exacerbate

i'm just a regular person. and yet i resemble a character in a book or a fictional saga of some sort. i'm really not sure why, i see myself as just a normal girl. to me, it's the rest of the world that's abnormal.

i'm certain that i've mentioned before that i don't handle uncertainty very well. as it turns out, neither does my sister. i've concluded that it's because we're children of divorce. and a divorce that ended 14 years of separation. we spend a decade and a half in limbo. as much as i feel that that's legitimate, and understandable, i also realize that uncertainty is a fact of life, so i had better figure out how to deal. i'm doing ok with that. it's about breathing deeply, it's about taking small steps and finding that the ground beneath me is not as unstable as it seems just because i can't see more than a few feet ahead of me. uncertainty is ultimately a question of trust. and i do.

i'm the full scale version of myself. i'm 100%. no bigger, no smaller. irina told me last week or the week before that i have really dainty fingers. i know most women's hands are larger than mine, but i just figured that i was 100% and they were 125 or 150. maybe i'm actually just 75% to everyone else. i don't consider myself a small person, but i'm not big either. i'm pretty proportionate i guess. i think i'm content with that.

i look the other way as they are kissing their hellos,
i'm pretending not to see them, instead i pour the milk.