expiration date

i slept late today due to my cold. when i woke up, i laid in bed for a while thinking, and felt pressed by the question "maybe it's time to move on?". i don't particularly want to leave kingston, but i would for the right reason. i definitely don't like the idea of moving for no purpose whatsoever. i think the greatest question is am i taking enough risks? and truly i'm not, i don't think i'm taking any risks at all. i like the idea of stepping out boldly and having a rewarding result. i want a life changing experience because i feel i've got the most i can out of my current state. and really, living here year after year, working at the same job, participating at the same church, doing all the same things, will just produce the same results. so... i feel like i'm reaching a crossroads. i need to decide what to do, because i don't want to do the same old thing any longer. i think i'd be willing to make the right risks, calculated risks, if the were likely to pay-off. i've already done the whole move-to-another-city-alone thing (with no job, no friends, no church) and it was one of my worst life experiences (not in every way, but in most ways). i actually feel i can be most effective here and live in such a way that i matter to those around me. and yet i still antsy and restless. this bothers me because i can't even blame it on the weather because it's summer! i guess what it comes down to, is that i've recently come to fully appreciate that all my worries will work themselves out, that everything will be ok and my future is in good hands. but the thing is... i want that right now! and you see... i DO see myself leaving kingston eventually (hopefully not forever, but maybe for a decade), so i think "maybe i should just do that". i guess what i'm saying is, i have no idea what to do, but what i've been doing just isn't doing it for me anymore. and if i was to be honest about it, it hasn't been for quite some time now. i'm not unhappy, but i got a glimpse into the world unknown and it made me realize how much more happy i could/would be.

i want my cup to overflow!

i watched a make-over show today, there was a 32-year-old woman who was probably the most dorky, old ladyish girl i've ever seen. they set her up with a hidden camera to see how she interacted with men. at one point she said "oh! do you want to see my knitting? i take it everywhere i go" and she pulled out a sock she'd been working on, not unsimilar to the sox i do. they later chastised her and told never talk about knitting on a date again, or even better "don't even tell them knitting is one of your hobbies, it makes you sound like a granny". hm..... does knitting make me seem old ladyish? i approach knitting as an art form. so many of my friends are knitters that i don't think anything of talking about it openly. however, that girl WAS really old ladyish, while we are not... i think.

i don't want to be part of the problem.

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addendum:
ironically, i just read this quote in the novel i'm reading "growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown".