sometimes i find something comes out of my mouth and i discover that it's true. actually, it usually comes out of my pen, that's why i love writing so much, because i learn my own contents. today i discovered that i'm not very tenacious. when i said it i knew it was true immediately, and kind of wondered why i didn't realize that before. i quit things when they get hard, i give up when things aren't going smoothly. i hate opposition, i hate obstacles. i think that's why i celebrate so much when i accomplish difficult things, because it's not easy for me to stick something thru to it's completion. i've been told many times by my family that i'm a good starter and not a great finisher. i lose interest after a period of time and move on. that's not a quality i appreciate in other people, and therefore want to change it about myself. it's a challenge to recognize one's own instincts and push past them. it will be hard trying to endure the agony of something in order to get to the other side. i hope it will get easier, and when i find myself lamenting, complaining, and struggling, that i will remind myself to hang in there, and that my perseverance will pay off.
i was thinking today about how life is easier for some people than it is for others. and i realized something. it's not really a question of circumstances, but really a question of perspective. two people could endure the same hurdle in life, and while one will handle it stoically, the other will handle it emotionally. it's not that one wants the outcome more than the other person, it's just they display it or cope with it differently. it was very enlightening for me to realize this, it's helped change my perspective of social dynamics.
sometimes i really like grocery shopping. i think it might be my favourite chore.
i was unpleasantly sobered by the reality that she might be right. at least unless i'm very conscious to change by behaviour i might be overcome. i want to be changed. i hope it will be possible. i want to break the cycle.
i, for the first time, found a flaw in the socialist philosophy. not everyone's needs are the same, so they cannot be treated all the same. she fought for me. she fought not so that i'd have the same advantages of everyone else, but that no one else would have an advantage that i couldn't have. but i wanted to tell her, you're fighting for no reason. i don't need (blank). i'm unaffected by that. my needs are not the same as theirs. it's unfair to hinder those people just because the same solution couldn't be offered to me. everyone is different. we are not the same.
you know they love ya,
but not because they hold ya.
2 comments:
hmm.. interesting. i've always thought of socialism more as each person getting what they need. that exact issue of "fairness" came up in teachers' college for me, and it comes up every day in my classroom. teenagers seem to think that fair means getting the same, while good teachers realize that fair means each one getting the support they need.
i think you're right beck. the problem are the people fight for equal instead of need, they are very difficult people to reason with. and sometimes the system just isn't equiped to meet everyone's needs. but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try :)
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