose interest in my garden, but i'm hoping that won't happen because i'll be out there every day and will be able to monitor it's progress.

he's in the middle of putting things together and organizing himself.

tent caterpillars

there are elephants across the street from my house.

the white line in the centre of this photo is the fence that keeps them in. haha. i'm not even kidding. it's funny to me that i didn't see any elephants in kenya and yet i did at the m centre.

they are going out to bars
and they are getting into cars
i have seen them with my own eyes.

fabric

God created woman. And indeed, that was the end of boredom.

who cares if i had a secret boyfriend that no one knew about. it wasn't the first time and it may not be the last.

i made another attempt at salsa tonight. melinda heartily approved, which is nice because i don't exactly know what i'm doing so couldn't tell if i'd done it right or not. this time i used very little onion, i figured too little onion was better (and easier to fix) than too much. it turned out ideally.

flickr

i know that it's a secret,
for it's whispered everywhere.

subconscious

my sox are coming along very nicely. remember i'm knitting sox?? they are definitely taking shape, i've passed the heel and DOWN THE STRETCH I COME!

i started my day off on the right foot. almost first thing i was in "get stuff accomplished mode". i took 5 minutes when i first arrived at work to go out to the car with some windex and clean my filthy dashboard. it only gets done about once a year and today i'd had enough. i also finally remembered to take my kenya photos into the office (eek, i sure hope i thought to lock my album in my desk when i left this afternoon), AND i finally made an appointment for honey at the vet about the lump on her neck. and i've just put out the trash. ah, it feels good to get things cross off my virtual list.

i really need to make myself scoop the litter every day. i just hate doing it, but i hate having a stinky kitty litter box as well, so i suppose it's yet another chore that i need to adopt into a habit. i have very successfully absorbed doing dishes and putting my clothes away into my daily life. even when i permit myself to go to bed with a few dishes left, i innately do them first thing the next morning.

i climbing a mountain.

you turn away, and i wonder
was it something i said?

lady jam

last week paul butler called me to help out with something next wednesday night (which was tonight). i didn't fully understand what he was talking about, but when i saw bob and carolyn i told them to tell him i was in. i didn't really matter to me what i was agreeing to do since i knew if the butlers were gonna be there it would be fun, but also i trust paul and know that he wouldn't be asking me to do something ghastly. as it turns out, this evening we went door to door in the ritzy part of town asking for non-perishable food items for the hotel dieu hospital food drive. it was interesting, of course the houses are beautiful, but what was more interesting was the number of these home owners who were not very generous. i kind of wonder if the more wealthy people get the less generous they become. i heard a quote from anne frank recently that said "no one has ever become poor from giving". that has really stuck in my head and i won't forget it. anyway, when we were done our section of k-town, we took off to wendy's, when we were there i pointed out to carolyn that we'd ditched sarah & tara with no booster seat. eek! i wonder what ever became of them. i trust they are ok and carolyn will make it up to them with some cornless chili.

i think this weekend i will splurge and replace all the lights in my apartment with energy saver bulbs. whoa, will that be expensive? maybe i should start by replacing just my main lights. hm, if i buy 16 energy saver bulbs at 10 bux each, that's 160 bux!! hm, maybe they aren't THAT expensive, i haven't a clue the going rate of an energy saver bulb. anyone? anyone?

i got a piece of mail in my box today that i presume is for my new neighbour. get this... her last name is "knight". how funny is that!?!? no wonder the mail carrier got confused.

into the blue again.

honk

i'm older now than i once was, but am still younger than i'll ever be.

there's a thunderstorm outside my window and the breeze is blowing on my skin. it's so peaceful to just sit in silence and listen to the rain on the awning. it's an orchestra in itself.

i've putsied and chored all evening. and i find myself feeling extremely content in my home and comfortable in my own skin. too often i lament over all i don't yet have, but today it sunk-in that it pales in comparison to what i DO have. oh how easy it is to take for granted what was once deeply desired.

i could fill up the lake with all the things i didn't say.

pieces

her right eyeball has gone crazy. what kind of mental illness can an eyeball get??

i had dinner with my mom tonight. we bumped into this woman who was pressuring me to be friends with her daughter. i know her daughter and she makes me very uncomfortable. when the lady was gone i was dreading this predicament when my mom reassured me that i did not have to be the girl's friend and told me "i give you permission to not call her". i like that she does that. my mom has always been willing to be the fall guy. we ended up having a big long conversation about how too often we force ourselves to do something out of obligation or because we think "it's the right thing to do". and concluded that simply not wanting to is reason enough.

now that my mom is back on her rocker, it's fun to see how alike we are. i think she, for a long time, was in denial of her inner free-spirit. i've always been the more wild daughter. i remember talking to my stupid and infuriating "friend" scott, and he would always tell me "you're not wild". this angered me not because i wanted to be a wild free-spirit, but because i hated that scott was boxing me into this dull and boring existence, when actually that's what he was like. to that all i can say is "i'm not who you say i am". it's interesting how people see other's thru a skewed perspective, they only see what they want to see and block out the rest. i'm guilty of that. i was in love with an imaginary man once because that exact problem.

AND....
scene.

i've been learning to drive my whole life.

heel

yesterday i was one of many witnesses to helen & terrence's wedding. it was (aside from my sister's wedding, and obviously for different reasons) my favourite wedding that i've attended. it was really fun. the ceremony was both really funny and very touching. we were all wet-eyed. the whole event was very fun and i'm happy to have been there. i actually had loads more to say but just went to bed instead of writing and now i can't remember. i've had a really busy and social weekend. it's been fun and it's nice to be mingling with new people. i think it's good for me to be stretched in new ways.

i got a slight burn on my face sitting in the lyon's backyard today. then later this afternoon i made salsa, but included too much onion so i feel kind of sick to my stomach.

a chapter in my life has ended and i'm happy as i venture into new meadows. the timing couldn't be better and i'm glad to be saved from myself once again.

i like that leslie feist has made my name cool.

oh i've remembered some. helen and terrence are such a good example of a healthy and functional relationship. within the last 8+ months that i've been getting to know them, i've come to understand by observing them that healthy relationships are only possible when both people are healthy and functional. they're such a great pair. if i were ever to believed in soul-mates, it would be them.

and even though it all went wrong,
i'll stand before the lord of song
with nothing on my tongue but hallelujah.

sojourn

i have bruises on my shins.

pekoe has be neutralized.
at half the cost.

it's nighty weather.

i have an obsession with rag rugs.

did you know it took the hindenburg
5 days and 19 hours to cross the atlantic?

sorry your car-pooler turned out to be crazy.

the sound of outside pours in thru my windows and into my ears.
it tells me that there's a world within my reach and only some drapes divide us.

i've traded my tea cup for a nalgene bottle and a straw.

they don't know where,
and they don't know when.