i find that life is a bit of a teeter-totter. i'm trying to find the balance of "just right". i've been noticing lately that i have difficulty determining between can and should. it's dawned on me that just because something is built for a greater capacity doesn't necessarily mean it should operate on that level. for just one arbitrary example, let's consider cars. just because my car is built to run at a maximum speed of 220 km/h doesn't mean i should ever drive it at that speed. the reason why i've been thinking about this is because i think i've been pushing my body beyond its proper operating level simply because i didn't realize its maximum capacity is not the target. it occurred to me that i eat most meals until i get that full sensation. i'm trying to back peddle a little now, recognizing that my body is trying to tell me something. just because i can, doesn't mean i should. or at the Y for example, just because i can run faster, doesn't mean i should. i'm not actually participating in a race. i'm there to get a healthy level of exercise, and it turns out that my target heart-rate should be 124. when i first discovered that i was annoyed and thought "i can go faster than that!", but after not receiving any results i did some research and it turns out that i burn less calories the faster i go. so just because i CAN run faster, doesn't mean i should. i like finding that happy medium. that middle ground of moderation. i'm making progress, figuring it out. although, i find it strange that at 30 i'm still just getting used to my body and understanding how to sustain it. i have as of yet to get the hang of other elements of life too - most elements actually.
it's interesting seeing the way b and my interactions change, almost on a weekly basis. slowly i'm relinquishing parts of my life that i was afraid to let go of - mostly my independence. we are gradually thinking more in plural. integrating two lives is a long process, and i've been pleasantly surprised to find that my surroundings are being filled with newness. i don't think it ever occurred to me that i would gain something new as i let go of the familiar. i don't think it's as scary as i thought it would be, it's nice actually. and i find it funny when he sasses me - i like it, it shows he gets my sense of humour. he's my guy. my best friend.
we've been 10 minutes apart our whole lives.
sometimes a girl and her pal shanno leave for cuba in 5 weeks!!! and when that happens it's frickin' awesome! sometimes anticipation makes everything so much awesomer.
we are fever,
we ain't born typical.
2 comments:
I think a lot of people go through their whole life without understanding their body and how to sustain it. Good for you for figuring it out now!
And I love the paragraph about your relationship with Brendan. Sounds like you have a good thing going! I am very happy for both of you!
ya, i think not over eating, i feel way better.
i had to edit that paragraph about brendan. i had a different word than sass before and he thought it put him in a bad light, and i could see his point. i'm not used to having to consider someone else in my writing. it's a learning process.
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