eggplant

reality hits hard and plays dirty. but it also underestimates me – i have more fight in me than it knows.

upon arriving at work today, i noticed all the flags were at half-mass. i went inside and asked "who died?" thinking it was a friend or family member of an employee (last time the flags were at half-mass it was because the son of a staff member had been killed in afghanistan). but no, it was this bubbly/friendly 35-year-old administrative assistant. she worked closely with carpooler paul. she died of a blood-clot in her lung on sunday.

this afternoon i approached the knickers about my desire to take a 2 month leave of absence. it did not go over very well at all, but i stood my ground, and eventually she said she'd think about it and we'd talk about it more. at one point she actually said her answer was no, but i kept pleading my case, and the conversation ended in smiles. if nothing else, i'm proud of myself of actually doing it. it proved to me how important to me it really is, and what i'm willing to endure when something matters. i knew it had to be done when i got back from mexico, but i didn't let myself think about it. i pulled a scarlett o'hara and kept telling myself "i won't think about that now, i'll think about it tomorrow". it worked pretty well, i didn't spend my whole vacation fretting about something beyond my control. i like the idea of forcing thoughts out of my head, i think i'll do that more, it helps me live in the moment better.

after grocery shopping this evening i went to the butlers to meet little tigerlily. that made me so happy :)

i miss mexico though. and thought a lot about it. romolo and silvia are still there :S that's like salt in my wound – just kidding. oh the lazy river... how i miss thee.

i just can't take it,
no i don't think i'll make it,
there's too much at stake and i can't abide.
no i just can't fake it,
know that my heart is aching,
it would be a mistake for the sake of my pride.