berse

i am not a normal girl. i wonder how obvious that is to people when they meet me or if that's something that needs to be stated. even if they pick-up on it, i wonder if they can grasp the depths of my abnormalness. i'm surprised that even after all these years she doesn't get me, actually i'm more surprised at the fact that she doesn't get that she doesn't get me. i can't decide if i take pride in the fact that i'm not easily figured out. i suppose i resent anyone who thinks they understand me when there are times that i even surprise myself.

i've had long straight hair for the majority of my life. well except for the couple years in my early-20s when i cut it all off. long straight hair was all i wanted, it was all i could imagine. but inspired by the lovely rachel (once again), i decided i wanted to do something different. this evening i went to april's and she gave me a trim and some layers. that's right, lesley mcknight got her hair layered. now i realize that's really not that daring, but it's a big step for me. i like it, i feel like a rock star AND a lady.

funny how this has got me thinking about what else i'm capable of doing. things i thought weren't me. maybe i'll get up the courage to finally get that star of david tattooed on the back of my hand. maybe i'll get my eyebrow pierced. the knickers told me last we she didn't care WHAT i do. quite truthfully, i don't care what she thinks, but i wasn't sure if there was a line of what's professional and what's not. but now i have no excuse. she's given me free license to do whatever. so the question is... how far will i go?

how embarrassed i’d been if you knew what i was thinking of.